I'm to the breaking point. What do I do?


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Oh, and I forgot to answer the question some have asked.  Was he like this when I married him?  I believe he is very good at presenting himself to be a certain person and then as time passes, his true colors come out.  It's been like this with many jobs.  He is great at getting hired but after a while he gets pressured to leave or leaves himself because he can tell they want him to.  I think this is what happened with me.  I had no idea he would have been this kind of a father.  I always thought fathers would WANT to be involved in their kids lives naturally, not that I would have to almost beg to get him to be.  I wish I had a way of knowing.  I should have known him longer.  I tried to get out of it, because I didn't feel comfortable marrying him, but that is a whole nother story I would rather not go into.  Regardless, I married him.  And here we are today.  

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Hi little,

What will he do if you put your foot down, say, "The kids are going to scouts and that is that" and just go ahead and drive the kids to scouts anyway?

I'm just thinking that maybe he has a strong bark but no teeth because of him feeling that he has to control something like scouts because he is losing control everywhere else (like his weight).

I'm thinking if you give him something he can control that is not as significant to the well-being of your family - like when the kids can watch TV, or even silly things like what color clothes they can wear (okay, I'm really just grasping at straws here because I don't know your husband) - then he won't feel too out-of-control with significant things like Scouts.

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Oh, and I forgot to answer the question some have asked.  Was he like this when I married him?  I believe he is very good at presenting himself to be a certain person and then as time passes, his true colors come out.  It's been like this with many jobs.  He is great at getting hired but after a while he gets pressured to leave or leaves himself because he can tell they want him to.  I think this is what happened with me.  I had no idea he would have been this kind of a father.  I always thought fathers would WANT to be involved in their kids lives naturally, not that I would have to almost beg to get him to be.  I wish I had a way of knowing.  I should have known him longer.  I tried to get out of it, because I didn't feel comfortable marrying him, but that is a whole nother story I would rather not go into.  Regardless, I married him.  And here we are today.  

Take a stand.  stop putting up with his crap.  You have contemplated divorce anyways, I'm willing to bet he doesn't leave you.

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The more I read into this, the more I sense a dead-end marriage. I think you've received all the advice anonymous people on the internet can give you. Now it's time to get some real help, someone you can confide in (a professional), and make some hard decisions. Good luck!

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  • 4 weeks later...

This sounds like the issues within the relationship you have with your husband have now turned to resentment for him and other family members, hence the jealousy. Understandably, if this is his repeated cycle it would be hard to avoid the resentment. Going back to the original issue, you mentioned he is generally an angry person. Why is he angry? My guess is there is more to this than you may know. It maybe something from his childhood that he has carried forward and has never discussed or let go. Until he finds forgiveness and drops his walls for whatever transpired we will continue this path. You can’t control how he feels, you can only control how you feel and deal with the situation. At some point you will need to forgive him for the resentment that he has caused you and the family but this will be extremely hard while still living it. I’m not saying either that he couldn’t have a real mental issue but the examples you describe of him would indicate him holding on to anger, bitterness and resentment resulting in unforgiveness that has been left to grow and fester in his life effecting everyone around him. Again, you can’t control him or his feelings. You can only control you and how you feel. The sooner he decides to do something about his past issues, the sooner you both can start growing and have a nurturing love for one another. Seeing a doctor about a mental issue and him getting put on meds for it will only Band-Aid the situation for a short time until he deals with the core issue behind the anger.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am really concerned about the anger.   If it involves name calling or expressed in unkindness or violence, then you need to protect your children by stopping all of that.   But in order to figure out whether it is to that point, you are going to need help.   Your community probably has a domestic violence shelter.   They have experience with this.   You can tell them what is happening and they'll help you sort out appropriate responses.  

 

Your dh sounds as unhappy as you sound.   He may be stuck.  See if you can persuade him to see a doctor.   Take all the junkfood out of the house.  Make sure you are getting enough Vitamin D because your immune system is probably compromised because of all the stress.

 

Maybe your brother cannot stand to see you in your present circumstances.  Maybe your dh threatened him.   But when someone doesn't act like they normally do, you ought to not speculate as to why.   Just talk with them.

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