What to make of this? Doubting and holding myself back...

[MormonGuitarGirl]

Hi guys,

I would really appreciate advice on this. This whole community is just so supportive and that really means a lot. Thanks so much in advance! :)

In brief, I am very interested in volunteering at a nursing home as a musician starting in January, but have started to really doubt myself the closer it gets, despite the feeling that this is something I'm supposed to do. I feel like it's a prompting, honestly.

Every once in a while I have the thought that maybe I'm completely off-base about my talents and that maybe I don't know what they are after all.

Stupid thing is, logically and emotionally and spiritually, I know that this is false. I cannot deny my talents in the least; I've had too many confirmations that have been in answer to too many prayers. I feel like I know my talents inside out and backwards and I'm very grateful for this, because I know that some people really have to work hard to discover theirs. I know the fact that I even know what mine are at such a young age is a blessing in itself.

Yet I keep worrying, and it's making my mom crazy. She thinks I'm fretting over nothing and have nothing to worry about. She doesn't understand what the big deal is and says she's sure David Archuleta doesn't do this.

I don't want to keep holding myself back with all this doubt, and right now I feel like an idiot.

Is it normal to have lapses in confidence, even in your own talents? I've had times like this before but have always gotten over it, and I kind of think that maybe this is Satan putting these doubts in my head to keep me from developing/sharing my gifts and volunteering. How do you get over thoughts like these?

Should I keep praying about it? I feel ridiculous, like this is a dumb thing to keep getting so upset over, but it's really important to me because I want to use my talents wisely and stay humble and I don't want to waste them by worrying so much instead of using them.

I feel like Heavenly Father's like, "Come on! I've given you all these confirmations; just trust me!" I'm worried that He's mad at/frustrated with me for doubting despite all the the confirmations He's given and for procrastinating with them.

Please help. I just want to be able do what I know I was meant to in peace.

Thanks very much. :)

[Guest]

It's natural to be nervous. After you do it a few times it will be easier. Don't overthink it.

[PolarVortex]

Perhaps your discomfort comes from your concern that it might not go well and then you're locked into a commitment and can't wiggle out of it easily?  I wouldn't be so quick to ascribe to Satan things that may be rooted in simple timidness and nervousness of doing things for the first time.  It's not like you're flying a plane solo for the first time or doing your first brain surgery.  What's the worst that can happen?  Your fingers hit a few wrong keys?  I don't think the earth will stop rotating if you hit a couple of clunkers, and your elderly audience might not hear them anyway. 

 

I would go to the nursing home and tell them you're interested but that you think a trial period (one hour, one day, one week, one month, whatever) would give you the information you need to decide if this whole thing is a good idea or not.  After your trial period, if you decide for whatever reason you don't wish to press ahead, thank the nursing home graciously and move on.

 

I sort of have a rule in my own life about this: I never accept a long-term commitment for anything on first request, but I'm happy to try it out for a short time and see if it works.  If it doesn't, I back out with a perfectly clear conscience.  (It's unclear how this will play out the first time I get a calling, and it probably explains why there is no Mrs. PolarVortex.)

 

Proceed with confidence.  Listen to your mother.  And the praying thing is okay... I pray silently before I do any public speaking.  (But if you saw some of my audiences, you'd pray, too.  Probably in tongues.)   :)