Going back to work!

[Backroads]

So, with Husband's work schedule, we figured we might try for a little bit of extra money and I've been putting out applications.

Well, I'm starting with a 2nd grade classroom on Monday. Very short notice.

Baby Girl is more or less weaned during the biggest chunk of the day and Husband is great with her, so we technically have everything covered on that base.

But I'm really terrified! It's just for two months till summer (see how I feel about it), but despite my excitement for this I'm terrified to leave my baby.

Any advice?

[Quin]

1) Set up a goodbye/hello* routine! She probably won't need it now... But it's amaaaaazing to already have ground in at bone level that when mommy goes away she ALWAYS comes back. So when separation anxiety hits in toddler years, you have thay bone deep knowledge & routine that both shortens the phase (often to less than a week), and is super comforting (to both of you). Doesn't really matter what the routine is, you're just going for Pavlov. Mine was kisses at the door, and waving out the window on my way out to the car, and then waving out my sunroof. My mum waved baby arms until he could wave himself.

1.5) You're a teacher, so you already know not to prolong goodbyes or make them all tearful & emotional since kids take their cues from us. Same durn thing when you're leaving them at home instead of leaving them at school. Upbeat & nonchalant is the name of the game.

2) I had to remind myself a LOT with my first that "It's a good thing for him to bond, form relationships, and be loved by other people. It's a good thing to feel loved by other people. Good thing. Good thing. Good thing."

2.5) Other people do things differently, and will have different relationships with him, AND that's okay.

3*) DONT come straight home. No matter how much you miss them and WANT to come straight home. Instead, find a coffee place or cafe or whatever, as close to home as you can. Ideally less than 5 minutes. (Close to home. Not close to work, -spoiler alert- because you don't want to ruin the "zen" by sitting in yucky traffic and getting all stressed out again.) AT said cafe, coffee shop, whathaveyou... Park. Go inside & wash your face. Change your clothes. Order a drink or pastry & sit and read, listen to music, surf the web -whatever- for 10 or 15 minutes.

Here's why: After being all stressed and gross feeling when you "come home from work" ALL you are goin. To want to do is change outta your work clothes, sit, and de stress for a few minutes. Since hubs or gran has been "on" with the baby all day, all THEY are going to want to do is "come home from work" (same thing, take 10-15, wash up, clear their head).

If YOU have already done that just a few minutes away, you can jump in with a huge smile & send them off to collapse for a few minutes, and everyone is all warm & happy.

If you DONT change gears before coming home, then BOTH of you will be wanting to do the same thing, only one gets to, and it leads to both people feeling super tired, and the kids feeling like a burden instead of *excitement, yayayay, mommy's home!*.

From a kids point of view, too at least IMHO, it's always better to be loved and swooped up from the door... Trains them to be excited to see you (love. this. Especially in teen years. Eyes light up and get the half stand before they remember they're supposed to be mad &/or "cool & ignore" at me) Ha Ha. You're haaaaappy to seeee me.... Instead of training them to "Be quiet, don't pester your mother/father, let them have a few minutes of peace and quiet, sheesh! Show some respect. They work hard all day and are tired and don't need you bugging them." which trains them to ignore you or avoid you.

1&3) The "Hello!" Routine. Just like the goodbye routine... It can be whatever you want. Same thing every time conditions a response. I like to double up both the secure attachment / they know I always come back AND happy face by pouncing /playing /loving on them when I do... But how one goes about that is different in every family. Like bedtime. There's 10,000 right ways and only 2 or 3 wrong ones.

4) With babies... Expect their sleep schedule to change so that they sleep more & eat less when you're gone... And are awake more when you're home. Everyone I know has had this happen to them. So you THINK you'll get the same sleep, but really, you don't. Awake awake awake wee one, or an added night feeding (or 3) or both. It's really not the fault of the other parent or grandparent or caregiver. Babies just DO this. They don't care about day/night. Takes them a month or so, but they're wiley creatures who figure out when mom is home & glom onto it.

Q

[lagarthaaz]

Of course you don't want to leave your baby- it's really, really tough to go back to work even when you know your child is with their dad or another significant person who loves them. We all go to work for different reasons, for me it was, and still is out of economic necessity.

Quinn has given excellent advice - I can't add to any of it. But I can tell you what I've done wrong. You know that saying "If you can't be a good example - be a horrible warning"?

My first time going back to work when middle daughter was about four - I was full of mother-guilt, and to stop her from crying in the morning when I left, I am embarrassed to say I resorted to bribery and promised to bring her home a toy or a treat at the end of the day (worst strategy EVER!). On my way home I'd stop at the dollar store and buy a cheap paint set or pony or whatever I thought she'd like...and it took me ages to wean her off the expectation that she should have a present to make up for the fact that mummy was going to be away all day at work.

With my last child, I avoided that trap and now she is quite happy to wave me off in the morning.

Quinn is spot-on about taking a few minutes for yourself somewhere close to home. If nothing else, try and take this advice, especially as you know how draining a day of teaching and then coming home to do preparation work can be.

It may sound terrible, and your baby isn't at this stage yet, but having kids leaping on you before you even get a chance to walk in the door can be difficult to manage. We have a new rule - don't jump on mummy until she's been to the bathroom first!

Good luck with your first day at the new job :)

[Maureen]

I bet parents go through separation anxiety more than kids do. I know I did. But if you feel comfortable with who is looking after your baby while you are away from her, than that will make it much easier. Once you're at work it will get easier during the day especially if you are distracted by work. For your first week you will probably be very anxious to get home, and seeing your baby after you've been away for longer than usual, will be wonderful for the both of you. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is a very applicable saying for that moment.

M.

Edited March 22, 2014 by Maureen

[lagarthaaz]

I bet parents go through separation anxiety more than kids do.

Ain't that the truth