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#1 Aalia123

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Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:35 AM

i am submitting here a new concept and that is about the love marriage ... i would like to know that how many individuals are agree with me that love marriage is much better or arrange marriage plz all the buddies of this forum give their ideas here so then we will reach on the results Love marriage or arrange marriage ? What you suggests ?

#2 Windseeker

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Posted 08 January 2013 - 02:46 AM

I believe an arranged marriage where both marriage partners agree has the highest chance of success.

#3 anatess

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Posted 08 January 2013 - 09:36 AM

i am submitting here a new concept and that is about the love marriage ...
i would like to know that how many individuals are agree with me that love marriage is much better or arrange marriage plz all the buddies of this forum give their ideas here so then we will reach on the results
Love marriage or arrange marriage ?
What you suggests ?


It depends.

Love is so overly mis-understood that lots of people mistake physical desire for love.

An arranged marriage, specially the type they do in India, where the match considers all possibilities of compatibility, not only with the couple but also their families, has a high rate of success because the couple accepts that both of them will have to work towards building a marriage. In this type of situation, love comes from the establishment of a common goal, the desire to make things work so that charity is always present and there is not much room for selfishness.

Of course, there are arranged marriages where one spouse marries the other for selfish reasons such as - the size of the house, the value of the car, etc. - so that, that spouse expects to be treated like royalty without having to work for it.

Love marriage, of course, works only if the couple loves with the pure love of Christ and not just physical desire. Love is supposed to flow from your heart outward. It is not supposed to put conditions on it where you will only love somebody if x,y,z is met. Of course, there are some things that one just couldn't live with. For example, if you find a spouse that you thought was the greatest person and 5 years after the marriage you found out he was a serial killer... you know?

So, before you decide to get married - either through love or arranged marriage - ask yourself, is this the person that I can love (with the pure love of Christ) without conditions? If the answer is yes, go for it. Love or arranged marriage doesn't really matter much.

#4 Vort

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Posted 08 January 2013 - 08:11 PM

i am submitting here a new concept and that is about the love marriage ...
i would like to know that how many individuals are agree with me that love marriage is much better or arrange marriage plz all the buddies of this forum give their ideas here so then we will reach on the results
Love marriage or arrange marriage ?
What you suggests ?


Most participants in this list are Americans, where arranged marriage is almost unknown. Consequently, most here will tend to have a heavy bias toward marriages arranged by the participants, what you are calling "love marriages". So I'm not sure how much good discussion you can expect on that topic here; most who might extol the virtues of arranged marriages would do so from the position of an outsider looking in.

As a parent, I'm rather attracted to the idea of an arranged marriage. As a spouse, I am happy I picked my own wife. In principle, I don't believe one method is necessarily inherently better than the other, but obviously I tend to like what I know.

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#5 anatess

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Posted 09 January 2013 - 05:51 AM

Most participants in this list are Americans, where arranged marriage is almost unknown. Consequently, most here will tend to have a heavy bias toward marriages arranged by the participants, what you are calling "love marriages". So I'm not sure how much good discussion you can expect on that topic here; most who might extol the virtues of arranged marriages would do so from the position of an outsider looking in.

As a parent, I'm rather attracted to the idea of an arranged marriage. As a spouse, I am happy I picked my own wife. In principle, I don't believe one method is necessarily inherently better than the other, but obviously I tend to like what I know.


Not me. I'm not American. ;)

And, contrary to popular belief, the type of arranged marriages that occur in India and the Philippines is not done without the consent/choice/picking of the spouses-to-be. What is different is that - instead of dating around to find your future spouse, you find your future spouse through a list of possibilities provided by a matchmaker (usually the parents). Everything else is really not that much different.

Edited by anatess, 09 January 2013 - 05:55 AM.


#6 Bini

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Posted 09 January 2013 - 07:50 AM

Not from my own personal experience but from a few rather close ones. Obviously, many Indian marriages are arranged and we have some family friends that had theirs arranged eons ago, and they're still happily married of over 30 years. Both are about my parents' ages and in their mid to late sixties. My bestfriend is Navajo (American, obviously) and her parents had an arranged marriage on the Res and they too are still married. Their relationship is not as warm and cozy as the other couple but they respect each other and continue to raise their kids and some of their grandkids together.

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#7 Anddenex

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Posted 09 January 2013 - 09:46 AM

My thoughts - totally depends on the couple who are getting married. Love is a choice. Whether arranged or personally chosen, if the couple chooses each day to love each other, by their actions, they will be better off in the long run. In a "love marriage" if the couple decides to disregard their companions feelings each day then the couple will be less stable. I personally, would rather be able to choose my spouse than allow someone to choose for me. Yet, if they had, love would still be a choice, not something that happens by luck.

#8 anatess

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Posted 09 January 2013 - 10:27 AM

than allow someone to choose for me.


Just wanting to clarify this. In an arranged marriage in India, you're technically not allowing someone to choose for you (although, sometimes it happens that way). What basically happens is that the matchmaker gives you a list of all these "spouse candidates" and you choose off of a list. It is no different than finding your spouse through match.com where match.com is your matchmaker.

It only becomes an "allow someone to choose for me" scenario, if you don't want to go through the headache of having to choose from the dozens of women on the list and you just tell your mom to pick one for you (which happened to a friend of mine).

Of course, in the cultural make-up of India (and most Asian countries), the family is very tight knit that the parents have a lot of say on the children's choice of spouse so the parents tend to veto some choices. This is not a characteristic unique to the arranged marriage. The parents would still veto and make it difficult for the children who dated around and went through a love marriage.

The males usually do the choosing, then the females agree or don't agree with the match. So, in a way, the females are limited on their choices. But, culturally, even in the Western culture, the females tend to wait for some guy to ask them out. So, it's not that much different on that point either.

Now, the Fiddler on the Roof thing - where the match is made by the "Papa" and the children have no choice in the matter... that doesn't happen anymore in the Philippines, and I would think India as well.

Edited by anatess, 09 January 2013 - 10:34 AM.


#9 Anddenex

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Posted 09 January 2013 - 11:34 AM

Just wanting to clarify this. In an arranged marriage in India...


I don't remember mentioning India in my post so I am really unsure for the reason of this clarification.

It only becomes an "allow someone to choose for me" scenario, if you don't want to go through the headache of having to choose from the dozens of women on the list and you just tell your mom to pick one for you (which happened to a friend of mine).


Not necessarily the only reason, another reason could be the woman or the man would have chosen someone other than the list provided, but are only left with the choices given them. If a list is provided, then the marriage partner is being decided for you, you just decide which of the chosen names the partner wants more. If a chosen name is someone the individual would have chosen anyway, then I am sure the happier the individual will be -- at least in the beginning.

#10 DeborahC

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Posted 09 January 2013 - 11:40 AM

I think both CAN work, but I honestly think an arranged marriage has a better chance of success. I want to slap my hand over my mouth when I say that, because I WANT a love marriage to work better. But I think what we often call love is not.. it's lust or passion... which dies. And then, what are you left with? Better to think it through...

#11 anatess

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Posted 09 January 2013 - 01:28 PM

I don't remember mentioning India in my post so I am really unsure for the reason of this clarification.


The OP is from India.

Not necessarily the only reason, another reason could be the woman or the man would have chosen someone other than the list provided, but are only left with the choices given them. If a list is provided, then the marriage partner is being decided for you, you just decide which of the chosen names the partner wants more. If a chosen name is someone the individual would have chosen anyway, then I am sure the happier the individual will be -- at least in the beginning.


No... if nobody in the list matches, they come up with another list. Really. No difference than match.com or the lds version thereof. It is so not different that match.com type of arranged marriages are pretty popular in India. Used by singles and moms all over the citified country.

#12 Anddenex

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Posted 09 January 2013 - 01:44 PM

No... if nobody in the list matches, they come up with another list. Really. No difference than match.com or the lds version thereof. It is so not different that match.com type of arranged marriages are pretty popular in India. Used by singles and moms all over the citified country.


From just the two sources I have read regarding India, they don't appear to agree with you, that they children just choose another match, or list.

Both articles confirm that parents will actually threaten their children by loss of family wealth and property if they do not choose one of the spouses they provided.

It appears, the arranged marriage in India, from these two articles, is highly influenced by the involvement of the parents, and depending on the child, their personal choice doesn't seem to be a dictator at all.

I don't believe, personally, that match.com, and an arranged marriage are the same, at least from my personal readings of arranged marriages in India.

#13 anatess

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Posted 09 January 2013 - 02:07 PM

From just the two sources I have read regarding India, they don't appear to agree with you, that they children just choose another match, or list.

Both articles confirm that parents will actually threaten their children by loss of family wealth and property if they do not choose one of the spouses they provided.

It appears, the arranged marriage in India, from these two articles, is highly influenced by the involvement of the parents, and depending on the child, their personal choice doesn't seem to be a dictator at all.

I don't believe, personally, that match.com, and an arranged marriage are the same, at least from my personal readings of arranged marriages in India.


That's not the arranged marriage's fault - that's the culture. Whether you choose your spouse through an arranged marriage, or you choose your spouse from a love match, you still have to answer to your mother. I chose a love match and my parents and siblings did not speak to me for years! The good thing with having an arranged marriage done by the mother is that she already pre-approved the choices. You can do a love match, and if she approves the choice, you're right as rain.

Now, remember the advertisement for... some website like match.com... promising to make matches through 100 or something areas of compatibility? That's what the matchmaker in an arranged marriage does. Except, it's not through some website and the matchmaker has their own ideas of what are the areas of compatibility which includes the family.

Edited by anatess, 09 January 2013 - 02:13 PM.


#14 mrmarklin

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Posted 13 January 2013 - 09:26 PM

But I think what we often call love is not.. it's lust or passion... which dies.
And then, what are you left with?

Better to think it through...


This^




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