Sociopaths


yjacket
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My MIL has NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and tells anyone who will listen that one of her biggest accomplishments is having taken down so many of her superiors in their careers. 

 

Other than completely avoiding them, which is the best advice but of course not usually possible to follow completely.. the other best thing to do is avoid giving them information. Whether the information is about you or others, just try to communicate the minimum that is required for workplace interaction. This includes even the most basic conversational stuff, like what you had for lunch and what your plans are for the weekend. Information is where they draw their power from, they will hate you and try to manipulate it out of you in increasingly shocking ways, but stand your ground. 

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Guest MormonGator

Something very important to remember: The term "sociopath" is extremely loaded and should be used by a qualified mental health professional who has interviewed the person many times. It's an extremely rude term, usually used to describe people who are "difficult",  cocky or arrogant. None of those descriptions make the person pathological.  

Edited by MormonGator
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Something very important to remember: The term "sociopath" is extremely loaded and should be used by a qualified mental health professional who has interviewed the person many times. It's an extremely rude term, usually used to describe people who are "difficult",  cocky or arrogant. None of those descriptions make the person pathological.  

 

Oh, I completely agree, I do not use the term lightly at all. Working with someone who is (IMO) highly intelligent who takes attack vectors during a conversation, who's sole purpose is to destroy when it suits their purposes. An individual who is extremely charming, is able to literally with words captivate others under a spell. Someone who never, and I do mean never says, my mistake, I'm sorry, etc. invents lies and mistruths for their own end goal. Once you do not agree with them, they will do everything to tear you down.

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Oh, I completely agree, I do not use the term lightly at all. Working with someone who is (IMO) highly intelligent who takes attack vectors during a conversation, who's sole purpose is to destroy when it suits their purposes. An individual who is extremely charming, is able to literally with words captivate others under a spell. Someone who never, and I do mean never says, my mistake, I'm sorry, etc. invents lies and mistruths for their own end goal. Once you do not agree with them, they will do everything to tear you down.

 Worse than Yankee fans.  

 

(kidding, kidding  :P

Edited by MormonGator
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Oh, I completely agree, I do not use the term lightly at all. Working with someone who is (IMO) highly intelligent who takes attack vectors during a conversation, who's sole purpose is to destroy when it suits their purposes. An individual who is extremely charming, is able to literally with words captivate others under a spell. Someone who never, and I do mean never says, my mistake, I'm sorry, etc. invents lies and mistruths for their own end goal. Once you do not agree with them, they will do everything to tear you down.

This sounds exactly like the co-worker who is making my job a living hell.   Except for the highly intelligent part.  No one would ever describe her that way.  But the rest...wow...describes her exactly.

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True story: 

I'm a cocky and arrogant guy in my "real life". It's just who I am. I was accused of being a "sociopath" because I'm a loudmouth. In reality, it was just because they didn't like my personality and viewed me as "intelligent and arrogant". It didn't bother me because I know I'm not. (a sociopath, I am a total genius. Humble too  ;)

 

This is bragging, so I apologize up front. 

 

It came out that I gave a buddy of mine who was down on his luck a car. It was a car that I wasn't going to trade in anyway. It also came out that I volunteer at a soup kitchen, and have many other good traits. I totally rock like that.

 

When the person who accused me of being a "sociopath" found about it, they were crestfallen and extremely apologetic. They were crushed, actually. It taught them a life lesson. 

 

Never forget this: You don't know everything about a person. You might view them as "mean" or "angry" or any other negative description, but in reality you don't know who they are unless you really spend a lot personal time with them.

 

So don't be so quick to accuse people of really offensive things. For all you know the person who you accuse of being a "sociopath" or a "jerk" might really have a heart of pure gold. 

Edited by MormonGator
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:ph34r: Something very important to remember: The term "sociopath" is extremely loaded and should be used by a qualified mental health professional who has interviewed the person many times. 

 

OK, let's call them "weeds". The weeds suck the life out of you if you let them.

 

Or, zombies,

the undead,

parasitic predators....

 

ANYTHING but the "S" word.  And you can use these words without a PhD in clinical psychology.   :disclaimer:

Edited by cdowis
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Guest MormonGator

 

 

ANYTHING but the "S" word.  And you can use these words without a PhD in clinical psychology.   :cool:

 Sure you can! You'll just have a hard time being taken seriously because no, you probably don't have the medical training and expertise to diagnose someone using such loaded language. 

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 If you have people at work who are causing problems, then keep a logbook of what and when. 

 

If things get bad enough, this logbook can potentially be presented as evidence to management / HR / whoever. 

 

Basically you are telling them, "We can't get along.  Either she goes, or I go."

Be prepared for the answer.

 

PS. Showing them this logbook is a very very very bad idea.   :disclaimer: 

They'll look at you like something they scraped off the bottom of their shoe.

Edited by cdowis
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PS. Showing them this logbook is a very very very bad idea.   :disclaimer:

 

I agree with this part. By all means keep a logbook, but don't show it to anyone. The logbook is to give to your lawyer when you take the company (or an individual therein) to court. It's a way of pursuing legal action, not a threat or a showpiece.

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Most of the posts on here have pushed avoidance and if that's possible it's the best option.

If avoidance isn't possible then you're going to have to get a better handle on the situation. You need to realize that for the sociopath the workplace is a board game, one where cheating is acceptable but getting caught is not. He plays by a very limited set of rules (meaning almost anything goes). It probably doesn't matter much whether you're smarter than he is, in a position of authority over him or not, or any of the other variables that you've been weighing in your mind. You don't want to play that board game with him.

Don't play. Everybody in the office already knows about him so don't worry about it when he "makes you look bad". He has done that to everyone at one point or another and by this time they all know it's more a reflection on him than on you. Treat him as you would treat the jammed copier in the hallway. When I absolutely have to make a copy and I can't go upstairs to use the one that actually works then I have to negotiate with the broken one. Other than that, the copier can do as it pleases, it can set whatever fires it likes, not my problem.

If you don't engage with him, you should never become his target. It for some reason you do become his target, ignore the situation. Don't play. You can't play this game with him, not because you are not good enough or smart enough but because there is no winning at this game. The sociopath is more than willing to fight to the death over a paper clip. Think about Coriantumr and Shiz, and don't go to war with the sociopath.

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