Should parents put their dating teenage daughters on birth control?


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I wanted to ask everyone (parents and non-parents) this question and that's why I posted it here instead of the Parenting forum. Should girls (under 18) be put on birth control if they're dating? This topic came up between my husband and I after watching a news segment on the Sex Ed Bill here in Utah. Note: this thread is not about the Sex Ed Bill :] So, are you completely against the idea? Open to considering it? Or completely for it? What are the pros and cons? What are some of the potential consequences of doing it and not doing it?

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My wife, who is not LDS, put her daughter on BC pills at age 14, when she found out she had had sex (with condom) with her boyfriend (who we did not know about). Her daughter is now 16, and continues to have sex (I assume) with her current boyfriend and is still on the pill. I know this because I found a used condom downstairs after her and her boyfriend had been there, and she admitted to my wife the used condom was hers and her boyfriend's. My wife told me she told her daughter she was glad she was using a condom. So, to answer your question: PROS include it HELPS prevent against unwanted pregnancy. CONS include the risk of the teen interpreting the birth control as PERMISSION to have sex. Another con is that the teen may think she does not need condoms since she is on the pill, and thus expose herself to greater risk of STD, not to mention teens often can't remember their homework let alone to take their pill every night (my wife reminds my step daughter). So, in terms of numbers, the CONS seem to outweigh the PROS. However, in terms of the burden of an unwanted pregnancy? Only a parent can decide if birth control is the right thing. I hope this helps.

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Depends on the girl, but for mine- absolutely not. No reason to.

If parents suspect their daughter is sleeping around, putting her on the pill is sending a message loud and clear that "It's OK with us."

Perhaps an option is to put her on the pill, but to tell her it is only to regulate her period. That way, it will have the intended result (BC), but the teen won't take it as permission to have sex.

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I think putting teens on the pill simply because they are teen girls is a horrid idea because it does mess up her hormones. Teen years are hard enough because of the hormone changes. It's a vital time in development and we don't need to be playing with that. If a girl is having issues when starting her period then they need to find the problem not try to do a forced fix with the pill. What happens when she gets married and wants to have children and still has no clue what is wrong with her body because they just put her on the pill instead of figuring out what was going on?

All that said if you have a teen that you know is sexually active and won't listen to guidance and make wise choices I do think it's fair to take some action and help prevent those unwise choices from ruining a second life. I know a girl that is under 18 and has 2 children. There are now 4 generations living off the government and dropped out of high school. Something needs to be done to break this cycle. After the first baby she was given the pill but she didn't take it. I think if it's decided (through actions not fear of what a girl could do) that others need to intervene for her they should do something that doesn't depend on her choices to follow through (iud or the new bc rings, etc). I also think if they are living off the gov't then they shouldn't be able to get their checks until they show proof that they went to the dr to get the replacements as scheduled.

I also know a mother that chose to put one of her girls on bc and not the other one... it was after learning that one was sexually active and not using a condom. Once they get to a certain age they will find a way to do what they want. The daughter knows exactly how mom feels about her having sex and that it's not approved. She is also constantly reminded of the dangers of STD's. She also knows that her mother can't stop her from messing up her life but she can stop her from bringing another life into the mess. The daughter who follows the rules isn't on the pill. I don't know what I would do in the mom's shoes but I can't say off hand that she is wrong to do things the way she has.

Decisions based on actions not potential is in my opinion the only way to handle this issue.

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Instead of giving my uncontrollable daughter a BC pill because ... she can't control it ... I'd pimp her out and get money for it.

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Okay, I was being snarky.

Well in that case. You'll WANT her on BC (whatever form necessary) in order to prevent pregnancy while you pimp her out.

Btw, I know you were just being "snarky" but yikes! What a comment.

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I think my policy will be that if my girls feel they need birth control, then they will have it. If they don't want to talk to me or my wife about it, they only need to get a prescription from the doctor. No questions asked.

I'll still continue to teach that premarital sex is wrong, but if my girls are going to make bad decisions, I'd at least like them to minimize the damage.

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I think my policy will be that if my girls feel they need birth control, then they will have it. If they don't want to talk to me or my wife about it, they only need to get a prescription from the doctor. No questions asked.

I'll still continue to teach that premarital sex is wrong, but if my girls are going to make bad decisions, I'd at least like them to minimize the damage.

I concur with this policy.

What is worse? Premarital sex or premarital sex with an unwanted child, that will likely have no father in the picture and has higher odds of becoming a teenage parent themselves?

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Chastity Belts! That's the best birth control around.....

The way I saw it with my kids is I taught the gospel. They were expected to keep the law of chastity. Birth control is for adults (hopefully in marriage) that have a particular reason for it.

If one of my girls were to get pregnant, we would ensure she was responsible. It would most likely have been put up for adoption, but she would have to live with the stigma of carrying it to full term. Birth control tells a girl (or boy, for that matter) that she/he does not have to be responsible for the choices made. Only from learning from real life can a child learn to make good decisions later in life. BTW, BC pills do not stop AIDS or STDs, but many kids do not think such can happen to them while on the pill.

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I was on birth control as awhile as a teenager, but it was only because it was one of the requirements for taking Acutane.

I would never offer birth control right out to my hypothetical teenage daughter. If she were to be adamant about having premarital sex, I would attempt to impart to her sex is an act of adult responsibility and therefore she should be responsible and adult enough to get a part-time job and pay for the pill herself. I'm against teenage sex, but I'm even more against teenagers expecting other people to freely provide protection.

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Chastity Belts! That's the best birth control around.....

The way I saw it with my kids is I taught the gospel. They were expected to keep the law of chastity. Birth control is for adults (hopefully in marriage) that have a particular reason for it.

If one of my girls were to get pregnant, we would ensure she was responsible. It would most likely have been put up for adoption, but she would have to live with the stigma of carrying it to full term. Birth control tells a girl (or boy, for that matter) that she/he does not have to be responsible for the choices made. Only from learning from real life can a child learn to make good decisions later in life. BTW, BC pills do not stop AIDS or STDs, but many kids do not think such can happen to them while on the pill.

To me it would seem more responsible to put your child on some form of birth control if you suspect they are sexually active or know they are having sex. No, birth control doesn't stop STDS or AIDS but it does help prevent unwanted pregnancies at 97% effectiveness. That's why sex education, safe sex, is a topic, I feel, should be discussed alongside staying chaste.

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Well in that case. You'll WANT her on BC (whatever form necessary) in order to prevent pregnancy while you pimp her out.

Btw, I know you were just being "snarky" but yikes! What a comment.

Yes, it was snarky, but yeah, it was a reflection of the disgust I felt reading this thread. So okay, I'll be honest here - and you're not gonna like me for it.

I was born Catholic. There are a lot of things I learned from being Catholic that I am glad I learned. Birth control is one of them.

A teen-ager who chooses to engage in pre-marital sex after I have instilled in her the consequences of such actions deserves to live those consequences. Yes, even if it involves having to live through getting pregnant. Giving her birth control pills is the same as telling a toddler - "I'm going to count to 3 - 1, 2, 3" and nothing happens after 3.

Should the baby suffer? No. And it will be my child's as well as MY responsibility to insure that the baby does not suffer. Giving my daughter birth control pills to "soften the fall" is me abjugating MY responsibility for my daughter. Giving my daughter a condom to prevent her from dying from STD is abjudgating MY responsibility to my daughter. She wants to have sex, she gets to die of STD if she is stupid enough not to heed my counsel and provide for her own protection. I will grieve until the day I die but I will feel secure in the knowledge that I taught her to the best of my ability the consequences of her actions.

My husband's sister died of oxycontin overdose. Her parents taught her everything and she still decided to defy them. Her parents will be grieving until the day they die but they are secure in the knowledge that they did their absolute best by her.

God has a reason why He gave me 2 sons and no daughters.

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A teen-ager who chooses to engage in pre-marital sex after I have instilled in her the consequences of such actions deserves to live those consequences. Yes, even if it involves having to live through getting pregnant. Giving her birth control pills is the same as telling a toddler - "I'm going to count to 3 - 1, 2, 3" and nothing happens after 3.

Or you can look at it from another angle and say that a teenager who insists on making grown up decisions gets to make all the grown up decisions.

I don't say this to be argumentative, just to point out that some people look at it in a slightly different way.

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I put my daughter on the pill and hormone replacement due to PCOS. Best decision I ever made...and amazingly enough her being on the pill didn't turn her into a sexually active girl. It did, however, make her periods regular, made her hormones normal, evened out her moods (and they were bad) and brought her out of a depression she had been in since about age 13. Her being on the pill made it like night and day in her world, she came out of the dark, her body started acting normal, and she is 100% happier. And if she goes off the pill, it's only days that she slips back into the unbalanced hormonal person. Her cycles are regular now, not all bad wonky, she is not anemic anymore and her over all health has improved. Had I had a clue as to what was going on to begin with, I would have not waited until she was 17 to seek help. Had the guilt of putting my daughter on the pill not been so overwhelmingly strong...she wouldn't have had to be put on all those other meds to fix her depression.

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Oh, Anatess. You know I like you! Even when our minds don't think alike :] My feathers aren't easily ruffled.

And that's why I like you too! Very much! :):):)

And look at that... God gave you a daughter. :) He knows you got a good head on your shoulders.

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And that's why I like you too! Very much! :):):)

And look at that... God gave you a daughter. :) He knows you got a good head on your shoulders.

I gave my parents premature grey hairs and both of them kept saying that the good Lord would one day bless me with a daughter that will test my patients as much as I tested theirs. What do ya know, my first child ended up being a girl!

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My 16 year old daughter is on BC. Something to do with acne - I don't know, wife takes care of all that stuff.

I teach high school students that abstinence is the best policy. But I'm not so naive to think that all teens will listen to me (or their biological instincts) and just not have sex, so I also teach about birth control.

I think that if a teen is determined and going to have sex, there isn't a thing parents can do about. So they should at least be responsible about it and avoid the consequences inflicted on the individual, the unborn child and society in general of a teen pregnancy.

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My 16 year old daughter is on BC. Something to do with acne - I don't know, wife takes care of all that stuff.

I teach high school students that abstinence is the best policy. But I'm not so naive to think that all teens will listen to me (or their biological instincts) and just not have sex, so I also teach about birth control.

I think that if a teen is determined and going to have sex, there isn't a thing parents can do about. So they should at least be responsible about it and avoid the consequences inflicted on the individual, the unborn child and society in general of a teen pregnancy.

I think this is a fine approach. I have been dabbling into sex ed research studies and it seems an approach that fairly recognizes the benefits of both no-sex and safe-sex are the only ones that seem to work.

My question is who takes responsibility first. Should the parents be providing the protection or should the teenagers be obtaining it themselves?

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I think this is a fine approach. I have been dabbling into sex ed research studies and it seems an approach that fairly recognizes the benefits of both no-sex and safe-sex are the only ones that seem to work.

My question is who takes responsibility first. Should the parents be providing the protection or should the teenagers be obtaining it themselves?

Good question. I don't have an answer.

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If one of my girls were to get pregnant, we would ensure she was responsible. It would most likely have been put up for adoption, but she would have to live with the stigma of carrying it to full term. Birth control tells a girl (or boy, for that matter) that she/he does not have to be responsible for the choices made.

I disagree that it tells them they do not have to be responsible for the decisions they have made. Taking the pill or any other form of bc is exactly being responsible for the choices you are making. Being sexually active as a teen will have it's own consequences even without getting pregnant. It will have psychological consequences, preventing pregnancy won't stop that. Is forcing her to have a baby about responsibility or shaming her into doing "what's right"?

On the other hand I do believe passing out free abortions is avoiding consequences. If you want to choose to have sex, you are responsible if/when you end up pregnant (with or without efforts to prevent).... you have an obligation to that child. Being responsible has 2 parts, prevention to begin with and then dealing with the consequences if you lose the gamble. I promise you there is no avoiding the consequences of premarital sex.

All this focus on pregnancy is exactly where I think we fail in teaching sex ed to our teens. Ask most teens out there (lds included) why we teach that you shouldn't have premarital sex and the first thing they will say is to avoid getting pregnant, second is about STD's. Those are the wrong answers and side issues to what the law of chastity is about. I think if we spent more time teaching teens about the sacredness and the psychological aspects of sexual relations as the first and most important part, procreation a close second and then STD's etc as a matter of health facts things might be a bit different.

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My question is who takes responsibility first. Should the parents be providing the protection or should the teenagers be obtaining it themselves?

In a perfect world (ok not perfect because it wouldn't be an issue in a perfect world lol) the teen would take the responsibility. Odds are they are not doing things openly and therefore the parent can't supply it.... unless the parent is going to supply it on the assumption that their child is going to go behind their back. Doesn't show much confidence in the child or your parenting skills, that never goes well.

However, after the parents know about the actions of the child then I think they should step up and supply it.

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