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[soccerchik8287]

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Edited November 7, 2017 by soccerchik8287

[Laureltree]

You can do that, just tell your bishop.......and plan it out... you can do it at the reception , just before...

[Brother Dorsey]

Hello. I am getting married in dec. and my fiance's family is all non members. So we are planning on having a ring ceremony after the temple ceremony and before the reception, but we have no idea what to do there...i would like to have someone sing a kap perry song, and have music (love song type) playing but i dont know if it's allowed, or what to play there or anything....if you have any ideas for any thing we could do to make it special for his family that is with church standards I would really appreciate it!! Thank you!!!

Hi Randi...congratulations! Maybe I can help answer your question....I was a radio DJ for 20 years and had a mobile DJ side business for that time and I did a lot of "Mormon" wedding receptions at Stake centers and in ward meetinghouse gyms. If you are having a ring exchange ceremony for non member family and friends you should do it right before the reception at the reception hall (I'm assuming it's your ward gym). The best way to do a ring ceremony is to just do the whole non-Mormon shebang, even though you will already be legally married and sealed....I know it sounds weird, but you can have your Bishop "Marry" you and you could write the vows, that's the best part...writing your own vows. My wife and I did it this exact way and in the vows we promised to love each other for forever (death had no mention) so it still had and eternal ring to it.....make it short and sweet add whatever music you want. The church only has a few guidelines for your reception you need to follow and they are pretty simple....no smoking in the building, no alcohol or coffee/tea....and they ask that the music be appropriate...in other words clean songs with no foul language or situations. Talk to your Bishop, he can help you. If you'd like a suggestion or help in writing vows let me know in PM and I'll send you a copy of mine and you can feel free to add or subtract what you want. Other than that, have fun and enjoy!

[StrawberryFields]

Congratulations!

[Gwen]

ring ceramonies can be wonderful especialy for nonmember family. within the temple after the ceramony my husband and i were givin opportunity to step away from the alter and exchange rings (no words, just putting the ring on eachother). this brings me to my only caution i would have. i would make sure it is indeed a ring exchang and not a copy of a non-temple wedding. if it were me i wouldn't want anyone to think i were having two ceramonies, as though the temple were somehow incompleate.

your own written words of love and affection would be wonderful. i would avoid words that are commonly used in other weddings (for the reason above) like 'with this ring i thee wed' or things of that nature. keep it personal and original to the both of you. something the non members will think is beautiful and romantic (and most importantly you will think it is), memerable as something they have never seen, but enjoy. then they won't be feeling like they missed out on something. :)

music is a wonderful idea, always sets a mood. most units have the capability of slide show, you could take baby picts of the two of you and picts of your courtship, that kind of thing and have it on the screen behind you for others to see as you exchange your rings (with or without words). if the parents are non members you might could involve them in some way, have them give you the rings prior to the exchange that way they will be up front and have an upclose and personal view. parents like to be involved, especialy mothers, so anything you can do for a mother who can't attend in the temple to make her feel special is important.

another thing to think about is will the non members be waiting in the foyer at the temple while you are inside? if so talk to the temple the one here is always delited to have a member of the temple pres. and his wife come out with something prepared to share with those waiting and answer questions about what you are doing inside. that way they can feel the spirit and aren't just sitting.

i hope this was helpeful in some way. lol :)

congrats, and good luck in your upcoming marriage

[StrawberryFields]

Here is something a friend sent me awhile back. :)

I suppose it seems that I lead you to believe that it is new church policy, however I believe that it is not indeed policy but direction and guidelines that take in the whole scenerio involved in weddings and temple marriages and families, both able to attend the temple and those who are not. This direction follows to balance extremes and bring focus on what really matters. Temple covenants and family feeling important and included, even when they don't attend the temple. This is not new but finding an appropriate manner to do this is where in hardened views are softened and yet nothing is forsaken....family or spiritual experiances. Forward that to you soon as I find it...

Sacred, Not Secret

Explaining the Temple Ceremony to Non-member Guests

Ring Ceremonies

For couples with large groups of non-members attending, a ring ceremony is becoming the trend. You can make the exchange as personalized as you like, perhaps with speakers (possibly fathers or bishops) giving talks on temples or eternal marriage. You could have others read scriptures (a sample list is accessible in the resource section) that emphasize the true and eternal aspects of the temple marriage and love. Primary children or the family diva could sing "Families Can Be Together Forever", poems can be read, you can read personalized "vows" that you write yourself, or the "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" can be read. Another option would be to have the couple bear their testimonies.

Hallie Springer from Arvada, Colorado, had a ring ceremony in which her uncle read the poem called The Legend of the Wedding Band (which can be accessed in the resource section). Bobbye and Neil Hill from Seattle, Washington, had a ring exchange officiated by the second counselor in the bishopric. The counselor gave a ten-minute talk on the Proclamation concerning the family, marriage and the meaning of the rings. After the exchange, the couple expressed their love for each other and those present, thanking them for attending. Bobbye is the only member in her family and the idea of being married in the temple was met with anger and hurt from her parents. Her father had refused to attend the reception. She said that although it would break her heart if her father was absent, there was something more important:

"It would be sad if Daddy wasn't there, but Neil and I had come to realize that it wasn't about who was attending, it was about what we were going to be doing, and it didn't matter if no one was there. It was very important for us to put the focus back on our marriage/sealing.

"To help you with the preparation, there are internet resources, such as General Conference talks, virtual tours of temples and others containing talks and basic beliefs, linked from the resource page.

Including Loved Ones

Have a Special Meeting

“Couples may arrange with their bishops to hold a special meeting for relatives and friends who do not have recommends. This meeting provides an opportunity for those who cannot go to the temple to feel involved in the marriage and to learn something of the eternal nature of the marriage covenant. The meeting may include a prayer and special music, followed by the remarks of a priesthood leader. No ceremony should be performed, and no vows should be exchanged” (General Handbook of Instructions, 1989, p. 6-4).

Exchange Rings Outside of Temple

“Though the exchanging of rings is not part of the temple marriage ceremony, rings may appropriately be exchanged at the conclusion of the temple marriage ceremony in the room where that ceremony takes place. To avoid confusion with the marriage ceremony, it is not appropriate to exchange rings at any other time or place in the temple or on the temple grounds.

“A couple may exchange rings in locations other than at the temple. The circumstances should be consistent with the dignity of their temple marriage. The exchange should not appear to replicate any part of the marriage ceremony. For instance, there should be no exchanging of vows on that occasion” (Bulletin, 1989-4, p. 1).

Gospel topics: faith, family, marriage, nonmembers

Temple Guidelines

Rings

· You may exchange rings in the sealing room following the temple ceremony.

· Rings should not be exchanged in other rooms of the temple or on temple grounds.

· Ring ceremonies off temple grounds, especially for non-member family, is appropriate.

[Maureen]

...I know it sounds weird, but you can have your Bishop "Marry" you and you could write the vows...

I would double check with your Bishop if having vows in your ring ceremony is acceptable, see SF's post:

The exchange should not appear to replicate any part of the marriage ceremony. For instance, there should be no exchanging of vows on that occasion” (Bulletin, 1989-4, p. 1).

I think it is a wonderful idea to have a ring ceremony for your non-LDS family and friends. You should be able to make it as personal as you like. My nephew and his wife had a Scotish theme with theirs (bagpipes, kilts); they were also able to have their ring ceremony in the chapel. They walked down the aisle together (since they were already married) to music, the bishop talked about the couple and explained to the non-LDS why the couple married in Temple. No vows were exchanged, only rings. And they had a recession with bagpipes. It was very nice!

Good luck with your plans Randi!

M.

[Winnie G]

Ok I know I have been around a long time so if I say not that long ago, it really could have been a few years.

There was an Ensign about Temple marriage and family members that are not members.

It brought up the ring ceremony’s and fathers walking their daughters in to receptions etc.

It made me feel sad for none member family members.

Both ring and fathers walking daughters in to the receptions are poopooed in that article and council from the first presidency. Your bishop should be able to help you with this concern. I love the post Strawberry Fields has posted above, of the meeting for relatives and friends.

I think it is very important for non-member family and friends to understand.

Nothing should take away from the eternal blessings of that day to make others feel special.

“Whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die” (Ruth 1:16–17).

[StrawberryFields]

Ok I know I have been around a long time so if I say not that long ago, it really could have been a few years.

There was an Ensign about Temple marriage and family members that are not members.

It brought up the ring ceremony’s and fathers walking their daughters in to receptions etc.

It made me feel sad for none member family members.

Both ring and fathers walking daughters in to the receptions are poopooed in that article and council from the first presidency.

I was married in the temple almost 25 years ago to my returned missionary. As I have mentioned before, my family is less active. I wanted my parents to feel a part of my special day. When I went to my bishop I was told that the church felt it to be a mockery of the temple ceremony to do anything else. This hurt all of us because my parents could only wait for me outside of the temple and no further ceremonial things were done.

I am happy that things have changed. If any of my children end up marrying someone whose family can not attend the ceremony I will suggest the ring ceremony.

[Maureen]

...I think it is very important for non-member family and friends to understand.

Nothing should take away from the eternal blessings of that day to make others feel special.

For my nephew's wedding, it was his future MIL that was suspicious of the ring ceremony and it was the Bishop that encouraged the couple to have one.

It could be so new that older members are leary of change, even if it's a good change. After all, the LDS church does claim to be a family church, shouldn't that include all family members, no matter what religion.

M.

[BenRaines]

SF, the guidelines are still the same. Anything to simulate a ceremony, exchanging vows is discouraged. Not told you can't do it but discouraged. Wedding march music, walking down the aisle, etc to simulate a marriage ceremony is discouraged. Sort of as if saying "We need to have a civil ceremony". In my not so humble and old opinion. :)

Ben Raines

[StrawberryFields]

Hello Ben,

I thought that the church was making efforts to be more understanding with people who had less active and non-member families...to include all family in this special day. I can tell you first hand how much it hurts me that I was 'allowed' to share in this day with my parents.

[sassyspunk]

I wanted to get ideas on the program for a civil ceremony. We have decided to get married in the chapel - just for ease of set-up for chairs. Does anyone have a copy of the program they did for their ceremony? I want to include my dad and the groom's dad (maybe have them do the opening prayer and ??? - doesn't seem like it's a place for closing prayer so maybe a prayer for the meal after the wedding ceremony for the other father?) I'm going to have my mom sing. Any suggestions for songs that she could sing during the ceremony and that are appropriate for the chapel? Any suggestions of readings or poems that we could have read during the ceremony? I have one friend assigned to do an E.E. Cummings poem. I want to include someone from his side of the family to do something too. I know that chapel weddings are usually short and sweet, but we are allowed to do some things. We will keep decorations to a minimum - maybe just flowers at the front. I appreciate any ideas.