"Spoiling" a newborn


aruth5000
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So I posted this to my Facebook yesterday...

"Emerson was fighting going to sleep today. Crying for like an hour in his crib before I gave up and picked him. Right after I picked him up he fell right asleep. Now anytime I try to lay him back down he starts crying and wakes up. Guess I should enjoy him wanting to cuddle while it lasts. — feeling blessed."

One of my friends commented saying I was spoiling him. My question is, is it even possible to "spoil" a baby that is only 7 weeks?

Plus how can I ignore a face like this?.. lolPosted Image

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You'll get lots of different answers but I don't believe you can spoil a new born. Crying is their way of communicating and will likely be up until about a year. 7 weeks is very young and baby is still adjusting to the world outside your womb. I see nothing wrong with comforting him at this point. As he gets older, maybe 6 months and older, you can start teaching him to self-soothe during nap and night time. But every baby is different and every parent does parenting differently.

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One of my friends commented saying I was spoiling him. My question is, is it even possible to "spoil" a baby that is only 7 weeks?

In a word: No.

In two words: No way.

In three words: No way, Jose.

You cannot "spoil" an infant. You can train infants to sleep through the night (or at least not expect to get held), to go hungry, to bear separation from a parent, and so forth. But giving into feeding and holding them, etc., will not "spoil" them. To be "spoiled" means to be corrupted by overindulgence. You cannot corrupt an infant by overindulgence.

A two-year-old, on the other hand...maybe so.

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Very sweet baby, congrats!

Your baby spent the vast majority of his life cocooned in the warmth of your uterus, being soothed by your heartbeat and listening to your voice. And suddenly he's suppose to be all ready (and willing) to spend a large part of his new life away from mommy? You're not spoiling him by picking him up and holding him, you're telling him he's important and loved and he will always be taken care of in this strange new world he finds himself in. There is all the time in the world to be independent.

I suggest you take advantage of cuddle time to not only comfort your baby but to heal from childbirth. I firmly believe that mother and newborn are suppose to be in a symbiotic relationship by taking their cues from each other to rest and be active in order to grow (baby) and heal (mom). There are a lot of baby slings and packs on the market, I recommend looking in to that. I got a kanga for my little one and it was the best thing ever. She loved it, and even at the age of 2 she still wanted to snuggle in it with me :)

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  • 3 weeks later...

One thing I have seen with my nephew, is his parents have a very specific bedtime routine. He's 18 months now, but they've been doing for at least a year. They change him into his pjs, and then let him play a bit longer, and then they sing and dance him to his crib. he protests a bit sometimes, but falls asleep right away.

This past weekend, Grandma changed him into his pjs around 6 just to get him comfortable and he cried because he thought he was being sent to bed. Routine is key to a baby knowing what's coming and they do get confused if things change too much.

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Here's my oft repeated mantra

Babies have needs

Children have wants

Adults have agendas

Only flows one way.

Because Of course, the way it actually runs is babies have needs, children have needs and wants, adults have needs, wants and agendas. It just flows better off the tongue.

One of the most frustrating things is people assigning the incorrect motivations to babies and kids. (Ex: a 6yo is NOT attempting to get her mommy or daddy fired for being late. That's an agenda. Kids don't have those. Kiddo may want mommy or daddy to stay home today, or kiddo may just want to finish the next 4 cartoons, or kiddo may not want to get dressed, but they're NOT working on some kind of nefarious plot to get their parents fired. The level of understanding simply isn't there. Yet you hear adults ALL THE TIME acting as if children and babies are miniature adults. They're simply not. Placing adult motivations on a child or infant, or children's motivations on an infant drives me up the wall. Hello! Not an exceptionally small grown up. Baby. Who, at best, is just learning cause and effect. They don't even know that everything they drop goes down, yet! Much less that if they drop it someone has to pick it up! Ahem. When they learn that, you can tell. Becuase they find it hilarious. Wow! Look what I can do! And yet, people constantly make the leap that they're throwing food, to make dad late, because they don't want him working, and want to crush his ambitions and ruin their careers. Um. No. They think its fun to find out "what happens next? If I drop it with my eyes closed? While holding my head? While making a loud noise? A quiet noise? Pooping? With food in my mouth? My ear? When I'm wearing shorts? If there is a dog in the room? Sigh. SCIENTISTS, yes. Master manipulators? Nope.)

You CAN'T spoil a newborn.

Although sadly, you can ruin one.

The psychiatric/neurologic/psychologic community has an exceptionally tragic model for actual statistical data: Russian orphanages.

Obviously, one cannot experiment on babies.

One CAN, however, look at pre-existing models.

Russia has a cultural bias against raising other people's children.

So thousands and thousands of babies are sent to orphanages.

Where the ONLY thing done for them is feeding, bathing, and cleaning them.

Not holding, comforting, playing, or interacting.

I don't have the stats (any child psych, and most abnormal psych book at your local college will, though) ... But without stats, here's what happens when only food, clothing, shelter, cleanliness are provided:

- Some just die off the bat. Not from abuse/neglect, and not from SIDs. Without human contact and interaction (love) they just plain die. Failure to thrive.

- Of those that survive (most, I want to say about 2/3s live, but I don't have those numbers to hand. It could be more/less) very standard effects happen.

EARLY (adopted within a few months)

- attachment disorders

- emotional disorders

- cognitive impairment

Everything Else

- Sociopathy/Psychopathy (kids can't be diagnosed, although most show strong tendencies towards lack of empathy as kids, severe attachment disorders, and as adults are then able to be diagnosed with either sociopathy or psychopathy. These are longitudinal studies following several generations of Soviet, now Russian, kids and adults).

- Neurological impairment (cognitive, emotional, gross motor, fine motor, sensory)

There's more... But that's the foundation.

AKA completely screwed up.

Becuase NEEDS are not being met.

(These studies are also why Western NICUs attempt skin on skin & bonding time/ parents wanted present as much as possible, and volunteers the rest of the time.)

Because love & comfort & human contact are NEEDS for babies.

Just as important as food & shelter.

It's when babies become KIDS that one needs to worry about dealing spoiling.

Generally between age 1-2, although teaching empathy & cause/effect starts younger... Their brains aren't developed enough before age 1.

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Russia has a cultural bias against raising other people's children.

Unless of course they have the potential when very young of being a potential Olympic athlete.

And I'm not sure if I'd say it's a cultural bias. It's a bureaucratic thing. For years doctors recommended to parents that kids with any kind of several medical issue to turn them over to the government. Which meant going into a government run orphanage. It's big money for those that run these orphanages. But there are groups that are currently trying to turn the tides on this but are being forced to fight the bureaucracy.

Edited by pam
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