Marriage and school
Posted 17 November 2012 - 10:29 PM
recently married, part of YW, and going to community college.
So I have a wonderful husband but he is pursuing a lot too much... He's working ft and trying to complete a certification and the house is always a mess.. It drives me insane..
And I try to manage my time so efficiently but I feel it isn't enough. I don't feel like I have enough energy or time to take care of the home and studying. Part of it is also that I have been sick and so I have to catch up at school but I just can't help but feel like I am not enough sometimes.
My grades aren't doing well and I try so hard to keep them up but I just feel like a mess cause I'm so disorganized right now and I am not blaming just my husband, trust me... I want to change and I want my relationship with my husband to get more spiritual again...I don't manage stress well and I'm having breakdowns...
He says to just concentrate on my studies and he'll do the rest but it's like an itch I can't help scratching every time I see something messy.
My life I feel has lost complete order.
Posted 18 November 2012 - 12:19 AM
I believe that whoever is home more should carry more responsibility to keep the house up. Maybe it would work for you to divide your responsibilities accordingly. Maybe it will be up to you to keep things picked up, and he can do deeper cleaning on Saturdays, for example. Or one of you shops and cooks, the other does the dishes. That type of thing.
Just remember to think of each other as partners, not rivals. Don't keep score. Seek to serve him and appreciate what he does, as he does for you. Also remember that sometimes you just have to let things go. If you're both going a million miles a minute, it's okay if there's some dust on the shelves.
Posted 18 November 2012 - 12:21 AM
Posted 18 November 2012 - 12:10 PM
Am I right to assume there are no children in the house? Take advantage of the fact that you are the only mess-makers, and appreciate it! Like Eowyn said, make time for eachother to relax and just enjoy yourselves. Put everything else aside for at least 30 minutes a day, an hour if you can. Go out once a week.
The fact that you are seeking to change things is a good sign. Alot of people act like problems will solve themselves, and before they know it things are spiraling out of control and they are so overwhelmed that they can't handle it. Make small changes, gradually, they will stick easier.
Posted 18 November 2012 - 01:43 PM
Spirituality comes first, followed by your relationship with your husband. Like others have said, date, be affectionate, really build the relationship foundation.
Next, school. In my opinion, that really ought to come first for both of you. I might be saying that simply because being tidy is a real effort for me, but education really needs to trump housework. However, you might need a tidier house than me in order to feel at peace and able to focus. Between you and your husband, settle on a level of order you can both live with that doesn't overwhelm you.
I also recommend The Fly Lady. She is very wise when it comes to household management and really knows how to break it down for the busy life.
Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket?
Posted 19 November 2012 - 09:10 AM
I got through this stage of my life by just remembering this advice: "Don't sweat the small stuff.".
I'm a person that sweats EVERYTHING. But to overcome this hurdle, I can only imagine the relief of not having that burden.
No more dancing candy cane - hurrah!
Posted 19 November 2012 - 10:59 AM
The one thing we know is that our choices have consequences. We are told to follow the prophet and listen to his council. Sometimes I think we believe that if we do so things will suddenly be easy. Unfortunately, such is not the case. Getting married young, while still in school, on limited income is not easy. Far from it. There are many, many demands upon such a relationship. Getting used to each other and sharing decisions/responsibility with another person, balancing finances, housekeeping, studying, etc.
That probably isn't helpful, but at least it is honest. You'll get there.
Posted 20 November 2012 - 12:14 PM
- if you are too overloaded with school, think about possibly dropping one of your classes to save for later
- before we had kids, we were total minimalists - everything we owned could fit in a couple of suitcases - which meant it was really easy to clean, because we didn't own very much to clean . If all the stuff is stressing you out, then get rid of the stuff!
Sorry for the stress, remember, as with all things in life, "this too shall pass". Best wishes to you both!
Posted 27 November 2012 - 11:20 AM
Posted 28 November 2012 - 08:15 AM
For me, the condition of our home was stressful because I can't stand having a dirty house. I can't focus on anything else if the condition of my home is chaos. My husband is the exact same way regarding our home. To make this situation better, my husband and I decided to keep atleast one of the main rooms clean - for us it was the living room since this is what people will see when they visit. Every day, we make an effort to focus on this one room and tidy things up, even if its just for 5 minutes. Just knowing one room in our house is organized and clean had made us feel so much better. We are hoping to add two rooms, but right now we can only focus on the one. Maybe this can work for you too!
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