Anyone else with autism...

[purplefly4]

Ok, so... I have Asperger's Syndrome. And I am about ready to something very non-autistic, but quite Mormon from what I've seen and ask ppl what they think. Is there anyone else on here that has an autism spectrum disorder or maybe MR; if so, do you date? I just wanna know that much for now. I have never dated, never planned on it... but I am scheduled to get my Patriarchial Blessing next week and I know some ppls' say stuff about marriage and family. I know the LDS doctrine on it. I have no experience in such matters. I fully intend to study the matter in some deatil; however, from years of study and since I joined the Church, I have come to appreciate the dimension of personal experience in studing social based issues. So, long story short: if you havw autism and wouldn't mind answering some general questions, leave a response here. Thank you. (also, you can email me: [email protected])

[yfisaqt]

My nephew is autistic, but he's much too young for your kind of question. I have a co-worker (non-LDS) that might be able to talk to you on the matter. One of my former bishops is a psychologist, and knows the subject well. If you want, I can pass along further info.

[rena_goldmoon]

My brother-in-law is autistic and so is my brother. Well my brother has never been officially diagnosed but once I met my brother in law I realised he mirrored my brother alot.

[Guest tomk]

My son is autistic.

[staytrue2faith]

my mom says I am autistic. I am very shy. My sister has aspergers.

Edited September 24, 2008 by staytrue2faith

[tweedleD]

Well I have never been diagnosed ( I can't afford to) and back in the day, (I am 52 years old)

unless you were non verbal and stimmed a lot, you were not autistic. In my world, if you were

shy and had social troubles, you were out of luck. Targets for bullies and all sorts of abuses, just

like today, but not much help out there. Who am I kidding, not too much has changed, but at least some are getting the help and support they need, especially from parents.

I have suspected that have it for several years now. I have some of the "symptoms". Super acute hearing,difficulty in having relationships, obsessions of specific studies or subjects, taking things too literally, having meltdowns when under too much pressure, and not showing emotion at proper times.

I know there is a tie in with OCD, ADD, ADHD, as well as Tourettes, specifically, many times one can have more than one "disorder" and I use that term loosely. Honestly, I have taken many online tests that state that I most likely have Aspergers. All I know is that I have never actually been on a real date

that I can think of, and that I am much better off when I am by myself. Large crowds of people seriously stress me out. So, formally diagnosed, no, but the tests say yes, most definitely.

[desert_fox]

My older brother (now 28) has asperger's. He doesn't date (and never has), but no longer considers himself a member of the LDS church, and he uses his condition as an excuse/crutch to not try and better himself.

When I was on my mission though, there was a married couple (and they seemed to be happy) in one ward where both of them seemed like they had asperger's.

So, I suppose it may depend on the person.

Also, if you're shy and have or have had social problems, that doesn't necessarily mean you're autistic. I don't have autism, but in my younger years I had big social problems. My girlfriend also can be very shy at times, but she doesn't have it either. So yeah, shyness =/= autism.

Edited November 16, 2008 by desert_fox

[sanguine]

My oldest daughter has aspergers and she has dated. She has been promised if she prays about her future husband, she will be blessed, she will marry and have children.

She's been able to work and leave home, though she's been back home a few times, when things have gone wrong...but she picks herself back up and tries again. She is more than her condition and does not label herself with it. She has her struggles, but does ok. I know the Lord loves her and is with her, as long as she turns to him, she will be guided.

Good luck with dating.

[WANDERER]

A family friend is aspy...he got married. She's really nice and loves him heaps. They are a cute couple. They're into their third year of marriage now and apparently it's working. She isn't aspy. They're both very bright people. She's a university lecturer and he's a comp programmer.

It works because whenever she uses the word no...he listens. No to her eating prawns (cause they make her throw up) ...no to playing a guitar 24 hours a day for 7 days...stuff like that. She only uses it when she's pushed to the limits....why it drives her nutty he doesn't know. It's kind of cute...he goes she said no...looks sad about it...doesn't say why...he doesn't really understand the why.

Throwing up when you eat prawns cause you don't like the taste of them is seen as illogical....just try one he says LOL. The smell makes her nauseous and you can see that on her face but she's hiding it so that everyone else at the dinner can enjoy their prawns. No one at the dinner wants to see her throw up...we're all looking nervous when he peels a prawn and offers it to her and wish he'd stop insisting. Finally the arms get folded and the no word gets uttered. He looks unhappy...peeling prawns for girls is a romantic gesture ...I'm not sure what he thinks was going to happen...she would eat a prawn and go, fantastic, my aversion to prawns has been cured forever or something like that. He doesn't see stuff. He loves her...and accepting no...though he doesn't understand it...is what he does.

So yeah. They're a cute couple.

He's forty. She's thirty. I don't think he dated much. Surprised everyone when he came home from an overseas trip with the story of how he met a very nice girl who was coming to visit him. They married 3months later. It would all seem a bit quick if you didn't see them together...they're just great for each other. Love happens. He seems pretty happy, but I don't think he planned on it happening. It just did.

I am prone to mild aspy tendencies at times.

Edited November 16, 2008 by WANDERER

[vegasbay]

Well hello my fellow aspie! I have AS as well. I suspected it for a while in my teenage years after a lifetime of being "different", and it was confirmed when I was 18.

As for dating, well for quite some time I had no interest in dating or marriage - it was hard enough to understand myself and my friends, let alone the opposite sex!!! But eventually I began to work on my social issues, and while they're by no means resolved, I have made significant progress, especially in the last six months. I began to have an interest in dating about a year ago, but have always been too nervous and afraid to act on it.

Then he came around. He is very attractive and everything I have ever wanted in a man. True to my aspie tendencies I have not asked him out yet, though I have talked to him quite a bit and tried to make it obvious that I was interested in him. Each Sunday I go to church hoping that this will be the week that I have the courage to make a move.

So in short, for me dating has been quite similar to my other social endeavors - nerve wracking, hard as heck, and as yet unproductive. I have hope though - some day I would like to get married and have children...we'll just have to see how it pans out.

[qmechanoid]

I hope none of you mind me pulling an old thread off the dust-heap, but here goes.

I have for years known that something was odd, something about the way I think, how I don't react right to other people, how I over-literalize and how I cannot read people to save my life. After taking the Autism Spectrum Quotient exam just this past Sunday, and scoring a 41 out of 50, I am beginning to suspect that I may, after all, be on the spectrum for Asperger's.

For me, it has made life extremely difficult post-mission. It's this constant conflict between what I want (eternal marriage) and how to get it (I can't recognize flirting to save my own life, let alone reciprocate). The internal pressures of my personal sense of duty, combined with parental pressure (Dad told me I was just making excuses) and the social pressure of being LDS have made even attempting to begin the dating process an intensely guilt-ridden experience.

My question is, for those who have previously replied, what first clued you in? What did you or others notice about you that caused them to suspect an autistic spectrum disorder in the first place? And now that you know, how do you deal with it?

Finally, is there any benefit to getting an actual diagnosis?

Thanks for your responses.

[TheJosmo]

I was diagnosed with a mild form when I was little. I've been sort of recovering, and am still trying to catch up in the social arena of my life. I haven't dated before, and recently a couple guys have noticed me and that was a really bizzare for me.

Maybe your patriarchal blessing might have some pointers. Mine gave me a couple spiritual qualities to look for in an eternal partner, and some spiritual qualities I need to develop. Give dating your best shot, and pray for support and guidance. You will be judged by your efforts on trying to follow the commandments, and you'll be awarded eventually.

[FairChild]

My 20 year old son has Aspergers.

[EternalSquire2020]

I have Asperger's Syndrome and was diagnosed when I was young, (parents thought I had ADD for a while though) I am 18 now, so still am young I guess...I've never dated or had all that many friends, I have a few cousins I hang out with and one awesome friend who I've known since like 4th grade. I'm a little nervous talking to people, and REALLY nervous talking to large groups of people (projects in school are nightmares for me) I don't really think a whole lot about it all though as far as dating and having friends...I dunno what else to say for now, but yeah...

[Mahone]

As I've said on this forum before, I also have aspergers.

For those who know little about the condition, want to know more but don't want to read ridiculously long articles on the subject, just watch the clips of doc martin on youtube. It's a UK TV comedy, and while Doc Martin does not officially have aspergers (as far as I know) most of his traits are that of someone with aspergers - he seems to resemble myself with his words and actions, or so I'm told.

Here is an example of a few clips:

, though only the first clip really resembles what I'm referring to. Edited November 19, 2009 by Mahone

[Feathertail]

This is still on the front page. So I guess I might as well say that I'm autistic, and my girlfriend is as well.

[RachelleDrew]

I have several in-laws who are autistic, particularly AS. They all date (those that are old enough to) and they all seem to gravitate towards others with autism as well. Two of them are married, and they are married to autistic spouses. It works out quite well for them, as they tend to "get" each other better a non-autistic person might. One of them has severe AS, and he seems to get on with his wife quite well.

Keep your head up, i've seen many autistic people be successful in dating endeavors. You have nothing to be nervous about, it's not like there is something wrong with you. You are just different is all. There are tons of people who can appreciate you for the person you are, and even love your autistic traits. I personally think Aspie boys are endearing and adorable, there is something really sweet about the awkwardness they tend to exude. I know i'm not the only one who feels that way either.