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Marry or continue facing temptation?


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#1 sugarmama

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Posted 20 May 2013 - 01:21 PM

Hi all,
I have a problem I could do with some help with.
I, shamefully, committed adultery while separated from my ex husband. We both immediately went and confessed to our bishops and are trying to repent. I am now fully divorced and dating the guy I committed adultery with. The problem is that, even though we have not repeated the act, we are still involved in heavy petting and I know this is against what we should be doing, especially when we are supposed to be repenting. I am concerned that we will not be able to keep from the petting, because we are really very physically attracted to each other. I don't think we would ever have sex again before we get married because I am completely focused on that not happening, but I don't seem to have the same will to stop the petting. We want to be married but there are so many complications. My parents are not in favour of it, it's only a couple of months since my divorce, what would people say etc. We are considering getting married as soon as possible so as to avoid us committing any more sin. But I don't feel comfortable with the idea that I'm marrying quickly because of sex. If we married asap, it would have to be in secret as my parents have strongly opposed it. My ex is still suffering from this and is telling people I was having an affair while we were married and still together. Which isn't true. We were separated. I know it's still adultery, but we were not together at the time. Getting married so quickly would make it seem like his comments are true. I've known my now boyfriend for 25 years and our mums were very close friends. His parents are in favour of us being together. We don't need approval, but we both don't want to cause trouble between us and my parents. Should we just try harder to stop the petting and wait a little longer, like a year, before we get married? What if the petting doesn't stop? Do I just need to stop moaning and put my foot down and say NO MORE petting? But I don't want to wait to marry him. I love him and want to be his wife now. So confused. Don't know what to do!

#2 DHK

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Posted 20 May 2013 - 01:35 PM

Do I just need to stop moaning [...]


Yes. I think that might be part of the problem. lol. (Sorry, but I had to do it.) :D

Getting serious here:

It's not love. It's hormones &/or lust.
- Love doesn't cheat on a spouse - even while separated.
- Love doesn't violate the law of chastity.
- Love doesn't have to hide from your parents.
- Love has approval from the Lord and the Church.
- Love doesn't have to worry about rumors, reputation or image.

Personally, I think you're "on the rebound" and wanting to fill a void that was there from your marriage.

Yes, you cheated on your separated husband who is now your ex-husband. But he committed adultery with a married woman.

Somehow, I don't think this sounds like a fabulous match within the gospel.

Formerly known as 'Skippy740'.

 

"But make no mistake about it, brothers and sisters; in the months and years ahead, events will require of each member that he or she decide whether or not he or she will follow the First Presidency. Members will find it more difficult to halt longer between two opinions (see 1 Kings 18:21).  President Marion G. Romney said, many years ago, that he had "never hesitated to follow the counsel of the Authorities of the Church even though it crossed my social, professional, or political life" (CR, April 1941, p. 123). This is a hard doctrine, but it is a particularly vital doctrine in a society which is becoming more wicked. In short, brothers and sisters, not being ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ includes not being ashamed of the prophets of Jesus Christ." - Neal A. Maxwell, October 10th, 1978.

 

http://speeches.byu....viewitem&id=909


#3 Anddenex

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Posted 20 May 2013 - 01:37 PM

It would appear you to need to remain separate until you are married, in other words, you two need to not be alone without anybody around.

Whether or not you have sex, isn't the point, petting leads to sex.

If you know it isn't good, then why are you doing it? Yes, you put your foot down. After you put your foot down it would be wise to speak with your bishop again and go through the repentance process sincerely.

#4 Vort

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Posted 20 May 2013 - 01:56 PM

Seems to me you should (1) figure out what the right thing to do is and (2) do it. Worrying about what others might think or lending credence to your ex's (basically true) claims should not enter into your decision.

In my opinion, you should quit fornicating with your boyfriend, either vaginally, orally, anally, or digitally. If you cannot find the moral strength and discipline to do this, then (again in my opinion) you should decide whether you want to marry this guy. If not, leave him and quit fornicating. If so, marry him immediately, today if possible, then sate your sexual desires. As Paul taught, it is better to marry than to burn with lust.
As if anyone could knowingly commit sin without being changed both in spirit, body, and mind. Let me say this again, sin changes who we are! --james12
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#5 Leah

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Posted 20 May 2013 - 01:58 PM

Hi all,
I have a problem I could do with some help with.
I, shamefully, committed adultery while separated from my ex husband. We both immediately went and confessed to our bishops and are trying to repent. I am now fully divorced and dating the guy I committed adultery with. The problem is that, even though we have not repeated the act, we are still involved in heavy petting and I know this is against what we should be doing, especially when we are supposed to be repenting. I am concerned that we will not be able to keep from the petting, because we are really very physically attracted to each other. I don't think we would ever have sex again before we get married because I am completely focused on that not happening, but I don't seem to have the same will to stop the petting. We want to be married but there are so many complications. My parents are not in favour of it, it's only a couple of months since my divorce, what would people say etc. We are considering getting married as soon as possible so as to avoid us committing any more sin. But I don't feel comfortable with the idea that I'm marrying quickly because of sex. If we married asap, it would have to be in secret as my parents have strongly opposed it. My ex is still suffering from this and is telling people I was having an affair while we were married and still together. Which isn't true. We were separated. I know it's still adultery, but we were not together at the time. Getting married so quickly would make it seem like his comments are true. I've known my now boyfriend for 25 years and our mums were very close friends. His parents are in favour of us being together. We don't need approval, but we both don't want to cause trouble between us and my parents. Should we just try harder to stop the petting and wait a little longer, like a year, before we get married? What if the petting doesn't stop? Do I just need to stop moaning and put my foot down and say NO MORE petting? But I don't want to wait to marry him. I love him and want to be his wife now. So confused. Don't know what to do!


You DID have an affair while you were married. The fact that you weren't living under the same roof at the time (per your post) does not in any way change the fact that you were a married woman having sex with someone not your husband. You did committ adultery.

You should be focusing on repentance and straightening out your life, rather than rushing into another marriage that seems to be fueled mostly by lust. It seems your focus is on the sex, and wanting to make it "okay" by marrying quickly. When maybe you shouldn't be marrying at all right now. With this guy or any other.

#6 Gwen

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Posted 20 May 2013 - 02:16 PM

I don't know about your state or divorce papers but I know many places you can not remarry anyone other than your ex spouse for 6 mo. to a 1 yr. You may not be able to get married soon.

Were you sealed to your ex? Do you want to be sealed to the new guy? If yes then it will be rather difficult. On the paperwork for sealing clearance one of the big questions is was the new relationship an issue in the divorce. They don't like to approve sealings for adulterers.

i don't have problems, i have issues
problems can be fixed, issues you just deal with



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The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be."
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#7 sugarmama

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Posted 20 May 2013 - 02:41 PM

Thank you all for your replies. Though hard to read, I accept you may all be right. However, I do feel a little judged, so I would like to say, that I know that I DID commit adultery, as I stated earlier. Which is why I went straight to my bishop and I also confessed to my ex. I am also trying to focus on my repentance, which is why I brought this up, to get help. Otherwise I would not care about what is going on. I plan to see my bishop this Sunday and speak to him about the petting and get his advice on the marriage issue. It has been 6 months since we committed adultery and in that time we have petted 3 times.
Yes my boyfriend went with a married woman, and I committed adultery, but it was not planned. We got careless and thought we were strong enough to resist the temptation. We were Stupid!
My ex is saying that we were still living under the same roof and that I was having an affair. That isn't true. It happened once, whilst we were separated and heading for divorce. I'm not saying that's any better, I'm just saying he's giving the impression that I was carrying on with another man whilst I was sleeping in the same bed and living in the same house with him and therefore knowingly deceiving him.
I made a foolish mistake. I immediately started the repentance process. It has been very difficult, as I expected, and it still is. I am prepared to go through anything that will help me gain forgiveness.
You may be right that this is lust, but I believe there is love here too. I think the answer is to just avoid being alone together and wait a little longer. I am not trying to make the petting 'okay' by marrying quickly, I am trying to avoid more sin. And it's nothing as sordid as what some might be thinking, I remain clothed and there's no flesh to flesh contact. But sin is sin. I'm not trying to excuse myself.
There is also a lot of history that I have not included, but there's no need now. I know what I must do. Thanks again, and I would still welcome any other comments, hard or not, I need to hear the truth.

#8 sugarmama

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Posted 20 May 2013 - 02:53 PM

I don't know about your state or divorce papers but I know many places you can not remarry anyone other than your ex spouse for 6 mo. to a 1 yr. You may not be able to get married soon.

Were you sealed to your ex? Do you want to be sealed to the new guy? If yes then it will be rather difficult. On the paperwork for sealing clearance one of the big questions is was the new relationship an issue in the divorce. They don't like to approve sealings for adulterers.


I am now fully divorced. I can remarry now if I wish. I am still sealed to my ex but the adultery was not the cause of the divorce. My ex and I were divorced once, then he returned and acted like he had changed and I believed it and he rushed me to remarry him. I did. He soon began the same behaviour as before and then we separated. He returned and we tried again, without him moving back in, after a couple of months the abuse started again and I decided it was over. The guy I am with now, B, came into the picture the first time we were separated. I have known him for 25 years. He's always been a nice guy. My ex and I had been separated for 9 months (1st separation) before any contact began with B. B and I only talked on the phone for about another 9 months. I was determined not to see him until the divorce was through. Then we had a fight just after the divorce came through and I refused to see him or speak to him. It was after that I went back to my ex and eventually remarried him. After my ex and I separated the second time, B and I got back in touch as friends. The feelings rekindled. We decided to meet up. We actually promised ourselves that we could resist temptation. We did resist that time and I think we got too sure of ourselves and gave more room for temptation again. The next time we met was when it happened. We made sure we didn't see each other again after that until the divorce was through. When the divorce came through, we started seeing each other again.

Edited by sugarmama, 20 May 2013 - 03:08 PM.


#9 Vort

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Posted 20 May 2013 - 03:07 PM

Thank you all for your replies. Though hard to read, I accept you may all be right. However, I do feel a little judged


sugarmama, in my opinion, this is not about whether some people here are judging you (and I for one don't think they are). It's not even about how wicked your actions may or may not have been, or whether you were living with your husband when the adultery happened, or whether the petting is clothes-on or clothes-off.

The real bottom line here is, What should you do?

The unanimous opinion, at least that I'm seeing, seems to be: You should quit any sexual misconduct. In the view of some, that means leaving your boyfriend, or at least avoiding any situations where "petting" might occur. In the view of others, it means marrying him ASAP, if that's what you're thinking of doing anyway.

None of us here knows you, so we're not in a position to judge you personally in any case. But the precepts of sexual morality and chastity seem pretty clear-cut. We as a group are urging you to observe those precepts.
As if anyone could knowingly commit sin without being changed both in spirit, body, and mind. Let me say this again, sin changes who we are! --james12
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Nice hand, friend, but those are not the cards I dealt you.

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#10 sugarmama

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Posted 20 May 2013 - 03:23 PM

sugarmama, in my opinion, this is not about whether some people here are judging you (and I for one don't think they are). It's not even about how wicked your actions may or may not have been, or whether you were living with your husband when the adultery happened, or whether the petting is clothes-on or clothes-off.

The real bottom line here is, What should you do?

The unanimous opinion, at least that I'm seeing, seems to be: You should quit any sexual misconduct. In the view of some, that means leaving your boyfriend, or at least avoiding any situations where "petting" might occur. In the view of others, it means marrying him ASAP, if that's what you're thinking of doing anyway.

None of us here knows you, so we're not in a position to judge you personally in any case. But the precepts of sexual morality and chastity seem pretty clear-cut. We as a group are urging you to observe those precepts.


Thanks,
Despite feeling judged, I have taken it on board all the comments and they have all helped me open my eyes. I just need to avoid being alone with him from now on. It's quite simple really. As someone said, If I know it's wrong why am I doing it? I think I have been allowing myself to be weak by telling myself that I cannot be strong enough. I have also been leaving it to him not to initiate it, and when he does, I give in. I should take responsibility too, and be strong enough to not let a kiss go any further.

#11 Leah

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Posted 20 May 2013 - 03:45 PM

Thank you all for your replies. Though hard to read, I accept you may all be right. However, I do feel a little judged, so I would like to say, that I know that I DID commit adultery, as I stated earlier. Which is why I went straight to my bishop and I also confessed to my ex. I am also trying to focus on my repentance, which is why I brought this up, to get help. Otherwise I would not care about what is going on. I plan to see my bishop this Sunday and speak to him about the petting and get his advice on the marriage issue. It has been 6 months since we committed adultery and in that time we have petted 3 times.
Yes my boyfriend went with a married woman, and I committed adultery, but it was not planned. We got careless and thought we were strong enough to resist the temptation. We were Stupid!
My ex is saying that we were still living under the same roof and that I was having an affair. That isn't true. It happened once, whilst we were separated and heading for divorce. I'm not saying that's any better, I'm just saying he's giving the impression that I was carrying on with another man whilst I was sleeping in the same bed and living in the same house with him and therefore knowingly deceiving him.
I made a foolish mistake. I immediately started the repentance process. It has been very difficult, as I expected, and it still is. I am prepared to go through anything that will help me gain forgiveness.
You may be right that this is lust, but I believe there is love here too. I think the answer is to just avoid being alone together and wait a little longer. I am not trying to make the petting 'okay' by marrying quickly, I am trying to avoid more sin. And it's nothing as sordid as what some might be thinking, I remain clothed and there's no flesh to flesh contact. But sin is sin. I'm not trying to excuse myself.
There is also a lot of history that I have not included, but there's no need now. I know what I must do. Thanks again, and I would still welcome any other comments, hard or not, I need to hear the truth.


Whether living together or not, you were still deceiving your husband. A husband has the right to expect that his wife is not sleeping with another man.

You made a choice. It wasn't an "oops", something you accidentally did. You chose to do what you did. You had the power and ability to choose otherwise. People like to blame these things on hormones or "love"...they say they can't help it, they just fell in love. Deciding to engage in sex or not is a choice. Love is a choice. These things are not out of your control. In fact, you are the only one who can control your actions.

You don't have to marry to "avoid more sin". You can simply choose not to sin. Millions of unmarried church members do it on a daily and continuing basis. Again, it is a choice. You can choose one path or the other.

You do come across as trying to make excuses. You were clothed, so that somehow makes it better. You were living apart, so that somehow makes it better. You admit to something, but then try to justify or minimize it. I think you will find the repentence process much more satisfying if you stop trying if you stop trying to minimize or explain away the choices you made. Just focus on admitting that what you did was wrong and what you can do to straighten our your life.

#12 sugarmama

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Posted 20 May 2013 - 04:24 PM

Whether living together or not, you were still deceiving your husband. A husband has the right to expect that his wife is not sleeping with another man.

You made a choice. It wasn't an "oops", something you accidentally did. You chose to do what you did. You had the power and ability to choose otherwise. People like to blame these things on hormones or "love"...they say they can't help it, they just fell in love. Deciding to engage in sex or not is a choice. Love is a choice. These things are not out of your control. In fact, you are the only one who can control your actions.

You don't have to marry to "avoid more sin". You can simply choose not to sin. Millions of unmarried church members do it on a daily and continuing basis. Again, it is a choice. You can choose one path or the other.

You do come across as trying to make excuses. You were clothed, so that somehow makes it better. You were living apart, so that somehow makes it better. You admit to something, but then try to justify or minimize it. I think you will find the repentence process much more satisfying if you stop trying if you stop trying to minimize or explain away the choices you made. Just focus on admitting that what you did was wrong and what you can do to straighten our your life.


I'm sorry, but it seems I'm being misunderstood. I will clarify what I said.
I wasn't HAVING sex with another man. I had sex once and immediately confessed it to my ex and my bishop. It was not an ongoing thing.
I didn't say it happened because of hormones or love, I said we were stupid in thinking we could resist temptation.
You are right that I don't have to marry to avoid more sin, which is why I said I would just avoid being alone with him and not rush into marriage. I accepted that I was making excuses for myself by making myself believe I wasn't strong enough to resist.
I didn't say that being clothed makes it better, I did say 'Sin is sin' It was just a comment about 'vaginal, oral, anal, digital' fornication that made me want to explain that I wasn't engaging in those things?
I didn't say living apart makes it better. But I do feel that there is a difference between a woman who is separated and going through a divorce, falling once and confessing immediately and not repeating it, to a woman in her marital home having regular sex with another man. Not that one is better than the other, but that they are not the same thing and so it is wrong for my ex to say I was having an affair and sleeping with another man over the years, when I fell once and confessed immediately.
I AM trying to straighten out my life. I am not a bad dirty adulterer. I am a person who made a mistake. As you said, I made a bad choice. A VERY bad one. I know that. I haven't repeated it. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, to tell my ex and to tell my bishop. I am thankful for the gift of repentance and forgiveness. Heavenly Father knew we would fall, that's why He provided a Saviour. I am trying to correct what is happening now, the petting. This is why I came here for advice. This is something I would have NEVER thought I could do. EVER! I have been faithful all my life. I too would have said the things you are saying before I fell myself. I foolishly thought I was too strong to ever do anything like this.
I have come to realise, from some of the comments, that I HAVE been letting myself go along with the petting when I can actually just NOT do it. Sometimes a person can be in a situation where they just don't see things properly and need the advice of an outsider. That's what I came here for. I'm glad I did. There is a reason why we are advised to avoid really long courtships, in order to avoid sin. Being an adult in a relationship where you are physically attracted to each other brings a lot more temptation than being single and on your own. There is nothing wrong in wanting to mary asap, if you know this is the person you want to marry. In my case, I do want to marry him, but I would prefer to wait a little longer, to give my family some time to accept our relationship. I just need to be stronger during this time.
Thanks for your comments. I actually do appreciate your input.
Thanks for your passionate and straight to the point comments.

Edited by sugarmama, 20 May 2013 - 04:36 PM.


#13 DHK

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Posted 20 May 2013 - 04:42 PM

However, I do feel a little judged, [...]


Why is it that whenever an OP (original poster) puts out their own version of events...

... asks for advice on what they should do...

... and another poster simply re-iterates what was originally said in their own words...

... that the OP now feels judged?

I find it a fascinating observation that happens frequently in discussion forums.

Let us not forget the Joseph Smith Translation of Matthew 7:1

JST Matt. 7:1–2 Now these are the words which Jesus taught his disciples that they should say unto the people. Judge not unrighteously, that ye be not judged; but judge righteous judgment. Alma 41:14 (14–15); 3 Ne. 14:1 (1–27); D&C 11:12.


We can only work from what you provide us.

Sometimes, it doesn't matter what else is said when it comes to the (gospel) law.

I could hear it now: "Your Honor, I was only going 95 in a 55 mph zone when the officer pulled me over. I only did it once, but now I coast in the same area at about 70 mph. Please don't judge me."

Now, you've painted your scenario, and we are working within our understanding of keeping you in harmony with the covenants we all make at baptism.

I suggest that if you are feeling judged, it is the Spirit working on you - showing you the black & white of your sins.

Mormon 2:11-12

11 Thus there began to be a mourning and a lamentation in all the land because of these things, and more especially among the people of Nephi.

12 And it came to pass that when I, Mormon, saw their lamentation and their mourning and their sorrow before the Lord, my heart did begin to rejoice within me, knowing the mercies and the long-suffering of the Lord, therefore supposing that he would be merciful unto them that they would again become a righteous people.


Please don't let verse 13 describe you:

13 But behold this my joy was vain, for their sorrowing was not unto repentance, because of the goodness of God; but it was rather the sorrowing of the damned, because the Lord would not always suffer them to take happiness in sin.


If you're still feeling judged, please take this verse to heart:

D&C 121:43

43 Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;


Formerly known as 'Skippy740'.

 

"But make no mistake about it, brothers and sisters; in the months and years ahead, events will require of each member that he or she decide whether or not he or she will follow the First Presidency. Members will find it more difficult to halt longer between two opinions (see 1 Kings 18:21).  President Marion G. Romney said, many years ago, that he had "never hesitated to follow the counsel of the Authorities of the Church even though it crossed my social, professional, or political life" (CR, April 1941, p. 123). This is a hard doctrine, but it is a particularly vital doctrine in a society which is becoming more wicked. In short, brothers and sisters, not being ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ includes not being ashamed of the prophets of Jesus Christ." - Neal A. Maxwell, October 10th, 1978.

 

http://speeches.byu....viewitem&id=909


#14 sugarmama

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Posted 20 May 2013 - 05:30 PM

Thanks Skippy,
I think I have a habit of getting defensive. It's something I need to work on. I guess I have a lot to work on. I've read your post over 3 times. I understand now.
I pray that I will be given the strength to follow through with my decision to just stop being alone together and building ourselves up spiritually.

#15 Vort

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Posted 20 May 2013 - 05:42 PM

Thanks Skippy,
I think I have a habit of getting defensive. It's something I need to work on. I guess I have a lot to work on. I've read your post over 3 times. I understand now.
I pray that I will be given the strength to follow through with my decision to just stop being alone together and building ourselves up spiritually.


sugarmama, keep in mind that we are just anonymous internet people. We don't know you or your situation beyond what you tell us. You pretty much get what you pay for here. If our advice is valuable, take it to heart, even if it's not delivered in as pleasant a manner as you would like. If you determine that what we say is not of value, then ignore it. But this is not about us trying to offend you or put you in your place or hurt your feelings or any such thing. This is about us trying to give you advice based on what you have written. Take it for whatever it's worth to you.
As if anyone could knowingly commit sin without being changed both in spirit, body, and mind. Let me say this again, sin changes who we are! --james12
***********************
Nice hand, friend, but those are not the cards I dealt you.

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Impenetrability! That's what I say!

#16 sugarmama

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Posted 20 May 2013 - 05:48 PM

sugarmama, keep in mind that we are just anonymous internet people. We don't know you or your situation beyond what you tell us. You pretty much get what you pay for here. If our advice is valuable, take it to heart, even if it's not delivered in as pleasant a manner as you would like. If you determine that what we say is not of value, then ignore it. But this is not about us trying to offend you or put you in your place or hurt your feelings or any such thing. This is about us trying to give you advice based on what you have written. Take it for whatever it's worth to you.


Thanks Vort.

#17 sugarmama

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Posted 21 May 2013 - 01:35 AM

Good morning all,
I haven't slept much, and have been thinking about everything. I am humbled by the stark reality that I have been playing around with this petting, because I have been telling myself that I could be doing worse. It's clear that it's not the actual thing that will judge me but the state of mind that I am in. The state of mind that lets me do these things rather than put a full stop to it. Each time we have petted, I have prayed for forgiveness and promised not to do it again. We have talked about it and agreed that we would stop it. But in reality we have not tried hard enough.
Before posting on here, I failed to see that the petting requires just as much sincere repentance as I gave to the act of adultery. For the 4 or 5 months that we did not see each other after the act, I was truly penitent and I had never been so low. After some months, I began to feel forgiveness. I began to feel the presence of the spirit little by little again and I guess I started to relax my efforts to come closer to The Lord and gain a full remission of my sins. The 'judging' I felt I was receiving has helped me to realise, as Skippy said, that it is the realisation of my sins that makes me feel I am being judged. I didn't take it seriously enough.
I will try to update my progress here.
Thanks everyone.

#18 Drpepper

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Posted 21 May 2013 - 03:34 AM

Firstly im not here to cast any stones cause i know i could have plenty thrown back at me.
I want to congratulate you on your desire to work through this.

Petting and Adultery aren't the same but i certainly don't want to water down the seriousness of petting.

You have currently hit a road bump in your journey towards salvation and thats what the atonement is for. Some bumps are a little bigger than others and the repentance process can take a little longer but that is available to you through christ perfect gift.

Sounds like your on that road as rocky as it might me. Its times like this you should be thankful for every teacher or leader who taught you something about the atonement.

Don't feel judged by anyones comments. As king Benjamin said "are we not all beggars"

I would be hesitant to marry an individual just to make the sex legal in Gods eyes. A marriage that starts with a footing of only lust is sure to be stepping off on a sandy foundation.

The truth is no one can really see into your life but God. If your looking for advice you will probably find it on your knees.
I just got Kung fu

#19 sugarmama

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Posted 21 May 2013 - 04:32 AM

Firstly im not here to cast any stones cause i know i could have plenty thrown back at me.
I want to congratulate you on your desire to work through this.

Petting and Adultery aren't the same but i certainly don't want to water down the seriousness of petting.

You have currently hit a road bump in your journey towards salvation and thats what the atonement is for. Some bumps are a little bigger than others and the repentance process can take a little longer but that is available to you through christ perfect gift.

Sounds like your on that road as rocky as it might me. Its times like this you should be thankful for every teacher or leader who taught you something about the atonement.

Don't feel judged by anyones comments. As king Benjamin said "are we not all beggars"

I would be hesitant to marry an individual just to make the sex legal in Gods eyes. A marriage that starts with a footing of only lust is sure to be stepping off on a sandy foundation.

The truth is no one can really see into your life but God. If your looking for advice you will probably find it on your knees.


Thank you so much.
We are planning to marry anyway, we have also been trying to avoid the petting, maybe not hard enough, but I felt we might be better off marrying sooner rather than later because of the constant temptation. I wasn't intending to continue petting and get married to make it legal. Not at all. I just wanted to know if I should repent and then wait, for maybe a year before we marry, and thereby risk falling again in that time. Or repent and get married asap. I don't want to be free of the petting for 6 months and then one day fall again and have to start all over. I thought we could repent but marry sooner. The possibility of falling again is there if we are courting for a year or more. But I also think marrying so quickly might not be a good idea, so I'll just pray for strength to repent fully and wait longer before marrying. Like you rightly said, I'll find the advice I need on my knees. That's where I need to be.
Thanks again DrPepper.

#20 Martain

Martain

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Posted 22 May 2013 - 10:46 AM

I'm pleased to see the spirit by which you are receiving the counsel presented to you here and the steps you are making. To me they indicate sincerity regarding repentance and doing the right thing. God bless you in doing so.

Might I add a few words?

You recognize the seriousness of sexual sins correct? You seek forgiveness and a new heart correct? In your efforts to receive forgiveness please do not forget that in order to be forgiven we must also forgive others. The parable of the 10,000 talents and the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18 comes to mind.

Is not your debt which you seek your Lord to forgive similar to the 10,000 talents the servant about had no way of repaying? If you sincerely repent he will indeed forgive this debt. If having had such an enormous debt repaid you then do not forgive those who have trespassed against you, you become like the servant above do you not?

I have a friend who committed adultery with my other friend and then continued living in fornication after the divorce was final. The ex-wife (who previously also committed adultery) and the children hate the new wife and there is much anger and hatred and enmity all around. None are forgiving of each other and thus none are able to receive the forgiveness they so desperately need.

Please don't let the tragic story unfolding in my friends lives happen to you. I hope you will read Matthew 18 and then D&C 64:9-11 and for good measure President Spencer W. Kimball's "The Miracle of Forgiveness" as well.

Sincerely,
Brother M.




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