I'm mormon, my boyfriend is not. Getting married/sealed in the temple?


Guest supglamsta
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Guest supglamsta

So yes, like the title says - I'm mormon but my boyfriend is not. We are planning to tie the knot after college, move off together for graduate school, and live happily ever after.

Last night we were having some deep conversation when I pulled up the fact I'd like to get sealed in the temple after we have a traditional & neutral wedding ceremony. He is with me on that and wants to be sealed too.

Has this happened to anyone else? What did you have to do?

He knows he has to get baptized and he is willing. Does he have to go through missionary discussions beforehand? He's a wonderful Christian guy, does not smoke or drink etc.. he has coffee occasionally though.

What do think? Will this be a pain in the butt to go through? :unsure:

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No pain! This will be wonderful to go trough! And yes he has to go trough teaching as he has to know, and understand the convenant of babtizement, what it means, before he can be babtized. He can bear his testimony about Jesus to the missionaries and they can fill in where is needed. He also has to talk with the bishop who will give the green light for him to be babtized. He needs to wait for a year before he can go to the Temple. So you may choose either to marry civilly first... you have to wait for a year after that too anyway... or to wait with the marriage for a year after his babtizement and then marry in the Temple.

Enjoy the studying of gospel.... you never wait too long for something good!:)

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no pain in studying the gospel, no hassle. THe thing is you dont want your bf to join the church just to marry you. You want him to join cause he knows its good, cause he beleives in it. It will be awesome to see his growth on his journey as a memember and yours as well. If u can wait the yr. to get married in the temple, is probably the best way to go. It gives you both time to learn and grow together and see if this is what u really want, etc... But if you think your going to have a hard time staying chase, then its better to get married civilfirst and sealed later. Best of luck to the both of you.

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Are you active in your Ward? Yes, your boyfriend will need to have the missionary lessons prior to baptism. How long has it been since you were baptized? If its been awhile since you've been active it would be good for you to have the lessons too.

Are your parents members? If so, they are a good resource for a lot of your questions. Also, your bishop is a good place to start.

Edited by applepansy
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What do think? Will this be a pain in the butt to go through? :unsure:

If we said it would be a lot of work and a lot of commitment, would that sway you from trying? Anything worthwhile having is worth the effort.

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Uh . . . you might want to reevaluate if you are being reasonable in your dreams or not.

I have heard your story a couple of times from those further down the road than you are. . . from the end of having married someone that indicated they were interested in baptism and a temple marriage. All too often, it is found that there is little or no interest in carrying through.

As John Gray points out in Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus - a woman often marries a man expecting him to change - only to find that he won't. Be sure you are marrying who you want to be with, not marrying a dream of what he might become. If he never changed a bit (or never converted), would you be ok with that?

But, it sounds like you might have already made up your mind to not put the things of greatest importance to your eternal welfare first. As someone not emotionally caught up in the infatuation of your relationship, but that does care for your well being, I would suggest seriously reconsidering marrying without his true and heartfelt conversion first.

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Have him take the missionary discussions now, rather than after you are married. He needs to understand the gospel and what commitments he would be entering into prior to committing to a life with you. Statistically, LDS women who marry non-LDS men only have a 1 in 9 chance of them converting. Why? Because they already have what they want. If you are that insistent on a temple sealing, have him study and choose baptism first, BEFORE marriage. Then you can both see how well he will be committed to living the gospel, and whether he will prepare himself and keep himself prepared to enter the temple.

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Getting baptized in order to get a girl to marry you is a horrible idea. It sets both of you up for pain and grief.

Getting baptized because your girlfriend/financee introduced you to the church, and you studied and prayed and gained a testimony and took upon yourself the name of Christ, is a wonderful thing. It sets both of you up for joy and success.

Make sure you know which one you're getting.

LM

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I'm not even LDS, but I'm more strident than Loudmouth or Ram. Growing up, I wouldn't even date a non-believer. Dating someone to get them converted is spiritually perverted. However, you are in the relationship now...so yeah, make sure he truly converts before you tie the knot--whether "til death do you part" or "for time and eternity."

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It looks like most people here agree on this--- its best to wait until he has his temple recomend, and THEN marry him (that includes a civil wedding, I wouldn't even do that right now). Also, I agree, make sure its because he loves the belief system of the church, and he's not just doing it to get you. Its very romantic that he loves you enough to attempt a big change like that to be with you. But that's really not the best reason for him to convert. You shouldn't convert to a religion because you're in love with a member. You should convert because you truly believe in it.

Yeah, its gonna be about a year or so, but despite what he says-- still, he may or may not actually go through with all this. There is a lot to learn about the LDS religion, and he's going to learn the key parts of it between now and the time he gets a temple rec. And that's IF he really does.

I honestly think its best to find out weather or not he still wants to do this, AFTER learning everything about the LDS church and its belief system. There's a difference between you explaining it, and months on end of study into it, with chruch meetings, missionary lessons, etc. He might fall in love with it. But he also might decide that there are too many things he does not agree with. He should be given that chance, before being legally and spiritually bound to someone who believes in it. If he decides he does not agree with it-- wouldn't it be better to NOT be legally married when you find this out? At that point, your marriage would be nothing but argument after argument about going to the temple. He says he wants to do it NOW.... But let's see what he has to say after he has learned everything he needs to learn. Only then should you do it.

Hugs, and I wish you both the best,

Melissa

Edited by Melissa569
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This very thing happened to me, and several sisters in my ward. I joined as an adult, married a non-member. I prayed very hard before agreeing to marry him. I received an answer almost immediately. I knew that the Lord found him to be an ideal husband for me and father to my children.

He was investigating while we were dating. We were married right around the time he was baptized. When we were engaged though, we decided that we would not fight about religion, that we would go to my church one Sunday and his church the next.

This lasted one Sunday...he loved my church.

I want you to know that I absolutely loved him completely unconditionally before he decided to join the church of Jesus Christ. I did not expect him to change. He did not expect me to change. I simply loved him and let the Lord take the rest.

I am also very independent and was already raising my children as LDS. I was a single mom when I was confirmed. I let him know that there were certain conditions to being in a home that is devoted to the Lord. I tried to be the best example of how a disciple of Christ should be.

It took us Five Years to get sealed. Other couples in my ward took much longer. More than one of them are still not sealed. Don't get me wrong, my hubby is a wonderful person, a better husband than I ever imagined he could be, but it was hard. It was hard for us to plan for something that we had never seen. We did not have parents that were sealed that could show us how different it can be from the marriage we already had..

Regardless of what your decision about him will be, you have to decide how much you want the Lord in your life. If you want FHE, and endowments, and to pay tithing, and to teach your children the gospel, including the book of Mormon, he should know before making this commitment. Being sealed in the temple is not something you just do one day, it is a commitment that you choose to keep every day.

He needs to make an informed decision. It will change his whole life.

This decision will have an effect on your family for generations, please do not make it on a whim. Fast and pray, go to the temple grounds near you and spend a great deal of time there. Wait until you receive an answer.

Fear not what the Lord asks of you. He truly knows what is best.

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This is what happened to me.....(happy ending)

dated a non-member for two years. Amazing guy, basically followed the word of wisdom already and very spiritual. He wanted to take the missionary discussions because he was looking for more in his life, looking for truth. He also knew I only wanted to get married in the temple and would not compromise.

He investigated for about a year, refusing to get baptized until he knew it was the right thing to do. Finally, he received and answer to his prayer and he was baptized. (the Lord always knows the right timing for things, trust in him) Then we waited another year to get married in the temple, in that time he became a worthy Melchizedek priesthood holder and we got to plan a beautiful wedding in the temple and a small ring ceremony for his family and most of mine. It all turned out perfectly.

I suggest waiting for the temple, it is worth every second. plus, once you're married you'll forget about all the time you had to wait, it goes by fast when you're planning a wedding!

BUT i agree with people above, IF you do have problems with chastity, then get married sooner rather than later. We had some problems early on and had to go through a whole huge repentance process and was very difficult (the guilt eats you alive)....so....either way WAIT TILL HE'S BAPTIZED. :)

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