Please Give Me Your Thoughts and Advice

[Silhouette]

I will briefly review my history for those who have forgotten or don't know me well. I have been inactive for a number of years and have just recently returned to Church. I didn't break any temple covenants while inactive, and continued to wear my garments and pay a full tithe. I did experience some Word of Wisdom problems, but stopped several months ago, and have repented and kept up regular meetings with my Bishop for the past year, to discuss my progress and goals during my reactivation. The meetings began while I was inactive, and are continuing.

This past Sunday my Bishop presented a calling to me, the nature of which I can't discuss yet because I've not been sustained yet. However, I would like to relate to you all some things that my Bishop told me at the time he presented this calling to me. Things I have struggled with.

First, he told me that he had had a personal revelation about me specifically, telling him to offer me this calling. That part was great. No issues there.

Then he proceeded to tell me that the Presidency involved in this position said very plainly that they did not want me in the position. And that the counselor in the Bishopric over this organization expressed serious reservations too.

The Bishop told me that he ended up having to just about force the issue, and that he "really went to bat" for me.

He told me that when these folks realized that he WAS going to extend the calling to me despite their protests, they then came up with the suggestion of calling an additional person to share the calling with me. He vetoed that idea too, saying that me doing it on my own was a great opportunity for growth and experience. This position is held by only one person, and calling a second person to the same position is absolutely outside the norm.

Now, he tried to soften all of this by saying that he didn't think they didn't want me because I couldn't do the job, but that he thought it was because they were afraid that I would be overwhelmed by it and stop coming again due to the stress that goes along with this calling. They told him that they wanted someone who could "hit the ground running."

I didn't particularly want to go into this organization in the first place. They don't want me in it anyway. To me this is a recipe for disaster.

I did accept the calling and am supposed to be sustained and set apart this coming Sunday. Despite my own reservations about this organization, I have prayed about it and felt the Spirit. I will do my very best and have faith in the Lord that He will be beside me all the way.

Nevertheless, it feels like I'm going into a place where I am clearly not wanted, and that the odds are already stacked against me for success. I dislike having to be "forced" on anyone. I feel that I'm diving head first into a very hostile situation.

Thoughts? Advice? Thanks in advance. I am really struggling with all of this.

Edited November 20, 2014 by Silhouette

[notquiteperfect]

Oh, dear.  I would probably do the following:

 

-tell the bishop you'll do it for 6 months and reassess in case it really isn't working out

-act as though you're completely oblivious to how they feel*

-and PROVE THEM WRONG!

 

All the best - you can do it!

 

*a few benefits to this: 

- one being that as long as you're friendly and helpful, it's on them if they're not

- unity is important so fake it till you make it

- starting off on the right foot can make all the difference

[PolarVortex]

Hi Silhouette,

 

Have you ever read The Four Agreeements by Don Miguel Ruiz?  It's not LDS, but it contains much wisdom.  One of his rules is not to take anything personally.  (This was really hard for me to learn, because I come from a family where every negative gesture is instantly interpreted as a vicious personal attack, even silly little accidental stuff.)

 

Anyway, back to you.  From your perspective, it may look like you're not wanted.  I would certainly feel that way if I were in your shoes.  But how does the world look from perspective of that Presidency?  Was their attitude specifically "We don't want Silhouette"? Or was it a more general "We want Silhouette's return to the church to be wonderful and positive, and we're concerned that a sudden calling might set into motion the same things that caused her to drift away many years ago"?  If the 2nd one, I don't think that's so bad.

 

The members of the Presidency in your story may be making a decision with limited information.  They may only know part of your story and to be safe they are erring on the side of caution.  But you may be reacting with limited information, too.  You might not know their true hearts, and they might be motivated purely by concern for your happiness and well-being and not by any personal hostility to you.

 

What a great opportunity to hold your head high and be strong and Christlike.  Who knows, maybe God is behind this little skirmish.  I would hug your bishop, thank him lavishly for his going to bat for you, accept the calling, and be wildly successful.  Outrageously successful.  So successful that you're profiled in the Ensign, maybe.  And a year from now when you cross paths with members of that Presidency, thank them for their caution and concern and tell them joyfully how wonderful the calling was and how much it improved you and how wise your bishop was to ignore them.  (Okay, maybe you don't have to verbalize the last part.)

 

By the way, your accepting the calling will make your bishop feel like a million bucks.  He sounds like a wonderful man... I'm tempted to join your ward.

 

Best wishes,

Polar

[classylady]

Then he proceeded to tell me that the Presidency involved in this position said very plainly that they did not want me in the position. And that the counselor in the Bishopric over this organization expressed serious reservations too.

The Bishop told me that he ended up having to just about force the issue, and that he "really went to bat" for me.

Now, he tried to soften all of this by saying that he didn't think they didn't want me because I couldn't do the job, but that he thought it was because they were afraid that I would be overwhelmed by it and stop coming again due to the stress that goes along with this calling. They told him that they wanted someone who could "hit the ground running."

I didn't particularly want to go into this organization in the first place. They don't want me in it anyway. To me this is a recipe for disaster.

I did accept the calling and am supposed to be sustained and set apart this coming Sunday. Despite my own reservations about this organization, I have prayed about it and felt the Spirit. I will do my very best and have faith in the Lord that He will be beside me all the way.

Nevertheless, it feels like I'm going into a place where I am clearly not wanted, and that the odds are already stacked against me for success. I dislike having to be "forced" on anyone. I feel that I'm diving head first into a very hostile situation.

Thoughts? Advice? Thanks in advance. I am really struggling with all of this.

 

 

 

The Bishop has great faith in you.  So does the Lord. It doesn't sound like the others in the Presidency have anything against you personally. It sounds more like they are concerned about your Spiritual growth and are afraid that too much is being placed on your plate. From what I know of you here on LDS.net, is that you have great spiritual strength. IMO, you would be a wonderful asset to any calling in the church. I would love to have you on my "team". 

 

You will do fine. Don't mention what you know about their feelings. Trust the Lord and trust your Bishop.

Edited November 20, 2014 by classylady

[Silhouette]

Hi Silhouette,

Have you ever read The Four Agreeements by Don Miguel Ruiz? It's not LDS, but it contains much wisdom. One of his rules is not to take anything personally. (This was really hard for me to learn, because I come from a family where every negative gesture is instantly interpreted as a vicious personal attack, even silly little accidental stuff.)

Anyway, back to you. From your perspective, it may look like you're not wanted. I would certainly feel that way if I were in your shoes. But how does the world look from perspective of that Presidency? Was their attitude specifically "We don't want Silhouette"? Or was it a more general "We want Silhouette's return to the church to be wonderful and positive, and we're concerned that a sudden calling might set into motion the same things that caused her to drift away many years ago"? If the 2nd one, I don't think that's so bad.

The members of the Presidency in your story may be making a decision with limited information. They may only know part of your story and to be safe they are erring on the side of caution. But you may be reacting with limited information, too. You might not know their true hearts, and they might be motivated purely by concern for your happiness and well-being and not by any personal hostility to you.

What a great opportunity to hold your head high and be strong and Christlike. Who knows, maybe God is behind this little skirmish. I would hug your bishop, thank him lavishly for his going to bat for you, accept the calling, and be wildly successful. Outrageously successful. So successful that you're profiled in the Ensign, maybe. And a year from now when you cross paths with members of that Presidency, thank them for their caution and concern and tell them joyfully how wonderful the calling was and how much it improved you and how wise your bishop was to ignore them. (Okay, maybe you don't have to verbalize the last part.)

By the way, your accepting the calling will make your bishop feel like a million bucks. He sounds like a wonderful man... I'm tempted to join your ward.

Best wishes,

Polar

It's funny you should say those things about my Bishop. He did in fact ask for a hug afterwards in the hallway outside his office. (He didn't feel it was proper to hug behind a closed door.)

When I told him I would consider taking the calling after discussing it with my husband, his response was a huge, wide smile and a clap of his hands, and a big "Yes!"

Then after I did discuss it with my husband, I texted the Bishop and told him that I would definitely accept the calling. By his response, you would have thought that we were two young people and that I had just accepted his proposal of marriage. "Wow!!! That's wonderful, Melanie! You have made me so very happy! I'll get the ball rolling! Wow, this is great!!"

I'm glad SOMEone is happy about this.

[Silhouette]

Oh, dear. I would probably do the following:

-tell the bishop you'll do it for 6 months and reassess in case it really isn't working out

-act as though you're completely oblivious to how they feel*

-and PROVE THEM WRONG!

All the best - you can do it!

*a few benefits to this:

- one being that as long as you're friendly and helpful, it's on them if they're not

- unity is important so fake it till you make it

- starting off on the right foot can make all the difference

All this is very true. I told my husband that I was determined to be successful just to spite the naysayers.

[Silhouette]

Then he proceeded to tell me that the Presidency involved in this position said very plainly that they did not want me in the position. And that the counselor in the Bishopric over this organization expressed serious reservations too.

The Bishop told me that he ended up having to just about force the issue, and that he "really went to bat" for me.

Now, he tried to soften all of this by saying that he didn't think they didn't want me because I couldn't do the job, but that he thought it was because they were afraid that I would be overwhelmed by it and stop coming again due to the stress that goes along with this calling. They told him that they wanted someone who could "hit the ground running."

I didn't particularly want to go into this organization in the first place. They don't want me in it anyway. To me this is a recipe for disaster.

I did accept the calling and am supposed to be sustained and set apart this coming Sunday. Despite my own reservations about this organization, I have prayed about it and felt the Spirit. I will do my very best and have faith in the Lord that He will be beside me all the way.

Nevertheless, it feels like I'm going into a place where I am clearly not wanted, and that the odds are already stacked against me for success. I dislike having to be "forced" on anyone. I feel that I'm diving head first into a very hostile situation.

Thoughts? Advice? Thanks in advance. I am really struggling with all of this.

The Bishop has great faith in you. So does the Lord. It doesn't sound like the others in the Presidency have anything against you personally. It sounds more like they are concerned about your Spiritual growth and are afraid that too much is being placed on your plate. From what I know of you here on LDS.net, is that you have great spiritual strength. IMO, you would be a wonderful asset to any calling in the church. I would love to have you on my "team".

You will do fine. Don't mention what you know about their feelings. Trust the Lord and trust your Bishop.

Thank you so much for your kind words and comments. I won't say anything to them about what the Bishop told me. I'll just wait and see what happens. I'm going to the organization on Sunday after I'm sustained (assuming none of them raises their hand to oppose) and I'm taking a notebook to write things down. I hope that will help me to remember duties and head off any forgetfulness on my part about what I'm supposed to do.

[Maureen]

...Now, he tried to soften all of this by saying that he didn't think they didn't want me because I couldn't do the job, but that he thought it was because they were afraid that I would be overwhelmed by it and stop coming again due to the stress that goes along with this calling. They told him that they wanted someone who could "hit the ground running."....

...Nevertheless, it feels like I'm going into a place where I am clearly not wanted, and that the odds are already stacked against me for success. I dislike having to be "forced" on anyone. I feel that I'm diving head first into a very hostile situation....

 

 

Silhouette, I'm not sure why you think you are not wanted. From what you've said it sounds like the others are just concerned that you've been given too much all at once and they're worried the calling itself might make you become inactive again.

 

M. 

Edited November 21, 2014 by Maureen

[NeuroTypical]

I've accepted more than one calling that absolutely terrified me.  Tests of faith are important, Silhouette.  Either this church is led by Christ or it isn't.  Why not throw yourself forward in faith and see what happens?

[Guest MormonGator]

I'll bet you are far more qualified than you might think. Self doubt can capture all of us. You are going to do great! 

Edited November 21, 2014 by MormonGator

[Jane_Doe]

Way to go!!! Congrats! Now get out there and show them how awesome you are!!

[Just_A_Guy]

Three suggestions:

1) As soon as you can, contact the presidency you'll be working with. Tell them you are eager to be trained as soon as possible. Ask for advice. Invite feedback, and prepare yourself to accept whatever feedback you get.

2) The first time you meet them, bring something yummy.

3) I can understand why the bishop may have said what he said (conveying that your calling really DID come through revelation), but it sounds like he went a bit overboard and perhaps wasn't very fair to those with whom he discussed your calling. Forget he ever told you any of this. From my own experience, give-and-take between auxiliary/quorum presidents and bishops over who should get what calling is pretty routine; and I think wards tend to run more smoothly when those exchanges stay private.

Edited November 21, 2014 by Just_A_Guy

[bytor2112]

Just my opinion....but your Bishop exercised poor judgment in telling you that. Can't imagine why he would do that instead of just telling you that he is extending the call to you based on revelation. What does that say about the Presidency and Bishopric member that they haven't.....

[Silhouette]

Silhouette, I'm not sure why you think you are not wanted. From what you've said it sounds like the others are just concerned that you've been given too much all at once and their worried the calling itself might make you become inactive again.

M.

I guess my concern is that the Bishop THOUGHT that was why they didn't want me. He did not seem at all sure that their reasons were that noble.

[Silhouette]

I've accepted more than one calling that absolutely terrified me. Tests of faith are important, Silhouette. Either this church is led by Christ or it isn't. Why not throw yourself forward in faith and see what happens?

Well, I'm not afraid of the calling. To fear it has never occurred to me. My concern is the negative feelings that the leaders over the organization seem to have over me being in the position. I've never doubted that I could do the calling successfully, as long as I get the support from my leaders.

I do intend to enter into the position in faithfulness. As I mentioned, I have prayed about it and felt the Spirit, so my faith is not the issue.

[Silhouette]

Just my opinion....but your Bishop exercised poor judgment in telling you that. Can't imagine why he would do that instead of just telling you that he is extending the call to you based on revelation. What does that say about the Presidency and Bishopric member that they haven't.....

I'm asking myself the same question about the Presidency and Bishopric member.

[Silhouette]

Way to go!!! Congrats! Now get out there and show them how awesome you are!!

I'm sure going to try!

[Silhouette]

Three suggestions:

1) As soon as you can, contact the presidency you'll be working with. Tell them you are eager to be trained as soon as possible. Ask for advice. Invite feedback, and prepare yourself to accept whatever feedback you get.

2) The first time you meet them, bring something yummy.

3) I can understand why the bishop may have said what he said (conveying that your calling really DID come through revelation), but it sounds like he went a bit overboard and perhaps wasn't very fair to those with whom he discussed your calling. Forget he ever told you any of this. From my own experience, give-and-take between auxiliary/quorum presidents and bishops over who should get what calling is pretty routine; and I think wards tend to run more smoothly when those exchanges stay private.

I will meet them for the first time on Sunday, after Sacrament, when I go to the organization. I don't even know their names. Have never met any of them. I'll take notes and talk with them about their expectations for me, and I'll try to remain positive and upbeat.

[Guest]

Just my opinion....but your Bishop exercised poor judgment in telling you that. Can't imagine why he would do that instead of just telling you that he is extending the call to you based on revelation. What does that say about the Presidency and Bishopric member that they haven't.....

 

I can see why he did it.  If I was in Silhouette's position, I would appreciate the heads-up just so I'll be prepared and won't get blindsided.

 

 

 

All this is very true. I told my husband that I was determined to be successful just to spite the naysayers.

 

I would advice against letting this stay in your heart.  A calling needs to be done 100% out of love.  This is really not about you.  This is about the people you're serving.  They need your best effort completely for their own benefit... This is the best place to apply the concept of not letting your left hand know what your right hand is doing... and this is the best place to see what it means to lose one's self.  God promised that if you lose yourself for His sake, you will find it.  Therefore, lose yourself in the service of your calling.  Then, when you get released from it, see how God's promise came to pass.

 

Hope this made sense.

[Silhouette]

I can see why he did it. If I was in Silhouette's position, I would appreciate the heads-up just so I'll be prepared and won't get blindsided.

I would advice against letting this stay in your heart. A calling needs to be done 100% out of love. This is really not about you. This is about the people you're serving. They need your best effort completely for their own benefit... This is the best place to apply the concept of not letting your left hand know what your right hand is doing... and this is the best place to see what it means to lose one's self. God promised that if you lose yourself for His sake, you will find it. Therefore, lose yourself in the service of your calling. Then, when you get released from it, see how God's promise came to pass.

Hope this made sense.

Yes, it did make sense, but I should have used an emoticon by my statement. It was intended as a wry joke. I don't really have that attitude in my heart. The fact that the Bishop received personal revelation about me specifically keeps me from having any spite in my heart over this situation. I'm grateful that the Bishop told me about the revelation. I have a feeling that this is what will sustain me in those difficult times when I might doubt myself.

[The Folk Prophet]

Half the reason that we have callings in the church, I believe, is to teach us humility. This looks like a great opportunity to learn some.

[Silhouette]

Half the reason that we have callings in the church, I believe, is to teach us humility. This looks like a great opportunity to learn some.

Well, if the lesson were to come to ME because of the difficulty in performing the duties of the calling itself, I could see your point, but I don't anticipate me having any problems in that regard. Perhaps you mean that THEY will learn humility by being forced to accept the Bishop's choice?

[The Folk Prophet]

Well, if the lesson were to come to ME because of the difficulty in performing the duties of the calling itself, I could see your point, but I don't anticipate me having any problems in that regard. Perhaps you mean that THEY will learn humility by being forced to accept the Bishop's choice?

 

If you have to work with people who are difficult for whatever reason, it is as likely as not that you will have to swallow some pride at some point. Hopefully not. In which case...what's the concern? Get in and enjoy it.

 

I've seen several situations where bishops forced people together into situations that were a major struggle. In almost every case it's hard on all concerned. So, really, all I'm suggesting is that when and if it becomes hard on you (ideally it won't be) then embrace it as a chance to practice humility. :)

[omegaseamaster75]

SO I am thinking RS presidency? or a YW presidency calling?

 

Handbook of instructions lays out the responsibilities of the individual callings for the most part. Look them up verse yourself on them and be prepared. Don't take anything personally, remember that you cannot make everyone happy all of the time. do your best and you will prove out.

[Anddenex]

When I think of this circumstance of yours two experiences rest upon my mind.

 

First Experience:

 

A couple moved into the ward.  They desired a certain calling in the ward.  The auxiliary leaders didn't approve of the decision when the decision was made to extend the call.  The bishop's decision created discord among the organization.  Where there was once cohesion/unity, there was frustration and anger.

 

The anger resulted from a couple who did not follow rules and would not listen to the auxiliary leader.  When the auxiliary leaders would make a decision, the couple would reject it, and then bypass the auxiliary leaders going to to the bishop.  The bishop would side with the couple creating more discord and dysfunction within the organization.

 

At this moment, I learned that it is wise for a bishop to sincerely and whole heartedly listen to the concerns and objections of auxiliary leaders; however, the mantle of revelation rests with the bishop.

 

Second Experience

 

The bishopric was deciding to extend a call to another auxiliary position.  The bishop presented a couple of names to extend a call, an opportunity to serve.  All in the bishopric presented their thoughts and concerns regarding the individuals presented.  One of the individuals proposed, received an unanimous "NO" from all the bishopric members except the bishop.  One bishopric member in particular was adamant and emotional that this individual would not be a good fit and it would hurt the organization.

 

The bishop decided to extend the call to the individual that all but the bishop was concerned about.  Concerns again were mentioned.  One person passionately tried to convince the bishop that this was not a good decision, to no avail.  The bishop was firm that this individual was the right person.

 

The auxiliary accepted this individual with open arms.  There have been no problems.  Despite the concerns, all counselors and bishopric members supported the bishop.

 

The Moral

 

The mantle of revelation rests with the bishop, not his counselors, not any auxiliary leaders.  If the bishop received revelation from the Lord that is where you need to serve, then serve with all your heart, might, mind and strength.  Honor the position you have been called and set apart to.  Honor the roles of auxiliary leaders also (I personally believe if the first couple would have accepted the auxiliaries leadership it would have been a great opportunity and would have turned out just as great as the second experience).

 

If they continue to have doubts, as others have shared, "Prove them wrong."  If they are vocal then it will be the bishops responsibility, or counselor over the auxiliary you have been called to to exercise D&C 121: 41-46.  They, then, are stepping out of their scope of stewardship and if gone to far might need a rebuke from the bishop (in light of the previously shared scripture).

 

In the second experience, the passionate counselor ended up asking the bishop for forgiveness and for his out of scope passion.

 

I say it once more, the mantle of revelation rests with the bishop, and the Lord will speak to his heart and mind.  Take comfort that you have been called by God.  Serve with your heart, might, mind, and strength.

Edited November 23, 2014 by Anddenex