To the divorced dads of the forum

[Guest]

When you were going through your divorce, and after, what things did your extended family do (or do you wish they had done) to support you and your children?

 

 

[Windseeker]

Here are some things that helped

Family -

·         My father and brother listened to me and I was able to share my pain with them. I could open up to them in ways I couldn't with my mother and sister.

·         My sister's family took my 4 kids for the summer while I worked on managing the divorce. Knowing they were in a place of love was a relief and allowed me to focus on getting myself in a better place mentally, emotionally in order to properly manage the unsavory details of the divorce and to help them move forward. My kids today have great memories of that time and often discuss the fun experiences they shared that year with their cousins.

·         My sister-in-law took my youngest son before and after school (he changed districts). Knowing he was not home alone after school for hours was a relief. I got a stipend from work for child-care and gave this to her to help supplement the costs for his meals.

·         My brother helped me find a less stressful job.

·         My mother and sister came by a couple times to help clean and organize the house.

 

Friends -

·         To keep it short - My wife during the divorce had offended a elite spoiled Mexican exchange student and this girl convinced every migrant Mexican in High School into threatening and harassing my son. A close friend and member of our ward who rose from a poor child in the slums of Tijuana to become an executive at Nintendo went house to house with me and my son, to every Mexican immigrant home that had high school aged kids and translated and explained my situation turning things around so quickly they all defended and looked after my son from then on.

·         The Elders in my ward took care of my lawn. 

 

Things that some of my family did that was not helpful:

Talk negatively about my spouse I was divorcing. That kind of talk didn't do anything for me and just made me feel bad for humanity in general.  (My mother never said a negative word, which I appreciate).

 

Things I wished would have happened :

·         I wish I would have took the kids to some kind of therapy.

·         It was pure bedlam and chaos every day I arrived home with my youngest son and I think I should have just moved in with my parents, but they were then, and still are forever nursing my druggie brother. But having to work full time, it would have been nice.

·         I would have liked someone to exercise with, something I think is really important to mitigate stress allows one to have more patience with the kids.

 

I owe so much to my extended family and it was their love and strength that got me through that period.

Edited October 9, 2015 by Windseeker