Are The LDS Dating Sites Ever Fruitful?


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That's why you just need to set a date and meet the person if you're interested. Pictures can be deceiving, in many ways, making someone look better or worse than they might normally do.

 

Problem is, they're generally a minimum of two hours away.  A four hour round trip including gas is a lot to pay for false advertising.

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Problem is, they're generally a minimum of two hours away.  A four hour round trip including gas is a lot to pay for false advertising.

Those are the risks you take with online dating, period. But you gotta start somewhere and make the first step. Can't just chat forever, unless, that's the only kind of relationship you want.

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Those are the risks you take with online dating, period. But you gotta start somewhere and make the first step. Can't just chat forever, unless, that's the only kind of relationship you want.

 

They just need some kind of honesty bond; if you get there and find out they were intentionally deceptive about something significant on the profile, they have to pay all the expenses for the date, including travel.

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They just need some kind of honesty bond; if you get there and find out they were intentionally deceptive about something significant on the profile, they have to pay all the expenses for the date, including travel.

 

The Washington Post once ran a contest about profile claims that were technically true but phrased carefully to hide some deeper flaw.  For example, if a Cyclops created a profile on LDSPlanet, he could truthfully claim that he's not cross-eyed.  But your idea is interesting.  

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My sister married some guy she met through online dating (don't know what site).  It did not turn out well.  He quickly became verbally and emotionally abusive and she eventually divorced him.  Thankfully they had no kids. 

 

My wife and I had a long distance relationship from day one, but we did get together once or twice a month over the first year at youth dances.  Over the next year after she moved further way we spend much less time together, and after that was my mission.  Soon after our engagment we lived very close and I practically lived at her parent's house with her except I left at night to sleep at my place. 

 

You can't rely on only what you share online to know somebody.  You have to spend a fair bit of time really being together.  You need to see them on a bad day without them being able to filter what you know and experience.

Edited by Latter-Day Marriage
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My sister just met a RM (they're young) like a month ago, and apparently they are going to get engaged soon. They meet on LDSsingles I think. He lived like an hour away though so not far.

 

It does work.

I agree...it can work. The couple I know lived far away and still dated and they got married and sealed in the Temple.
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I met my husband on lds.heart.  Not only did I talk the talk, when he answered back - he knew what I was talking about. I asked for a copy of his temple recommend. His Bishop told him what to black out and then he sent me a picture. I did the same. My Branch President called and talked to his Bishop - verifying information. 

 

We were totally and brutally honest with each other. I went to the Temple three times before I proposed to him. Yep, I did the proposing. When I was typing it in to yahoo messenger chat - he was typing the same to me. BUT mine got to him first. From the day that we first responded to each other at lds.heart to when we got married, it was 13 (thirteen) days. We had not laid eyes on each other until one day before we got married. I told him that if my two cats did not like him, then he would have to turn around and leave, as I would never again NOT listen to my cats regarding any man that came into my life. He told me: I really don't like cats, they are too pushy for me. I chuckled and said: Not a problem - my cats are the farthest thing from pushy. I doubt you will even see them. They prefer being under the bed or in the corner of the closet under my long dresses. Within 10 minutes of him stepping into the house, both cats were all over him. Even Ethel, my most skittish, won't even come out for food cat, she was on the sofa next to him, leaning against him and wiping her face all over him. Little Traitor!! Knew right then Hubby was a keeper!!!  Like I said I lived in Oregon along the central coast and he lived in AZ- in Phoenix. 

 

Now, 10 years later - we are certain that Heavenly Father directed us to each other. Ethel is his cat. She will sit on the floor and look at me, but only when the food or water dish is empty, or the litter pan is full. She goes to Hubby for her cuddling and pets. 

 

Oh, back to OP question ~ yep they work ~ but: talk the LDS talk and really pay attention to the responses. Ask for a copy of their Temple Recommend (with their membership # blacked out but NOT with their name blacked out). Ask what Ward/Stake they are in, then ask your Bishop to contact their Bishop and ask about them. 

 

I didn't limit my search area to just Oregon and just 55-60 year olds. I did a 1,000 mile radius and from 60-100 year olds. There were a lot - repeat LOT of men who claimed to be LDS, yet they didn't understand the talk. The LDS lingo. Then those who did, never responded when I asked for a copy of their recommend and/or their stake info. If they are from your town -or in the Temple area, then meet him at the Temple. There is nothing like going through a session that weeds out the good from the not so good and bad. BTW - I was 52 and hubby was 62. Perfect!! 

Edited by Iggy
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How utterly charming, Iggy!  Wishing you all much happiness.  "Ethel" was a common name for pets in my family, too.

 

I must say, all this "due diligence" over prospective spouses (i.e., bishops huddling and comparing notes on lovestruck couples from different wards) is quite fascinating.  Is it commonly done, or is it just a sensible precaution these days when dealing with the Wild West of online dating?

 

I seem to recall one president of the Church (President Kimball, I think) whose granddaughter snagged a new boyfriend in a neighboring ward.  When President Kimball caught wind of it, he called the bishop of that ward and demanded a complete report of the young man.  The bishop was shocked to get a call like that, but the young man was clean so the bishop's report was favorable.

 

Sounds like this sort of thing goes on more than I realized?  It actually makes a lot of sense to me.  Who knows, if I ever start dating again maybe I should ask the lucky woman to provide me with letters of reference from her previous suitors.  But that information will probably be available on Yelp some day soon.

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I told him that if my two cats did not like him, then he would have to turn around and leave, as I would never again NOT listen to my cats regarding any man that came into my life. He told me: I really don't like cats, they are too pushy for me. I chuckled and said: Not a problem - my cats are the farthest thing from pushy. I doubt you will even see them. 

Catnip, Catnip essential oils ;) it works magic.

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Catnip, Catnip essential oils ;) it works magic.

Ethel gets drugged/drunk to the max on catnip - she drags herself into the bedroom and practically rolls under the bed. Fred doesn't like the stuff. 

"Ethel" was a common name for pets in my family, too.

 

I must say, all this "due diligence" over prospective spouses (i.e., bishops huddling and comparing notes on lovestruck couples from different wards) is quite fascinating.  Is it commonly done, or is it just a sensible precaution these days when dealing with the Wild West of online dating?

I named the brother and sister duo, Fred and Ethel after The Mertz's of the I Love Lucy show. Ethel looked like a forlorn old lady at the ripe old age of 5 weeks. Fred had the most amazing eyes. They are huge, round and green. He looks like his tail got stuck in an electric socket. Fred has never grown into his eyes either. They turn 13 in October. 

 

The due diligence was because the Branch members knew they were my family and each one of them took their role seriously. They had all helped my move away from my abusive husband, taking only the bare necessities with me. With their help and generous donations I set up housekeeping in a small single wide trailer. The owners of the trailer park were friends of my then husband, but they were on my side. They protected me too. 

 

So when not quite a year after the divorce was FINALLY finalized, I *met* this guy online- - - well, my LDS family wanted to make sure I would be alright. 

 

So, no it is not a common occurrence. 

 

I wasn't looking for a husband. I had just rid myself of 280 pounds of mean, nasty, womanizing, alcoholic, abusive man. What I was looking for was a LDS man, single, strong in his testimony of the LDS gospel/doctrine, & temple worthy. I needed a friend. A righteous priesthood holder I could communicate with, ask questions regarding the church without being thought bad of. 

 

There was only one single male in the branch. He was in his 40's (I was 52) and didn't even have the Aaronic Priesthood yet. Even if he had that and the Melchizedek - I wouldn't be alone with him in the parking lot!!!

 

There were questions I had that I just couldn't take to the married men, or even the Branch President. In my own family, my oldest brother was totally and blissfully [his description] inactive. My little brother was inactive too. 

 

In all of the communications with Hubby #2 - we were so open and honest with each other. He wasn't looking for another wife either - he wanted a friend. He was willing to be a long distance friend. Driving from AZ to OR for weekends, staying in a motel, and *dating*. But after my third temple trip to ask Father just what was His plans for us - I had no doubts what so ever that Father meant for us to get married and sealed. 

 

We have only been married 10 years, but it feels like we have always been together. 

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I must say, all this "due diligence" over prospective spouses (i.e., bishops huddling and comparing notes on lovestruck couples from different wards) is quite fascinating.  Is it commonly done, or is it just a sensible precaution these days when dealing with the Wild West of online dating?

 

I don't know. I find it more than a little creepy, but if I or a loved one were in an "adult dating" situation, I might change my tune.

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Thanks for all the replies guys. I have been looking through profiles and updating my own. I think I can verify that a lot of men are not LDS. The very last thing I want is another cheat and liar, so pretending to be another faith is off to a really bad start. I wish I could move but I have a 5 year old son in school, and Scotland's not a bad place to be :)

I think its awful that someone was given abuse for saying they only wanted to date another Mormon, surely there are loads of dating sites available for non members to cruise until their hearts content. I was mostly amazed by the amount of people who have 'rarely' or 'never' under church activity, why go there if you are non active? Its good to know its working for some people, I guess its a case of being patient. xxx

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I must say, all this "due diligence" over prospective spouses (i.e., bishops huddling and comparing notes on lovestruck couples from different wards) is quite fascinating.  Is it commonly done, or is it just a sensible precaution these days when dealing with the Wild West of online dating?

 

I seem to recall one president of the Church (President Kimball, I think) whose granddaughter snagged a new boyfriend in a neighboring ward.  When President Kimball caught wind of it, he called the bishop of that ward and demanded a complete report of the young man.  The bishop was shocked to get a call like that, but the young man was clean so the bishop's report was favorable.

 

 

 

The bishop has a sacred duty to interview and receive confession from its ward membership in private, anyone that goes to a bishop to inquire about the worthiness of a certain member in his congregation is a person that is very judgemental. I can see the humor in a story like this but to be quite honest this just plays to hard on the trust factor between bishops and the general congregations they reside over.

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I married someone I met on a LDS dating site.  We were both mid 30's at the time (now upper 30's).  Sealed in temple etc.

 

It's been great, she has no parents.  I always tell her she should have advertised that online "No Mother in Law!".  Only thing worse than an ex wife is the ex MIL.

 

I live next door to Utah.  I imagine living in Scotland would be a whole other story.

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  • 1 month later...

Hi Valdree,

Do they have regional activities like 'education week at BYU' in Scotland or the UK? There are also a number of LDS groups on facebook. There are also some LDS Dating sites that you can use for free:
ldspals.com

ldsroses.com

tencowbride.com

The search can be long, enjoy the friends you meet along the way and the opportunities that being single provides.

 

 

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Two examples: Last month a coworker got married to a guy she met through an LDS dating site. That same month, a neighbor also married a guy she met through an LDS dating site.

 

That said, I have no idea how helpful such sites would be for someone in Scotland.

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  • 1 month later...

If you're the introverted type, or the sort who's more articulate in print than face to face (like I am), you may find that the dating websites are just the thing for you.

 

The primary reason I attracted my first wife is that she was a loose, immature, boy crazy girl with Daddy issues and envious of her friends in Institute that were getting married.  I jumped in with both feet for a lot of reasons.  Among them, I was lonely and desperate, never was given the time of day by girls in my school days or anytime after that (with a couple of exceptions), and I had a heavily romanticized ideal in my head that I expected would come true, and with her.  I was blind to all the red flags I should have seen from the start.  Without this combination of circumstances, I don't think my first marriage would have happened.

 

When that wretched arrangement went up in flames, and I found myself single again, I knew it would be my chance to shine.  I got on the dating websites and laid it all out in print -- what I like, what I believe, what I'm all about.  I was still snubbed by some women, but I also found that a lot of women were very receptive to me.  I even managed to get some truly breath-takingly beautiful women to respond to me.  I got to know some great women and some real bad apples too.  Instead of trying to get right back in the saddle and regain what I'd lost, I tried to just make as many lady friends as I could, and study their personalities as objectively as possible, as friends rather than the romance crazed, mad committer that I once was.  I talked to women from the UK, the Philippines, Brazil, Ukraine, and all over the US.  I talked to women who were nearly 10 years older than me, and I talked to women who were nearly 10 years younger than me (although they were usually in too much of a hurry for me).  I made a lot of friends and developed feelings for several women, but when I could tell things weren't going to work out, I usually was able to let it go without getting hurt (not counting the Brit I almost proposed to).

 

I had a spreadsheet in which I kept a picture of each woman I was either actively communicating with, or had attempted to contact and was awaiting a response.  There were 40 of them by the time I found my wife.  I regarded them all as friends, though I was always tempted to go too fast.  But since I was methodical and held back to the best of my ability, I was able to glean the best choice out of all the LDS women I could access throughout the entire world.  I know that I found the one most able to put up with my idiosyncrasies and flaws.  I enjoy her company and never worry that she will intentionally hurt me or betray me.  I found my best friend.

 

You can too.

 

I don't know if this site has a policy against name dropping.  I apologize if it does.  In case it doesn't, here is a list of all the dating sites to which I subscribed and on which I was active:

 

ldspals

lds singles

lds mingle

lds planet

single saints

 

There were a few others, but I was never sure they were legit and I never heard back from anyone on them.

 

My favorite site was LDSpals, because of the format.  I felt free to create a profile that I felt adequately described me and what I was looking for.  There wasn't a huge selection, but I did find a few great women there.  With LDSplanet, it was kind of the opposite.  The selection was huge and I never really made it through a night of searching on that site feeling like I'd tapped it out.  I didn't like the format at all though.  Too limiting.  I wasn't able to build a very good profile there at all.  Single Saints has a cool, unique feature, where you can send them a picture of yourself with your name written on it, and they contact your Bishop to confirm you are a member of His ward in good standing.  Then you get a seal of approval on your profile.  I don't know how it is for the ladies, but for me, I found the women on all the sites pretty easy to tell whether they were for real or scammers.  But it's nice to be able to foster confidence in your own profile with the people who see it.  LDSmingle and LDSsingles are almost identical, but I was on both.  One has a color code personality test you can take and every profile is color coded, which I found helpful.  The other site has a very similar personality test, but the results are not as easy to see in someone's profile as a colored bar near their picture.

 

These were wonderful, happy days for me.  I met some really wonderful women, and I chose the best among them.  Marriage still is inherently challenging, as it should be, but this way I found the woman who is right for me.  The challenges in my second marriage make me stronger, whereas the challenges in my first marriage weakened and corrupted me.

 

I used to hear General Authorities talk about their wives and think they were just pandering or being charitable.  I did not have a marriage like that at the time.  My first marriage was a cyclone of contention, hostility, and pain.  Now I know what they were talking about and I know they were on the level about it.

 

Hope this has been helpful.

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