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#1 WillowTheWhisp

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Posted 15 April 2010 - 02:23 AM

Not sure where I should ask this. I couldn't find a section for Young Women questions.

Can someone tell me what is the church stance on sleepovers now? In the past the Young Women have had sleepovers at the homes of leaders but has this been banned now?

What you think you heard me say may not necessarily be what I thought I meant.


;)


#2 MarginOfError

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Posted 15 April 2010 - 02:24 AM

Not that I'm aware of.

But if it's done, I would suggest that proper supervision be in place, with at least two adults, and no adult ever be left alone with a youth.

Dude. When both Vort and MOE are in agreement, the thinking has been done. :D


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#3 Suzie

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Posted 15 April 2010 - 04:45 AM

My solution is NO SLEEPOVERS. Whether they are leaders or not makes no difference to me. Unfortunately in the world we live in makes no difference.

#4 MarginOfError

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Posted 15 April 2010 - 04:57 AM

That seems a bit paranoid to me. I'm curious if you feel the same way about scout campouts.

Dude. When both Vort and MOE are in agreement, the thinking has been done. :D


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#5 Guest_mysticmorini_*

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Posted 15 April 2010 - 05:29 AM

I know that when my stake does youth conferences they try to have the YW stay in homes with only daughters or the sons sleep over at another house.

#6 Suzie

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Posted 15 April 2010 - 05:47 AM

That seems a bit paranoid to me. I'm curious if you feel the same way about scout campouts.


Why paranoid? Yes I feel the same way about any sleepover.

#7 MarginOfError

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Posted 15 April 2010 - 06:12 AM

Why paranoid? Yes I feel the same way about any sleepover.


Because it is paranoid.

Anyway, if you're looking for some ideas on how to protect youth, the BSA has done a lot of research and developed great guidelines. You can get a preview through their website.

BSA - Youth Protection

Dude. When both Vort and MOE are in agreement, the thinking has been done. :D


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#8 Wingnut

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Posted 15 April 2010 - 06:42 AM

http://www.lds.net/f...overs-kids.html
Now the trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed. -- C.S. Lewis

If we're going to be stupid about this, we're going to be stupid on my terms. -- my husband

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Posted 15 April 2010 - 08:45 AM

I've spoken to my older son about what is right and what is not right. He sleeps over his friends house sometimes once a month and I always make sure the mother is going to be there. Once she was going to Utah for something and I told my son let's do it next weekend or his friend can sleep over our house. Not that I don't trust the father he's awesome but you never know. It's always someone you would NEVER think could do something like that.

I made sure my son knows the difference between wrestling for fun and when it become inappropriate. I have a family member (close family member) who is a child molester and his wife has been a rock through the entire thing. I think it's because of her that he's kept himself in check all these years. It take a very special type of women who can stand by her husband and help him through something like that.

I'm not against sleep overs but you do have to make sure your kids are educated to know what is OK and what is not. It's our job to keep them safe. Knowledge is power. My older son can pick up on something that doesn't feel right. I make sure to keep the communication lines open between me and the children. What makes me feel OK about my son sleeping over a friends house is knowing the mother is there. Also I have to know the family well.

#10 beefche

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Posted 15 April 2010 - 09:20 AM

I've spoken to my older son about what is right and what is not right. He sleeps over his friends house sometimes once a month and I always make sure the mother is going to be there. Once she was going to Utah for something and I told my son let's do it next weekend or his friend can sleep over our house. Not that I don't trust the father he's awesome but you never know. It's always someone you would NEVER think could do something like that.


I think it is really, really sad that this man has done nothing to implicate himself as a potential molester except be born of the male gender.
I say that we need to teach our people to find their answers in the scriptures...But the unfortunate thing is that so many of us are not reading the scriptures. We do not know what is in them, and therefore we speculate about things that we ought to have found in the scriptures themselves. I think that therein is one of our biggest dangers of today."
--President Harold B. Lee, December, 1972

#11 MarginOfError

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Posted 15 April 2010 - 09:27 AM

I think it is really, really sad that this man has done nothing to implicate himself as a potential molester except be born of the male gender.


That's all it takes. 80% of boys that are molested are molested by men.

Not saying I necessarily agree with what was said, but statistically speaking, the molesters are far more likely to be male than female, indicating that being more suspicious of males than females is a reasonable response.

Dude. When both Vort and MOE are in agreement, the thinking has been done. :D


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#12 beefche

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Posted 15 April 2010 - 09:33 AM

That's all it takes. 80% of boys that are molested are molested by men.

Not saying I necessarily agree with what was said, but statistically speaking, the molesters are far more likely to be male than female, indicating that being more suspicious of males than females is a reasonable response.


True and although you are the statistical genius, I believe that most molesters are related to the child.

I just think it is sad that one would suspect the father and never, ever the mother to molest a child. We are seeing more and more women coming out as sexual predators. I just wonder if the stats are inflated because of no reporting of women molesters.
I say that we need to teach our people to find their answers in the scriptures...But the unfortunate thing is that so many of us are not reading the scriptures. We do not know what is in them, and therefore we speculate about things that we ought to have found in the scriptures themselves. I think that therein is one of our biggest dangers of today."
--President Harold B. Lee, December, 1972

#13 nbblood

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Posted 15 April 2010 - 09:35 AM

Here is my personal stance.

I absolutely refuse to allow paranoia and fear rule my life or that of my family! Period. Unfortunately, as times progress, dangers progress with them. But I will absolutely accept prudent risk for activities that allow me and my family to experience the joys of life, whatever they may be.

In order to mitigate risk, as a parent, I must be involved and informed in the activities of my children. But I absolutely will not EVER put them in a bubble to protect them from life. Sleepovers are a fun part of kids' lives, whether it's a night over at a friend's house or a scout campout or whatever the situation may be. It's a form of social interaction and a means for children to learn and grow socially through experience. Shutting them out of that, IMHO, is not helping them. Sure, maybe, just maybe, you may be preventing them from immediate harm. But in the long run are you doing them any favors? I don't think so.

Accepting prudent risk requires involvement and knowing who, what, when, where, why and following up with supervision when needed. But I can't imagine a world where a kid can't sleep over at a friends house when the answers to these questions are suitably answered. Where does it end? Lock the kids in their room and slide sanitized food under the door until they're 25?

Again, I refuse to live in such absurd paranoia and fear.

/End Rant
Why wait til tomorrow when I can start procrastinating today?

#14 applepansy

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Posted 15 April 2010 - 09:41 AM

when I saw the title I remembered a conference talk from like 20 + years ago. The prophet (I'm remembering Pres Benson but I could be wrong) strongly counseled against sleep overs. I'll see if I can find it...... sigh..... lots of reading ahead.

#15 Guest_mirancs8_*

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Posted 15 April 2010 - 09:43 AM

I wasn't trying to point to a gender. It could be any gender. I'm just taking it from my own experiences and that I have a child molester in my family. He's a man and that's the experience I had. I'm not speaking for anyone else. I have a few friends that have been molested when they were young (male and female) and most were molested by men. Like I said I'm not pointing a finger to an entire gender I'm just stating my opinion from my own experiences. My caution comes from my own experiences.

My family member is someone who you would never ever think could do such a thing. I love him dearly even though he has in the past done those things. But it has opened my eyes to the fact that you just never know. I still have a very difficult time believing he did the things that he did. Having children changes you as well. I'd rather be cautious on a sleepover then to be blind and naive. But then again I've always had trust issues.

#16 nbblood

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Posted 15 April 2010 - 09:44 AM

That's all it takes. 80% of boys that are molested are molested by men.

Not saying I necessarily agree with what was said, but statistically speaking, the molesters are far more likely to be male than female, indicating that being more suspicious of males than females is a reasonable response.


And what percentage of men are molesters? Clearly this is how you are justifying this claim, so let's examine the fraction of a single percent of men that are molesters rather than the glaring, eye-catching 80% figure you throw out there to catch attention.

I'm not trying to diminish the act of molestation. It's devastating. We know that. But fact is, you've lumped the entire male population into a stereotype based on the acts of less than 1% of that population. A bit over-the-top don't you think?
Why wait til tomorrow when I can start procrastinating today?

#17 NeuroTypical

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Posted 15 April 2010 - 09:53 AM

I have an understanding of the very real threat of child molestation. I understand that molestors come from most every demographic, income level, race, political affiliation, and age. Most of them are men. I understand that much abuse comes from relatives. Most of the incestual stuff comes from 13-24 yr old males. Most abuse comes from perpetrators who know their victims. Most abuse happens in places where it can - in someone's home, or on an activity, or a sleep over.

Understanding these things, and taking them into account when having my kids go somewhere or not go somewhere, does not mean I am in the grips of paranoia and fear.

A few rules - my kids don't go on sleepovers to homes where there will be 13-34 yr old boys present, or unmarried adult males. They don't go unless my wife or I feel comfortable with the kids and adults involved. Fear and paranoia don't enter the equasion. I know the chance of something happening is small. But the impacts of that thing are huge, so I judge the risk unacceptable.

LM

Edited by Loudmouth_Mormon, 15 April 2010 - 09:57 AM.

If I were rich, I'd have the time that I lack, to sit in the synagogue and pray.
And maybe have a seat by the Eastern wall.
And I'd discuss the holy books with the learned men, several hours every day.
That would be the sweetest thing of all.

Ohhh....
If I were a rich man...

#18 Guest_mirancs8_*

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Posted 15 April 2010 - 09:55 AM

I absolutely refuse to allow paranoia and fear rule my life or that of my family! Period. Unfortunately, as times progress, dangers progress with them. But I will absolutely accept prudent risk for activities that allow me and my family to experience the joys of life, whatever they may be.

In order to mitigate risk, as a parent, I must be involved and informed in the activities of my children. But I absolutely will not EVER put them in a bubble to protect them from life. Sleepovers are a fun part of kids' lives, whether it's a night over at a friend's house or a scout campout or whatever the situation may be. It's a form of social interaction and a means for children to learn and grow socially through experience. Shutting them out of that, IMHO, is not helping them. Sure, maybe, just maybe, you may be preventing them from immediate harm. But in the long run are you doing them any favors? I don't think so.

Again, I refuse to live in such absurd paranoia and fear.

/End Rant


Can't agree with you more. I would not want to stop my kids from experiencing that fun in their lives. BUT I do believe you have to be more cautious and educate your children to know what is right and what is not right. You have to keep the communication open between you and your children. Yes things will happen and you can't stop everything unfortunately but you just do the best you can do. I do not keep my children in a bubble because you just cause unnecessary paranoia. I do however follow my instinct and take from my own experiences what would be best for the children.

My son goes to the camp outs, sleeps over friends houses, and does all that fun stuff but I always keep a cautious eye to anything that might be a signal something isn't right.


#19 MarginOfError

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Posted 15 April 2010 - 10:58 AM

And what percentage of men are molesters? Clearly this is how you are justifying this claim, so let's examine the fraction of a single percent of men that are molesters rather than the glaring, eye-catching 80% figure you throw out there to catch attention.

I'm not trying to diminish the act of molestation. It's devastating. We know that. But fact is, you've lumped the entire male population into a stereotype based on the acts of less than 1% of that population. A bit over-the-top don't you think?


I'm struggling to see the inaccuracy in anything I said. In fact, I'm quite certain that you've wildly misunderstood what I said.

But let me rephrase like this--suppose we are tasked with assigning a level of suspicion that any individual may be a sexual predator. For the purpose of this exercise, let's assume that 80% of molesters are male (in actuality, it's probably higher). Now, give me a randomly selected male and a randomly selected female. Now, suppose that by whatever process, I assign the woman a level of suspicion x. By the assumption that 80% of molesters are male, I have to assign the randomly selected male a level of suspicion 4x.

It has nothing to do with who may or may not be, or who is or is not a molester. It only has to do with probability.

Dude. When both Vort and MOE are in agreement, the thinking has been done. :D


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#20 Suzie

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Posted 15 April 2010 - 11:30 AM

Because it is paranoid.


Your opinion. Unless you know my circumstances and my kids, you can't really say that.




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