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Was asked to meet with the Bishop


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#1 kartvines

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Posted 31 December 2012 - 10:19 AM

Yesterday during Sacrament meeting I was told that the Bishop wanted to meet with me after Priesthood meeting. When I arrived he told me he wanted to advance me in the Priesthood, and I refused telling him it was my opinion I was not worthy, he seemed a bit confused, and asked me why and I laid it out as simple as I could. He went on to give me a blessing and told me to meet with him any time I felt the need. He told me that I needed to forgive myself, something I have never been able to do, so I am struggling to allowing myself, I told him sure I have had almost perfect attendance and I do interact in the services but I don't feel the spirit, and to be honest about I have not enjoyed attending because the root cause of my retuning was to try and better myself so I had a chance to be reunited with my deceased wife, after death and to me I felt I was only going through the motions. Now don't get me wrong I wanted to advance but I view everything in black and white, and if I don't feel myself worthy then ultimately I guess I am a lost cause. He told me to pray and read the scriptures and I would be filled with the spirit, but so far either I am void of this feeling or I am doing something wrong and I don't know how to right it.

#2 pam

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Posted 31 December 2012 - 10:24 AM

Sometimes I think that forgiving ourselves is the hardest part of the repentance process. Until we can learn to do that, it's hard to progress and feel that spirit. I know that is what you are struggling with as you mentioned it. But that is the part that you need to work on.

#3 kartvines

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Posted 31 December 2012 - 11:01 AM

Thank you for your feedback, but now at 63, it seem to be the most difficult part of my life, I have held onto so many things that to me is unforgivable in my world of black and white I cant seem to allow myself to get beyond it. So far prayers has not reveal any avenues to begin at, so I feel lost, and hopeless, I hope it comes in time...and my meeting now with 2 different Bishops as not enlighten me, so I hope the last blessing open a crack allowing me to prevail and begin that journey of self forgiveness becuse at 63 I am running out of time

#4 pam

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Posted 31 December 2012 - 11:10 AM

I think the quote I posted today fits with your situation:

As you define your goals and plan for their achievement, ponder the thought: The past is behind--learn from it; the future is ahead--prepare for it; the present is here--live in it.

Thomas S. Monson

Just as President Monson states here...the past is behind..learn from it. Then move on. You can't take back what happened in the past..but as long as you have learned from it and know what not to do in the future..prepare for the future and go from there.

There will always be things in my past that I have regret. I can't take it back. But I can't let those things beat me up so much that I can't find joy in the present and in the future. So just let it go and move to the present and the future.

#5 BrendaM

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Posted 31 December 2012 - 12:13 PM

kartvines Don't give up. It is hard to forgive yourself, I know. I commend you for turning down your progression in the priesthood. Most wouldn't. But know this, feelings of unworthiness are a tool of Satan that will hold you back from your progression. There is nothing you've done that cannot be forgiven through the Atonement. Please don't let the adversary weigh your spirit down. The Lord needs people like you. That have gone through trials, repenting and coming out the other side...a better man....a worthy man to hold the Priesthood. Don't give up.

#6 rameumptom

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Posted 31 December 2012 - 12:51 PM

The problem is, you are seeing things in black and white, and the Lord doesn't. God has provided several levels/layers of heaven, just because he sees the shades of gray. Secondly, you are trying to save yourself. This is why you are not feeling the Spirit. You cannot save yourself, no matter how good you try to be. Only Christ can save you. When you refuse to forgive yourself (or others), you are not allowing Christ to perform his miracle of atonement in your life. You have made yourself judge, rather than turning the case over to Christ to decide. The things necessary to be saved are: 1. faith in Christ. 2. repent. That is it. For developing ourselves or becoming Christ-like and preparing for higher levels of glory, we do need to receive ordinances and covenants, and keep them. But even here, Christ knows we are not perfect and bridges the gap where we strive to do what is right. Unless you are doing serious sins, you need to allow Christ to forgive you. Then believe. Believe that he has removed your sins in his grace. Let him show you how to advance and be sealed to your wife and fill your life with hope of eternal joys and lives. Finally, ask your bishop if he feels you are worthy. He is the judge in Israel, and is guided by the Spirit on whether Christ has forgiven you or not. I believe he already feels you are ready. He is just waiting for you to also believe it.
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#7 DHK

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Posted 31 December 2012 - 01:17 PM

Believing Christ: A practical approach to the atonement - Stephen E. Robinson
"But make no mistake about it, brothers and sisters; in the months and years ahead, events will require of each member that he or she decide whether or not he or she will follow the First Presidency. Members will find it more difficult to halt longer between two opinions (see 1 Kings 18:21). President Marion G. Romney said, many years ago, that he had "never hesitated to follow the counsel of the Authorities of the Church even though it crossed my social, professional, or political life" (CR, April 1941, p. 123). This is a hard doctrine, but it is a particularly vital doctrine in a society which is becoming more wicked. In short, brothers and sisters, not being ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ includes not being ashamed of the prophets of Jesus Christ." - Neal A. Maxwell, October 10th, 1978.

http://speeches.byu....viewitem&id=909

#8 kartvines

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Posted 01 January 2013 - 08:15 AM

Thank you all for your feed back I will take it all into consideration and work though it.

#9 Magen_Avot

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Posted 11 January 2013 - 06:30 AM

Yesterday during Sacrament meeting I was told that the Bishop wanted to meet with me after Priesthood meeting.

When I arrived he told me he wanted to advance me in the Priesthood, and I refused telling him it was my opinion I was not worthy, he seemed a bit confused, and asked me why and I laid it out as simple as I could. He went on to give me a blessing and told me to meet with him any time I felt the need.

He told me that I needed to forgive myself, something I have never been able to do, so I am struggling to allowing myself, I told him sure I have had almost perfect attendance and I do interact in the services but I don't feel the spirit, and to be honest about I have not enjoyed attending because the root cause of my retuning was to try and better myself so I had a chance to be reunited with my deceased wife, after death and to me I felt I was only going through the motions.

Now don't get me wrong I wanted to advance but I view everything in black and white, and if I don't feel myself worthy then ultimately I guess I am a lost cause. He told me to pray and read the scriptures and I would be filled with the spirit, but so far either I am void of this feeling or I am doing something wrong and I don't know how to right it.


kartvines I do apologize for coming in so late on your thread. Life has kept me away for awhile and I've only recently returned.

There has been some good things shared here but I was deeply touched with compassion by what you shared. Not too long ago I realized that I am not "worthy". In fact none of us are... looking at things from the perspective that we are all sinners. Only through the Saviors merits can we be made partakers in Eternal Life. It's really a matter of inching down that path that leads to Him, and at times it's all out war for just an inch. I know what it feels like to feel a void when trying to pray and like I'm just going through the motions. Where do you start? How do you get out of the rut?

For me, one day I expressed my concerns in prayer, driving down the highway over several days and finally asked "why He stayed with me on this journey of misery". Eventually, I felt Him answering through the still small voice but I wouldn't let Him answer. I held on to my own feelings of unworthiness and kept talking. He suddenly poured His love into my heart. It was such an over whelming feeling that changed my life from that moment. I know He loves me,... I really KNOW He loves me, and because of that I know,... I really KNOW He loves you too. As I look back, I realize I could not see where the change or difference lay in the path ahead of me. It came at a moment when I was ready and it took a great deal of continuous and relentless praying and agonizing self introspection before it happened.

I still don't believe any of us are worthy in and of ourselves, but through Christ, we can be. All you can do is walk that path set by Him, pray continually, repent, ask out loud in private for those things you desire but feel unworthy of. Ask for the ability to forgive yourself. Tell Him and keep telling Him. Work out your salvation with Him and that point of turning will come. Well, what ever your questions, desires and hopes are... lay them at His feet. His blessings for you are waiting, I know it. I waited 52 years to find Him unlike any moment of my life before and I know you can. It's not about advancing in the Priesthood, it's about you and your relationship with your Lord and Master and He's there for you.

I hope that wasn't over the top. I just wish His blessings to find you,... and you Him. Don't give up.

#10 Brother_Anon

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Posted 11 January 2013 - 05:21 PM

And don't forget the Lord's instruction: "I, the, Lord will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men." (D&C 64:10) We often just focus on how this applies to forgiving others, but it also commands us to forgive ourselves, something a lot of people struggle with.

#11 kartvines

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Posted 14 January 2013 - 09:16 AM

Thank you for the feedback, and I understand it is not about advancing in the priesthood, and that I why I rejected it, but my path to god, which has been difficult, not sure if I am just an empty vessel, but I just cant seem to gain the spirit or I must be suppressing it, I spoke to the Bishop again yesterday and he asked me if I have been able to feel the spirit since his blessing and I had to tell him no, and that bothers me, just wonder how many church members just go with it all rather they feel there are deserving or not. I continue attend all of my meeting, praying , asking God for help and guidance, reading the scriptures, and still nothing, and it makes me think it all me, and that doesn't sit with me very well. How do you turn that page? Too me the easiest thing for me would to return to inactively, but I choose not to do that, but unless I can bridge that gap, it make me feel worthless. I understanding that I have yet been able to forgive, that has been my biggest struggle, because I just can seem to find the method to begin the process, it seem too simplistic. I can forgive other I guess but when it come to me, I just cant find how it is done, I know what I have done I understanding all of those I have hurt, and I know I have a lot to be sorry for, but where does that start? I have never been able to just go with the flow, I guess I am just too analytical and I over think everything, and have never been able to lie to myself and I refuse to lie to the Church. I want to feel as if I am traveling down the right path, overcoming my past because I hope that God loves me, but still finding it hard to feel that he loves me when I cant even seen to do that. I want to feel the spirits to wash over me, but it hasn't and may never, then what? So am I just destined to go though the motions, there can't be any redemption in that, and I feel so pathetic.

#12 classylady

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Posted 14 January 2013 - 12:45 PM

Kartvines, the Spirit will come. I promise you it will. Remain on the path. The Lord knows of your struggles, sorrows, desires, and heartaches. I too had struggled with forgiving myself. I can easily forgive others, but myself, I felt so unworthy. I've received the blessing of knowing I was forgiven. The Spirit witnessed this so strongly to me when at the time I felt I was so far from ever feeling the Spirit again. It took many years for me. But, I continued doing what I knew was right. Continue praying, and being humble. Sometimes, I've wondered why others receive peace and answers to their prayers immediately. That has never been my experience. But, I have received answers. And, I can see why with the personality/spirit that I have, why the Lord doesn't immediately answers my prayers. I'm so much more grateful for the answers when I do receive them. I can't deny the Spirit when it comes. And I have found that some of the most profound and Spiritual answers I have received have come when I finally have humbled myself enough to ask the right questions. And then the answers come.

#13 HiJolly

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Posted 14 January 2013 - 02:30 PM

Trying listening to this:

OCD, Scrupulosity and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy | Mormon Stories Podcast
"All it takes is for us to get a little bit self-important and narrow-minded. Toss in a little fussiness, a bit of dogma, and a bunch of pride and you've got yourself a bunch of people who wouldn't recognize the truth if it sat on them."
-- Robert Kirby

#14 THIRDpersonviewer

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Posted 17 January 2013 - 03:23 PM

Here are a couple of verses that have had a great influence on my life. Jacob 2:8 D&C 19:23 Alma 7:11-13 There are others but I feel this is a good start. I feel your feelings. It is hard to overcome. The key is doing everything you can to feel the Spirit. Every opportunity you can. Advancing in the Priesthood gives you more opportunity to exercise faith, serve, and develop a relationship with God. This will help you feel the Spirit more. Like someone said, don't save yourself, but have faith in Christ. Believe in Him and you will be fine. One way to look at your interview. You have had been told by a representative of Jesus Christ that you are ready to move on and serve in the Priesthood. We all have mistakes, regrets, and so forth. However, if you dwell on them then you not be able to move on. Therefore look for the light. What is the good. I know and testify that in every dark situation you may be in that there is light somewhere there. You just have to look for it.

#15 robynjeanne5689

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Posted 18 January 2013 - 10:28 PM

Have you read the book "The Miracle of Forgiveness"? It helped me a lot!!

#16 DHK

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Posted 18 January 2013 - 11:01 PM

The Miracle of Forgiveness is a STRONG book. If someone was going to read it for the first time, I would recommend reading the last two chapters FIRST, then begin at the beginning.
"But make no mistake about it, brothers and sisters; in the months and years ahead, events will require of each member that he or she decide whether or not he or she will follow the First Presidency. Members will find it more difficult to halt longer between two opinions (see 1 Kings 18:21). President Marion G. Romney said, many years ago, that he had "never hesitated to follow the counsel of the Authorities of the Church even though it crossed my social, professional, or political life" (CR, April 1941, p. 123). This is a hard doctrine, but it is a particularly vital doctrine in a society which is becoming more wicked. In short, brothers and sisters, not being ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ includes not being ashamed of the prophets of Jesus Christ." - Neal A. Maxwell, October 10th, 1978.

http://speeches.byu....viewitem&id=909

#17 classylady

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Posted 19 January 2013 - 12:41 AM

I remember reading "The Miracle of Forgiveness" and getting terribly depressed and feeling hopeless after reading a particular quote. Several years later I went back to read it again, and read through the quote again, and I didn't feel that overwhelming sense of hopelessness and depression I had the first time around. In fact, my understanding of the quote was entirely different from the first read.

#18 kartvines

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Posted 21 January 2013 - 02:43 PM

Thank you for all of the feedback, I have continued talking briefly to the Bishop every Sunday and re-reading the BOM still no feeling of the spirit, and in yesterday Priesthood meeting I was asked if I will except a calling, said I would of course if the Bishop will approves so I guess we will see where this will lead me, having been completely honest with the new Bishop I don't see how he can approve this calling, and if he doe then I will except it and hope it will enrich my testimony, and hope to get right with everything in time.

#19 kartvines

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Posted 04 February 2013 - 07:59 AM

Well I had a meeting with the Bishop yesterday before Church began and I guess I will be going call to be interviewed by the Stake President about moving forward. He said most likely it will before the next stake conference, if I understood him correctly. Now what should I expect and how would I prepare for this interview. The truth will always be the truth so I am unsure what to expect, being I neither want to be embarrassed or embarrass my Bishop, who put me on this path

#20 HiJolly

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Posted 04 February 2013 - 09:52 AM

The truth is important, but is swallowed up in love, ultimately. So where the truth is not helpful, it must be let alone.

President Packer said "There is a temptation for the writer or the teacher of Church history to want to tell everything, whether it is worthy or faith promoting or not. Some things that are true are not very useful"

Boyd K. Packer, "The Mantle is Far, Far Greater Than the Intellect," Address to the Fifth Annual CES Religious Educators' Symposium, 1981; see also Let Not Your Heart Be Troubled (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1991), 101-122; see also Boyd K. Packer, "'The Mantle is Far, Far Greater than the Intellect.'," Brigham Young University Studies 21 no. 3 (Summer 1981), 259–278

This is a specific application of a greater principle of truth, taught by I. Kant:
"Many things can be true and yet harmful to man. Not all truth is useful."
(p.43 Lectures on Logic, (translated by J. Michael Young))

So don't get too caught up into truth, to where it side-rails the Gospel.

HJ
"All it takes is for us to get a little bit self-important and narrow-minded. Toss in a little fussiness, a bit of dogma, and a bunch of pride and you've got yourself a bunch of people who wouldn't recognize the truth if it sat on them."
-- Robert Kirby




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