Dealing with Spouses Pornography addiction
Posted 10 March 2011 - 02:47 PM
Posted 10 March 2011 - 03:07 PM
Posted 10 March 2011 - 03:22 PM
That being said, there are a few things to know about this addiction. For one, it's very selfish. I believe that he knows how he is treating everyone, but the addiction overrides those feelings for it's own purposes. Also, it's an unquenchable fire. You can make yourself available to him every minute of every day and it still will not be enough. So for now, you need to work on keeping yourself sane and the children safe.
However, if he's approachable, sit him down and talk with him. Be ready to be manipulated because that's what the addiction does. But let him know how you feel in a non-threatening and loving way.
I would strongly suggest you find an Addiction Recovery Group run by the Church in your area. There may be a part dealing with pornography. If there is, there should be an alonon part to it for the spouses and loved ones. The Church is putting out very, very soon a manual to compliment the ARP manual for spouses and loved ones. From what I've heard, it's amazingly good.
But be patient with him. It's all he can do to white knuckle through this. He will slip up many times but there will come a time, if he continues to work on it and turn to God to take the addiction away, that a switch in his head will flip and he will be on his way to sobriety and recovery. It's not impossible, it's a difficult battle, but you both have every potential to get through this and come out the other side stronger and better. I've seen it happen, you two deserve no less.
Posted 10 March 2011 - 03:55 PM
Posted 10 March 2011 - 11:34 PM
Posted 10 March 2011 - 11:37 PM
Internet filters don't work for at least 2 reasons.
Also as he's an adult he has access to hard copy materials. An internet filter won't prevent him from stopping by an 'adult' store and picking up something up to stash in the trunk of the car or a closet.
Posted 11 March 2011 - 07:26 AM
Posted 12 March 2011 - 09:17 AM
Check out this website I found for spouses of those who struggle with pornography. This site was recommended by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
Spouses - Combating Pornography
And there's more. This site has info on support groups for addiction:
Addiction Recovery Program
Just one more. In church one day, I remember an entire Sunday School lesson on pornography. Boy, the bishopric, who gave the lesson, looked so embarrassed and uncomfortable while talking about porn and masturbation etc! But we did see a good video about pornography. You might find it helpful. It is called Pornography, the Great Lie (I think).
Remember, with God, ALL things are possible. Hang in there! <3
Posted 12 March 2011 - 09:23 AM
Posted 22 March 2011 - 04:44 PM
Posted 25 March 2011 - 09:29 AM
Posted 25 March 2011 - 09:35 AM
Posted 25 March 2011 - 09:38 AM
Posted 06 April 2011 - 02:53 PM
Posted 18 May 2011 - 01:28 PM
Posted 18 May 2011 - 01:37 PM
I am experiencing the same kind of betrayal and hurt right now. My marriage is in serious trouble because of her selfishness. I didn't know about her addiction when we got married but soon afterward I found evidence on her computer. She forgot to close her browser and the site she had up horrified me to be honest. What I don't understand is why I'm not enough for her? Why does she have to go seeking this stuff online? I confronted her about it and she blew it off like it was nothing. She said that I was always busy at work and that many times I don't make myself available to her! I personally believe a marriage is about intimacy and the way she insists on logging on to these sites to get what she needs hurts me deeply. Don't get me wrong, we do it together almost every day and I have even tried to do the "phone thing" while I'm at work. I can't always do that though and no matter how much I try she can't stop logging on. Am I wrong in thinking that I should be enough for her?
Yes, you are. There's something else going on in her mind. She's seeking out pornography not entirely for sexual gratification, but because there's some kind of psychological gratification there as well. A lot of porn users seek it out in times of stress or anxiety. They use sexual release to satisfy a need that isn't sexual.
So yeah, you need to understand that it isn't you...it's her. And I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it. Making a big deal out of it is likely going to encourage her to hide her pornography use, not admit it. And admitting it and then admitting it is a problem is the first step toward recovery.
At the same time, it's okay to express disappointment and discouragement, but keep it rational. Above all, remember that this is an issue about her, not about you.
Dude. When both Vort and MOE are in agreement, the thinking has been done.
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