Bini Posted January 31, 2015 Report Share Posted January 31, 2015 What criteria do you use to weed out your social circle?I have a friend that is an aspiring artist and her focus is grim dark photography. She has always been a free expressive spirit, and as such, I'm trying to make a decent judgment call without overreacting - she's always been edgy. I don't normally snoop through friends' FB albums but last night I decided to see what's going on in her neck of the woods. Her latest photography project is extremely controversial and I'm trying to figure out if that's reason enough to weed her out. I don't normally weed out people based on different lifestyles or views but this one has me debating. The album depicted torture and rape. It was quite shocking. And she was the model in that shoot. She had not done something like this before in other photoshoots. She mostly does morbid death poses and such. I suppose I could just avoid checking out her page but I guess the damage has been done. I'm not sure I like having that associated with my own page, even if distantly. Before I paint her to be a weirdo, which she'll agree that she is, I must add that otherwise my interactions with her have always been pleasant. We pal'd around in high school. So thoughts on whether to drop the axe, or just keep her around but avoid her page? Like I said, I don't normally axe people for different outlooks but maybe this is one that I do? I don't axe my Righty friends that have anti-Obama posts, even though it bugs me. Or friends that post on their updates: "Went to my first strip club for my bachelorette party!" So am I just being picky about this one? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane_Doe Posted January 31, 2015 Report Share Posted January 31, 2015 Are talking real life friends, or Facebook? There's a big difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelMarvel Posted January 31, 2015 Report Share Posted January 31, 2015 For people I like/love to have on my FB, but I do NOT agree with some/most of the things they post or their lifestyle ... I just don't have their stuff appear on my page and will go to their page to say hello or see family pictures etc. Some family/friends I will just set to get notifications. Others I will periodically go to their page. For me... that is just to weird about the rape and torture scenes and I wouldn't want notifications, or anything appearing on my timeline from this person. I also would not go to their page in fear of seeing something gruesome like the torture and rape scene. But, that's just me. How do you feel about this person? Are they someone you want to keep as a friend? You are the only judge of that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted January 31, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2015 Are talking real life friends, or Facebook? There's a big difference. Real life. I we went to high school together. She lives in a different state now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted January 31, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2015 For people I like/love to have on my FB, but I do NOT agree with some/most of the things they post or their lifestyle ... I just don't have their stuff appear on my page and will go to their page to say hello or see family pictures etc. Some family/friends I will just set to get notifications. Others I will periodically go to their page. For me... that is just to weird about the rape and torture scenes and I wouldn't want notifications, or anything appearing on my timeline from this person. I also would not go to their page in fear of seeing something gruesome like the torture and rape scene. But, that's just me. How do you feel about this person? Are they someone you want to keep as a friend? You are the only judge of that. I wouldn't cry over not having any further contact with her but I feel like I might be overreacting a bit because I'm potentially cutting her off for something I find distasteful. I have been pretty offended by some other posts of friends (LGBT discussions is one) but I never axed them over it. I guess I'm just trying to figure out where my line is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PolarVortex Posted January 31, 2015 Report Share Posted January 31, 2015 If I were in your shoes, I'd sit down with your friend and tell her you saw her photographs and found them quite shocking (your words). Then I'd open a conversation with her about why she is doing it. If there is some intended greater good here, then I might continue the friendship. For example, her photographs might be done to raise awareness about human suffering so society can stop it. I'm not sure I'd like that, but I would try to understand her view. But if it's just her form of expression that she finds fulfilling or profitable, I'll drop-kick her photographs and her friendship without the slightest hesitation. And I'd tell her to her face why I'm terminating the friendship. My own feeling is that our society is starting to find entertainment value in human suffering, which I totally oppose and am sickened by. And I'm glad you didn't swing the ax on me because of my occasional anti-Obama posts. AngelMarvel, Bini and Backroads 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted January 31, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2015 If I were in your shoes, I'd sit down with your friend and tell her you saw her photographs and found them quite shocking (your words). Then I'd open a conversation with her about why she is doing it. If there is some intended greater good here, then I might continue the friendship. For example, her photographs might be done to raise awareness about human suffering so society can stop it. I'm not sure I'd like that, but I would try to understand her view. But if it's just her form of expression that she finds fulfilling or profitable, I'll drop-kick her photographs and her friendship without the slightest hesitation. And I'd tell her to her face why I'm terminating the friendship. My own feeling is that our society is starting to find entertainment value in human suffering, which I totally oppose and am sickened by. And I'm glad you didn't swing the ax on me because of my occasional anti-Obama posts. I don't know that I'm close enough with her anymore to have that discussion but maybe that answers my own question. She did a suicide photoshoot a bit ago but it was supposedly to bring awareness to that heartbreaking issue. She had links and whatnot at the bottom of her site. But the recent project just had big disclaimers on it: GRAPHIC which I figured was just more of her morbid dead body pics. Was mistaken. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted January 31, 2015 Report Share Posted January 31, 2015 I've never felt a need to "weed out" my Facebook friends, and am frankly mystified by those who do. The only reason I can visualize unfriending someone, is if they were proactively using their Facebook status to hurt me or another of my Facebook friends. Otherwise--I have some pretty twisted friends and family members; and I just assume that other people probably do, too. I don't judge anyone for being Facebook friends with someone who strikes me as a little bit creepy. Crypto and Bini 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted January 31, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2015 I've never felt a need to "weed out" my Facebook friends, and am frankly mystified by those who do. The only reason I can visualize unfriending someone, is if they were proactively using their Facebook status to hurt me or another of my Facebook friends. Otherwise--I have some pretty twisted friends and family members; and I just assume that other people probably do, too. I don't judge anyone for being Facebook friends with someone who strikes me as a little bit creepy. This is what I've lived by. I've never unfriended someone on FB. This would be my first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted January 31, 2015 Report Share Posted January 31, 2015 (edited) This is what I've lived by. I've never unfriended someone on FB. This would be my first. FWIW, I only ever unfriended one person . . . an old friend from Deacon's Quorum days who has since come out of the closet, and posted the results of his "How Gay Are You?" quiz along with some vulgarisms about his preferred manner of intercourse and a pseudo-apology to his mom. I almost immediately regretted it, and have since re-friended him. I just choose to hide his posts from my feed (I didn't originally know that was possible.) Edited January 31, 2015 by Just_A_Guy Bini and Backroads 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted January 31, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2015 FWIW, I only ever unfriendly one person . . . an old friend from Deacon's Quorum days who has since come out of the closet, and posted the results of his "How Gay Are You?" quiz along with some vulgarisms about his preferred manner of intercourse and a pseudo-apology to his mom. I almost immediately regretted it, and have since re-friended him. I just choose to hide his posts from my feed (I didn't originally know that was possible.) Thanks, JAG. I will just leave her page alone and not venture to it but will keep her as a friend on FB for now. CatholicLady 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sxfritz Posted January 31, 2015 Report Share Posted January 31, 2015 It seems FB keeps relationships alive that would otherwise die. I've gone back to find old friends with facebook to try and reconnect only to find there is no connection. These are people I once loved and cared for. I remember one friend telling me many years ago that friend just drift apart. I didn't like hearing it. I didn't want to believe it. But, I think life is proving it out. It would seem FB is a cord binding what would otherwise drifted off. I have friends now that I want to keep and I still "unfollow" them in facebook so we can stay "friends" without me seeing the profanity laced junk they post. Some people have little sense. :) pam, Jane_Doe and Just_A_Guy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crypto Posted January 31, 2015 Report Share Posted January 31, 2015 Rather than unfriend, there is a setting to determine how often you seen status updates. I just turn them off if I find their content distasteful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 31, 2015 Report Share Posted January 31, 2015 My FB is not my social circle. I have family and friends in my social circle that are not in my FB. And friends in my FB that are not in my social circle. Friends like yours who are into that stuff will not be in my FB (i got lots of kids in my FB). But they're still going to be in my social circle because I don't look at people as weeds. The only way you're gonna get kicked out of the island is if I can't put a barrier on the stuff that you do that could hurt my family. The way I see it, I can't serve you if I write you off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 · Hidden by Just_A_Guy, January 31, 2015 - Duplicate Hidden by Just_A_Guy, January 31, 2015 - Duplicate My FB is not my social circle. I have family and friends in my social circle that are not in my FB. And friends in my FB that are not in my social circle. Friends like yours who are into that stuff will not be in my FB (i got lots of kids in my FB). But they're still going to be in my social circle because I don't look at people as weeds. The only way you're gonna get kicked out of the island is if I can't put a barrier on the stuff that you do that could hurt my family. The way I see it, I can't serve you if I write you off. Link to comment
Guest Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 · Hidden by Just_A_Guy, January 31, 2015 - Duplicate Hidden by Just_A_Guy, January 31, 2015 - Duplicate My FB is not my social circle. I have family and friends in my social circle that are not in my FB. And friends in my FB that are not in my social circle. Friends like yours who are into that stuff will not be in my FB (i got lots of kids in my FB). But they're still going to be in my social circle because I don't look at people as weeds. The only way you're gonna get kicked out of the island is if I can't put a barrier on the stuff that you do that could hurt my family. The way I see it, I can't serve you if I write you off. Link to comment
Bini Posted January 31, 2015 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2015 Weeding out is an expression, Anatess. I'm sure you knew that. AngelMarvel 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted February 1, 2015 Report Share Posted February 1, 2015 Rather than unfriend, there is a setting to determine how often you seen status updates. I just turn them off if I find their content distasteful. Yes you can remain friends but "unfollow" them. That way their posts don't show up in your feed. classylady 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 1, 2015 Report Share Posted February 1, 2015 Weeding out is an expression, Anatess. I'm sure you knew that. Of course. Weed is also an expression, Bini. And no, I didn't use it in the marijuana sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PolarVortex Posted February 1, 2015 Report Share Posted February 1, 2015 Several people have commented on the concept of "weeding out friends." Based on your view of the matter, comparing your friends to weeds can be either insulting or highly accurate. Obviously, no nice person would compare a human being to a nuisance plant that should be torn out and discarded. On the other hand, if a friend is a bad influence on you or lowers your opposition to sin and evil, then it's simply good spiritual hygiene to prevent that friend from putting down deep roots in your life and choking out your own fruit. I went through a Facebook phase and also felt uncomfortable unfriending people. I felt a tiny bit like a Texas governor signing an order to execute a prisoner on death row, and I was terrified that my newly unfriended friend would find out and retaliate somehow. (What can they do? Unfriend me? LOL.) But some of my Facebook friends had really bad ideas about marijuana and tax evasion and recreational sex outside marriage. Unfriending them was sort of like transplanting them to a distant part of my garden behind a brick wall, not ripping them out of the ground and tearing them up. My own feeling is that Facebook is turning into a drug for some people and violates the spirit of the WoW. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
classylady Posted February 2, 2015 Report Share Posted February 2, 2015 This may sound over-the-top, but, I've had to "unfollow" several close "friends" on Facebook. And, it's because of their "friend" status with a particular person that if I even see the name mentioned I can go into depression. So, if I want to see what is happening in the life of the person I "unfollowed", I just go to their page when I'm in a frame-of-mind where I can handle seeing anything posted from my nemesis. That may seem silly, but it's the only way I can handle that particular stress right now. I have "unfollowed" several people for such things as: endless political rants, seemingly endless posts about their favorite musical group, etc. I don't "unfriend" them, I just "unfollow" them. And to clarify a little: I don't mind the occasional political post or rant, the occasional post about the favorite rock band, or whatever, but when that's all they post, never anything personal, and it's about 10 posts a day, it's just too much for me. I dislike the endless scrolling down through post after post of the same thing. pam 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted February 2, 2015 Report Share Posted February 2, 2015 Just this last week I had to unfriend a close friend. She disagreed with an opinion I had on a subject. Which is fine. But then she was totally bad mouthing me on her own page. Seriously I don't need to deal with that. I'm entitled to an opinion even if others disagree. One member of this site knows well that she and I will never agree on any political topic but at least we can move on and remain friends. :) classylady 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
askandanswer Posted February 2, 2015 Report Share Posted February 2, 2015 Bini, you only told us the thing that's currently bothering you about your former high school friend, you didn't tell us any of the positive things that arise from this friendship. Kind of hard to make a sound decision when only one side of the story is given. When considering whether to unfriend or unfollow, have you given equal consideration to both sides? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiterateParakeet Posted February 2, 2015 Report Share Posted February 2, 2015 In general, I'm with JAG. I don't recall ever unfriending anyone. But your friend would certainly be on the line for me. Rape is a really touchy subject for me, if I felt she was trying to bring attention to the problem (even though I don't care for her tactics) I would just "unfollow". But if I felt she was glorifying or justifying it in any way, that would be an unfriend. Just in the last couple of months I have been "unfriended" by two people (that I'm aware of)...both in my ward. That is a little awkward. :) It was about my opinion on Black Lives Matter and Police Brutality. But those same issues have brought a lot of new and interesting people into my life as well. FB is an interesting place . . . :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FunkyTown Posted February 2, 2015 Report Share Posted February 2, 2015 I'm not sure this is as big a deal as you're suggesting. I would suggest it's in poor taste. She would suggest that art is about causing an emotional reaction. Just don't go to her page. Artists have traditionally pushed the boundaries of what is considered good taste. There are a lot of reasons someone might do something like that: Working through their own emotional difficulties, drawing attention to a subject they consider to be endemic to society that nobody talks about, the desire to shock. Trying to decipher her reasons for doing it will fix nothing. Just ignore that aspect to her and continue to treat her as you would any other friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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