I.....really don't like Visiting Teaching.

[flutterbee]

At all. There, I said it. I never did it as a young woman just out of Relief Society--wanted no part of it--but once I finished school this time around I thought I'd best give it a good, honest effort so I did. I still hate it.

Right now my companion is a woman who refuses to drive. Doesn't even have a license. At first it wasn't too bad, but I find myself getting more and more resentful. I feel like if I have to drive each time that she should at least have to make the phone calls each time but I get looked at like I'm crazy for even suggesting it.

I just got re-assigned a sister who has taught me before. She has two small children that she brings with her *every time*. It wouldn't be so bad if they were well-behaved but they're not. They tear around my house and she doesn't even look at them as they destroy things. Half our visit is spent with me trying to keep them out of places they shouldn't be and not touching things they shouldn't touch since she makes no effort. The other half is spent trying to avoid the eye of her mortified companion. My sister was her companion for awhile and tried all different days and times to find a day/time that this woman's husband could maybe watch the kids but it never happened (he works a regular M-F, 8-5 job and yet is never available to watch them one night a month).

I. want. out!

[jayanna]

Wow, I'm kinda feeling bad for that sister who's husband won't watch his own kids. She must be desperate for a break by now. If they lived here I would definitely offer to babysit...at McDonald's, while she visits you. (Just think of the stories you'll have to tell at their farewell...or record it and offer to supply a video at their wedding reception!)

Or the other sister, who is too shy to drive OR use the phone, how does she get groceries? How does she get to the doctor? That reminds me of my favorite grandma who did not do those things before she died...she made herself so lonely. I don't know why.

I wonder if the Savior ever gets tired of us...

I don't really have the greatest testimony of RS helping me all that much until now (10 yrs. after joining) I really want to make sure the sisters I visit don't say the same. I don't have a companion, haven't for years. It must be good for me. I don't know.

Maybe you can be a shining beacon of hope and change the whole thing! Don't give up! Don't let your sisters go unvisited...let there be one good visiting teacher out there!

Hang in there sis!

[Gemma]

I haven't really found my testimony of visiting teaching either - but I always think 'this must be an inspired program because no one person would think it was a good idea to ask us to do this on top of everything else!' My challenge at the moment is that our list seems to change every month, so there's no chance of building a relationship with the people we visit.

I know some sisters in my ward do there visit teaching in a place called 'run-around', one of those indoor soft play parks for kids, where they can leave the kids to amuse themselve and drink hot chocolate while they visit. Would you consider doing that?

I don't know what ages these kids are, how about picking up some colouring books and crayons or something like that to entertain them with? If I was you I'd probably be feeling resentful and think why should I do something for them, but if it works it will benefit you!

Stick it out - at the end of the day, you get visits and you go on visits (with your partner) which means you are doing a great job and are better off than probably 80% of sisters. Try to build friendships if you can.

[Maya]

I love visitin teaching. I love to visit some sisters once a month. My problem is that my companion is working pretty late that means, we have to go after 6 pm. One we visit is a fulltime student at the moment with soon 3 kids and a very busy husband... it is very difficult to arrange to meet her, but the other we meet is easier. She has not been well and wished for no visits .. so we have not really been there since xmas. One I visit is living at least 45 minutes drive (1.30 if rustime) from me and my other companion has dificulty to meet, so I been there with my dh (husband) instead. Luckily here it is ok to just call or to talk in the church or even send a card (did none of them in July... yeah shame on me). Anyway they know we think about them and appriciate them and that is most important.

[Suzie]

At all. There, I said it. I never did it as a young woman just out of Relief Society--wanted no part of it--but once I finished school this time around I thought I'd best give it a good, honest effort so I did. I still hate it.

Right now my companion is a woman who refuses to drive. Doesn't even have a license. At first it wasn't too bad, but I find myself getting more and more resentful. I feel like if I have to drive each time that she should at least have to make the phone calls each time but I get looked at like I'm crazy for even suggesting it.

I just got re-assigned a sister who has taught me before. She has two small children that she brings with her *every time*. It wouldn't be so bad if they were well-behaved but they're not. They tear around my house and she doesn't even look at them as they destroy things. Half our visit is spent with me trying to keep them out of places they shouldn't be and not touching things they shouldn't touch since she makes no effort. The other half is spent trying to avoid the eye of her mortified companion. My sister was her companion for awhile and tried all different days and times to find a day/time that this woman's husband could maybe watch the kids but it never happened (he works a regular M-F, 8-5 job and yet is never available to watch them one night a month).

I. want. out!

Well, I will give my honest opinion.

I don't think the issues you have has nothing to do with VT but all about your approach to it (and attitude). Let me explain.....

IMO, Visiting Teaching is about serving our sisters in Christ. Many of these sisters look forward to the visit because they have nobody to talk to and share their problems. When we are truly engaged in serving others like Christ did, we forget about ourselves and we look at the bigger picture...sisters in need who need our love and support (and that also includes your companion and the sisters who visit you). Being resentful because you have to drive all the time is kind of silly taking into consideration the real purposes of these visits not to mention that you at least have a car to do these visits, try to see the positive side of it.

I have lived in countries where sisters have to either walk or use public transportation to visit teach, many times waking up early in the morning to reach their destination at noon (and many times fighting adverse weather conditions). It reminds of the saying "I was sad because I didn't have shoes until I met a man who had no feet".

About the sister who comes home with her children, I think is quite unfair to make assumptions about her husband, HOWEVER it is not right for the kids to be destroying your house! Maybe a next approach should be talking with her about it and be honest about her kids. You can also choose to meet her at Church or at another location (for lunch?). I do admire the willingness of your VT to do her visits every month despite the fact that she has to carry her hyper kids along.

So in the end (and I hope you are not offended by it) in my opinion, it's not that you hate Visiting Teaching, you are just having a wrong approach to it and unless you forget yourself in the service of the people you were assigned to you will still feel miserable....even if you do not have to drive anymore.

Edited August 12, 2010 by Suzie

[Maya]

About this serving... sometimes it irritates me that everyone acts as if everythign is ok and that they do nto nee dhelp in any aspect of life... then later you just hear occationally that some people had been there to do this or that ... in secrecy... It would be much easier IF the Visiting siters were take waht they are ment to be ... a helping hand! I know my friend did not want us there as she was so womit and probably had no energy to clean up the home... but HEY that is why we visit, that we could help. Once we did was her windows.

Btw I hate washing windows.. all wards should have a hitgroup for washing wiondows ... I would not mind if they hit my house!

Anyway the visiting is pretty much aimed at giving nutrition to the sole instead of practical work. Maybe we should talk more of doing some physical help and beides that give nutrition to the sole!

[Tarnished]

At all. There, I said it. I never did it as a young woman just out of Relief Society--wanted no part of it--but once I finished school this time around I thought I'd best give it a good, honest effort so I did. I still hate it.

Right now my companion is a woman who refuses to drive. Doesn't even have a license. At first it wasn't too bad, but I find myself getting more and more resentful. I feel like if I have to drive each time that she should at least have to make the phone calls each time but I get looked at like I'm crazy for even suggesting it.

I just got re-assigned a sister who has taught me before. She has two small children that she brings with her *every time*. It wouldn't be so bad if they were well-behaved but they're not. They tear around my house and she doesn't even look at them as they destroy things. Half our visit is spent with me trying to keep them out of places they shouldn't be and not touching things they shouldn't touch since she makes no effort. The other half is spent trying to avoid the eye of her mortified companion. My sister was her companion for awhile and tried all different days and times to find a day/time that this woman's husband could maybe watch the kids but it never happened (he works a regular M-F, 8-5 job and yet is never available to watch them one night a month).

I. want. out!

Visit teaching can be difficult, sometimes sisters don't want you to visit, sometimes they do, sometimes your companion can be a bit difficult to deal with. If you current companion bothers you so much, ask for a new one.

As for the sister that visits you, you can always do what I do. My house is dog proof, but not child proof. Meaning that dogs can safely run around in it without destroying things but children might get hurt. I usually sit and watch my visiting teachers children and ask every so often, "Do you really want them playing with that?" Usually it is a knife or something else sharp and pointy or possibly harmful to children. I warn the ladies who visit me that my house is not childproof but that I am ok with their children playing as long as they are fine with their child's safety.

On the other hand, this is probably not the best way of dealing with things. The best way would probably be to take the sister aside and tell her of your concerns, ask her to not bring her children if possible or to be willing to pay for the destruction they cause when they come over.

[Guest]

I agree with Suzie 100%.

VT is not a chore. It is service - Charity, if you will.

I look forward to VT. But that's because I look forward to getting to know more of the ward members personally. I have a sister on my route who is inactive. She never tells us to stop visiting so we continue to do so. Sometimes we go there and we get the door closed on our face, sometimes we go there and we have a stilted conversation about how she's doing, sometimes we go and we get a more comfortable conversation and she says she'll go to church next Sunday which makes me feel good but then she doesn't go. But, I still look forward to that visit because I keep on thinking to myself, she needs a lot more LDS friends.

We don't always go to people's houses. Sometimes we meet at the ice-cream shop, sometimes we have lunch somewhere, sometimes we go to McDonald's if I can't find somebody to watch the kids, sometimes I invite all of them to my house for karaoke.

That's really how I look at VT - another excuse to party!

It can be really fun.

[flutterbee]

how about picking up some colouring books and crayons or something like that to entertain them with?

They're really not the type to sit quietly and color. If they were, they wouldn't be such a problem. I do have a basket of toys (I have two nephews who live out of state) that I've brought out but they don't really play with those either. They just throw them, break them, or hit each other or my stuff with them.

My house is dog proof, but not child proof. Meaning that dogs can safely run around in it without destroying things but children might get hurt.

Yeah, my house is cat-proof and it's not very easy to child-proof either. At best I can move breakables to higher shelves but one time they even tried to climb on things. Their mother seemed to be oblivious.

I do kind of feel bad for her but at the same time I don't want them running free in my home.

Someone asked about their ages...I'm not really sure. The oldest may be about 6 now with the younger one being 2-3 years younger.

...too shy to drive OR use the phone, how does she get groceries? How does she get to the doctor?

Her husband does all the household driving. She gets rides from friends and co-workers for everything else. As for shy, she's not shy at all. Part of my issue with her is that she talks endlessly about herself the whole visit. We end up spending an hour+ at our sisters' houses with me trying in vain to get her out the door after about 20-30 minutes. I'll say things like "It's time to go" or "we need to let Sister Jones get back to her evening" or "I need to get home now" with no effect. I've even tried just standing up and walking away but she doesn't come!

[mightynancy]

In your shoes, I'd ask the RS pres or whoever coordinates partnerships/assignments to give me a VT makeover. If this is something you're struggling with, I would hope that they could assign you a partner who pulls her weight, and VT's who are a help to you and not a frustration. I really don't think it's too much to ask.

This, from a sister who is not currently a VT. I asked for a break and got one (I work full time and then some, I help coach my daughter's sports team, and am YW president).

Yes, we grow through service, we are reaching out in charity, I get it. That said, if a certain mix of people causes a bad dynamic, changing it is not a bad thing.

[mightynancy]

Been thinking about this since yesterday.

I do agree that attitude can really change a situation. I also prickle at the idea that if something is hard for you, or you don't like it, then YOU are just not doing it right. We LDS are really quick to presume that if a practice isn't working for an individual, then it's the individual's fault.

I don't know where I'm going with this, but it's an issue that bears addressing.

[ZionWoman]

Me neither. I have had sisters I visit give me the cold shoulder, one actually came right out and said "You'r not my favorite person. You are the last person I would call if I needed something." Wasn't exactly sure what to do with that.

Some of my companions were so impossible, I just went without them. I'm not gonna lie, getting along seems to be one the most difficult things of VT for me, although I get along fine with people outside of VT.

It is a frustrating thing. I've had VTer who tried to save me from myself and VTer who refused to lift a finger to help my family when I had major surgery following the birth of my son. Clearly it is an imperfect and very human enterprise.

I don't know. Maybe it's one of those "perfecting the saints" things and we just aren't perfect enough yet.

[Iggy]

<<snip>> Part of my issue with her is that she talks endlessly about herself the whole visit. We end up spending an hour+ at our sisters' houses with me trying in vain to get her out the door after about 20-30 minutes. I'll say things like "It's time to go" or "we need to let Sister Jones get back to her evening" or "I need to get home now" with no effect. I've even tried just standing up and walking away but she doesn't come!

If it had been me, I would have left her there. She could either walk home or call her husband to come get her. Then I would have reported what I had done to my District VT Supervisor.

Yes, I am cold hearted, at times. I will allow myself to be walked on for a bit, then I put an abrupt stop to it.

I have just moved back to my old home town, and small branch. I have been assigned as companion to a Sister who doesn't like to VT. Quote: Once I am home from work, I do not want to go out again. End Quote. Who is she kidding? This woman does not work, she trails around with her husband while he works!

We only have one sister to visit. So, I am going to call the sister we visit, set up an appointment, and then inform my companion when it is. Inform her that I will be over to get her at XX time, if she is not there, or not ready, I will go with out her.

I want my VT to come visit me EVERY month. I want to be spiritually fed, sometimes. I want to chit chat sometimes. I want to meet for lunch and or a theater date, sometimes. I also want to have the same sisters for years, and years. Not months.

In AZ after three years I finally cornered the RS Pres and found out who my VT were - then I invited them to my house for a visit. Only one came. She and I became good friends. Every month we met. Either at my house, or a restaurant or at the theater. Often her teen aged daughter joined us for lunch or the movie. I enjoyed it. She always asked me first if her daughter could come, and I readily agreed.

As for your VT bringing her children. Do you have a yard? Or porch? Even if the weather is inclement, I would put four folding chairs or lawn chairs on the porch, or driveway and visit out there. If you can get your hands on a portable dog kennel, one that sets up in a yard, I would put the kids in there during my outdoor visit. No matter what the weather.

Yeah, I can be cold hearted at times. But I am going on the premise that this has happened many, many times and I am now at the breaking point.

BTW I don't have children, I have cats, and my cats have better manners than most children.

You need to set the pace for what is acceptable behavior in your home. Start right now and when your VT calls to set up a time to come over, tell her what is acceptable. NO Children. No ifs, ands or buts. NO Children. If she shows up with her kids, tell her to go home, and call you back with a date when she can come back and NOT have her children with her.

Give that a try, and if all else fails - go to your RS President and ask for a new VT, and tell her exactly WHY you want a new one. Same as with your companion. After you leave her a couple times and she still doesn't wise up, request a new companion. Oh, by the way, I would ask for gas money for every other month from my companion. THIS I would go straight to the RS Pres to, you have every right to be compensated for the gas, wear and tear on your vehicle, since it is the ONLY vehicle in use. She is not contributing to the driving.

[Jezebel2011]

I have to say that when I first started VT I hated it too.

My VT partner and I were given three non-active Members to visit - non-active for some 10 years or more. Two of them smoke very heavily and their homes - and my clothes - smelled after a visit.

I didn't know them since I had only been baptised a couple of months.

My partner only wanted to visit in the evenings, even though we are both free through the day.

So, we had a change around of VT's.. I now have a new partner and four visits to do - two very active, one very active recently-baptised Member and one non-active.

I am so happy with the new arrangement and all is going well.

[Vort]

Quick, hide! The visiting teachers are coming!

[annewandering]

I love VT.

Several thoughts came to my mind reading the OPs post.

1. Several times my VT have come to my house at times I dont want any one in my house at all. We visited in their car. With the kids it might be crowded but they wont be in your house and just maybe they will find an alternate solution.

2. Talk to the VT coordinator about getting a new VT. Every so often they ask, or are supposed to ask, if you are happy with the ones you have or want a change so it is not difficult to get changed.

3. Sometimes prayer is helpful in dealing with people you dont like. Once we were assigned to a woman who held me in disdain. I wasnt fond of her either. I talked to my companion and my coordinator and prayed about it. I decided to give it a chance. Immediately I noticed she loved her gardening. So do I. We spent a lot of time, happily talking gardening and then had a lesson.

4. I always hate changing people we visit and also partners. We become friends and enjoy visiting. I finally got to looking at it this way. We got to know some people much better and to love and respect them. With changes we get to expand that circle. Sad but its a good thing to do.

For every problem there is a solution. I hope you grow to love VTing. It really is important in some peoples lives. My VT have not come since early summer because of phone issues. I really miss them. I have not been able to leave my husband alone for several years now. I used to come back from VT finding him with bleeding foreheads, etc. It leaves a big hole in my life.

[Backroads]

I enjoy visiting teaching. I need to get better about doing it, but it is important to me.

I have a mild social anxiety disorder and while I do have some wonderful close friends getting to know people is difficult for me.

Visiting teaching is a nice way for it to happen.

Why, mine came over this evening. I barely know them, but we chatted before the lesson for a good half-hour and it was wonderful.

[annewandering]

Backroads, that is exactly my experience as well! Normally I would never get to know anyone but this is an excellent way to do it for me at least. :)

[Backroads]

Backroads, that is exactly my experience as well! Normally I would never get to know anyone but this is an excellent way to do it for me at least. :)

Hooray for instant socialization!

[annewandering]

lol isnt it though. God was thinking of us when He made this program. ^^

[Backroads]

He truly was.

[classylady]

I'm not very outgoing. So VT is a way for me to get to the know the sisters in my ward and them to know me. I've been in the same house for 23 years. So, I've had numerous changes with VT. I really feel a bond with the sisters that have VT me. Some of my companionships have been great, others I have struggled with. Right now I have a great relationship with my companion. I hate making phone calls and setting up appointments (I think I have a phone phobia). She doesn't mind. She doesn't like giving the lesson, but I enjoy doing the lesson. So, she usually sets up the appointments, and I give the lesson. Works for both of us.

[shine7]

If I'm having a busy or 'off' time, I'll ask my v. teachers to just visit with me on the phone. One of my v. teachers brings her child and it can get a bit hard at times.

We never talk about emotional needs, which I'd prefer, as I have a lot of lonely times and would love to get some of my feelings out. But, all in all, I so appreciate their loving kindnesses and visits.