You're single because....


beefche
 Share

Recommended Posts

 

Good evening everyone from France
I loved to read, especially I like what you say on this topic.
Here in France there are more women than men, and as everyone here I want a worthy eternal companion. Me neither I do not want one that plays pretending to console all night and sleeping half the time, or remaining on the couch telling me to silence our children because they make too much noise. I want to get married in the temple. But alas, in my parish there is no man who would suit me. One of my friends told me that if I was not married it was my fault! I am Métis and because I'm half black I should marry a black because no after all I am black! I'm not racist (having black family this would be difficult in everyday life.) But why I could not marry me with who I want ??? Whether blue, green or yellow I do not care but I want him to be worthy of my principles. I'm not going to lie, I was elevated with the idea of ​​prince charming white and my ideal is blond with blue eyes. Is that wrong?
On top of that I was big enough and before men I met were unwilling or sex (which I could not wanted to give them) or just learn to include this with their next girlfriend. To them I was a fling, because given my physical I was good for nothing but to be an adventure. I present to their family or friends as someone he could love was impossible. Now that I am thinner, I interress men are either married or I am an easy girl because at my age I should be married if I was a good person.
What must he do to find the right person, doing what it takes ... Not to be criticized.

In french we said On est mieux seul que mal accompagné

 

 

Ohh, I love tall, white, blonde, blue-eyed too.  I even married one.  And I'm a short, brown, dark haired, dark eyed Asian.

 

There's a special guy for you Doriette!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 Between this and all of my other bills, my entire "entertainment" budget each month is a mere $50; that's dinner for two at any place nice. 

 

I've always believed that if getting to know the person requires you to spend money first, that person is not the right one for you.

 

My husband and I were friends before we became a couple and got to know each other while volunteering to place Bosnian refugees.  When we weren't working with the Bosnians, we hung out at each other's houses with all our other friends.  We didn't have much money back then.

Edited by anatess
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've always believed that if getting to know the person requires you to spend money first, that person is not the right one for you.

It's a nice thought, but that's not how it works around here.

Thanks to Ft. Hood being right next door, the singles scene is clogged with people who care about a person's paycheck first and anything else second. It generally takes a date or two to figure out who is who, and by then you're out a fair amount of cash. The folks with the good government jobs can afford it, but I can't. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's a nice thought, but that's not how it works around here.

Thanks to Ft. Hood being right next door, the singles scene is clogged with people who care about a person's paycheck first and anything else second. It generally takes a date or two to figure out who is who, and by then you're out a fair amount of cash. The folks with the good government jobs can afford it, but I can't. 

 

How about this... it doesn't cost money to make friends, right?  How about make as many friends as you can.  Get to know all of them well.  Date the one you like by doing free things.  By then, she should know you well enough to not care about how much money you currently got.  If she still cares, then she's not the one for you.

 

Just a thought.

Edited by anatess
Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's a nice thought, but that's not how it works around here.

Thanks to Ft. Hood being right next door, the singles scene is clogged with people who care about a person's paycheck …

Who are you trying to meet? The "singles scene" is not where I'd start looking for an eternal mate.

Lehi

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Who are you trying to meet? The "singles scene" is not where I'd start looking for an eternal mate.

Lehi

From the 1980s to the early 2000s, church leadership in numerous stakes went to extremes in pushing young men to go on missions. In order to add to the pressure for young men to go, young women were told repeatedly that when it came to dating, they should only consider returned missionaries and reject all others. No thought was given for the prospect that young men might have had good reasons for not going; instead, the young women were told "If a guy didn't go on a mission, it means that there's something wrong with him." 

 

My stake was one of those stakes. 

 

It doesn't matter that I stayed back home to help my mom take care of a mentally ill relative. All that matters is I never went on a mission. People don't ask questions beyond that; they just "know" I'm a blight upon the church. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

From the 1980s to the early 2000s, church leadership in numerous stakes went to extremes in pushing young men to go on missions. In order to add to the pressure for young men to go, young women were told repeatedly that when it came to dating, they should only consider returned missionaries and reject all others. No thought was given for the prospect that young men might have had good reasons for not going; instead, the young women were told "If a guy didn't go on a mission, it means that there's something wrong with him." 

 

My stake was one of those stakes. 

 

It doesn't matter that I stayed back home to help my mom take care of a mentally ill relative. All that matters is I never went on a mission. People don't ask questions beyond that; they just "know" I'm a blight upon the church.

Sorry for your situation.

But my point was, you don't go looking for an eternal companion in bars.

When I was stationed in Killeen (we were in the fifth ward), there were many single men and even some single sisters (most or all in the military) who attended the family ward. Some found each other there, others did not. But they didn't meet at the Taiwan Dragon or anywhere on Rancier Avenue.

Lehi

Edited by LeSellers
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry for your situation.

But my point was, you don't go looking for an eternal companion in bars.

When I was stationed in Killeen (we were in the fifth ward), there were many single men and even some single sisters (most or all in the military) who attended the family ward. Some found each other there, others did not. But they didn't meet at the Taiwan Dragon or anywhere on Rancier Avenue.

Lehi

Killeen's changed a lot over just the last decade, let alone the last several. 

 

A lot of those changes haven't been positive. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Killeen's changed a lot over just the last decade, let alone the last several. 

 

A lot of those changes haven't been positive.

That's what happens when the military gets no down time, impossible missions, and not enough support for equipment and training.

The towns around the bases suffer in their own ways, but mostly they degenerate into brothels and used car lots, taverns and pawn shops.

But the question remains, no one can expect to find an eternal mate on Rancier Avenue.

Lehi

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's what happens when the military gets no down time, impossible missions, and not enough support for equipment and training.

The towns around the bases suffer in their own ways, but mostly they degenerate into brothels and used car lots, taverns and pawn shops.

But the question remains, no one can expect to find an eternal mate on Rancier Avenue.

Lehi

Rancier? 

 

You can't even find one on 190 without $$$.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Bit of an update. 

Ever since November, time I *should* have been spending on my weekly column frequently got sucked away by people - including relatives - demanding that I drop everything to help them out. I finally exhausted the stockpile of pre-written installments because of this, and so I sat my mom down on Monday for a very long talk about everything and how people need to leave me alone long enough to get things done. 

As part of it, I noted that I was now having to submit installments week-by-week instead of month-by-month, something made even more egregious by the fact that I had nothing ready for Valentine's Day. My mom just presumed that I could dash something off, at which point I explained to her - in detail - all the garbage I've had to deal with because of the "If you're not a missionary, then you're worthless" nonsense that contaminated the stake and how that's played a large part in my being single. (I haven't had a date in 10 years in part because of this.)

I'm hoping that I finally got through to her and got her to back off on a lot of things, not only the demands everyone's been placing on my time but also the incessant questions about why I'm still single. 

But like I flat-out told her, the stake was so poisoned by this nonsense that I'll likely have to relocate outside of the stake boundary if I want to ever find someone. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 1/21/2016 at 1:01 PM, Ironhold said:

doesn't matter that I stayed back home to help my mom take care of a mentally ill relative. All that matters is I never went on a mission. People don't ask questions beyond that; they just "know" I'm a blight upon the church. 

I get plenty of that, even from the ones who already knew I joined the Church at 35, too old to go, and divorced paying child support for two kids so I wouldn't have been able to go anyway.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
On 2/3/2016 at 0:39 PM, Ironhold said:

not only the demands everyone's been placing on my time

First, good luck with everything! Second, it is okay in life to insist/require/demand "me time". We serve and give of ourselves so much that it is easy to forget we need our time. On my calendar at work I have blocked out times during my week that read "NeedleinA's time, no appointments". The office staff know to simply leave me alone during those times. I got told some great business advice years ago, "If you let customers, they will drain all your time and resources, learn to set limits". Same goes with family and others around us!

Also, there are always going to be people who question things about you. 

When I was single, it was "When are you going to get married?"

When I was married, it was "When are you going to have kids?"

When I had kids (4 boys), it is now "When are you going to try for a girl?"

It never ends!

Edited by NeedleinA
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...
Guest MormonGator
On February 11, 2016 at 8:49 AM, NeedleinA said:

First, good luck with everything! Second, it is okay in life to insist/require/demand "me time". We serve and give of ourselves so much that it is easy to forget we need our time. On my calendar at work I have blocked out times during my week that read "NeedleinA's time, no appointments". The office staff know to simply leave me alone during those times. I got told some great business advice years ago, "If you let customers, they will drain all your time and resources, learn to set limits". Same goes with family and others around us!

Also, there are always going to be people who question things about you. 

When I was single, it was "When are you going to get married?"

When I was married, it was "When are you going to have kids?"

When I had kids (4 boys), it is now "When are you going to try for a girl?"

It never ends!

 LadyGator and I have been married for over 10 years and the comments we get about kids (why we don't have them, when are we going to have them, etc) are obnoxious, frankly. It's no one's business but our own. 

I've seen the church pressure young men and women to get married young, and that's their right of course-but I'm more concerned about getting married to the right person than about marrying young. I know of a few returned missionaries who got married young and got divorced young. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

19 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

obnoxious, frankly. It's no one's business but our own

Geeezzz, 10 years and no kids! What's wrong with your spirituality Gator?          ----joking

I find that most people bring up repetitive subjects sometimes not so much because of the subject, but because they can't or don't have anything else to talk about with you. Most members don't know a whole lot about me, except my family size and I own a small business. So... every time they see me, it is "how is business, you staying busy? etc." My actual friends know not to ask me about work. When I'm at work it is game face, but after work it is the last thing I want to talk about;)

I think when it comes to "kids", people just fall back to what they consider an easy topic... though if they thought it through better they might zip their lips. 
My brother and his wife either can't or can't easily have kids. Many tried and failed attempts. Super hard subject for them. Along with other bigger reasons he doesn't go to church any longer but always uses "people bothering me about kids" as an excuse. 

 

Edited by NeedleinA
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest MormonGator
6 minutes ago, NeedleinA said:

Geeezzz, 10 years and no kids! What's wrong with your spirituality Gator?          ----joking

I find that most people bring up repetitive subjects sometimes not so much because of the subject, but because they can't or don't have anything else to talk about with you. Most members don't know a whole lot about me, except my family size and I own a small business. So... every time they see me, it is "how is business, you staying busy? etc." My actual friends know not to ask me about work. When I'm at work it is game face, but after work it is the last thing I want to talk about;)

I think when it comes to "kids", people just fall back to what they consider an easy topic... though if they thought it through better they might zip their lips. 
My brother and his wife either can't or can't easily have kids. Many tried and failed attempts. Super hard subject for them. Along with other bigger reasons he doesn't go to church any longer but always uses "people bothering me about kids" as an excuse. 

 

I knew you were joking, no worries.  When people say it in seriousness-and they have-it shows a lot about their character, and it's not good. 

Edited by MormonGator
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

I know you were joking, no worries.  When people say it in seriousness-and they have-it shows a lot about their character, and none of it is good. 

You could always reverse the question...
"Yah, kids might come some day, but on a different note how is your diet going these days Bro./Sister__________?"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest MormonGator
1 minute ago, NeedleinA said:

You could always reverse the question...
"Yah, kids might come some day, but on a different note how is your diet going these days Bro./Sister__________?"

lol. Some of my comments back have been much more "tart" than that one. I'm not as polite as you lifelong LDS are. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, MormonGator said:

lol. Some of my comments back have been much more "tart" than that one. I'm not as polite as you lifelong LDS are. 

Oh boy, hot Pop-Tarts, served Gator style! Pass out enough of those tarts, you would think people would take the hint?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest MormonGator
2 minutes ago, NeedleinA said:

Oh boy, hot Pop-Tarts, served Gator style! Pass out enough of those tarts, you would think people would take the hint?

Not anymore. We all can be pretty dense sometimes. 

And my cooking skills consist of grilled cheese and Pop-Tarts, so you might be onto something 

Edited by MormonGator
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, MormonGator said:

Not anymore. We all can be pretty dense sometimes. 

And my cooking skills consist of grilled cheese and pop tarts. 

"Not anymore. We all can be pretty dense sometimes." - ask to put an announcement in the Ward Bulletin... "leave the Gators alone about kids, CAUTION: they bite!"

Hah! For the pure survival of my children, I have learned to cook 3 things: scrambled eggs (breakfast), hot dogs (lunch) and macaroni (dinner). If they have been really-really good or I want to win Father of the Year Award, I'll actually put hot dogs in the macaroni... SHAZAMMMM a whole new meal!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest MormonGator
2 minutes ago, NeedleinA said:

"Not anymore. We all can be pretty dense sometimes." - ask to put an announcement in the Ward Bulletin... "leave the Gators alone about kids, CAUTION: they bite!"

 

Oh my gosh, the calling we had in our old ward: Making bulletins. What else do you know about us?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

17 minutes ago, NeedleinA said:

You could always reverse the question...
"Yah, kids might come some day, but on a different note how is your diet going these days Bro./Sister__________?"

When we moved to New Jersey with our six kids people we didn't even know would sarcastically say "Don't you know what causes that?"

Eventually we just started replying "Yes!! And we really like it! Do you like it too?" and then we'd both make googly eyes at each other and smile. Not sure if it was the best response but we had fun with it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

17 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

Oh my gosh, the calling we had in our old ward: Making bulletins. What else do you know about us?

My crystal ball sees a church history tour for you and Lady Gator coming up for about a month or so...

(Is that still in the works by the way?)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share