Recently found out husband is having an affair
Posted 04 February 2010 - 02:03 PM
Posted 04 February 2010 - 02:17 PM
So, I've never been in your position, but it occurs to me that God put us together in such a way that we often feel pain and anger when a loved one betrays us. If you've got it inside you, but aren't letting it out, that worries me.
This whole time I have been very loving and supportive, and have pushed the adversary to keep him at bay so that I may not be filled with the pain and anger of it all.
Ignoring truth just never seems to be a good idea.
In related news, a lady I was dating had experienced some serious trauma at the hands of another. She had a bunch of rage about it. She was helping me remodel a bathroom, which involved removing a wall. She tells me she had a very cleansing time bashing the wall to little pieces with a hammer. 13 years later, she's still grateful she was able to take out her rage on that wall.
And maybe have a seat by the Eastern wall.
And I'd discuss the holy books with the learned men, several hours every day.
That would be the sweetest thing of all.
If I were a rich man...
Posted 04 February 2010 - 02:46 PM
Posted 04 February 2010 - 02:55 PM
Posted 04 February 2010 - 03:09 PM
Posted 04 February 2010 - 03:33 PM
Posted 04 February 2010 - 06:50 PM
Posted 04 February 2010 - 06:55 PM
Posted 04 February 2010 - 07:01 PM
Posted 05 February 2010 - 04:37 PM
Edited by Vanhin, 05 February 2010 - 05:24 PM.
Posted 06 February 2010 - 01:35 PM
Last Sunday, my husband confessed to me that he is having an affair and was going to leave me. We talked it out all night and all next day, and he has decided to stay with his family and has realized what he has done. He is repentant, and we have gone to the Bishop to start a repentance process. We have been married in the Temple, so they will need to have a counsel.
This whole time I have been very loving and supportive, and have pushed the adversary to keep him at bay so that I may not be filled with the pain and anger of it all. I have been advised by some that I should let myself feel the anger and pain to get it out of me, but I feel that is exactly what the adversary wants... then he knows he has my attention and can present even more anger and negativity to my mind.this is not the adversary. it is normal human experience to feel anger and pain and if you don't i would worry that there is something wrong with you. do you know about the concept of religious addiction? look it up. religious addicts use religion to avoid pain or to avoid feeling feelings . and this is a painful experience. I think you are still in the numb shock phase and believe me, pretty soon you will be smashing dishes against the wall.
Are my friends right, and I need to vent anger for mental health? Or do I keep it as far away from me as possible as to not incite the powers of Satan? being angry is not invoking the powers of satan. even jesus got angry and sad.Am I looking at this wrong? Believe me, the thoughts creep in, but I hear Primary hymns being sung in my head, and it helps tremendously.religious addiction... or numb, denial and shock phase.
I was told this is a grieving process by my Bishop. But going through that process may end up destroying me, and I feel my main purpose at this point is to be full of love and support for my husband and children.your husband should be providing love and support for YOU.
Are there any thoughts on this? Thanks so much in advance, as this is all very new to me... obviously...
Edited by ladykemma2, 06 February 2010 - 01:37 PM.
Posted 06 February 2010 - 02:44 PM
Failing to fetch me at first, keep encouraged.
Missing me one place, search another.
I stop somewhere waiting for you.
Posted 07 February 2010 - 08:18 PM
Posted 07 April 2010 - 01:33 PM
Posted 07 April 2010 - 01:50 PM
However, you must also have coping mechanisms that prevent you from allowing the hurt and anger to turn to bitterness, man-hating, etcetera. This comes through prayer, which can take away bad feelings. You will also have to put the brakes on letting that period of anger and hurt last for a long time. At some point, you'll have to make the decision to move past it, and this will mean controlling your thoughts. The primary hymn is a good way, as well as taking a deep breath, and then moving into a new position physically. Also, it helps to write out a script of the attitudes you want to hold, to condition your thoughts when you find them spiralling into negative thinking and emotion.
It also comes from making investments in your marriage and working with your husband to restore trust.
I trust my wife again, and it came after I really made more investments in our marriage so she had her needs met. Now, am I taking the blame for what happened? No, but I do feel that when spouses go outside the marriage for emotional fulfillment, it means that means was lacking in the marriage somehow. That was true in my case. So I had to learn to listen more, and meet those other needs she had to turn her affections toward me again. They did in fact turn to me again, and things improved. I no longer feel angry at her or hurt; I just feel glad that I did what was necessary to salvage the marriage.
I suggest you look at Marriage Builders ® - Successful Marriage Advice and find the emotional needs questionnaire. Do it with your husband to find out what needs he has, and what he's missing. He will learn the same about you, and then you can learn to meet each others needs, and restore trust.
The hurt will probably be present in varying degrees for a long time, but eventually time will wear it away. That's been my experience.
Posted 07 April 2010 - 04:13 PM
Posted 07 April 2010 - 07:08 PM
Posted 07 April 2010 - 08:40 PM
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