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Try hard every day in Marriage

compassion marriage

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#1 SoCal_Counselor

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Posted 18 April 2013 - 02:17 PM

A little while ago, I worked with a couple in counseling where I was helping them strengthen their marriage and improve their communication. As we were looking for exceptions to their negative communication problems, I observed that they each tried harder in their marriage when they knew the other person was having a bad day. When the wife recognized that her husband was not feeling well, she worked harder at nagging him less and being more appreciative of him. When the husband recognized that his wife was not feeling well, he worked harder at appreciating her and doing more chores around the house. I then made the suggestion to both, "Why don't you always assume that the other person is having a bad day and make it a habit to put forth more effort in how you treat your spouse?" Both thought that this was a great idea and began implementing this strategy in their relationship. Recognizing how your spouse is feeling, and responding to such emotions is called compassion. Compassion is crucial to having a healthy relationship. It is essential if you want to have an eternal marriage.
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#2 Gwen

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Posted 19 April 2013 - 06:49 AM

Recognizing how your spouse is feeling, and responding to such emotions is called compassion. Compassion is crucial to having a healthy relationship. It is essential if you want to have an eternal marriage.


Not disagreeing with your post but I'm gonna nit pick if that's ok. lol

Recognizing how someone is feeling is not compassion, that's empathy. Compassion is caring how they feel (no matter if you recognize it or they have to tell you). I agree compassion is crucial. Empathy, in my opinion, may not be. The meshing and confusing of these two words in marriage advice can have devastating effects as to the outcome of the well intended advice.

Yes I know I'm splitting hairs but from my experience they are VERY important hairs.

i don't have problems, i have issues
problems can be fixed, issues you just deal with



"The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. Fences have nothing to do with it.
The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be."
-Robert Fulghum


#3 anatess

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Posted 19 April 2013 - 07:13 AM

Not disagreeing with your post but I'm gonna nit pick if that's ok. lol

Recognizing how someone is feeling is not compassion, that's empathy. Compassion is caring how they feel (no matter if you recognize it or they have to tell you). I agree compassion is crucial. Empathy, in my opinion, may not be. The meshing and confusing of these two words in marriage advice can have devastating effects as to the outcome of the well intended advice.

Yes I know I'm splitting hairs but from my experience they are VERY important hairs.


I agree with this 100%. My husband, half the time, is oblivious to what I'm feeling. Especially when it is NFL season. But, this does not change the fact that he is always going to be there for me. All I have to do is let him know what I need. In specific terms. For example, "Do I look fat in this outfit?" will get the response "Yes." unless I tell him, "I'm looking for a compliment." then he'll say, "The outfit can't compete with your beauty." or some crazy thing like that. My husband doesn't understand what I feel half the time but I'm completely okay with that. There are lots of times I have no clue why he does what he does... we've lasted 15 years of just winging it.





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