The Impact of Narcissists

[nastar]

Hello all. I have recently returned to church after 20 years and hitting rock bottom.My life has been very difficult and filled with abuse. I have a parent with who is Narcissistic and then married a Narcissist-who I left through domestic violence and ended up having an affair with another Narcissist(please understand I have been less active and havent adhered to the law of chastity or the word of wisdom) I am very scarred from these people. I have PTSD and Battered Womens Syndrome now. The Gospel always gave me peace in my youth and I know it is true. I came back looking for that peace again and because I wanted my children to grow up in the Church and be prepared being well aware that we live in the fullness of time. My problem is although my children are thriving in the Gospel I am not. Im trying to get temple worthy but I still struggle with the word of wisdom. I had a testamony when I was young but I cant feel it now, my faith?I dont know if its sufficient as I have trouble trusting anything I read the scriptures, I pray.I try. But after all these years I have this self sabotage going on and I cant believe that I deserve a life better than what I have had and all this abuse is normal. I forgive the people who have harmed me but the negativity from that time is present. I know that Heavenly Father has blessed me and my life could have been alot worst that it is. Im greatful. I have sort help from LDS Family Services for councilling. Because I feel I need help to progress. Has anyone been where I am if so any advice will be helpful thanks

[theSQUIDSTER]

My heart goes out to you. It sounds like you're on the right track.

It takes time to heal from serious wounds. Just keep doing the best you can. It's a great blessing that your children are flourishing. I would consider that as a tender mercy from the Lord. With regard to faith and addiction from your past, please do your best to be kind to yourself. Just about everyone I've met with addictions wonders why the healing can't happen faster, struggles with some relapse, and wonder why their faith isn't as strong as they would like it to be. Give yourself time and try not to compare yourself too much to others who seem like they're healing faster.. You may especially feel discouraged when you hear such "faith promoting" stories of people who prayed and then said that the desire to smoke, drink, etc. was immediately taken from them never again to return. Though such things can and do happen sometimes, they are, I believe, not how most people experience healing. For most of us the process takes longer and is something that we really have to continue working hard at before those cravings for our previous life and self will begin to diminish. The good news is that healing and increased faith do happen.. but each person is unique and the time table and experience varies from person to person. Allow yourself to have the personalized experience that the Lord is trying to give you. He truly knows best what you need. If you feel like you're having a hard time trusting Him, don't be afraid to take those feelings to Him directly in prayer. He wil bless you and you will feel your understanding and confidence increase.

May the Lord bless you, my sister. My prayers are with you also. :)

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Nastar,  I can relate.  So sorry you are going through this.  It is hard.  So hard.  I was abused as a child, but I was fortunate to marry a wonderful man.  I have struggled with my faith and doubts, struggled with feeling worthy because of the shame, and struggled learning coping skills to deal with the pain.

 

You are not alone.  I belong to two groups on Facebook that were created for survivors to support one another.  There are very nice women in both of them.  I invite you to join us. 

 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/breakingabuse1/

 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1467033676884653/

[SGoodman]

It's rare to be able to undo 20 years in just a short while. You've already been told that it takes time.

And during that time, fake it. Not in a bad way, but figuratively put on the mask of the person you're trying to be. Wear that mask until it is no longer a mask.

I wish I were more outgoing and helpful, so I put on the mask and pretend to be outgoing and helpful. And I keep that up until it becomes who I am, and it isn't a pretense anymore but a character trait.

There's a mask for Happy and another for Confident. There's even a mask for Spiritual and Faithful. I put that Sprirtual mask on and I pretend to be one of those Mormons who reads his scriptures and prays every day. And I pretend to be that guy by reading my scriptures and praying every day. And some day I'll forget that it's just pretend.

And for this or just about any other problem that spans years I would take an additional step. I would go to LDS Family Services and schedule an appointment with the Psychologist they have on staff. Nothing that has been ingrained over the course of decades is going to change without guidance and direction and he can give you both in ways that the Bishop can't.

[Bee Sweet]

I grew up with a Mother who had borderline personality disorder. My childhood was so confusing because of this mental problem. I am the oldest daughter and she chose me to hate. I was ridiculed daily, she told me almost everyday that she hated me. She would put me out in alleyways as a little girl and drive away. I would wander crying until she would finally come back and get me. I finally went and lived with my Grandma, who was sweet and kind to me.

 

As we got older, my siblings and I asked her to attend counseling with us. We went to a very qualified P.H.D.

At first he told we children to not take it so seriously, then he counseled with her privately. He called me into his office

alone, he expressed such sorrow for me that he almost cried. He told me that she said she hated me. He told me that with

her kind of mental disorder, they will choose one child to destroy, and I was the one, lucky me. Narcissim is a big part of this disorder.

 

I have struggled with self-worth, abandonment issues, and betrayal issues my whole life. I remember when I first started going back to church. The first thing I heard was that I am a child of God. A light bulb went on inside my head, I am a child of God and it matters not what my Mother thinks of me, I have worth!