Cheating in school..

[Guest idontknow21]

If you guys didnt see my last post, I turned my life.  Shook the chains of porn and have found the great enabling power of the Atonement.  But something else has come up on me.  I am cleaning up other parts of my life too, that were affected by the numbness of my addiction.  School was one of them.  I cheated in some classes, and have confessed to my teachers about it, and there are still a few I need to talk to.  They congratulate me on my integrity, and tell me they cannot change grades from years past.  Does this mean my grades are a lie?  My GPA is a lie?  I am a high performing student, hoping to get a scholarship from my grades. But what I am struggling with is the thought of attaining a scholarship with these grades, and getting a job with the degree that came from these grades.  I don't want to live a lie........ Please help, any advice is accepted.  I feel hopeless.

[PolarVortex]

Don't feel hopeless.  I really admire what you have done.  I'm not sure I would have had the courage to do what you did with your teachers, which I think is awesome.

 

It depends on your grades.  If you would have flunked out and you cheated to get A's, then I think that's pretty serious and I would decline any scholarship based on grades, and I would decline an offer of admission to any school that based its offer on your grades.

 

If you cheated as a way to give your grades a bit of a boost, and you tried to set your grades straight but could not, and you don't know for certain that your boosted grades bumped you across the line and entitled you to a fat grade-based scholarship that you would otherwise have lost... then I would focus more on repairing and healing this situation and moving forward, not on finding new and exotic ways to punish yourself now. 

 

If it were me, I'd probably take the scholarship, but I'd feel enough remorse to pay it back at some point, or at least contribute an equal amount of money to some other worthy scholarship.  If it took me many years after graduation to save up this money, so be it.  My conscience and self-respect are more important than money.

 

Oh... and if you get into a college or university and you work hard and fairly, you have earned the degree regardless of anything going on now. 

 

Best wishes.

[Pa Pa]

If you guys didnt see my last post, I turned my life. Shook the chains of porn and have found the great enabling power of the Atonement. But something else has come up on me. I am cleaning up other parts of my life too, that were affected by the numbness of my addiction. School was one of them. I cheated in some classes, and have confessed to my teachers about it, and there are still a few I need to talk to. They congratulate me on my integrity, and tell me they cannot change grades from years past. Does this mean my grades are a lie? My GPA is a lie? I am a high performing student, hoping to get a scholarship from my grades. But what I am struggling with is the thought of attaining a scholarship with these grades, and getting a job with the degree that came from these grades. I don't want to live a lie........ Please help, any advice is accepted. I feel hopeless.

You seem to have a lot of irons pulling you into the fire. Start with the most difficult and then each time one is overcome you will find the confidence that the next. It will be a difficult journey, but will lead to the "straight and narrow"...it will lead you home. None of us a helpless victims of our weaknesses.

[Guest idontknow21]

Thanks for the responses Polar and PaPa.  I guess you may not understand my situation all too well.. These were instances of cheating that in classes I recieved A's in, and had I not cheated in, I may have recieved an A- or B.   It wasn't something I did all the time either, just with a few instances that I can remember, which is why I am talking to those specific teachers..  it just bugs me I can't take the penalty for my actions and recieve the grades I deserve in past classes.  And yes PaPa, there's alot of iron pulling on me.  There isn't a day that goes by that I feel absolutely worthless and horrible for all I've done.  Satan is working hard..

[Vort]

The past is what it is. Once you have done what you can, move on. Don't dwell on it. No one gives a rip about your college GPA after your first job, anyway.

[Guest]

Part of the repentance process is moving on and let the blessings of repentance wash away the things you can't control.

 

Your grades are part of them.  There's nothing you can do now to change it.  I don't see it as a lie after you have repented and confessed.  Whatever wrongs you have done in the past - including the consequences of it, and that includes your grades - has made you who you are today.

 

And remember - you also need to exercise faith in the atonement of Christ by forgiving yourself.

[pam]

Part of repentance is restitution.  Well you've done what you can by confessing of your actions to your professors.  They have accepted your confession and stated the grades will have to stand.  Now time to move on.  

[Guest idontknow21]

Another important statement to be made to you guys.. I am in High School. Not college... And confessing these sins to the Bishop and Teachers is my definite plan.  Do I pursue financial assistance with these grades that "could not be changed"?  I have changed as person and I truly do want to do good.

[lagarthaaz]

I am a high school teacher. I've 'caught' quite a few students cheating (mostly plagiarizing from the internet) but have never had anyone confess on their own. I am really proud of you for doing the right thing, and can imagine that your teachers know that you are a good student who simply experienced some moments of weakness that stemmed from your desire to do well at the time.  In my experience teens don't usually cheat because they are lazy and disorganized (and yes, this does happen), but because they feel inadequate to the task and turn to desperate measures to get the grades they want.

 

What I do with students who I have caught cheating is obviously to fail the plagiarized assignment. But then I tell them that if they want to pass and earn their grades legitmately, they can do the assignment again - but it MUST be on new topic. For example, if it was a History research assignment - they could choose a different historical figure or event to focus on that is distinctly separate to the plagiarized assignment. If it was an analytical essay based on a play or novel for English, they would need to discuss a different theme.

 

This means the student has the opportunity to earn his or her grades legitimately, but they have to do extra work for it - in some cases a LOT of extra work. The end result - the student passes, but most importantly feel the satisfaction of knowing that they earned their grade honestly and were far more capable of doing well on their own merits than they originally believed.  This also helps to banish the feelings of inadequacy that drove them to cheat in the first place. 

 

If you are really concerned about feeling like you 'earned' your grades towards applying for a scholarship or financial assistance, and your teachers cannot change your previous grades, why don't you ask your teachers if they will let you submit the same type of assignment again, but on a different topic?  If it's only a few instances where you have cheated, you could knuckle down and get it done in a few weeks, and while this new grade won't 'count' - you will have the satisfaction of knowing you did the work required. You will also earn the respect of your teachers by honestly fulfilling the requirements of the courses they are teaching.   I see this as win-win - and you never need to worry again that you didn't do the work required to pass your subjects.

 

Then, you need to move on - accept that we all make mistakes and this isn't the end of the world! You've done all in your power to make up for past wrongs - you can't do anymore than that!  Forgive and love yourself, just as our Saviour does!  Change your negative self talk from " I feel absolutely worthless and horrible for all I've done" to "I am an honest person who has integrity. Yes, I've made mistakes but  I've made up for them and they are in the past. I have learned some valuable lessons and now I am moving on to an exciting and wonderful future." 

 

Please don't walk around feeling unworthy - you are worthwhile and wonderful and have your entire future ahead of you. In fact, just based on what you've told us, I feel you are an amazing, intelligent young person who has shown remarkable maturity in dealing with personal issues.  Know that you are loved by Jesus Christ and our Father in Heaven, not because you are perfect but because you are simply you, a child of god who is of infinite worth. 

[lagarthaaz]

As I said in my previous post - do the work you needed to.  Then you can honestly say you 'earned' your right to financial assistance. Even if your teachers say they don't need the new assignments, insist that you want to do them anyway - for your own peace of mind. 

[RMGuy]

Scroll up. Read what Vort said. Ditto!

[theSQUIDSTER]

I'd like to chime in my assent to what lagarthaaz has already said.  Whether or not you follow the specifics of what lagarthaaz suggested, there is great wisdom in this suggestion to do the work.  It has less to do with dishonesty and more to do with what we sometimes refer to as "the law of the harvest."  

 

From the way you've been speaking it sounds like your parents and leaders have already taught you something about this principle.  You're worried about getting rewarded for something you didn't fully do.  It's unjust... not fair that you should be rewarded for something you faked when others had to work for it, right?  Yes... it isn't fair to them... But perhaps the angle you need to consider is how much you cheat yourself when you don't do the necessary work.  There is no real substitute for doing.  This life is about learning through doing.  It's what we're here for.  Nobody can go through mortality for us.  Even our Father and our older Brother, Jesus, cannot do this for us.  We have to do what we can and we have to make the pivotal decisions.  This is agency.  It's crucial to the entirety of the Father's plan.  Yes... our older Brother did already make up the difference.. he paid for what we can't do.  But that doesn't excuse us from doing what we can and are supposed to do ourselves.

 

Ok, so what can you do now that the grades are already in but you're still worrying that it's not fair that you're getting something that you don't feel like you've completely earned? ... Well, start from where you are now.  The Lord has already forgiven you for your shortcomings.  You've admitted ... been candid with teachers... you're a good kid.... you've gone through the repentance process.  So what happens now?  Now... what you can do is to do your best not to cheat yourself in the future.  Learn to love work and learning for it's own sake.  As you decide how you're going to proceed in your education and in life in general, do your very best.  If you were building a house for yourself and your future family, you'd want to use the very best materials so that the house would be safe and comfortable.  You wouldn't buy or use shoddy materials in its construction because you know you're going to live in that house someday and you don't want it falling apart on you or your family.  Treat your life and your learning experience as though it's that house you're building... because, well, it is.  

 

Do your best and trust the Lord to do the rest.  It doesn't matter that others around you are cutting corners and that they seem to be getting away with it... eventually it will catch up with them.  Be glad you're learning this valuable lesson while you are still young.  

 

Merry Christmas, my young brother.  You are on the right path and the Lord is proud of you for making good decisions.  Keep it up!   :)

Edited December 24, 2014 by theSQUIDSTER