Before I Count To 3!


Bini
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I just had a MYOB experience with a family member who shall not be named. I've started doing the "before I count to 3" parenting with my toddler. She understands it, so I use it. If she throws something on the floor, I give her until the count of 3 to pick it up, and if she doesn't then it's put away for a bit. As of now the majority of the time she follows through. I suppose this would be a bad method if you didn't have a Plan B for when your child doesn't comply but if you do, I'm not seeing how this is so terrible. It actually gives my daughter a minute or two to process what I'm saying and wanting her to do..

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I see nothing wrong with it...especially if it works for her, she understands the consequence of the count down, and you are following through with the consequence if you reach one. Starting at 3 gives the child time to process.

It's better than what I've seen some parents do with their children over my years as supervisor of Child Protective Services.

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The only problem we've had is that the kids figure out that they have 3 seconds to keep doing what they're doing instead of doing what they're told. I haven't cared enough to change, because otherwise it's been effective for all 5 of them.

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123 doesn't work for both my kids. They both wait until 3 before they stop doing it if they plan on obeying. My husband just says, "Do it now.". They think about it as long as they need to or until my husband's patience runs out whichever comes first.

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I still use the count to 3 with my kids and they are all teens :) I don't see how it is terrible? Like Bini said, it is giving them a prompt that their behaviour is unacceptable, then a little time to process and react.

I find natural consequences work better as they get older, but they can be really hard to implement sometimes.

Some that have worked for us:

- your turn to feed the animals, it hasn't been done, you don't get dinner.

- Rocking on the chair - lose the right to sit on a chair for a while (sit on floor to eat)

- Generally bad behaviour/language/meanness, you are not fit to take out in public, I would be embarrassed, miss out on the trip. My son stayed home with me once while his sisters went to a water park with his cousins - that was a really tough lesson for all of us.

- Stuff all over the floor - it goes in the bin. It only happened once and they got the message.

- wont get out of bed for school and late? Wear the detentions, I will not write a note. If I am driving them and they are running late, they walk.

- Son was being particularly obnoxious in the car one day, so I put him out and he had to walk home (3km!).

Of course these are all the negative consequences, we also have a lot of positive ones to balance it up.

eg Chores and homework done on time and without whinging, family movie night once a week (cheap movies at the uni, but still a good night out).

I have been blessed with particularly well behaved, lovely children, so it is rare that we have negative consequences - and I constantly tell them how wonderful they all are after a day out at some of my friends places :)

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The only problem we've had is that the kids figure out that they have 3 seconds to keep doing what they're doing instead of doing what they're told. I haven't cared enough to change, because otherwise it's been effective for all 5 of them.

Which is actually okay. Part of growing up is learning to test boundaries and limits. Counting to three gives the a safe boundary to test with a predictable limit, sort of a laboratory. Take the laboratory away, and they lose the controlled setting for their experiments and it can be more challenging to see the cause-effect relationship.

Once they develop more abstract and indirect reasoning, the counting usually stops and they can still learn cause and effect from events that aren't so directly tied to each other.

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Counting had little to no affect on me as a child but it worked well on my sister. Once my parents started counting, "one" was enough to get her butt into gear and do whatever it was that they were wanting. I was that kid that counted along.

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Counting had little to no affect on me as a child but it worked well on my sister. Once my parents started counting, "one" was enough to get her butt into gear and do whatever it was that they were wanting. I was that kid that counted along.

This. Everything is child-dependent. Everything.

I have a kid who wouldn't mind going in the corner and would tell me, "It doesn't hurt!" when I whoop him in the butt. Then I have a kid who, just my saying, "Go to the corner" would cry and plead and beg to be forgiven.

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This. Everything is child-dependent. Everything.

I have a kid who wouldn't mind going in the corner and would tell me, "It doesn't hurt!" when I whoop him in the butt. Then I have a kid who, just my saying, "Go to the corner" would cry and plead and beg to be forgiven.

My parents did spanking and no I don't think it's the same as beating a child but my husband and I have chosen not to use that method with our children. Anyway, I got spanked a lot in my childhood because I was such a defiant kid. I was worse than any of the other kids, except for one brother, who in a fit of rage punched his fist through the wall. My parents also incorporated using soap or hot sauce for when we used vulgar language - my youngest sister and brother couldn't take that and started wailing long before it hit their mouth but me - I'd take that mother like it was nothing and I made sure I didn't shed a tear!

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