I never try my best. Never.

[Vort]

I realize I have probably harped on this topic before. So I apologize in advance if some of you dislike it. I invite you to ignore the thread.

 

A commonly heard preaching is that we don't have to worry about being perfect. All we have to do is do our best, and that's good enough.

 

NEWS FLASH: I never do my best. Never. Not once in my life. I could always have done better.

 

Oh, sure, there may be an isolated instance here or there where I did the best I could, like taking a test or playing a game or listening closely.

 

But there has never been a full day of my life (at least, not since my very young childhood) where I have consistently done everything I did to the best of my ability. Not a day. I would go further: I bet there is not a single HOUR of my life where I have truly "done my best" during that time. Honestly, I do quite well to pass ten minutes doing my absolute best at whatever task I'm engaged in.

 

It seems to me that saying "All you have to do to be saved is your best" is exactly the same as saying "You cannot be saved". Anyone care to explain to me, in terms I can understand, why I'm wrong?

[pkstpaul]

There is a difference is being your best and being perfect. I can't do more than than than best but I am very unlikely to be perfect (i.e. my best isn't perfect). I state it this way - "Always do your best and never worry if you did enough".

 

When it comes to gospel principles, I find it nearly impossible to know enough to be perfect. I think our capacity to understand (as mortals) is limited. I think it will take millions more years to draw close to perfection.

[The Folk Prophet]

 

^ my solution.

[Vort]

There is a difference is being your best and being perfect. I can't do more than than than best but I am very unlikely to be perfect (i.e. my best isn't perfect). I state it this way - "Always do your best and never worry if you did enough".

 

When it comes to gospel principles, I find it nearly impossible to know enough to be perfect. I think our capacity to understand (as mortals) is limited. I think it will take millions more years to draw close to perfection.

 

I agree with these sentiments. But please note, I am not talking about being perfect. I am talking about doing my best. I do not do my best almost ever. I slog through work, through my callings, and through my most important roles of husband, father, son, and brother at partial throttle, maybe 60-80% of my capacity. Not my best, often not even close to my best.

 

I am being honest and not cynical when I say that I am not even sure I am capable of always doing my best. Which of course brings the whole thing into a new light. But putting aside that linguistic trick, if I know I am capable of doing 120 performance units (PUs), and occasionally I try really hard and manage to put up 115 or 116 PUs, I feel good about that. But the rest of the time I'm tooling along at about 70 PUs (sometimes more like 40), then you know what? I'm not doing my best or anything close to it. P-U.

 

I am not picking nits, and I am not being clever. I seriously do not understand what it means to "do your best". If I take it at face value, I am surely condemned.

[The Folk Prophet]

As far as I know there is no gospel principle to "try".

 

There is a gospel principle to be perfect. There is a gospel principle to repent.

 

Trying is implicit.

[beefche]

Vort, maybe your definition and my definition of best is different.

 

In the recent past, my best consisted of me dragging myself to Sacrament meeting. I was often late, sat in the back, and left right after the closing prayer. I was in a very depressed state and at that time, that was my best. I simply couldn't interact with others at church. I had not gone to church in a few months but knew that I need to return. All I was capable of was being in sacrament meeting.  

 

Was that at 100% of my capacity? Not when you look at it from an objective point of view. But, for me, it sure felt like 100% capacity. For me, that WAS my best effort.

[Guest]

That's why when I posted that, I added a qualifier: my best is different day to day, and week to week. It doesn't mean absolutely everything I'm capable of or have the potential of doing. It means, everything considered, doing what I can that day. Isn't that what the scriptures say? "After all that we can do"? 

[james12]

I realize I have probably harped on this topic before. So I apologize in advance if some of you dislike it. I invite you to ignore the thread.

 

A commonly heard preaching is that we don't have to worry about being perfect. All we have to do is do our best, and that's good enough.

 

NEWS FLASH: I never do my best. Never. Not once in my life. I could always have done better.

 

Oh, sure, there may be an isolated instance here or there where I did the best I could, like taking a test or playing a game or listening closely.

 

But there has never been a full day of my life (at least, not since my very young childhood) where I have consistently done everything I did to the best of my ability. Not a day. I would go further: I bet there is not a single HOUR of my life where I have truly "done my best" during that time. Honestly, I do quite well to pass ten minutes doing my absolute best at whatever task I'm engaged in.

 

It seems to me that saying "All you have to do to be saved is your best" is exactly the same as saying "You cannot be saved". Anyone care to explain to me, in terms I can understand, why I'm wrong?

I think your right.

[classylady]

None of us are perfect.  None of us.  And by that statement, I qualify it by saying that we often fall short of doing our best.  Even with strong testimonies of the Gospel, knowing who our Savior is, knowing the commandments, and trying to be good decent people, we most likely are not doing our absolute best.  That is why we have a Savior.  At the end of the day, as we look over our behavior, and see where there could be a lot of improvement, that is when we get down on our knees and pray for forgiveness and a resolve to do better tomorrow and in the future.  I feel that as long as we are progressing and trying to improve, we are doing what the Lord wants of us.

[Vort]

I think your right.

 

In that case, what do people (including our leaders) mean when they say that we must "do our best"? I believe they mean something and are not just spewing words, and I believe (or at least hope) they don't literally mean that we must always do our best. So what do they really mean?

[Anddenex]

Vort, my minds eye would specify the difference between "do" your best, and the title (The Folk Prophet's meme) "try" my best.  

 

The Cub Scout motto is, "Do your best." The Scout Oath begins with "On my honor, I will do my best."  

 

What I have found intriguing is the difference when a boy (or young men) specify they did their best, and then later you actually see what one might consider "their best."  They often times are not the same, and have discovered that the phrase "Do your best" is spewed without much thought.  A rough example, "Tell me how the Robinson family is Elder"?  "Well, I wasn't able to get to them, but I did my best."  Their best?  They never called; they never stopped by the house; they never made one attempt -- but they did their best.  Then one hears, "Don't judge me, we are all sinners."  

 

Truly, I can't say either, I have done my very best in all that I do.  I think the Church (activity, spirit, love, etc...) would be very different if we all truly "did" our best, and we were honest with the terminology.  Might it be better said, "What is best"?  President Monson tells us, "Do your duty that is best."  He also declared, "Each must strive to learn his duty and then do it to the best of his ability." He also declared, "This is not a time for fear, brethren, but rather a time for faith--a time for each of us who holds the priesthood to be his best self."  Or as my stake president likes to say, "Don't be dumb." 

 

In that thought though, I am reminded of President Monson's book (Apostle then), "Be your Best Self."  The concept of doing ones' best I believe fully correlates with the Atonement and our salvation.  We do our best, honestly do our best.  Nephi did his best when seeking to obtain the plates from Laban.  

 

I am not bothered by the statement, "I have done my best," if the statement might be equated with, "after all we could do."  Elder Holland provided some comforting words to mother, "If you try your best to be the best parent you can be, you will have done all that a human being can do and all that God expects you to do."

 

I assume then, my personal beef, is not in the statement itself, "I have done my best, and this is all I can do," if the statement in and of itself is true.  How some people use it, "I'm imperfect, deal with it, but I'm not changing," isn't the best we can do.  So if "do your best" equates with "after all I can do" then I am fine with the terminology in reference to the Atonement.

[SpiritDragon]

Very interesting thoughts Vort.

I must confess I've never given this much thought. But I'd tend to agree that I rarely if ever do my best. 

 

Eowyn brings up an interesting point here as well with the scripture phrase, "after all we can do."

 

Is all we can do the same as our best?

 

So one thought I feel like sharing comes from my experiences last year working to a personal best lift. My goal was to lift 400 lbs at a body-weight of 160, which I did... but getting there I used many different strategies of varying submaximal loads to build up to the best. If I always lifted all-out I would most likely have ended up injured, or at least might not have made it to my goal, because I needed a certain amount of volume that I could perform consistently enough to elicit adaptations physiologically. So I would vary between different repetition amounts and different loads ranging from 50-100% of my one repetition maximum or all of my performance units in a single bout. 

 

Perhaps in the gospel sense we do our best by being consistent with making sure that we get to the important things often enough to build up the capacity so that on the rare occasion we really are called upon - we can do our best or use all of our performance units. But if we were constantly using them all, we'd just be spent. The scriptures also say it is not requisite for a man to run faster than he has strength.

Edited September 1, 2015 by SpiritDragon

[jerome1232]

I use a sliding window average. I usually roll around 32 units of pure goodness output per hour rounded down.

But seriously I happen to agree with Vort. I know, roughly, what I am capable of. I don't generally get anywhere near it. I don't even get near a "high average" of my best. I fail constantly at things I know I can do. I get angry when I know better. I'm petty when I am aware of how I am acting and just don't care to change it. A lot of people say just do the best you can and act like that is comforting. *It* terrifies me. 

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

I wonder if the confusion here is about the difference between how men and women interpret things (generally speaking).

 

For example, I've often heard people joke about how in Priesthood sessions the men are always being told, "You need to do better."  And in the women's meeting the sisters are told, "Well done, keep up the good work."  

 

I don't think the women are doing a better job than the men, so why the difference (if in fact the difference is real and not just an exaggeration :) )  I suspect the difference is real and simply has to do with women (again generally speaking) being more emotional, and more prone to "beat themselves up" than men are.  

 

An example is "mom guilt".  Almost all mothers worry constantly that they are doing, have done, or will do something wrong that will hurt their children.  I don't mean to imply that men don't strive to be good fathers, I believe they do.  But I don't think they obsess, and worry over it as much as women do.

 

Another example...until recently, I was uncomfortable with D&C 121, 122...which felt a bit like "buck up".  And I didn't find that comforting at all.  Contrast that with how the Savior responded to Mary when she said, "Lord if you had been here, my brother would not have died."  He didn't tell her that her suffering would be but a small moment (literally!!!), what did he do?  He wept with her.  Beautiful.

 

So I think if our leaders say "do your best" what they mean is "don't berate yourself over this sisters, keep trying, and keep repenting."  And if you define "do your best" in the way Vort does (as in your best is really not your best so do better), then it means "c'mon men you can do better."  

 

Edited September 1, 2015 by LiterateParakeet

[james12]

In that case, what do people (including our leaders) mean when they say that we must "do our best"? I believe they mean something and are not just spewing words, and I believe (or at least hope) they don't literally mean that we must always do our best. So what do they really mean?

I agree with you that we can never long sustain our "best". And I do have a problem with someone saying, "All you have to do to be saved is your best". The problem with that statement is that at this stage in our progression salvation does not hinge on always doing our best. If it did we wouldn't have repentance. By this I do not mean that we should not try to do our best, just that if I don't go home teaching one month my salvation does not hang in the balance.

 

Here is where all the hard liners usually come out and tell me that we must be perfect and that we must obey all the commandments or we can't receive salvation. Yes, we will need to follow every word that proceeds from the mouth of God but in our current state this is not possible and not expected by him. 

 

Why then do we get the instruction to do our best? Because we must stretch ourselves while in this tabernacle of clay. In order to grow in spiritual strength we must push ourselves to do a little more than we did yesterday. 

[Bini]

I agree with Beefche and Eowyn.

 

I don't think I can explain my thoughts any better than they had. There are days where I've given it my all (best) and there are days where I haven't. Simply put, I think when you've exhausted everything inside yourself to achieve something, that in and of itself, is doing your best.

[Traveler]

The problem is how we define "perfect".  The ancient term use in revelation and scripture had a slightly different meaning than what we apply with modern thinking.  There are many ancient terms that were in essence synonymous.  There were whole, holy, sacred, complete and perfect.  It is my understand that these terms have nothing to do with man and man's effort or capabilities.  It is about becoming one (united) with G-d.

 

I cannot remember the movie but the setting is a guy and a girl arguing over what each is contributing.  The girl says something along the line - you need to do you share of the dishes.  The guy says - I do my share of the dishes.  Then the girl says but you do not like doing your share of the dishes.  The guy responds with "Why should I like doing my share of the dishes?  The question is - since we love enough to do that which we do not like - is that not enough.

 

The answer is NO!!! - it is not about loving G-d and doing what he tells us.  It is about learning to love doing what G-d and our fellow man needs done and loving the sacrifice.  Just doing it does not make the process sacred and holy - we must love doing it.  That is a very different problem.

Edited September 1, 2015 by Traveler

[omegaseamaster75]

"Do or do not, there is no try"

 

Yoda, Jedi master

[Guest]

I didn't read the responses.  This is in response to the OP.

 

I always do my best.  I don't TRY to do my best.  I do my best.  I'm a Yoda baby - Do or Do Not.  There is no Try.  Ok, it's not really all the time always - sometimes I intend to do my best but get lazy. 

 

Let's say I'm climbing a mountain.  After 10 feet, my hamstrings give out.  So even if I know I need to get to 1,000 feet, I stop at 10 feet.  That was my best.  If I stopped at 9 feet, that wouldn't have been my best.  The next day, I am stronger.  So I climb 12 feet before my hamstrings give out.  11 feet wouldn't have been my best.  Anything worth doing is worth giving all you can give.

 

And Doing is not enough.  BEING is what I'm after.  Doing all my VT for the month is not enough.  Being like Christ in doing my VT teaching is what I'm going for.

 

Sure, my best may not be as close to Christ as somebody else's.  Like, the Spirit is willing but the Flesh is weak, kinds of hindrances or even just a simple lack of knowledge.  But, tomorrow is always another day to gain knowledge and strengthen the flesh.  When I know I could have gone 10 feet but I only did 9, that's when I start the process of Repentance and do better the next day.  I don't feel the need to Repent if I went only 10 feet out of 1,000 because my hamstrings gave out.

[Traveler]

I didn't read the responses.  This is in response to the OP.

 

I always do my best.  I don't TRY to do my best.  I do my best.  I'm a Yoda baby - Do or Do Not.  There is no Try.  Ok, it's not really all the time always - sometimes I intend to do my best but get lazy. 

 

Let's say I'm climbing a mountain.  After 10 feet, my hamstrings give out.  So even if I know I need to get to 1,000 feet, I stop at 10 feet.  That was my best.  If I stopped at 9 feet, that wouldn't have been my best.  The next day, I am stronger.  So I climb 12 feet before my hamstrings give out.  11 feet wouldn't have been my best.  Anything worth doing is worth giving all you can give.

 

And Doing is not enough.  BEING is what I'm after.  Doing all my VT for the month is not enough.  Being like Christ in doing my VT teaching is what I'm going for.

 

Sure, my best may not be as close to Christ as somebody else's.  Like, the Spirit is willing but the Flesh is weak, kinds of hindrances or even just a simple lack of knowledge.  But, tomorrow is always another day to gain knowledge and strengthen the flesh.  When I know I could have gone 10 feet but I only did 9, that's when I start the process of Repentance and do better the next day.  I don't feel the need to Repent if I went only 10 feet out of 1,000 because my hamstrings gave out.

 

I was raised differently than you - for my father doing my best was never good enough for him.  But let me use your example of climbing a mountain.  So you go your 10 feet up the mountain and your hamstrings give out - you are done and you have done your best?  You cannot go any farther?   But then you notice another 5 feet up your baby is about to fall off a cliff to their death?  You cannot figure out a way to get 5 more feet up the mountain to save your child?  You are not even going to try because you have already done your best?

 

Sometimes your best does not happen until you are forced well beyond what you think is your best - and sometimes life is like that.

[Vort]

I appreciate the answers. Thanks to all of you. Really, that is a heartfelt thanks.

 

A few of you seemed to grasp what I was trying to say. I'm not much for me-too-ism, but I must admit it's gratifying and even comforting to know I'm not the only one to grapple with this seeming conundrum.

 

I wish I had a life mentor to walk with me and show me how to be the kind of man I want to be, how to sustain effort for days or weeks rather than for minutes or hours. I suppose that's what the Holy Ghost is supposed to do -- but then, you have to be sensitive enough at listening to and following the Holy Ghost to take advantage of that. And I confess I am vastly more deaf and blind and otherwise insensate to things of the Spirit than I should be.

[Traveler]

I appreciate the answers. Thanks to all of you. Really, that is a heartfelt thanks.

 

A few of you seemed to grasp what I was trying to say. I'm not much for me-too-ism, but I must admit it's gratifying and even comforting to know I'm not the only one to grapple with this seeming conundrum.

 

I wish I had a life mentor to walk with me and show me how to be the kind of man I want to be, how to sustain effort for days or weeks rather than for minutes or hours. I suppose that's what the Holy Ghost is supposed to do -- but then, you have to be sensitive enough at listening to and following the Holy Ghost to take advantage of that. And I confess I am vastly more deaf and blind and otherwise insensate to things of the Spirit than I should be.

 

Perhaps you are discovering a great cure for pride?

[Guest]

I was raised differently than you - for my father doing my best was never good enough for him.  But let me use your example of climbing a mountain.  So you go your 10 feet up the mountain and your hamstrings give out - you are done and you have done your best?  You cannot go any farther?   But then you notice another 5 feet up your baby is about to fall off a cliff to their death?  You cannot figure out a way to get 5 more feet up the mountain to save your child?  You are not even going to try because you have already done your best?

 

Sometimes your best does not happen until you are forced well beyond what you think is your best - and sometimes life is like that.

 

You might be surprised.  When I was in first grade, I didn't get dinner because I came home with 1/10 on a quiz.  First grade.  And it was 1/10 because I thought this < was greater than while > is less than.  I only got the = right.  Which means, if you think about it, I actually got perfect.  But no, that was no excuse for my father.  No dinner for me.  I should've known my symbols.  And a few years ago, I handed him my Engineering Master's Degree diploma with my 3.8 GPA transcripts.  My father says, "You got a 3.8 on a non-Ivy league school?  <shakes his head>".

 

So I go 10 feet up the mountain and my hamstrings give out.  5 feet above that is my baby.  Totally different scenario.  This time - adrenaline fuels the last 5 feet to save the baby.  I succeed.  But I'm wheelchair-bound the rest of my life.  10 feet is my best.  Going 15 on a 10-feet best means that 11-15 is bringing me farther from Christ than closer.  Unless there's a baby I'm saving... in which case, losing my life for the sake of another rules the day.

Edited September 1, 2015 by anatess

[Desert Roses]

You might be surprised.  When I was in first grade, I didn't get dinner because I came home with 1/10 on a quiz.  First grade.  And it was 1/10 because I thought this < was greater than while > is less than.  I only got the = right.  Which means, if you think about it, I actually got perfect.  But no, that was no excuse for my father.  No dinner for me.  I should've known my symbols.  And a few years ago, I handed him my Engineering Master's Degree diploma with my 3.8 GPA transcripts.  My father says, "You got a 3.8 on a non-Ivy league school?  <shakes his head>".

 

So I go 10 feet up the mountain and my hamstrings give out.  5 feet above that is my baby.  Totally different scenario.  This time - adrenaline fuels the last 5 feet to save the baby.  I succeed.  But I'm wheelchair-bound the rest of my life.  10 feet is my best.  Going 15 on a 10-feet best means that 11-15 is bringing me farther from Christ than closer.  Unless there's a baby I'm saving... in which case, losing my life for the sake of another rules the day.

 

How sad as I've read this thread. The scripture "after all we can do" has so often been misquoted and misused by those perfectionists in the church. My dh and I talked just last night about how the Puritan ideas got mingled into the gospel by early converts and has never really gotten out of it. THE REST OF the scripture, "We are saved by grace, after all we can do." More than one scriptorian has rendered this more to be, "We are saved by grace, in spite of all we can do," since no matter what our BEST is, it is never enough. If the cost of an item is $10B, and we have only 10 cents, or even if we have $10, we aren't going to be able to come close--only Christ's unlimited resources can purchase our salvation and exaltation. I never know what my "best" is. I do know that Bruce R. McConkie said that if we are living a faithful LDS life--we do what we can to serve, we pray, we read, we want to be like Christ, and we obtain our temple blessings, that's what is required for exaltation in the Celestial Kingdom.

 

I'm not willing to put in the effort to be the woman that a Sheri Dew is, or an athlete like the sister in my ward who runs marathons. I'm not putting in the hours and hours of practice to become a great musician. Does that mean I didn't do my best? No, it means that the Lord has shown me that my focus is supposed to be elsewhere. We are limited by time and opportunity in this life. The only thing that we are being tested on in this life is if we will follow Jesus Christ. Everything else is fluff. I'm confident that in the final judgment, I will not be judged on whether I gave 100% of my effort to every activity and agenda that I hear at church, only whether I consciously followed Jesus Christ daily. When I had a decision to make, did I do what I knew at that moment to be what Christ would have me do?

 

When I think of this, I remember many events in my life when I failed miserably. I grew up in a home with a lot of violence and conflict, and a poor relationship with my father. One consequence of this was an inability to make judgments about men and relationships. I had difficulty with morality. When I did marry, I chose 2 abusive men in a row--I was angry and abusive myself to them, and to our children. I KNEW I wasn't doing my best--I just didn't know how to do it differently. But Christ rescued me, and taught me HOW to do differently. I was able to eventually marry in the temple, put right the relationships with my children, and even parent my youngest two children with genuine love, patience, and long-suffering. So was I condemned for not doing my "best" when I was making all those mistakes? I don't feel I was. I feel that He knew that I wanted to do better, and that He came to my rescue when I was humble enough to admit I couldn't do it, even when I tried harder. His grace, His power--that's my best. 

[Traveler]

You might be surprised.  When I was in first grade, I didn't get dinner because I came home with 1/10 on a quiz.  First grade.  And it was 1/10 because I thought this < was greater than while > is less than.  I only got the = right.  Which means, if you think about it, I actually got perfect.  But no, that was no excuse for my father.  No dinner for me.  I should've known my symbols.  And a few years ago, I handed him my Engineering Master's Degree diploma with my 3.8 GPA transcripts.  My father says, "You got a 3.8 on a non-Ivy league school?  <shakes his head>".

 

So I go 10 feet up the mountain and my hamstrings give out.  5 feet above that is my baby.  Totally different scenario.  This time - adrenaline fuels the last 5 feet to save the baby.  I succeed.  But I'm wheelchair-bound the rest of my life.  10 feet is my best.  Going 15 on a 10-feet best means that 11-15 is bringing me farther from Christ than closer.  Unless there's a baby I'm saving... in which case, losing my life for the sake of another rules the day.

 

Perhaps it is not just that we see things a little differently - perhaps we are quite different.  When I die and meet my L-rd I already know better than to try the - I did my best routine.  I am like Vort - everything I have done I realize I could have done better.   I am sure if I try the I did my best that Jesus is likely to remind me that had I relied on him more or sooner or exercised more faith that I could have done better with what has been expected of me.  I could have been kinder to my wife in disagreements - I could have gotten points across better on this forum - I could have caught things in my work before they created loses.  I could have raised my children better.  And the one cycling race that I came in third - if I had trained better - maybe prayed more or given G-d more credit - I may have been second -- or maybe I would have stopped and helped a fellow cyclists that had fallen and not worried so much about doing what I thought was my best.