Recovering from Satanism
Posted 23 December 2012 - 01:02 AM
Posted 23 December 2012 - 01:24 AM
Posted 23 December 2012 - 04:27 AM
Posted 23 December 2012 - 08:58 AM
I still have no real discernment in anything.
Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:25 AM
Posted 23 December 2012 - 10:29 AM
Posted 23 December 2012 - 12:51 PM
3 things to do and remember...
I don't know how to start. Some of you are my brothers and sisters in the church. And this is taking a lot of strength for me to ask. But I need help. And you have all taken covenants to help me. So I figured I will trust you and put myself out there and give you the chance to exercise your faith in the Savior and keep your covenants to bear my burdens.
My name is not important. Several years ago, it's not important how it started, I became enveloped under the darkness that is Satanism. Now when I say Satanism I don't mean fancy philosophies of self improvement full of metaphor. I mean devil worship. I began to worship the adversary. Even talking about this sometimes brings back a bit of that spirit. I won't go into detail of how I did. But my main problem is severing myself from wickedness.
To put it short... I am a wicked man.
I have already begun the process of repentance by sincerely pleading for help to my Heavenly Father, and I have formally renounced and forsaken Satanism. I no longer seek out to worship the devil. Yet.. what I am struggling with are the aftereffects. And occasional regression.
The best I can describe it to someone inexperienced with such practices. I channel the spirit of darkness inside me, like a righteous man channels the holy ghost. This is intentional and is the main focus of my devil worship. I used to use music to bring it stronger into my life. If you feel a palpable atmosphere of darkness at this point I'm not surprised. The devilish part of me takes joy in that. That I can spread this evil.
I am conflicted. I know that I am doomed if I continue this path of willful rebellion. And I have made significant strides and improvement in forsaking it. But at times I feel such a strong pull towards evil. For evil's sake. The wall that you enjoy, for me has disintegrated. Unrighteous dominion has become an end in and of itself. Power is all that matters to me at times.. whether real or imagined. I'm not always like this, in fact I'm like this significantly less than I used to be since forsaking it along with the music that'd take me there. I feel good about my prospects of repentance.
To summarize, darkness remains a temptation.
I have learned that it's all an illusion, yet at times I cannot see clearly enough. Only trusting in God's love and grace for me provides any light.
LIGHT. WHAT IS IT?
WHO AM I?
WHY DO I YIELD MY AGENCY AND MY BODY TO FOREIGN SPIRITS? And how can I be free of doing so unintentionally through various medias? Music etc.
I have gotten to a point, I can channel evil and familiar spirits within me at any time with a thought.
And now for the truly disturbing.
I feel violent.
There are times that I desire to shed the blood of my fellow man. I desire to murder, and cause terror and fear, and revel in it. It's hard to explain. An utter rejoicing in wickedness.
This was one reason I forsook the adversary. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I knew that was my Rubicon. My point of no return.
I sought darkness. And I found it.
Now how do I free myself of it?
I've already confessed all these things to my bishop, and God. I've rid myself of the worst of the music. The only times I feel this luciferian pride coming into me is when I listen to aggressive music of any kind. Before I didn't feel that way. Techno now is spiritual poison to me where as before it was just music. I can't be around any kind of metal.
The strange part is at times, it doesn't feel anathema to me any more to think of violence. Rejoicing in it for it's own sake.
How do I change? I have self control I'd never act on these desires. But the fact they exist as a temptation within me disturbs me.
Don't judge me. Help me.
1. We are all flawed men.
2. It memories cause these feelings to scare you...don't speak of except in general terms.
3. Examine the anger that brought this about, and as a father, let me tell you as a son you are loved.
Posted 23 December 2012 - 02:31 PM
As if anyone could knowingly commit sin without being changed both in spirit, body, and mind. Let me say this again, sin changes who we are! --james12
Nice hand, friend, but those are not the cards I dealt you.
Impenetrability! That's what I say!
Posted 23 December 2012 - 10:46 PM
I've chosen not to read other's posts to your dilemma before I respond. This to give you freely my first impressions and thoughts on this....I hope I/we can help and love you through a healing process that undoubtedly may take you the rest of your life to attain.
You know, I feel the Strength of the Spirit right now witnessing to me of His love for you. I don't know why; but, I feel it. Perhaps as a witness to you of His great love for you. Have you received a priesthood blessing yet to help banish the evil spirits that surround you? If not, I would strongly suggest that you do this. What I'm trying to say is that you are especially susceptible/vulnerable to the buffetings of the adversary because of becoming involved with satanism. The only Persons/Beings that can rescue you from this is God the Father, through His Son, Jesus Christ and the atonement Christ wrought for you, and all of us. He wrought the atonement in part for us so that we would not have to suffer for our sins if we truly repented. It sounds like you are taking a lot of good steps towards repentance. Do all you can to not let up. Daily prayer, scripture study and filling your life with positive and good.
I would suggest to strongly pray for humility often and consistently. Pray to understand the wondrous inner empowerment that comes from truly petitioning the Lord for His sustaining love.
Realize that hurting someone/murdering is a moot point in this sense. You do not have the power to truly stop their existence. While you may prematurely take them into the next life, the Savior's atonement makes it possible for all of us to be resurrected into perfected bodies. Through the atonement, Jesus Christ has overcome the permanency of "death" to give all of us immortality after this world has ended. While the person whom you murder will be judged based on his standing before God when you took his/her life, you will be judged for the one of two sins that are taught in our religion to be "unforgivable." Meaning, you will suffer the full consequence of the sin of murder without the effects of the atonement staying the tremendous suffering it will cause you. You will be judged according to your understanding of the sin and its' consequences. You will be the one to be eternally "damned" as a result of committing this sin. Not the person whose life you take.
There are some things in my life I have yet to be able to overcome the effects of. I was molested at a very young age. What scant memories I can recall lead me to believe that my life was truly in jeopardy while this occurred. To this day I still struggle with how I relate to the world as a result of this and other abuse that has occurred in my life. I relate this to you because it is a very evil and sad part of my life that has mentally and emotionally crippled me in very real and contemporary ways. I have struggled at times with anger over not being allowed to die at that point; but forced to live out my life in a great deal of pain (depression) and despair as a result of those traumatic events. Now, I look at it more like I look at being a diabetic. It's something I can never really "get over" in this life; but, it is something I can manage and strive every day to keep in check. To me, their are eternal principals and purposes that are coming to past in my life that again, through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, are being to turned to my eternal glory and good.
A scripture keeps coming to mind as I write this. Here it is. Ether 12:27; "And if men come unto me I (the Savior) will show unto them their weaknesses. I give unto men weaknesses that they may be humble: and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."
Try to remember that, while satanism may have provided you, and continues to tempt you, with a sense of power, in the end the Atonement has overcome evil and the adversary. Satan has already lost the war for his own eternal welfare. For each of us, the atonement allows us the opportunity to overcome his and go "back home" at the end of this.
The Best in your journey home.
Posted 27 December 2012 - 11:08 AM
Posted 27 December 2012 - 11:58 AM
Posted 31 December 2012 - 01:11 PM
Posted 31 December 2012 - 01:14 PM
Posted 02 January 2013 - 05:24 PM
Once it leaves, a person feels a peace so deep it is palpable and so beyond the flesh that it reduces the value of even the most intense sensual pleasures (and human love for that matter takes a second place to the presence of God within)... to less than nothing. Temptation is shattered forever and only God burns in the mind. Possession can occur through many things like extended daydreaming or from believing that sensual joys are more fulfilling than spiritual ones, which is nothing else but direct idol worship. This is why satanists place so much emphasis on money, sex, and power. They easily get these things freely (a worldly unsuccessful satanist is but a dabbler), but the price is the soul. It is important to remember Matthew 16:26 "For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?"
Anything which does not last has no real being, which is why in half baked spiritual practice (such as praying but secretly wanting something materialistic) good feelings are only mediocre (which may be the be all end all to someone who has not experienced spiritual ecstasy) and do not last (Read Revelations cap.t 3:15-16, the soul was flowing back to God, but due to going back to material living one falls from the light), as opposed to fulfilling all wishes and entirely permanent, ever new holiness. Until it is experienced no words can describe it. No mortal wish soever can survive in the light after the driving out of all darkness, and it is what everyone is really looking for but seeks the reflection of in the myriads of concessions to human weaknesses, but is never fully sated because only God is complete, and only God can fill that emptiness.
It does not happen overnight but occurs in a moment after long preparation. And once it does it can often take even years to believe one is feeling it without any kind of external stimulation such as another person - but entirely from within, dependent on God alone.
God stays in hiding only until one has been tested thoroughly enough to ensure that the person wants God, and only God. People just looking, just getting by, and superficially seeking Him will not find Him.
God is available to everyone, even evil spirits if they will turn away from the darkness and back to Him. This is what is mean when Jesus exorcises the possessed man and tells the evil spirit "Hold your peace, and come out of him." He is to hold onto the peace Jesus is offering him, and give up trying to relive body pleasures in the victimized man.
Posted 05 January 2013 - 10:24 PM
Edited by heatwaveo8, 05 January 2013 - 10:34 PM.
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