Should we get back together?


Recommended Posts

I'm 17 and a senior in high school, she is 18 and a freshmen in college. We dated for 3 months and then broke up because we decided we should try to follow the church's guidlines and not steady date. It's been about a month since we broke up, and we've both tried to go on dates with other people, but we are both pretty quite and the dates have just been awkward. They aren't even that enjoyable and They aren't worth the effort they take to plan. We still love each other and when we are together it doesn't matter what we are doing, it just feels right. I don't understand why the church would tell us to throw away this amazing relationship that we had. If we got back together it could still be just as amazing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No, you probably shouldn't get back together.

If you're really having that much trouble interacting with other people on dates, then you likely are lacking in valuable social experience. Remaining with her is the easy way out and, if that is the path you choose, could keep you socially stunted.

You're 17 and 18. The next 5 years of your lives will be some of the most drastic emotional development you'll ever experience. And neither of you will be the same person you are when it's over. You'll both come out of it healthier and more enriched if you are free to explore diverse social experiences.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The guidelines are set up to protect all involved. When we think of "The Church" it can be pictured as just a list of rules to follow. A blob without a face. But when you think of the Church, with the guidelines, the commandments, the rules, the covenants... this comes from Heavenly Father. The rules and guidelines are not of men, but are inspired by our creator. If we think of it in this way, then, what we have been asked is no longer faceless. What God asks us to do has meaning, with often eternal consequences. 

 

I am sure there are plenty here that wish that they would have followed the rule that you have to this point, including myself. Your happiness is not tied to this one decision in life, although it may feel that way. When our human will and minds seem to point opposite of the teachings we have, it is at these times that we must hold on to those teachings the most. Otherwise heartache often follows. 

 

I also fully agree with MOE. Best wishes. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The church isn't telling you to throw away the relationship. That's a silly interpretation. Dating others as well doesn't mean you can't still be friends, hang out, and even date. Just don't date each other steadily.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The church isn't telling you to throw away the relationship.

 

Indeed.  They're just asking you ("you" being audeoninja, not TFP) to delay it.

 

True love waits.  If delaying a relationship a couple of years is tantamount to throwing it away, doesn't that tell you something about the quality of the relationship in the first place?

Edited by Just_A_Guy
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Stop treating the dates with other people as a replacement for the way you feel about each other. It's not fair to your date and it's not fair to you. It's a date. It's a social convention necessary to our society.  And they can actually be fun.  Go out, meet some people, relax, and stop taking things so seriously.  Because you are still in high school.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dating sucks sometimes. That's how it is for everyone. It sucks even worse when you spend the whole date comparing the person you're with to someone who is becoming more and more a romanticized ideal, and less and less a real person. In other words, as time goes on and you pine for her, you'll forget the bad and exaggerate the good in your mind, and no one else will have a chance.

 

So what to do? Be okay with mourning the end (maybe just for now) of that romantic relationship, and date for fun. Not to find a soul mate, not to look for a wife. But to practice treating a woman well, and to learn some new things about what you might like or not like.

 

I've been through this. It hurts like heck. But if you trust that Heavenly Father likely has something in mind for you that's even better than you can imagine, whether with her or someone else, you'll be okay.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Your brain will not fuly mature until your mid the late twenties. Emotionally as teens feel love reason, evidence and consequences are forgotten or ignored. The church counsels teens not steady date because law of chasity issue easily set in after love is establish. That is the natural sequence. And since young men should service missions they should not be falling in love before missions--ideally.

 

You said you both love each other but what does love mean at 17 or 18? What is the evidence of love? Sacrafice?

 

As time moves on so will you. Besides if she's at BYU without you it's only a matter of time. Good luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share