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Sexual equilibrium in marriage.

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#21 Arnold


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Posted 03 October 2011 - 01:45 PM

If sexual unhappiness is the main cause of divorce, imagine how many more couples who don't divorce are unhappy for this same reason. A book I have recently read that changed my understanding of sex in marriage more than any other book, is They Were Not Ashamed, by Brotherson. I recommend this to everyone. It has improved my marriage of 37 years!

#22 lizzy16


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Posted 04 October 2011 - 04:13 PM

I was reading a book, Between Husband and Wife, and found a surprising statement from Spencer W. Kimball. He said, "if you study the divorces, as we have had to do in these past years, you will find there are one, two, three, four reasons. Generally sex is the first. They did not get along sexually. They may not say that in court. They may not even tell that to their attorneys, but that is the reason. (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1982, p. 312.)
I imagine when he says study, he probably commissioned LDS Family Services to take confidential polls of their clients.
My take on this dynamic is that, like Adam, we ought to go to great lengths to make sure Eve is happy in bed.
Arnold in Idaho

Exactly the reason I wanted to be a Mormon sex therapist :). Seriously!

#23 blackjacks


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Posted 29 November 2012 - 02:12 PM

I think a Mormon sex therapist is needed so badly especially in this age and time. We had a Stake President asking during temple recommend interviews if the women were giving oral sex and if they were telling them that anything other then missionary style sex is a sin, and I've found most Mormon couples never discuss sex and their sexual appetites before they get married because it's a very taboo subject. No wonder it's such a problem you get a couple who does not discuss it and get married and find one person wants it more then the other, or one is more adventerous then the other and then forced to stay together and be miserable in their sex life and have no fulfillment. Communication before marriage, especially bold and upfront communication regarding sex is so important.

#24 Hie_to_Kolob


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Posted 09 June 2013 - 10:10 AM

If you would like to read a good book on overcoming sexual desire incompatibility, I would suggest Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch. As a warning, it is graphic at times and uses the f-word in different way than usual. It was the text for the sexuality class in my marriage and family therapy graduate program. As a single, never married LDS woman, it changed my views about relationships significantly.

PS ITS NOT ABOUT PHYSICAL THINGS, its about Emotional Connection. :) Oh and my MFT program was a Christian-based program so it was significant for them to use something this graphic, but it is amazing.

its NOT either/or its BOTH! Its emotional and physical which is a great definition for spiritual. Sex without emotion is dead but emotion without sex is also dead as far as marital relationships are concerned. That's why Dr. Harleys stance is so epic. It combines the masculine and feminine natures and brings the. To congruence. Sex, affection, intimate conversation and rec. Companionship. Those four this should be the foundation of every marriage. Given freely, frequently and even in time to where emotional connection is lacking. Those four things revitalize emotional connection in marriage. His needs, Her Needs and Love Busters were excellent how-tos on creating a great marriage. However his book titled buyers, renters and freeloaders should precede thise readinfs. Those concepts are foundational to really grasping the other concepts in HNHN and LB.

I've found they were not ashamed to be okay. She did some good research and appreciate her willingness to incorporate prophetic counsel with some of the modern breakthroughs regarding relationships. However I found it to also be a little sterile in terms of marital disharmony. I looked up some of the citations and foind the sources she used even more profound and helpful.

Sex starved marriage - Weiner davis
Act of marriage by Tim Lafaye
Intended for pleasure by ed wheTon
Rekindling desire by Barry McCarthty

All these were excellent resources for sexual dysfinction in marriage.

Other great books by christians were
The meaning of marriage by Timothy Keller
Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerich
The proper care and feeding of marriage by Dr Laura
For couples only by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn
If you're the slightest frustrated in your marriage then you should start reading these books immediately.

I'd avoid anything by Brinley. I've found him to be rather detrimental. If you want a better lds marriage author Brent Barlow is a lot better. When I say a lot I mean infinitely better.

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