Recovering from Satanism

[Diversity]

Hi.

I don't know how to start. Some of you are my brothers and sisters in the church. And this is taking a lot of strength for me to ask. But I need help. And you have all taken covenants to help me. So I figured I will trust you and put myself out there and give you the chance to exercise your faith in the Savior and keep your covenants to bear my burdens.

My name is not important. Several years ago, it's not important how it started, I became enveloped under the darkness that is Satanism. Now when I say Satanism I don't mean fancy philosophies of self improvement full of metaphor. I mean devil worship. I began to worship the adversary. Even talking about this sometimes brings back a bit of that spirit. I won't go into detail of how I did. But my main problem is severing myself from wickedness.

To put it short... I am a wicked man.

I have already begun the process of repentance by sincerely pleading for help to my Heavenly Father, and I have formally renounced and forsaken Satanism. I no longer seek out to worship the devil. Yet.. what I am struggling with are the aftereffects. And occasional regression.

The best I can describe it to someone inexperienced with such practices. I channel the spirit of darkness inside me, like a righteous man channels the holy ghost. This is intentional and is the main focus of my devil worship. I used to use music to bring it stronger into my life. If you feel a palpable atmosphere of darkness at this point I'm not surprised. The devilish part of me takes joy in that. That I can spread this evil.

I am conflicted. I know that I am doomed if I continue this path of willful rebellion. And I have made significant strides and improvement in forsaking it. But at times I feel such a strong pull towards evil. For evil's sake. The wall that you enjoy, for me has disintegrated. Unrighteous dominion has become an end in and of itself. Power is all that matters to me at times.. whether real or imagined. I'm not always like this, in fact I'm like this significantly less than I used to be since forsaking it along with the music that'd take me there. I feel good about my prospects of repentance.

To summarize, darkness remains a temptation.

I have learned that it's all an illusion, yet at times I cannot see clearly enough. Only trusting in God's love and grace for me provides any light.

LIGHT. WHAT IS IT?

WHO AM I?

WHY DO I YIELD MY AGENCY AND MY BODY TO FOREIGN SPIRITS? And how can I be free of doing so unintentionally through various medias? Music etc.

I have gotten to a point, I can channel evil and familiar spirits within me at any time with a thought.

And now for the truly disturbing.

I feel violent.

There are times that I desire to shed the blood of my fellow man. I desire to murder, and cause terror and fear, and revel in it. It's hard to explain. An utter rejoicing in wickedness.

This was one reason I forsook the adversary. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I knew that was my Rubicon. My point of no return.

I sought darkness. And I found it.

Now how do I free myself of it?

I've already confessed all these things to my bishop, and God. I've rid myself of the worst of the music. The only times I feel this luciferian pride coming into me is when I listen to aggressive music of any kind. Before I didn't feel that way. Techno now is spiritual poison to me where as before it was just music. I can't be around any kind of metal.

The strange part is at times, it doesn't feel anathema to me any more to think of violence. Rejoicing in it for it's own sake.

How do I change? I have self control I'd never act on these desires. But the fact they exist as a temptation within me disturbs me.

Don't judge me. Help me.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

I am sorry that you have this to deal with. Though I have not had this experience, since you asked for advice, I will try to offer something helpful.

My thoughts are pray to Heavenly Father as if your life depended on it. I mean as frequently as you can think of it. It doesn't need to be a formal head bowing, arm folding prayer...just a prayer in your heart.

Since you know the power of music, use it the opposite way that you did before. Use music to uplift you and help you feel The Light. I don't mean just hymns, certainly listen to those if you like, but also anything else that helps you feel The Light. Classical, broadway, Elvis...whatever works.

Fast...fasting has been a great strength in my life. You can fast more than once a month if you need to.

Read something uplifting, the scriptures, the Ensign...whatever helps.

Take time to smell the roses...figuratively...I mean take time to look at the beauty around you. That is easier for me since I live in the Northwest, LOL, but there is beauty everywhere, even in the deseret, and especially in the night sky. I saw Orion tonight! (clouds usually obscure the view).

You can do this. Satan will pull hard for you, but the Lord will pull harder. Ultimately, though the choice is yours to make.

[pooter1]

One thing I would do as soon as possible is get a blessing to make sure there are no evil spirits are in you. Pray,go to church,read your scriptures,stay very close to members of the church, go to activities,let your home teachers come teach you. Stay as close as you can second by second to your Heavenly Father.

[Just_A_Guy]

If you're feeling a pull towards violence, there may be some emotional issues that neither a bishop nor any of us are fully equipped to deal with. In addition to the suggestions above, consider counseling.

[skippy740]

I'm going to give you something a little more specific.

I recommend that you read The Book of Mormon - particularly the book of Alma. I want you to read about the wars and battles and how the various troops prepared for battle. Look for ways to strengthen yourself and liken these verses to yourself. Read how they built strongholds and fortified cities.

You are in a war for leading the desires of your heart. By reading in this way, you can turn the Book of Mormon not only a spiritually uplifting book, but into an almost literal instruction manual for your situation.

[BeaRug]

Pray, . . . pray . . . and then . . . pray! There are counselors that deal with this type of issue. Seek them out. Check with LDS Social Services, they will have someone to help you, or can direct you to someone who can. Your Bishop, Stake President. Seek out their help.

[PaPa]

Hi.

I don't know how to start. Some of you are my brothers and sisters in the church. And this is taking a lot of strength for me to ask. But I need help. And you have all taken covenants to help me. So I figured I will trust you and put myself out there and give you the chance to exercise your faith in the Savior and keep your covenants to bear my burdens.

My name is not important. Several years ago, it's not important how it started, I became enveloped under the darkness that is Satanism. Now when I say Satanism I don't mean fancy philosophies of self improvement full of metaphor. I mean devil worship. I began to worship the adversary. Even talking about this sometimes brings back a bit of that spirit. I won't go into detail of how I did. But my main problem is severing myself from wickedness.

To put it short... I am a wicked man.

I have already begun the process of repentance by sincerely pleading for help to my Heavenly Father, and I have formally renounced and forsaken Satanism. I no longer seek out to worship the devil. Yet.. what I am struggling with are the aftereffects. And occasional regression.

The best I can describe it to someone inexperienced with such practices. I channel the spirit of darkness inside me, like a righteous man channels the holy ghost. This is intentional and is the main focus of my devil worship. I used to use music to bring it stronger into my life. If you feel a palpable atmosphere of darkness at this point I'm not surprised. The devilish part of me takes joy in that. That I can spread this evil.

I am conflicted. I know that I am doomed if I continue this path of willful rebellion. And I have made significant strides and improvement in forsaking it. But at times I feel such a strong pull towards evil. For evil's sake. The wall that you enjoy, for me has disintegrated. Unrighteous dominion has become an end in and of itself. Power is all that matters to me at times.. whether real or imagined. I'm not always like this, in fact I'm like this significantly less than I used to be since forsaking it along with the music that'd take me there. I feel good about my prospects of repentance.

To summarize, darkness remains a temptation.

I have learned that it's all an illusion, yet at times I cannot see clearly enough. Only trusting in God's love and grace for me provides any light.

LIGHT. WHAT IS IT?

WHO AM I?

WHY DO I YIELD MY AGENCY AND MY BODY TO FOREIGN SPIRITS? And how can I be free of doing so unintentionally through various medias? Music etc.

I have gotten to a point, I can channel evil and familiar spirits within me at any time with a thought.

And now for the truly disturbing.

I feel violent.

There are times that I desire to shed the blood of my fellow man. I desire to murder, and cause terror and fear, and revel in it. It's hard to explain. An utter rejoicing in wickedness.

This was one reason I forsook the adversary. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I knew that was my Rubicon. My point of no return.

I sought darkness. And I found it.

Now how do I free myself of it?

I've already confessed all these things to my bishop, and God. I've rid myself of the worst of the music. The only times I feel this luciferian pride coming into me is when I listen to aggressive music of any kind. Before I didn't feel that way. Techno now is spiritual poison to me where as before it was just music. I can't be around any kind of metal.

The strange part is at times, it doesn't feel anathema to me any more to think of violence. Rejoicing in it for it's own sake.

How do I change? I have self control I'd never act on these desires. But the fact they exist as a temptation within me disturbs me.

Don't judge me. Help me.

3 things to do and remember...

1. We are all flawed men.

2. It memories cause these feelings to scare you...don't speak of except in general terms.

3. Examine the anger that brought this about, and as a father, let me tell you as a son you are loved.

[Vort]

In addition to the above, fast. Pray while you fast. There is spiritual power in fasting.

[Suzie]

Professional counseling and evaluation, sounds to me all this is medical related.

[Dove]

Hello, Diversity;

I've chosen not to read other's posts to your dilemma before I respond. This to give you freely my first impressions and thoughts on this....I hope I/we can help and love you through a healing process that undoubtedly may take you the rest of your life to attain.

You know, I feel the Strength of the Spirit right now witnessing to me of His love for you. I don't know why; but, I feel it. Perhaps as a witness to you of His great love for you. Have you received a priesthood blessing yet to help banish the evil spirits that surround you? If not, I would strongly suggest that you do this. What I'm trying to say is that you are especially susceptible/vulnerable to the buffetings of the adversary because of becoming involved with satanism. The only Persons/Beings that can rescue you from this is God the Father, through His Son, Jesus Christ and the atonement Christ wrought for you, and all of us. He wrought the atonement in part for us so that we would not have to suffer for our sins if we truly repented. It sounds like you are taking a lot of good steps towards repentance. Do all you can to not let up. Daily prayer, scripture study and filling your life with positive and good.

I would suggest to strongly pray for humility often and consistently. Pray to understand the wondrous inner empowerment that comes from truly petitioning the Lord for His sustaining love.

Realize that hurting someone/murdering is a moot point in this sense. You do not have the power to truly stop their existence. While you may prematurely take them into the next life, the Savior's atonement makes it possible for all of us to be resurrected into perfected bodies. Through the atonement, Jesus Christ has overcome the permanency of "death" to give all of us immortality after this world has ended. While the person whom you murder will be judged based on his standing before God when you took his/her life, you will be judged for the one of two sins that are taught in our religion to be "unforgivable." Meaning, you will suffer the full consequence of the sin of murder without the effects of the atonement staying the tremendous suffering it will cause you. You will be judged according to your understanding of the sin and its' consequences. You will be the one to be eternally "damned" as a result of committing this sin. Not the person whose life you take.

There are some things in my life I have yet to be able to overcome the effects of. I was molested at a very young age. What scant memories I can recall lead me to believe that my life was truly in jeopardy while this occurred. To this day I still struggle with how I relate to the world as a result of this and other abuse that has occurred in my life. I relate this to you because it is a very evil and sad part of my life that has mentally and emotionally crippled me in very real and contemporary ways. I have struggled at times with anger over not being allowed to die at that point; but forced to live out my life in a great deal of pain (depression) and despair as a result of those traumatic events. Now, I look at it more like I look at being a diabetic. It's something I can never really "get over" in this life; but, it is something I can manage and strive every day to keep in check. To me, their are eternal principals and purposes that are coming to past in my life that again, through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, are being to turned to my eternal glory and good.

A scripture keeps coming to mind as I write this. Here it is. Ether 12:27; "And if men come unto me I (the Savior) will show unto them their weaknesses. I give unto men weaknesses that they may be humble: and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

Try to remember that, while satanism may have provided you, and continues to tempt you, with a sense of power, in the end the Atonement has overcome evil and the adversary. Satan has already lost the war for his own eternal welfare. For each of us, the atonement allows us the opportunity to overcome his and go "back home" at the end of this.

The Best in your journey home.

Dove

[ACommonMan]

Like Skippy, my first thought was to read Alma, though for slightly different reasons.

In my experiences, the greatest tool Satan has is getting us to feel like we are past redemption. Alma was as bad as it got for his day yet he had a real change of heart and went on to become a prophet. That is how miraculous the Atonement is. My own therapist has me reading "The Infinite Atonement" by Tad R. Callister. I always knew, logically, that the Atonement was powerful enough to heal anything. Now I'm beginning to appreciate it emotionally. I have also realized that just as I will always love and forgive my children, Heavenly Father will always love and forgive me, each time I ask.

Please also take seriously the advice for professional help. While the thought of blood lust has a far more shocking feel than say... shoplifting, the processes of removing the desire to sin are somewhat universal. The brain rewires itself depending on what it is fed. It's entirely possible that a particular medication could help dull those thoughts and thereby help you to feed it pleasant and spiritually uplifting thoughts.

[annewandering]

I have felt that evil, although not of my own doing, and it still comes back even in discussions like this. One thing you will gain out of this is the ability to sense evil when it comes near you.

I found that keeping the scripture near, or touching even, helped me sleep at night. That probably sounds like superstition but it really did help. Keep something tangible with you as a kind of reminder of good. Stop seeing anyone who was in this with you.

It has been said that even bringing the name up is an invitation of sorts to the darkness and I have found that to be true. Focus on God anytime you start to remember.

I have a number of friends who were in the innocents involved in those kind of rituals and their lives are as close to be destroyed as is possible and still live. They struggle every day and you may do as well but remember that the rewards of a life lived and won are worth every minute. You are in this for the long haul and the day to day is nothing compared to the reward of winning. You can do it because Christ has already done the 'impossible' part for you. It is already done. Your part is to keep faithful to what you know is right. satan lost but you havent. You are better than he is.

[PastorBob]

I have a few members in my congregation that were once involved, and helped them out of it and back to Jesus Christ. I also learned the intricate workings of satanism from them, which is absolutely rampant in society.

If you were only involved in the Anton LaVey dabbler stuff, you simply need to work on removing your egotism to get back to normal. That type is only a recruiting ground for the real deal, and LaVey was Kenneth Anger's brainchild & puppet.

If you were involved in the traditionalist satanism, you need to take some series steps. In a traditionalist satanic lodge, to get one's first degree, one has to betray a lover, commit an act of violence, or some serious crime. To get the second degree, one must join a mainstream religion, obtain a good reputation, be well spoken of, clean cut with good hygiene, and obtain a position in a career that benefits the coven - generally a law enforcement officer (this is the most common choice), doctor, undertaker, attorney, psychiatrist, politician etc. To obtain the third degree, one must obtain a leadership position in their church of choice, business leadership, and/or a political office, plus obtain a very large sum of money from hurting the poor or desperate, be married, and hold a lot of influence.

If you were in the latter, you must renounce all pacts, give up the wealth and prestige you obtained, leave the high paying career the coven gave you, leave your wife is she was a member and preferably turn in the other members publicly regardless of the endless threats you received in taking the oaths/pacts of silence. Then you must see a priest who has gone beyond theoretical knowledge, emotionalism, and preaching. Someone who can perform a proper exorcism ceremony, and attend church, read the bible constantly, and pray your way out.

[skippy740]

While I don't know about exorcism, you have outlined a very good and detailed way to purge oneself from such influence. Thank you.

[Guest tifenni]

To see a Buy MapleStory Mesos or Buy Guild Wars 2 Gold world in a granda of stand.And a heaven in a wild flower.Hold infinity in the palm your hand and eternity in an hour.

[PastorBob]

Exorcism frees a person from demonic control, signs of which are known as the 7 deadly sins: wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony. Jesus refers to these as the 7 "more wicked spirits" which come to a person after having driven out the devil the first time but thought back upon material joy for whatever reason, such as the wife of lot turning back to Sodom or sensuality and becoming a pillar of salt, (her spiritual life frozen).

Once it leaves, a person feels a peace so deep it is palpable and so beyond the flesh that it reduces the value of even the most intense sensual pleasures (and human love for that matter takes a second place to the presence of God within)... to less than nothing. Temptation is shattered forever and only God burns in the mind. Possession can occur through many things like extended daydreaming or from believing that sensual joys are more fulfilling than spiritual ones, which is nothing else but direct idol worship. This is why satanists place so much emphasis on money, sex, and power. They easily get these things freely (a worldly unsuccessful satanist is but a dabbler), but the price is the soul. It is important to remember Matthew 16:26 "For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?"

Anything which does not last has no real being, which is why in half baked spiritual practice (such as praying but secretly wanting something materialistic) good feelings are only mediocre (which may be the be all end all to someone who has not experienced spiritual ecstasy) and do not last (Read Revelations cap.t 3:15-16, the soul was flowing back to God, but due to going back to material living one falls from the light), as opposed to fulfilling all wishes and entirely permanent, ever new holiness. Until it is experienced no words can describe it. No mortal wish soever can survive in the light after the driving out of all darkness, and it is what everyone is really looking for but seeks the reflection of in the myriads of concessions to human weaknesses, but is never fully sated because only God is complete, and only God can fill that emptiness.

It does not happen overnight but occurs in a moment after long preparation. And once it does it can often take even years to believe one is feeling it without any kind of external stimulation such as another person - but entirely from within, dependent on God alone.

God stays in hiding only until one has been tested thoroughly enough to ensure that the person wants God, and only God. People just looking, just getting by, and superficially seeking Him will not find Him.

God is available to everyone, even evil spirits if they will turn away from the darkness and back to Him. This is what is mean when Jesus exorcises the possessed man and tells the evil spirit "Hold your peace, and come out of him." He is to hold onto the peace Jesus is offering him, and give up trying to relive body pleasures in the victimized man.

[PastorBob]

I forgot to mention that Jesus often speaks of this in the scriptures, "And in secret have I said nothing", אין Ain, the vacuum of Spirit.

[heatwaveo8]

I feel for you, so, so much.

Although I've never dealt with the exact issue you speak of personally, I met a couple of people on my mission who dealt with a similar issue. For one of them, we blessed his home, and advised him to throw away any books that would increase the temptations. I also met a less-active lady in the same area with the same issue, but less humble. While in her home, we were teaching a lesson to her without realizing until after the fact that she was playing bad music. We had 2 ward missionaries with us, and the 4 of us needed to pray pretty hard after that, because we could tell that something didn't feel right in her home. She was likely using music for the same purpose you were.

The last thing is, I had to deal with an addictive struggle of my own, for an unrelated issue. I know what it's like to be bound in your thoughts from addiction, even when you're trying to change. If it can serve as consolation to you, I still can have thoughts to this day from time to time, even 12 months later. But the power and the desire to ever act on them again is gone. This took months of prayer and self discipline, getting a priesthood blessing from my Bishop, and taking the effort one step at a time. Sure, it wasn't easy, and sure, I wasn't healed quickly and lapsed along the way. But after 1 1/2 years, I did it. Once you've stopped and all you have are the thoughts, that's where the forgiveness of self needs to begin.

So here is the key thing: Be sure you are praying and reading the scriptures every day! And do it multiple times a day if you can! It took about 4 months of prayer and scripture reading for progress to be seen for me, and almost 10 months for the lapses to completely stop. Along the way you may lapse, but what you're doing by continuing, is that you are letting light in, and you are allowing the Savior's grace to take full effect in your life. Any stop in the middle, and you'll be delaying and lengthening the process. Last thing I would say is to get rid of any music that will tempt you. Maybe you can reconsider in a few years, but I would resort to uplifting music for now. And be sure to go to bed early and rise early, keeping the Word of Wisdom is key to overcoming any addiction or habitual thought!

Blessings to you, brother. May God's choicest blessings be upon you!

Edited January 6, 2013 by heatwaveo8

[Guest DeborahC]

"There are times that I desire to shed the blood of my fellow man. I desire to murder, and cause terror and fear, and revel in it. It's hard to explain. An utter rejoicing in wickedness."

Excuse me, but this post should be reported to authorities by the mods, in my opinion.

This is not a Catholic confessional, protected by the church.

Otherwise, a few weeks from now, people could be saying, "Why didn't anyone DO anything???"