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Please intercede for me?


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#21 ldsf

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Posted 08 June 2011 - 07:12 AM

Have you asked him why he's so emotional about this? Don't ask in a condescending way but really wanting to understand. If he's that emotional there is probably a reason for it.

I was on the other end of an uninvited hair cut. My father cut my son's hair. I was very upset, probably the most upset I have ever been. There were a lot of factors involved and none of it really had to do with the hair. I don't get mad anymore when I think about it but I've never said "I forgive you" and I won't. God can decide if he's forgiven or not, I've moved on. Part of what was so insulting about it was after some time he did come to me, instead of a real apology or trying to understand me he told me why he did it, that he was ok with his decision and he was ok if I wanted to be mad at him for it. It was salt in the wound, it has changed my relationship with him.


Presently, the son-in-law hasn't emailed nor phone called my wife and updated us with his intentions nor any letting go of his anger towards me. I have talked with my wife and how concerned I am with seeking peace with her son-in-law. So, we're moving forward with intercessional prayer, patience, and I just received a comfort blessing from our ward's Elders last night. Bless God's Name :) I can only ask God He'll provide the correct and continued apologies if required of me and an understanding for one another's existence in this lifetime that physical abuse is not the solution nor is it Heavenly Father's will for any of His creations. Am conituing to suffer and seek strength from God's right hand and throne for a possible healing too.

#22 ldsf

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Posted 08 June 2011 - 07:30 AM

Gwen, I think too much of you to not post about this.

I agree that forgiveness is a lack of negativity towards the person you need to forgive. But it is more than just leaving it to God. You don't need to say the words "I forgive you" to the person but you need to be able to say to God "I forgive so&so, no more bad feelings towards them". What you explained didn't say that. If that's where you are with your relationship with your father, great! and I'll apologize for misunderstanding. Letting something blow over isn't forgiving them.

I agree with the point you're making to the OP. Sometimes letting things go is the first step towards truly forgiving someone. But in the situation the OP described "self forgiveness" doesn't apply either. Apologizing for cutting the child's hair without permission? yes. But what is there to forgive himself for? Forgive the SIL, most definitely, and that can be done without confrontation.


The SIL(son-in-law) was married to my wife's daughter that died of heart failure in early 2000, and the daughter was a baptized member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), but am certain of the SIL's dislike for the LDS church in his ward. So, this also gives me concern to continually pray for SIL and continue to talk with my wife for preparedness. I'm keeping in the back of my mind that I may have to leave our home when the son-in-law and his son drives over to spend vacation times at my wife's house in order to promote peace and safety for myself and harmony for my wife and her children. All of my wife's childrten dislike me, and to this day I don't know why? But in my own way I explaining my sincerity in word to my wife in conversations that I am struggling to be a good and restored example to her children with lots of time and in God's timing. But, I'm not gonna hang around for an unnecessary physical persecution if I can discern it may become a possibility, and it can be avoided with God's guidance, wisdom, and love. Jesus already payed for all of our persecutions on into the eternities. I'm gonna do what the scriptures say and be prepared to pack and leave for God's will and everyone's sake until God's will is done for all concerned. My wife is aware of my future and possible derparture someday if it is required of me.

Edited by ldsf, 08 June 2011 - 07:38 AM.


#23 applepansy

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Posted 08 June 2011 - 07:30 AM

Presently, the son-in-law hasn't emailed nor phone called my wife and updated us with his intentions nor any letting go of his anger towards me. I have talked with my wife and how concerned I am with seeking peace with her son-in-law. So, we're moving forward with intercessional prayer, patience, and I just received a comfort blessing from our ward's Elders last night. Bless God's Name :) I can only ask God He'll provide the correct and continued apologies if required of me and an understanding for one another's existence in this lifetime that physical abuse is not the solution nor is it Heavenly Father's will for any of His creations. Am conituing to suffer and seek strength from God's right hand and throne for a possible healing too.


D&C 12:44 But behold I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you;

ldsf, I think this scripture applies to your situation. Sometimes a person's heart can only be softened through time and the Spirit. I hope that your wife's SIL will allow the Spirit to work within him to soften his heart.

#24 ldsf

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Posted 08 June 2011 - 07:47 AM

D&C 12:44 But behold I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you;

ldsf, I think this scripture applies to your situation. Sometimes a person's heart can only be softened through time and the Spirit. I hope that your wife's SIL will allow the Spirit to work within him to soften his heart.


Thanks applepansy, Heavenly Father's holy ghost reminds and prompts me in thought and prayers that I am being kind to my wife's children by praying for them even though they do not comprehend God's love or the Book of Mormon. The acceptance from her children hasn't set in yet? But if it be Jehovah's will for all of us to arrive at that miraculous day, I'll continue awaiting Jaweh's timing and promises to unfold and bring a restoration for all of my wife's children :) Bless and praise Heavenly Father's Name

#25 FunkyTown

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Posted 09 June 2011 - 01:31 AM

Just to let you know: You don't have to put up with this.

This sounds like a situation where you need to pull yourself up and address it. To do so, you need to ask the following questions:

1) Do you believe he meant that he would cause you bodily harm?

If you do, then you need to talk to your wife's daughter. This sort of thing is not appropriate. Bullying in any form cannot be tolerated, and threatening with physical violence is one of those things.

Be polite, but firm. Ask your wife what she thinks is an appropriate response.

2) What was the appropriate response for what you did? You cut the son's hair short. Why was it important to his father that the hair be long? Why did you choose to cut the sons hair short? Was it done with malicious intent?

If it was done with malicious intent, then you need to grow up and he needs to grow up, because violence against another person is never all right. If it wasn't, then the SIL needs serious anger management classes for your wife's daughter's sake.

If you think about it: If this is the sort of man to threaten you with bodily harm because you cut his sons hair, what will happen when he chooses to take his anger out on your wife's daughter?

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#26 ldsf

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Posted 09 June 2011 - 04:23 AM

Just to let you know: You don't have to put up with this.

This sounds like a situation where you need to pull yourself up and address it. To do so, you need to ask the following questions:

1) Do you believe he meant that he would cause you bodily harm?

If you do, then you need to talk to your wife's daughter. This sort of thing is not appropriate. Bullying in any form cannot be tolerated, and threatening with physical violence is one of those things.

Be polite, but firm. Ask your wife what she thinks is an appropriate response.

2) What was the appropriate response for what you did? You cut the son's hair short. Why was it important to his father that the hair be long? Why did you choose to cut the sons hair short? Was it done with malicious intent?

If it was done with malicious intent, then you need to grow up and he needs to grow up, because violence against another person is never all right. If it wasn't, then the SIL needs serious anger management classes for your wife's daughter's sake.

If you think about it: If this is the sort of man to threaten you with bodily harm because you cut his sons hair, what will happen when he chooses to take his anger out on your wife's daughter?


Funky Town

thanks for your counsel. I cut the bangs for the sole purpose to help, but it didn't help. I believe there's more underlying hatreds existing with SIL's spirit, but that will be in God's hand from now on. Am continuing to pray and prepare for the next step :) Fortunately, my wife is on my side and considered SIL's reaction as bad manners and immature. BTW my wife's daughter died from heart failure years ago. I just brought my wife's daughter up to give everyone and myself a better understanding of the SIL's raising his son alone which is playing a key factor in SIL's aloneness as a single parent and I have empathy for SIL's loss of his wife. The more that I walk and talk with God concerning this recent trial and opportunity to pray for another, the better I feel for a peaceful and restored time in future for all involved. True, we all need to seek growth and wisdom in God's will and love to come off as conquerors against the adversary in order to attain harmony.

#27 ldsf

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Posted 09 June 2011 - 04:28 AM

I'd say stop babysitting, or if you do, don't cut your grandkid's hair.

(Assuming you decide not to press charges against your wife's sone-in-law...)


Thanks LM. Wife and I have been discussing SIL and we are continuing to plead with Heavenly Father to soften heart of SIL in God's timing and for strength to endure the SIL's burdens whatever they may be underlying as well aside from the threat against me

#28 ldsf

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Posted 09 June 2011 - 04:37 AM

I don't see where anything I said was in conflict with the scriptures you quoted. I've left it in God's hands to decide what becomes of him for forgiveness, I've moved on. Not looking someone in the eye and saying "I forgive you" doesn't mean you haven't gone through the process of leaving it up to God. Isn't that what people are talking about when they say to just let something "blow over"?

From my perspective lack of forgiveness is evidenced through hurt, anger, resentment, pain, etc. When you think of that person or event you start to feel all those initial reaction emotions over again as if it just happened. An inability to move on in life, being stuck at that event. You can forgive and move on leaving it to God without ever talking to that person.

In my situation he made it very clear he didn't want or need my forgiveness, he was comfortable with is decision. I see no need to say the words to him. He has what he wanted, it's in God's hands. If I am required to say the words to him then I will explain why he hurt me so much, why what he did was far worse than he will ever comprehend. I spent a very long time praying and writing letters that I never sent explaining things to him. I spent a lot of time pondering what and how to get over the situation. Some will say that confrontation is the only way. But that situation would cause more hurt and harm than letting it go and moving on. How is it forgiveness to reopen old wounds and potentially create more? He's content and I eventually found peace with it as well. The solution I found peace with was to leave it to God and move on, no confrontation needed. I don't see anything lacking in the principle of forgiveness there.

The reason I brought the situation up with the op is I figured he might find it helpful to know what it would have taken for me to be ok fairly soon after my similar situation. Don't give a fake apology, don't insist it's no big deal. Seek to understand, be genuine, and be willing to move on (even if the other person never says "I forgive you"). If he is losing sleep after it seems the father has moved on then maybe the bigger issue is self forgiveness?


Good reminder there Gwen. I believe this threat happened for a good reason. So far, I've cried tears of pain and joy for my mistake and suffering of cutting another's hair brought me to confession and repentance in Jesus Name unto God in my walks and private places where I can kneel down and give a sincere pleading to Jehovah God for mercy and a possible forgiveness from the son-in-law :) In fact, I've had two days off from my job to take these long and beaytiful blessed walks with God and discover what The Good Lord's will is from moment to moment and wait on God's promises to unfold.

#29 ldsf

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Posted 09 June 2011 - 04:37 AM

I don't see where anything I said was in conflict with the scriptures you quoted. I've left it in God's hands to decide what becomes of him for forgiveness, I've moved on. Not looking someone in the eye and saying "I forgive you" doesn't mean you haven't gone through the process of leaving it up to God. Isn't that what people are talking about when they say to just let something "blow over"?

From my perspective lack of forgiveness is evidenced through hurt, anger, resentment, pain, etc. When you think of that person or event you start to feel all those initial reaction emotions over again as if it just happened. An inability to move on in life, being stuck at that event. You can forgive and move on leaving it to God without ever talking to that person.

In my situation he made it very clear he didn't want or need my forgiveness, he was comfortable with is decision. I see no need to say the words to him. He has what he wanted, it's in God's hands. If I am required to say the words to him then I will explain why he hurt me so much, why what he did was far worse than he will ever comprehend. I spent a very long time praying and writing letters that I never sent explaining things to him. I spent a lot of time pondering what and how to get over the situation. Some will say that confrontation is the only way. But that situation would cause more hurt and harm than letting it go and moving on. How is it forgiveness to reopen old wounds and potentially create more? He's content and I eventually found peace with it as well. The solution I found peace with was to leave it to God and move on, no confrontation needed. I don't see anything lacking in the principle of forgiveness there.

The reason I brought the situation up with the op is I figured he might find it helpful to know what it would have taken for me to be ok fairly soon after my similar situation. Don't give a fake apology, don't insist it's no big deal. Seek to understand, be genuine, and be willing to move on (even if the other person never says "I forgive you"). If he is losing sleep after it seems the father has moved on then maybe the bigger issue is self forgiveness?


Good reminder there Gwen. I believe this threat happened for a good reason. So far, I've cried tears of pain and joy for my mistake and suffering of cutting another's hair brought me to confession and repentance in Jesus Name unto God in my walks and private places where I can kneel down and give a sincere pleading to Jehovah God for mercy and a possible forgiveness from the son-in-law :) In fact, I've had two days off from my job to take these long and beautiful blessed walks with God and discover what The Good Lord's will is from moment to moment and wait on God's promises to unfold. :D More will be required of me and I'm staying on top of this in order to allow God have His way with all involved in this time of trouble and await for a time of peace to return and hopefully a time for the son-in-law to be blessed with God's love and mercy and forgiveness of another's sin. I just hope and pray the son-in-law doesn't hate me because I'm not the example and role model he desires for his son when my wife and I baby-sit his son the next time? I've been homeless before and have packed up and left my wife's house many times before for God's sake and will to be done and I also will stay at a shelter down the road and in the future for safety and rest from unnecessary tauntings from my wife's children which to this day conspire to be rid of me. I believe in God's rescues, delieverances, and quickness of His spirit to defend me if needed to bring about His restored peace into the spirits of others here on earth. I love re-reading book of Jacob chapter 3 verse 1 in the Book of Mormon.

Edited by ldsf, 09 June 2011 - 04:50 AM.


#30 Gwen

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Posted 09 June 2011 - 05:36 AM

I started this post differently but changed my mind, the point is here. Hair carries a lot of emotion. It's human nature to make odd connections to our hair. I've seen grown women sit in the salon to get their hair cut and cry the whole time. My daughter cried after her first hair cut even though she begged me for it. Hair can drastically change how we look. We place a lot of our identity on hair. It may seem silly but even the church does it. Look at the missionary guidelines. Most of your traditional religions have something to say about hair. It's a big deal. You don't know what the emotions for the father were. He may be justified in his pain (which often comes out in anger). There may have been something about their hair like that that reminded him of himself when he was a kid, a reminder that they are strong, together they are strong and will make it on their own. Maybe the hair like that reminded him of his wife, that their child is a part of her, through him she is still with him. Those kinds of things give the strength to get through the hard days. They are powerful emotions. Don't beat yourself up over an honest mistake. Don't be surprised if it takes the father some time to get over it. And don't belittle the father by saying things like "I forgive you for your over reaction" or "It's ok with me if you want to be mad, I didn't do anything wrong". I would even go as far as to suggest not to bring it up unless he does. If you have to talk about it to find peace then bring up the discussion with desire to understand where he's coming from.

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#31 ldsf

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Posted 09 June 2011 - 07:50 AM

I started this post differently but changed my mind, the point is here.

Hair carries a lot of emotion. It's human nature to make odd connections to our hair. I've seen grown women sit in the salon to get their hair cut and cry the whole time. My daughter cried after her first hair cut even though she begged me for it. Hair can drastically change how we look. We place a lot of our identity on hair. It may seem silly but even the church does it. Look at the missionary guidelines. Most of your traditional religions have something to say about hair. It's a big deal.

You don't know what the emotions for the father were. He may be justified in his pain (which often comes out in anger).

There may have been something about their hair like that that reminded him of himself when he was a kid, a reminder that they are strong, together they are strong and will make it on their own.

Maybe the hair like that reminded him of his wife, that their child is a part of her, through him she is still with him. Those kinds of things give the strength to get through the hard days. They are powerful emotions.

Don't beat yourself up over an honest mistake. Don't be surprised if it takes the father some time to get over it. And don't belittle the father by saying things like "I forgive you for your over reaction" or "It's ok with me if you want to be mad, I didn't do anything wrong". I would even go as far as to suggest not to bring it up unless he does. If you have to talk about it to find peace then bring up the discussion with desire to understand where he's coming from.


God's timing will heal all wounds :) My goal is to allow Heavenly Creator's will be done in the lives of those I am prompted to pray for :) Am also praying for God to grant a 'conscience and accountability as well for SIL's violent behavior and manner which has caused me suffering, and to not take the full blame for this :) God is bigger than all of our weaknesses and sins and faults towards one another :D

#32 bettyjbass

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Posted 22 October 2011 - 10:33 PM

Blessings to Heavenly Father's Name. Have recently been threatened by my wife's son-in-law with bodily harm for cutting his son's hair too short while baby-sitting this past Memorial weekend. So, far have been confessing, repenting, and seeking and requesting prayers from my ward's members and Elders' guidance in prayer for my wife's son-in-law and my own protection. Any furthur suggestions for prayer, scriptures, counsel and advice would be appreciated. Please let me know if there's anything I may plead and pray for you as well? ;) :) God bless and thank you for your time. I kind of feel like David going up against Goliath.


I will pray for you, when I thought my circumstances was hurtful asking the Heaveny Father so many things about me in life. You can read someone else disscussion for prayer and found out your's is not small. When other brothers and sisters or experience diffcult things. I am so sorry for what I am reading in your discussion that is important fact to what really is a important from least to greatest of happening to ssomeone in life.




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