Frustration with Do-Gooders - My Holiday Rant


slamjet
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Ok, I have a bad attitude, fine.  But I take issue when I read so and so bought a car for a really poor person, or so and so group helped out a super needy family, or so and so did something so nice for this person.  Why?  Because they love them, people, whatever. 

 

They're propped up as an example of being full of charity.  I'm sorry, no.

 

So now we come to this time of year when people take time to go help at a homeless kitchen.  Ok, where were you the rest of the year?  Someone get's into the Christmas spirit and helps someone.  Ok, what about the rest of the year? An individual who decides to be friendly to everyone around them because it's Christmas!  Ok, go away you disingenuous person.

 

Then I hear that same old phrase "it's the love of people that drives me."  Ok, BLEH!

 

To love someone so much that you do something for them is easy, almost cheap.  To go up to someone and say "you're a fellow brother/sister so I love you" is easy.  To volunteer somewhere only on the Thanksgiving or Christmas holiday is cheap.  It's easy to love people that are basically good people who have never caused any problems and have clean lives.  I'm sorry, whatever.

 

Charity is to not only love the one's that are easy to love, but to also love the criminal, to be able to look at a rapist, murderer, molester and see them for what they really are - children of God who have had horrific things happen to them as children that broke them and became the catalyst for the decisions they made (not abdicating their responsibility, but looking honestly at why they do what they did). 

 

Charity is to give the time of day to the mental case who is breaking down, the felon who is unhirable and undesirable, the person full of angst, that person who is so easy to dismiss because they do not fit in, that person who will never be a candidate for the clique, the unwanted.

 

Charity is more than just giving during the holidays because "tis the season."  Charity is looking in a persons face, regardless of what they've done, who they are, what lot in life they are in, what the do or don't have, whatever lifestyle they're living, and seeing the image of God, in who's image we are all created in.

 

I dislike this season because I really don't care to listen or read when people have done such wonderful things because of the time of year it is.  It's dishonest and disingenuous.  If a person is not willing to do the same the other 11 months of the year, then don't do it on the 12th.  At least they'll keep some semblance of their integrity.

 

So have a Merry Christmas and whatever good you've done this season, please, don't do it or give the excuse that it's the season of giving, but do it because its your lifestyle to be caring.  This way, you'll be more open to hear the Holy Spirit all year round as He whispers to you about that person who needs help and their and your Father in Heaven is trusting you to be that tool in His hand for their betterment. 

 

Because most of the time, all that's needed is the comforting acknowledgement that someone knows they exist and that they are worthy of being given kindness.

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I don't mind people sharing with others the charities that they're involved in. Not all charities have a lot of media exposure, and some are only discovered by word of mouth, especially small local organisations. So posting something along the lines of: "This year our family had the opportunity of helping X and if you'd like to contribute, checkout the link!" I think is acceptable and tastefully mentioned. I don't like Look How Great I Am brag-ups of good deeds. There was a recent one on my FB fees that went something like this: "Our family did Sub For Santa for a very poor family. We are so blessed to give them a great Christmas. This makes us so happy! It's really been an eye opener to see how some people live. If you haven't done something like this, you can't really understand." Meh, it's really all about *them* and less about being humble in doing charity work.

I agree that the holidays should not be the only time to pay it forward or give back to the community. I think this should be an all year mindset. But overall, it's better that people do SOME good at the end of the year, than no good at all. As sad as this might sound, when the public contributes donations to charities (money particularly), it doesn't matter if it really comes from the heart or not, it's still feeding and or clothing someone in the end.

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If one's motivation to do good is for the sake of the loving attention they'll receive, then I agree completely. If it really is because one is trying to sincerely be a better person, I don't mind so much because then at least they're trying for the right reasons, and we all have to start somewhere, right?

 

When Oprah gave everyone in her audience a car on one show, I was immediately sickened. In my view that was for 100% headline-grabbing attention. If she had merely changed it to handing out envelopes with keys and titles to the audience as they left the studio, I'd have given her a little slack. Not much, but a little.

 

If she had used her resources to find families needing a free car, and handed out the same number to them, one at a time, personally, that would have been even better.

 

Matthew 6:1-4

 

 Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.

 Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.

 But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth:

 That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly.

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Charity is also being charitable to the Christmas-season-charitables.

 

It's Christmas!  Just like a lot of Catholics only go to Church on Christmas and Easter, lots of people are too busy doing what floats their boats that it takes some major mass-tripping like Christmas to rock their boats.  Be glad, be joyful, be happy that these guys can still be bothered even if it is only once a year.  And announcing it to the planet?  YES!  Please!  With loud megawatt speakers!  Because, the feel good feeling of giving just might rock your boat for the rest of the year!

 

So people always say... Christmas is a pagan holiday... it dates back to such and such and Catholics just picked that pagan festival to be the birth of Christ proving Christ is fiction.  And I'm like - if that's what you think, that's fine with me.  I think Catholics picked that pagan festival because everybody was already celebrating it... so, instead of celebrating some pagan god, we celebrate a Christian one instead.  And guess what happens... EVERYBODY is celebrating... which brings the entire planet - Pagan, Christian, and anybody else in between - together for this one date to be at peace!

 

Look at southern Philippines, for example.  Lots of Islamic terrorists down there that there's not a day that machine gun fire is not blasting.  But, come Christmas (and Manny Pacquiao boxing matches)... machine gun fire is quiet... they're celebrating Christmas just as everybody is - Muslims and Christians together.  I'm not gonna lament their lack of charity for the rest of the year.  I'm gonna be happy that for a  few days - even just a precious few - Christ can overcome their hearts every single year.

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Guest MormonGator

I get what your saying, but in a way it does not matter why they did an charitable action or if they brag about it. If I donate thousands of dollars to children with cancer I'm not sure the motive is relevant. 

 

It's the same way for bad actions too. If you punch me in the face I don't care why you did it. I'd just rather you didn't do it! 

Edited by MormonGator
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Excellent rant, slamjet!  I give it a 8.5 for sincerity, a full 10 for passion, but only a 7 for relevance.  Overall, I'm a fan.

 

Relevance scored low because there's a bit you're missing about needy folks.  

Charity is to give the time of day to the mental case who is breaking down, the felon who is unhirable and undesirable, the person full of angst, that person who is so easy to dismiss because they do not fit in, that person who will never be a candidate for the clique, the unwanted.

 

 

Something to understand - is this time of year is harder on these folks than the rest of the year.  There is actually more need for charity and compassion around the holidays than at other times of the year.  Wounds, baggage, mental illnesses, issues of abuse, lonliness, employment needs - all are magnified in weight when the rest of the world walks around singing merry tunes.  Consider:

 

* I usually read suicidal facebook drama about once every couple of months.  In this last week, I've read 3 or 4.  If it's a normal year, I anticipate another half-dozen before January hits.

 

* Something we don't think about with the homeless and hungry, but winter is more expensive.  We don't think about things like frostbite or exposure, but they are killers.  The need for good clothing is higher at this time of year.  It costs money to heat places.

 

* Every soup kitchen or goodwill or similar goods-related charity I've ever been involved with, have some sort of warehouse space devoted to holding all the stuff they get during the season.  It's not uncommon for these places to meet community needs for 3-6 months with the donations they get in December.  Gathering stuff 1 month of the year is efficient and keeps labor costs low.

 

* Go ask any cop what's different about Christmas.  I'm betting they'll say something like "Oh, it's the same stuff, just a lot more of it."

 

* The holidays are a break from routine, and many times a break in routine gets the addicts and mentally ill the kick in the pants they need to go seek help.  Anecdotal evidence only here, but out of the dozen or so "I'm checking myself into rehab" stories I've heard over the years, anniversaries and Christmas/New Year see more stories than the rest of the year.

 

Anyway, I really do think your rant was excellent.  But like so many rants, it loses relevance because it's basically saying "If people were different, then things would be better."  People won't be different, slamjet.  It's a truth guaranteed by the author of the universe. And in this case, it's actually not that bad that humanity seems geared towards greater acts of charity in December.

 

Let's compare notes if we meet up at a soup kitchen in June.

Edited by NeuroTypical
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Well, now that it's the next day, I probably should edit and soften my comments since I broke my #1 cardinal rule: STAY OFF ALL COMMUNICATION DEVICES WHEN I'M IN A BAD PLACE OR MOOD!   I've been trying to be nice to one of the Elder's Quorum Counselors regardless of how judgmental and superior he's been towards me.  But yesterday, he ended up being pretty cruel.  It got to the point that, in Elders, after he openly made a snide comment about me, I lost it and sincerely told him that I really wanted to smack his head off (actually, I raised my voice, I can be pretty entertaining at times).  You can imagine where the Spirit went after that.

 

I have a difficult time suffering fools.  Seems the holidays brings them out for all to have to deal with.  Thus, my rant.

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I've been in a "bah-humbug" mood this Christmas also.  But it wasn't until I donated a gift to some abused/neglected kid on Toys for Tots that I snapped out of it.  Providing service to others is definitely an avenue to acquire great happiness in life.  However, I think it is critically important that we do our due diligence to ensure that we are actually helping someone in need rather than enabling them to continue feeding an addiction or encourage laziness.  What is the point of performing service if it hurts the person you are serving?

 

Brad O..  

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Slamjet, I agree with a lot of things you said. I used to think in the same exact way when I used to watch videos on Youtube of people doing nice things for others and even though I agree wholeheartedly that charity should be demonstrated all throughout the year, AND should be sincere...IF in the end (regardless of the intention and frequency), it inspires others to do a little act of kindness then by all means, I can live with it. :)

 

And most importantly (IMO), we seem to focus so much on demonstrating charity towards those in need without realizing that charity should start at home, and if cannot truly serve to our own loved ones first, not sure how we could extend that same love and service to complete strangers.

Edited by Suzie
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I feel the same way about "drive-by do-gooders" as I do about C.E.O. Christians (Christmas-Easter-Only)--"Glad to have you.  Thanks for coming along...maybe this time you'll stay awhile."

 

Gotta keep hope alive, right???  :cool:

Edited by prisonchaplain
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I feel sympathetic to the thoughts expressed in that rant, and I can't say I disagree with the principle of it... But nevertheless, I'd rather have someone being generous once a year than not at all.  What's the alternative?  

 

"Well, I haven't given of myself to help the poor all year, and I'd only be a hypocrite if I do it now that it's near Christmas, so I guess I won't bother and instead go home and watch The Walking Dead on TV..."

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