Repentance After Inactivity


yoyoteacher
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Today was my first day attending church in seven years. I am a convert, and was baptized eleven years ago. I have wanted to come back, but have struggled with personal stubbornness and anxiety of what would happen. I realized that my personal salvation should not be held back by a stubborn decision I made at the age of 20.

I had some very positive interactions and was pointed in the direction of the stake YSA branch, which I know will be good for me with where I am in life. I'm just nervous and a little anxious to talk with the branch president.

Over the last seven years, I have really messed up. I think I've broken just about every rule that's covered in For the Strength of Youth. I smoked for a few years, but am now smoke free for four months. I drank socially, but have not done so more than four or five times in the past year. I have two tattoos that I got four years ago. I broke the law of chastity with my now ex bf, but have not had a relationship of that nature for 3 years.

I felt the blessings of being at church today, and was moved to tears more than once. I'm so scared that even with having changed and never wanting to go back to how things were, and for finally getting to the point spiritually that I yearned to be at church, once I confess to the branch president there will be severe disciplinary consequences.

I know there is nothing you of the internet can do. I just don't have any members in my family that I can talk to and I was so anxious even being around my adopted LDS family from my teenage years, and they were just so loving and kind and happy to see me, I didn't feel like today was the right time to confide my shortcomings and seek advice from them.

Thank you for listening.

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Usually after periods of inactivity meeting with the Bishop is not as dreadful and you might think. The important thing is to return to the fold and seek for forgiveness, that will be given. The angels rejoice, for you we lost and now found...welcome back? God bless all you efforts, and one thing very important, forgive yourself.

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What does a bishop look for when he is looking for signs that a member has truly repented of their sin?  He is going to look for a change in behavior away from bad habits into good habits, he is going to look for a renewed commitment to do spiritual things like read scriptures, pray, go to church help others.  By returning you potentially hit everything a bishop might be looking for except a willingness to confess.  Guess what you can easily do?  Set up an appointment to confess.

 

Now I can't promise you that your bishop will see it that way, or when you talk to him in person he might see something that we can not from your post.  That is why his is the bishop and we are not.   But there is a very good chance that it will be no where near as bad as you fear.  And if your bishop has to take action it will not be to punish you but to help you get back on the right track.  And that is worth everything is it not?

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Hi yoyoteacher,

 

I'm really glad you posted this.  I am also a less-active LDS convert struggling to return to the Church for petty reasons that nobody would find interesting.  Your story helped me a lot and gave me courage to be strong.  So... thank you.  (I'm moving to a new state and then on travel, but I've targeted December as my first day back in an LDS ward after many years.)

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You are welcome. It's funny, but I had a lot of "signs" this week. I coach middle school cheerleading, and found out that one of my girls is LDS. She was sharing her thoughts and excitement about general conference during our last football game. Then, while grocery shopping last night, I saw the missionaries in the checkout line just ahead of me. Between these two events, it was a definite nudge that I needed to stop just thinking about church and follow through.

The youngest daughter of my adopted LDS family gave her farewell talk prior to leaving for her mission, and it made my heart swell to see her excitement to catch up with me.

I'm glad to know that posting is doing more than just helping myself work through everything.

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  • 2 weeks later...

What I mean is that we are adults and we shouldn't have to confide anything to people who are not responsible for our actions. It's my business, not anyone else's. Besides that, who can you really trust with what you say. You already know the bishopric talks to each other about you, and in a YSA ward, they are especially over zealous about being into your business because they think you're still a child. Can you really trust someone not to accidentally say something?

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What I mean is that we are adults and we shouldn't have to confide anything to people who are not responsible for our actions. It's my business, not anyone else's. Besides that, who can you really trust with what you say. You already know the bishopric talks to each other about you, and in a YSA ward, they are especially over zealous about being into your business because they think you're still a child. Can you really trust someone not to accidentally say something?

 

 

You are indeed an adult and you have the right to choose your own path.  The advise to talk to the Bishop assumes a few choices made by the OP.  Choice one...  To love Christ and to show that love (per the scriptures) by obeying Christ's Commands. Including confession that is part of Christ's command to repeat.  People don't have to love Christ, that is a choice they make, as is following Christ's commands.  But it is kind of assumed that is where the OP is based on his stated desire to return.   Choice two...  To believe that the LDS church is true.  A person does not have to believe that.  But since the OP has stated that he is wanted to return to the LDS faith it seems safe to assume that he has chosen to believe that (or at least try to)

 

Part of the LDS belief is that serious sins need to be confessed to the proper priesthood authority (aka bishop).  The priesthood authority then is to help the confessing sinner repent and become right with god (some mistake this as punishment).

 

No one makes a person believe these things.  And if they don't then by all means they should take a different path, a path that more closely matches what they do desire to believe.  If someone doesn't choose to love Christ, or they don't choose to try to follow his command, or they don't choose to believe the LDS faith is true... then they really shouldn't be trying to return or otherwise be a part of the LDS faith.  Because those are some of the fundamental beliefs that make the LDS church a religion and not just a social/cultural group

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Today was my first day attending church in seven years. I am a convert, and was baptized eleven years ago. I have wanted to come back, but have struggled with personal stubbornness and anxiety of what would happen. I realized that my personal salvation should not be held back by a stubborn decision I made at the age of 20.

I had some very positive interactions and was pointed in the direction of the stake YSA branch, which I know will be good for me with where I am in life. I'm just nervous and a little anxious to talk with the branch president.

Over the last seven years, I have really messed up. I think I've broken just about every rule that's covered in For the Strength of Youth. I smoked for a few years, but am now smoke free for four months. I drank socially, but have not done so more than four or five times in the past year. I have two tattoos that I got four years ago. I broke the law of chastity with my now ex bf, but have not had a relationship of that nature for 3 years.

I felt the blessings of being at church today, and was moved to tears more than once. I'm so scared that even with having changed and never wanting to go back to how things were, and for finally getting to the point spiritually that I yearned to be at church, once I confess to the branch president there will be severe disciplinary consequences.

I know there is nothing you of the internet can do. I just don't have any members in my family that I can talk to and I was so anxious even being around my adopted LDS family from my teenage years, and they were just so loving and kind and happy to see me, I didn't feel like today was the right time to confide my shortcomings and seek advice from them.

Thank you for listening.

I was recently in your exact position. I was inactive for years, I got several tattoos, I drank alcohol every night, and, without going into great detail, I too had issues with the law of chastity.

When the longing to return to Church came upon me, the first thing I did was make an appointment with my Bishop to talk things over, and discuss what I could do to get myself back on track.

There was no punishment or disciplinary action involved at all. My Bishop radiated love and concern, and joy that I wanted to come back.

I encourage you not to be afraid or dread talking with your leader(s) about your concerns. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. I would confess if I were you, just for your own peace of mind. After doing so, you can be confident in your worthiness to partake of ALL the blessings that Heavenly Father has in store for you.

I wondered if I were worthy to take the Sacrament, for example. My Bishop was able to assure me that I was, so I didn't have to be uncomfortable wondering if I ought to take it or not. It gave me great peace within to speak with my leader. I encourage you to go ahead and talk with your leader. I believe you'll have a great burden lifted from your heart as our Father in Heaven welcomes you with open arms and a joyful countenance.

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I was inactive for 25 years. My new ward and my bishop welcomed me back with open arms. I was even living with a boyfriend when I first started attending church. I experienced nothing but gentleness even from my bishop. My bishop offerered me a calling and when I explained that I was living with someone, he gently suggested that we needed to wait until I resolved that situation. No fire and brimstone. It takes a few months to readjust your life. Many former smokers slip up after baptism. G-d knows if you are sincerely making strides.

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The last three weeks have been a slow process, but a blessed one. I feel very grateful that I made the decision I did. And, like many said, the meeting with my branch president was not as bad as I thought it would be.

There's a branch temple trip scheduled next Saturday and though I don't feel like I'm spiritually where I want to be, I know I'm on the right path to being there again someday and hope to be able to attend the next trip.

My biggest source of insecurity right now is knowing that the tattoos I got over my inactive period are in slightly more visible areas and that if I were to wear a skirt that hits anywhere above the ankle, they would be visible. It's not so much the fact that I can see them or non members can see them, it's the worry that other members will see them and assume the worst of me.

One of the major reasons I fell away was the harsh judgement of a peer during a time where I needed compassion and support. I'm scared that someone seeing these tattoos will result in that same judgement when my testimony is still extremely fragile and growing once again. Just thinking about it has me close to tears. I know that my past actions were wrong and am in the midst of repentance, but knowing how humans can react...I think that's really the hardest thing for me to deal with.

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My biggest source of insecurity right now is knowing that the tattoos I got over my inactive period are in slightly more visible areas and that if I were to wear a skirt that hits anywhere above the ankle, they would be visible. It's not so much the fact that I can see them or non members can see them, it's the worry that other members will see them and assume the worst of me.

One of the major reasons I fell away was the harsh judgement of a peer during a time where I needed compassion and support. I'm scared that someone seeing these tattoos will result in that same judgement when my testimony is still extremely fragile and growing once again. Just thinking about it has me close to tears. I know that my past actions were wrong and am in the midst of repentance, but knowing how humans can react...I think that's really the hardest thing for me to deal with.

 

Congratulations and welcome back!

 

I just wanted to voice my support.  In my opinion, if someone judges you over something as silly as tattoos (or over anything else, for that matter), they are in need of repentance for being judgmental, contrary to the teachings of Jesus.  It is a sign that something is wrong with them, and not you.  We are supposed to be a different, special people, and being judgmental, in my opinion, is behavior that is extremely contrary to gospel teachings.

 

But I seriously doubt that anyone will care, or even really notice, as tattoos are extremely common.  I even had a bishop and a number of mission companions who had tattoos! (and they were some of the most amazing and spiritual people I have ever met).

Edited by DoctorLemon
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The last three weeks have been a slow process, but a blessed one. I feel very grateful that I made the decision I did. And, like many said, the meeting with my branch president was not as bad as I thought it would be.

There's a branch temple trip scheduled next Saturday and though I don't feel like I'm spiritually where I want to be, I know I'm on the right path to being there again someday and hope to be able to attend the next trip.

My biggest source of insecurity right now is knowing that the tattoos I got over my inactive period are in slightly more visible areas and that if I were to wear a skirt that hits anywhere above the ankle, they would be visible. It's not so much the fact that I can see them or non members can see them, it's the worry that other members will see them and assume the worst of me.

One of the major reasons I fell away was the harsh judgement of a peer during a time where I needed compassion and support. I'm scared that someone seeing these tattoos will result in that same judgement when my testimony is still extremely fragile and growing once again. Just thinking about it has me close to tears. I know that my past actions were wrong and am in the midst of repentance, but knowing how humans can react...I think that's really the hardest thing for me to deal with.

I think I've mentioned this before in this thread, but I have tattoos too. I have one in the middle of my right forearm, two just above my ankle on my outside right leg, one on top of my left foot, one on top of my right foot, and one on my left inner wrist.

The right forearm one is very visible, as are the ones on my right leg when I wear a skirt above ankle-length, and the ones on my feet are visible whenever I wear dress shoes, which is every Sunday.

Nobody has said a word about it. My Bishop has told me before that I may end up being the Ward Chorister again, which means standing in front of the whole congregation waving my tattooed arm around for all to see.

I think it'll be just fine if people see your tattoos, and I doubt if anyone will think badly of you.

Best wishes for a joyful return!

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Everyone lies and has secrets. Anyone who judges you is hiding their own lie or secret that is probably worst than anything you have done. Find out their lies and secrets and use it to your advantage. After all, that's what they are doing when they judge you.

I think it's terrible advice to tell someone to look for things to use against other people. This person is trying to come back into activity and be closer to her Heavenly Father and Christ. I really don't think that advising her to do something against people is a very good thing to do. You're encouraging her to start off with bad intent, and that's just not right.

Edited by Silhouette
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Yes, she has probably lied about something in her lifetime and has some secret she hasn't told anyone. Everyone has and when other people, even members of this church, find them out, they use it against that person. But the point isn't about anything in her life. It's about others judging her unfairly, using what they do and do not see against her.

I didn't say to use their lies and secrets against them, I said use it to your advantage. You will find that you care a lot less about the judgement of others when you know their lies and secrets.

There were several people in my ward that believed lies about me that another person told them. When I learn the lies and secrets of his life, suddenly it no longer mattered to me what he said. So I waited. Eventually the members found out who he really was. Unfortunately, by the time the truth did come out, the damage was done. Some people still believed him, some didn't, and I had an unearned reputation. While I no longer cared about the judgments casts upon me, I got tired of dealing with it and so it became one of the reasons I am inactive. Perhaps had I found a way to use it to my advantage, the situation could have ended better.

So find out the secret and lies of those that judge you. At the very least, you will know them for who they really are and perhaps find a way to use it to your advantage.

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Yes, she has probably lied about something in her lifetime and has some secret she hasn't told anyone. Everyone has and when other people, even members of this church, find them out, they use it against that person. But the point isn't about anything in her life. It's about others judging her unfairly, using what they do and do not see against her.

I didn't say to use their lies and secrets against them, I said use it to your advantage. You will find that you care a lot less about the judgement of others when you know their lies and secrets.

There were several people in my ward that believed lies about me that another person told them. When I learn the lies and secrets of his life, suddenly it no longer mattered to me what he said. So I waited. Eventually the members found out who he really was. Unfortunately, by the time the truth did come out, the damage was done. Some people still believed him, some didn't, and I had an unearned reputation. While I no longer cared about the judgments casts upon me, I got tired of dealing with it and so it became one of the reasons I am inactive. Perhaps had I found a way to use it to my advantage, the situation could have ended better.

So find out the secret and lies of those that judge you. At the very least, you will know them for who they really are and perhaps find a way to use it to your advantage.

I'm sorry that you had such a bad experience in your ward, but I must disagree with your advice to the OP.

In a previous post, you advised her not to confess to her Church leaders, and now you're telling her to find out "lies and secrets" about other members so that she can use it against them....pardon me....so that she can use it "to her advantage".

You're putting a very negative vibe on her experiences as she tries to return to activity. I don't believe I've ever seen such cynicism as you are displaying.

Though it might be difficult for you, given what you experienced, have a little faith that things will go well for her, instead of coming up with negative scenarios and negative ways to deal with things.

The solutions and advice you are coming up with are very much against what the Savior would have someone do. Rather than assuming something negative will occur, why not offer her encouragement and support?

I understand that you had a bad experience yourself, but please don't let that cause you to expect that everyone's experience will be negative, and certainly don't let it cause you to give advice that goes completely against what the Savior teaches.

Give her positive feedback rather than frightening her with negative speculation. She's already nervous about returning. It's wrong to discourage her with such negativity as your prior posts have contained.

Again, I'm sad for your bad experience and the apparent cynicism it has caused in you. I hope you know your Heavenly Father and Jesus love you, and that you can feel Their love in your life.

Edited by Silhouette
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