Cancellation of Sealing Question

[Utahguy1980]

Hoping someone can help me here. 9 years ago I was married in the Temple. 4 years later we were divorced. Is it possible for a man to request a cancellation of sealing? My current girlfriend is extremely worried about marrying me while I am still sealed to my ex wife. While I have tried to explain to her that Heavenly Father would never make us be with someone we didn't want to be with she insists she will not marry me in the Temple until she knows for sure that my sealing has been cancelled. Do I have to wait until my ex wife wants to get remarried in the Temple again? This is a major source of contention in my current relationship and any help would be appreciated.

[Just_A_Guy]

I dunno what exactly the Church's policy is, but it strikes me that either a) your girlfriend believes God is a monster who would leave "stuck" two people who can't stand each other, or b) your girlfriend--rightly or wrongly--believes that the sealing's remaining "on the books" is some kind of indicator of your emotional attachment to your ex.

Either way, nothing the Church can do will resolve the underlying issue.

[Roseslipper]

i understand why the church leaves the sealing in tack, but when u go to the temple and are sealed doesnt mean that you, or they will live up to all that is required to keep the sealing, sealed. IF I was in this situation and I want u to know that I have never been married, not that i think that changes any thing, but it wouldnt bother me if my future husband was still temple married or seal to his ex, or even to his lovely wife that might have passed on and through the veil....In the end it will all work out any way....We need to trust in the Lord...Dont sweat the small stuff.

[Guest mirancs8]

i understand why the church leaves the sealing in tack, but when u go to the temple and are sealed doesnt mean that you, or they will live up to all that is required to keep the sealing, sealed. IF I was in this situation and I want u to know that I have never been married, not that i think that changes any thing, but it wouldnt bother me if my future husband was still temple married or seal to his ex, or even to his lovely wife that might have passed on and through the veil....In the end it will all work out any way....We need to trust in the Lord...Dont sweat the small stuff.

Doesn't bother me either if my husband-to-be was still sealed to his first wife. I would be interested to hear why it bothers some. Is it because you think that he still views himself as "married" to her? Connection maybe? Just curious as to what women might find difficult about this situation... you and this man who you love want to get married and you hold off on the marriage happening until he get's unsealed (or agrees to unseal). Is that issue enough to destroy the love you have for each other?

I've just always wondered about this. I've never seen it as an issue for me but obviously looking at a few posts here it seems to be a big issue.

[Suzie]

But what are we assuming that Heavenly Father won't take that sealing seriously? I mean I ask because of the comments that he will not allow us to be "stuck" to someone we cannot stand. That's the whole PURPOSE for sealing AND cancellation of sealing folks.

[RachelleDrew]

Perhaps i'm wrong, but I was under the impression that one of the spouses had to commit some serious transgressions in order to have a cancellation granted. An affair, abandonment or abuse. Can someone clarify on that topic for me?

[annamaureen]

Frankly, I can understand where your girlfriend is coming from. I wouldn't want my husband to be sealed to another woman. As Suzie said, cancellations exist for a reason. If you don't want to be with your ex-wife, why not just cancel the sealing? Then again, I'm one of those people who is totally paranoid about celestial polygamy - I probably wouldn't marry a man if he refused to cancel his previous sealing.

[SeattleTruthSeeker]

Hoping someone can help me here. 9 years ago I was married in the Temple. 4 years later we were divorced. Is it possible for a man to request a cancellation of sealing? My current girlfriend is extremely worried about marrying me while I am still sealed to my ex wife. While I have tried to explain to her that Heavenly Father would never make us be with someone we didn't want to be with she insists she will not marry me in the Temple until she knows for sure that my sealing has been cancelled. Do I have to wait until my ex wife wants to get remarried in the Temple again? This is a major source of contention in my current relationship and any help would be appreciated.

Yes, you can have your sealing cancelled. You have to go in and discuss this with your specific bishop.

How do I know? My wife and I are both divorced from our previous marriage. She is sealed to her ex husband and she has a child from that marriage. I am not sealed to my former spouse because we never made it to the temple.

Before we go through the temple, she will have to get a cancellation on her previous sealing in order for us to be sealed.

If you have a child from your previous marriage, your child is still protected under the sealing (despite if your former spouse is living up to the standards or not).

My wife was advised not to get her sealing cancelled because of her son. Once we are back in full membership and are able to go to the temple to be sealed to one another, she will then be allowed to have her sealing cancelled.

Now, here is my thought, go in with your girlfriend and talk with your bishop about this concern.

If she still insists that she will not marry you unless you have your sealing cancelled before you even propose to her, then, in all honesty, she does not respect you, your particular situation and I would just inform her that because of this, you can not in any way marry someone who is refusing to understand and respect the particular position you are in. It is better to deal with this now than to do something you will regret. Even if it means telling her to take a hike in very polite terms and find another person. Trust me, someone who does not respect your position and situation is a person that you should not have close to you as a companion.

Why? because if they can't accept and understand and respect you with something like this and work with you and show patience through this entire part of your life and specific circumstances, how are they going to deal with other circumstances that will rise up and challenge your lives together and your marriage? Is she going to demand that she is not going to have anything to do with you if you are laid off and are looking for work and are unemployed for six months?

There is deeper issues she has to deal with that may not be known.

[Guest mirancs8]

Let me propose a scenario. Your boyfriend was sealed to his wife in the Temple 10 years ago and has 4 lovely kids. 8 years ago his wife passed away tragically. Your boyfriend is seriously talking about marriage and he wants an answer now. His first wife died with the belief that she would join her husband (who will soon be YOUR husband) and her children in the Celestial kingdom. Do you think it would be right to insist him to unseal from his first wife whom he loved and had 4 beautiful children with. Put yourself in her shoes... how would you feel if you passed away tragically and your husband got unsealed from you for another woman.

So yes I believe the Lord takes sealings very seriously but there are certain circumstances to think about. I would hate to think that she was falsely led to believe that her husband and children would be with her and that I took that away from her. So for me to be sealed to my husband and him to not be unsealed from his first wife would not bother me.

This is just one example but I'm sure there are others. Of course every situation is different but this is just my view point and I'm certain I must be the minority here.

EDIT: opps meant to say 3 years ago not 8 years ago!

Edited March 30, 2010 by mirancs8

[SeattleTruthSeeker]

Let me propose a scenario. Your boyfriend was sealed to his wife in the Temple 10 years ago and has 4 lovely kids. 8 years ago his wife passed away tragically. Your boyfriend is seriously talking about marriage and he wants an answer now. His first wife died with the belief that she would join her husband (who will soon be YOUR husband) and her children in the Celestial kingdom. Do you think it would be right to insist him to unseal from his first wife whom he loved and had 4 beautiful children with. Put yourself in her shoes... how would you feel if you passed away tragically and your husband got unsealed from you for another woman.

So yes I believe the Lord takes sealings very seriously but there are certain circumstances to think about. I would hate to think that she was falsely led to believe that her husband and children would be with her and that I took that away from her. So for me to be sealed to my husband and him to not be unsealed from his first wife would not bother me.

This is just one example but I'm sure there are others. Of course every situation is different but this is just my view point and I'm certain I must be the minority here.

Actually that would not be a problem. He could be married and sealed to another woman for all time and eternity without having to have his previous temple sealing cancelled. Unless this has changed. It is my understanding that a woman whose husband has passed away could not be married and sealed to another husband, but could be married in the temple for Time only and still have the protection of the priesthood. In this situation, it then would be who was the more faithful priesthood holder. Again, we do not know all that is on this side of the veil.

[annamaureen]

I personally think there's a difference between cancelling a sealing due to death, and cancelling a sealing due to divorce. One is a tragic circumstance where the couple loved each other; the other, the couple chose to seperate and did not wish to be married anymore. It's not the same thing to request a divorced man cancel his sealing, versus a widower.

[Just_A_Guy]

But what are we assuming that Heavenly Father won't take that sealing seriously? I mean I ask because of the comments that he will not allow us to be "stuck" to someone we cannot stand. That's the whole PURPOSE for sealing AND cancellation of sealing folks.

I disagree, Suzie. Slavery to one's spouse is not, and never was, the purpose for sealing.

A sealing, like any other priesthood ordinance, is conditional on the faithfulness of the parties involved. See D&C 132:19 - the sealing only remains valid if they abide in the covenant; if they don't, the Holy Spirit of Promise withdraws its seal. Suggesting that any couple that doesn't receive a "cancellation of sealings" will remain married in the eternities, is like suggesting that any Mormon who doesn't get himself excommunicated will wind up in the Celestial Kingdom.

Utahguy's sealing was broken from the minute the parties walked out on each other. Perhaps, hypothetically, it could be mended if both parties wanted to repent and recommit to each other--but if Utahguy's girfriend thinks Utahguy would take that opportunity, then it really speaks to an insecurity on her part (unwarranted or otherwise) about Utahguy's relationship with his ex.

Edited March 28, 2010 by Just_A_Guy

[Maureen]

Perhaps i'm wrong, but I was under the impression that one of the spouses had to commit some serious transgressions in order to have a cancellation granted. An affair, abandonment or abuse. Can someone clarify on that topic for me?

You might be confusing divorce with a sealing cancellation/clearance.

My input here might seem strange since I am non-LDS but the logistics of a sealing cancellation/clearance fascinates me, so here is my understanding.

A sealing clearance is basically for the man, essentially asking the authorities, if he is cleared to be sealed again, to another woman. While a sealing cancellation is essentially for the woman, asking for permission to have her sealing actually cancelled from her former spouse. If children are involved, their sealing to their parents are not affected at all, they are still sealed to both father and mother, no matter what their parents' marital situation is.

The reason I don't think the OP's request for a sealing cancellation will work is because the cancellation is really for his ex-wife and not for him. He does not require a cancellation because D&C 132 still allows him to be sealed to more than one woman. But the same scripture does not give his still living ex-wife the same allowance. If the OP's ex-wife is not planning on remarrying anytime soon, than I doubt that a sealing cancellation would be granted.

M.

[Guest mirancs8]

I personally think there's a difference between cancelling a sealing due to death, and cancelling a sealing due to divorce. One is a tragic circumstance where the couple loved each other; the other, the couple chose to seperate and did not wish to be married anymore. It's not the same thing to request a divorced man cancel his sealing, versus a widower.

Agreed that yes there is a difference when we look at the cancellation of a sealing from divorce versus the death of a spouse.

But if for whatever reason my soon to be husband decided that he didn't want to cancel the sealing that would not change how I felt about him, how much I loved him, and my faith in the foundation of our relationship. I would respect his decision. I wouldn't put that type of an ultimatum on him.

Though this is me and how I feel about it. I'm sure for someone else it could very well be the deciding factor of whether the couple get's married or not. We have that choice to decide what issues we are willing to end a relationship just like that.

This is a case by case situation though. Each person is so different and we each would approach this issues very differently. It's just bothersome that she would make this particular issue a deciding factor. As if she is zoned in and not looking at you and the entire relationship.

To me it's like saying the foundation of your relationship is being held up by quicksand underneath it versus solid rock.

[Guest mirancs8]

The reason I don't think the OP's request for a sealing cancellation will work is because the cancellation is really for his ex-wife and not for him. He does not require a cancellation because D&C 132 still allows him to be sealed to more than one woman. But the same scripture does not give his still living ex-wife the same allowance. If the OP's ex-wife is not planning on remarrying anytime soon, than I doubt that a sealing cancellation would be granted.

Exactly. He can be sealed to more then one woman. But the woman can't obviously so when she remarries that sealing with have to be canceled so that she could be sealed to her new husband.

[marts1]

If it wasn't mentioned yet, a letter has to be presented from the husband or x before the wife or x can have this done.

[Wingnut]

Perhaps i'm wrong, but I was under the impression that one of the spouses had to commit some serious transgressions in order to have a cancellation granted. An affair, abandonment or abuse. Can someone clarify on that topic for me?

You're right. The other acceptable reason would be if the wife wants to remarry, she could seek a cancellation, even if there previously were none of the circumstances you mention.

OP, the fact is that if your ex-wife (and I obviously don't know the circumstances) isn't living up to her covenants, that the sealing won't be valid anyway. But I agree with those who have said that there is a greater underlying issue and insecurity that needs to be dealt with here.

[MarginOfError]

Hoping someone can help me here. 9 years ago I was married in the Temple. 4 years later we were divorced. Is it possible for a man to request a cancellation of sealing? My current girlfriend is extremely worried about marrying me while I am still sealed to my ex wife. While I have tried to explain to her that Heavenly Father would never make us be with someone we didn't want to be with she insists she will not marry me in the Temple until she knows for sure that my sealing has been cancelled. Do I have to wait until my ex wife wants to get remarried in the Temple again? This is a major source of contention in my current relationship and any help would be appreciated.

I'm afraid a request from you to have your previous sealing canceled will not be met with much cooperation. Current policy states that men who have been previously sealed must receive a sealing clearance before they can be sealed to another woman. Women, on the other hand, may only be sealed to one man (at a time) in their lifetime and must have a cancellation of sealing before being sealed to another man. The Church is not likely to grant you a cancellation of sealing until your ex-wife applies for one so that she may be sealed to another man.

There are very good reasons for this, however, as the sealing is an essential ordinance, and the Church takes very seriously the cancellation of these ordinances. The Sealing ordinance is accompanied with covenants and promises that the Lord desires men and women to have in this life, and a cancellation of sealing would deny your ex-wife of those covenants and promises when she chooses to live by the commandments.

Your current girlfriend's insistence that your sealing be canceled indicates to me a fundamental misunderstanding of the doctrines pertaining to the Sealing ordinance. I would also describe her actions as selfish, unforgiving, and un-Christlike. She should probably sit down with someone and get a good explanation of what the Sealing is and why the Church is unlikely to grant you a cancellation.

Before you can be sealed again, you will need to apply for a sealing clearance. Your bishop can help you there.

[MarginOfError]

But what are we assuming that Heavenly Father won't take that sealing seriously? I mean I ask because of the comments that he will not allow us to be "stuck" to someone we cannot stand. That's the whole PURPOSE for sealing AND cancellation of sealing folks.

Not really. The Sealing ordinance grants a couple rights, power, and authorities that the Lord wants those who are bringing children into the world to have for the benefit of building strong families in the kingdom of God. It is just as much a temporal ordinance as it is eternal.

Sealings were never meant to be about being "stuck" with someone. They were always about our own individual eternal progression. Being sealed to someone does not change the fact that your exaltation is your responsibility and yours alone.

[MarginOfError]

Perhaps i'm wrong, but I was under the impression that one of the spouses had to commit some serious transgressions in order to have a cancellation granted. An affair, abandonment or abuse. Can someone clarify on that topic for me?

Nope. A cancellation is granted when a woman who was previously sealed decides she wants to be sealed to another man.

Frankly, I can understand where your girlfriend is coming from. I wouldn't want my husband to be sealed to another woman. As Suzie said, cancellations exist for a reason. If you don't want to be with your ex-wife, why not just cancel the sealing? Then again, I'm one of those people who is totally paranoid about celestial polygamy - I probably wouldn't marry a man if he refused to cancel his previous sealing.

Again, cancellations exist for the purpose of making it possible for a previously sealed woman to marry another man in her lifetime. They do not exist for social or emotional convenience.

[MarginOfError]

Let me propose a scenario. Your boyfriend was sealed to his wife in the Temple 10 years ago and has 4 lovely kids. 8 years ago his wife passed away tragically. Your boyfriend is seriously talking about marriage and he wants an answer now. His first wife died with the belief that she would join her husband (who will soon be YOUR husband) and her children in the Celestial kingdom. Do you think it would be right to insist him to unseal from his first wife whom he loved and had 4 beautiful children with. Put yourself in her shoes... how would you feel if you passed away tragically and your husband got unsealed from you for another woman.

Actually that would not be a problem. He could be married and sealed to another woman for all time and eternity without having to have his previous temple sealing cancelled.

And in this particular circumstance, he would not need a sealing clearance unless he was divorced from his wife prior to her marriage.

Unless this has changed. It is my understanding that a woman whose husband has passed away could not be married and sealed to another husband, but could be married in the temple for Time only and still have the protection of the priesthood.

She would not be able to be sealed to the new husband without a cancellation of her previous sealing. Whether or not to request a cancellation of sealing would likely be a question of whether or not the new husband had been previously sealed.

But she does not need to be married in the temple for time only to still have the protection of the priesthood. By virtue of her sealing to her first husband, which remains in effect, she still has the protection of the priesthood.

In this situation, it then would be who was the more faithful priesthood holder. Again, we do not know all that is on this side of the veil.

Actually, in the situation in which she is married for time to the second husband, she would likely remain with the first husband in the eternities as she is sealed to him and not to the second husband. But some of these issues are speculative anyway and don't deserve the time we spend thinking about them.

[MarginOfError]

I personally think there's a difference between cancelling a sealing due to death, and cancelling a sealing due to divorce. One is a tragic circumstance where the couple loved each other; the other, the couple chose to seperate and did not wish to be married anymore. It's not the same thing to request a divorced man cancel his sealing, versus a widower.

It is very much the same thing, seeing as a man cannot request a cancellation at all.

[MarginOfError]

You might be confusing divorce with a sealing cancellation/clearance.

My input here might seem strange since I am non-LDS but the logistics of a sealing cancellation/clearance fascinates me, so here is my understanding.

A sealing clearance is basically for the man, essentially asking the authorities, if he is cleared to be sealed again, to another woman. While a sealing cancellation is essentially for the woman, asking for permission to have her sealing actually cancelled from her former spouse. If children are involved, their sealing to their parents are not affected at all, they are still sealed to both father and mother, no matter what their parents' marital situation is.

The reason I don't think the OP's request for a sealing cancellation will work is because the cancellation is really for his ex-wife and not for him. He does not require a cancellation because D&C 132 still allows him to be sealed to more than one woman. But the same scripture does not give his still living ex-wife the same allowance. If the OP's ex-wife is not planning on remarrying anytime soon, than I doubt that a sealing cancellation would be granted.

M.

It'd be nice if all LDS people were as clear about our policies as you are. :)

[MarginOfError]

And because six consecutive posts wasn't enough, I just wanted to include a seventh (lucky number) that says

:) :huh:

Okay, I'm done now.

[MobyMule]

Sealing clearance has been reported acurately. Cancellation can be requested by either party. Man or Woman. Doesn't matter. And yes for there to be approval for a Cancellation some type of major wrongdoing must have had taken place such as previously mentioned. I've done both and you still have to get the ex-spouse to write a letter about their feelings toward the other one and their feelings about the request in either circumstance. It sometimes is not a pleasant thing to administer.

All I can tell the brother is to go to Heavenly Father in prayer individually and as a couple. Also speak to your Bishop. He will have the forms and all the info you need. Let the spirit guide here. As a couple you will need to learn how to feel it together anyway. This is just a precursor into all those other big decisons you will have to make when your married.

And yes the children are not affected. They are still sealed to the parents.