Daughter Hates the World

[Windseeker]

i hate the world right now.....

..that's what my daughter posted on facebook

She's 12 and struggling with having to share our home with her stepmom's sister and nephew who stepmom favors.

I told her that she needs to forgive. Probably not the best response but I had limited time and had to go to work. She posted this after I left. I didn't give her much of a chance to vent or express her frustration.

She does have 3 other siblings that are dealing with the same thing and for what it's worth (probably not much) I hated the world too at her age too even though I never had to deal with a stepmom and other people living in my home.

Anyone have any thoughts on how to handle this or should I just let it go?

[Jennarator]

Sounds like she needs a daddy daughter date. Regular attention and time with her real mom, if that is possible.

Yes, teens say these things, and mine says them, too and isn't even a teen yet. My kids deal with a step dad and that can be very stressful and difficult. We are now bring a baby into the picture and that makes it worse.

Perhaps a school counsler or LDS Serives can help with family therepy. We are doing that as well, just to help us learn to mesh. It helps. Good luck!!

[Windseeker]

I thought about it and texted my daughter this.

I know you're having a hard time. I've never had to go thru what you have. You must be very frustrated and annoyed. If you feel like talking some time please call me anytime. I love you and am so grateful to have you in my life. I hope you day get's better.

I wish we had LDS services around here..but according to the church the only members are in Orlando..hehe . No member services in South Florida. All I get is names of counselors all of which are down by Miami and they charge like hundreds of dollars an hour.

[Jennarator]

I served a mission there. The ward mission leader in two of my areas were working for LDS SS. I would ask the bishop.

Also, that was a perfect and sweet message to send to your daughter. :)

[rameumptom]

She may be okay without counseling. You be the counselor. Just give her fun opportunities to talk, and you listen. Take her out to dinner alone, or let her occasionally bring her friends. Let her feel there is still someone in the family that is on her side, and she'll learn to deal with the rest.

[NeuroTypical]

My first thought when reading the thread title was "Me too sometimes". I don't really see anything here that changes that thought.

No really - me too sometimes. Why all the handwringing about counselors and whatnot? Is she cutting herself? Sleeping around? Taking pills? Failing in school? Becoming violent? Why are you thinking 'counselor'?

If there's more history here, I've missed it. Are you the stepmom, or the dad who brought the stepmom into her life? Good to see you're mindful of what she's going through, but I'm not sure it's something you get to fix...

[applepansy]

The message you sent was perfect. Acknowledging a teens feelings is important. You did that.

It sounds like she needs to talk it out. If she's expressed the frustration to you its because she feels comfortable talking to you. Try to find a quiet moment soon to let her vent. Take her for dinner, just the two of you, OR ice cream? Whatever works best for both of you. If there is something she needs to discuss with her dad facilitate that conversation.

EDIT: Rame, gmta

[Windseeker]

My first thought when reading the thread title was "Me too sometimes". I don't really see anything here that changes that thought.

No really - me too sometimes. Why all the handwringing about counselors and whatnot? Is she cutting herself? Sleeping around? Taking pills? Failing in school? Becoming violent? Why are you thinking 'counselor'?

If there's more history here, I've missed it. Are you the stepmom, or the dad who brought the stepmom into her life? Good to see you're mindful of what she's going through, but I'm not sure it's something you get to fix...

She's not cutting herself but she does have a problem with picking at scabs. It's bad enough that during church she had blood running down her leg and it embarrased her 17 year old brother. I spoke to her and Step Mom had a caring discussion with her. I was going to go into the whole, Body is a temple speech but I think her step mom did a pretty good job just listening and tending to her scabs. She's on the honor role at school and just took 1st place out of her whole school in a poster contest on peace. She's artsy and likes anime. She doesn't kiteboard or surf much to my disappointment..hehe but she's teaching herself piano. All the pets, two dogs and a kitten sleep in her room. So I think she's doing fine but I worry about her being depressed.

I look back with fondness at my youth but I don't think there exists a picture of me smiling. I was all into the The Smiths, The Cure and 80's punk bands (Black Flag, Dead Kennedys, Suicidal Tendencies). So I don't know..maybe I'm overreacting.

The divorce changed me, I worry allot about my kids and I would easily overnuture them. It's caused some strife in my new marriage. Luckily I'm reading some good books I found on this site (How to talk to your kids so your kids will listen, The Parenting Breakthru, The Peacegiver) and I'm trying to learn how to manage all this.

[Jennarator]

I'm still into the Smiths, The Cure and 80's alturnitive music.

I have a niece into anime. It, in it self, is not bad, but it has a dark side and a porn side, so be careful.

Hormones and such can mess with emotions. She might be trying to get all of that undercontroll. Sounds like she is trying her best. Just be there as much as she will let you. Then you will see the signs if she needs more help.

[Jennarator]

PS. Isn't FB for kids 13 and older? Lol, ok, I am not a good example of that since my kids have accounts......but I keep thier passwords, they don't even know them.

[sister_in_faith]

This just seems like a red flag to me. I don't know the details, but I think it is a situation that bears watching. I agree with the daddy/daughter date idea! Just be aware that people who talk about things like hating the world, or death and things like that can be at a higher risk for suicidal behaviors (and this TOTALLY may not be the case, but it's better to be safe than sorry!). I would keep a close watch on it. Ask her about it... "Why do you hate the world right now sweetie?". But that is totally up to you how to handle it. I would just treat it as a red flag, and give her some TLC! Just don't let her start using this kind of behavior to act out and start getting attention that way. Just my 2 cents.

[drr456]

She's going thru puberty which is a confusing time for them anyway. Maybe you should talk to the step mom

off the record. I'm sure she loves her too and doesn't want her to suffer. She knows she's a little girl and probably doesn't know she's feeling left out.

[Vort]

..that's what my daughter posted on facebook...Anyone have any thoughts on how to handle this or should I just let it go?

What? A twelve-year-old girl is a DRAMA QUEEN?! How can this BE?

Just a guess, but I'm thinking you probably have nothing serious here. Just my opinion.

[applepansy]

She's not cutting herself but she does have a problem with picking at scabs. It's bad enough that during church she had blood running down her leg and it embarrased her 17 year old brother. I spoke to her and Step Mom had a caring discussion with her. I was going to go into the whole, Body is a temple speech but I think her step mom did a pretty good job just listening and tending to her scabs. She's on the honor role at school and just took 1st place out of her whole school in a poster contest on peace. She's artsy and likes anime. She doesn't kiteboard or surf much to my disappointment..hehe but she's teaching herself piano. All the pets, two dogs and a kitten sleep in her room. So I think she's doing fine but I worry about her being depressed.

I look back with fondness at my youth but I don't think there exists a picture of me smiling. I was all into the The Smiths, The Cure and 80's punk bands (Black Flag, Dead Kennedys, Suicidal Tendencies). So I don't know..maybe I'm overreacting.

The divorce changed me, I worry allot about my kids and I would easily overnuture them. It's caused some strife in my new marriage. Luckily I'm reading some good books I found on this site (How to talk to your kids so your kids will listen, The Parenting Breakthru, The Peacegiver) and I'm trying to learn how to manage all this.

Picking is not quite the same as deliberate cutting or even eating disorders but there are similarities and if left alone it can become as serious as cutting. From what I've read and observed it is a nervous habit that can become a big problem. Skin picking can be a sign of OCD. It does become compulsive. It starts as the similar habit of biting fingernails.

My daughter picked when she was upset or nervous or bored. Nothing we said or did helped. She would get angry at me for pointing out the damage she was causing or when I insisted we use Neosporin on the sores she created. It became worse when she reached puberty and had breakouts. She had to finally understand that she needed to substitute something more positive in the place of picking. With my daughter the picking started after her older brother died.

There is risk for serious infection. Staph lives on our skin. Even pointing out the seriousness of a staph infection didn't stop my daughter.

The underlying emotional issues need to be identified and addressed. When the emotional issues are resolved the skin picking will stop. When you notice the picking try to distract her in positive ways.

If I had to do it over again I would focus more on introducing a positive substitute instead of focusing on the negatives of picking. It helped when I started taking her for manicures regularly. :) Its hard to pick with nail extensions and she loved the creative ways she could express herself with her nails.

Just listening to her concerns and fears will make a big difference.