Met an LDS woman, who wants to get married

[danielchoice]

Hello LDS members,

 

I am a 35 year old man, once divorced due to an adulterous wife (who claims abuse, completely made up after I discovered her infidelity, to absolve herself of guilt).  Out of the nine friends I have who have gotten married five of them are now divorced, due to infidelity on the woman's part on every single occasion.  Some of them were worse husbands than others but it has been infidelity, strangely enough always with the woman's boss at work, that has precipitated the divorce.  Every single one of these women have then claimed abuse.

 

I don't have any friends who are abusive.  I would not be friends with such people.  The women all claim "secret abuse", though.  This just doesn't match up with what I have seen.  I also don't have any friends who have cheated on their own wives because such men would not be long for my friend group.

 

I am very fearful of marriage now.  The incredibly poor ways I've been treated in family courts have created a massive fear of divorce and infidelity inside of me.  Along with my real experiences of seeing women cheating and then rationalizing it as not their fault due to "secret abuse".  It's not something I can get over as these courts are not getting better and, quite frankly, I have found that nobody cares in the slightest.  Adultery is legal now, unilateral divorce is the law, and I have just spent the last few days reading through this forum.  Where I see church members frequently giving out the advice to divorce to women, without having any understanding of the relationship at all.  I can easily give you some examples.  There are examples of this all over this forum and on the front page right now.

 

I am not religious but I'm not sure how this could be biblical.  It is divorce that destroys marriage and I see the advice to divorce being handed out like candy on Halloween to any woman who tells a story of her "secret abuse".

 

This woman is also once divorced and she has two children.  I also have a child but my ex-wife refuses to allow me to see her, despite me having orders for joint custody.  My orders are not enforced.  She claims that she got divorced because of "abuse", but this is exactly what my ex-wife claims, and the excuse that all of my friends ex-wives claim, and it also appears to be the excuse that is being used by Mormon women all over this forum to justify divorce.  So at this point I really just don't believe this.  She has told me that due to her religious beliefs she does not have sex outside of marriage.  However, she has already had sex with me outside of marriage.  She now claims she is no longer willing to be in a relationship with me without marriage and has been pressing me for this.  We are now at a critical point where she is demanding marriage from me.

 

Having very little knowledge of her faith, except for the few times in the past few weeks I have attended church with her, I have been doing some light reading of the Book of Mormon and reading this forum.  I really don't understand why you all keep advocating divorce in basically every thread.  I see constant threads where the woman says "I'm feeling abused/neglected/whatever" and in every single one of them there is a member of this forum who immediately advocates for divorce.

 

Is this what is going to happen should I marry M?  That as soon as we have a rocky period in the marriage and she feels abused or neglected the church members will advocate for her to get divorced?

 

Because, quite frankly, I will not risk going through the horror of the family courts again.  It has been far too painful, and nobody cares in the slightest.  I've told M this and she assures me that she would never consider divorce.  Yet she is already divorced.  She claims that the Mormon faith is pro-marriage and against divorce.  I certainly see the pro-marriage side, but from my readings on this forum it would appear that the Mormons are also pro-divorce.

 

I've decided I will not marry her.  The risk is far too great.  What would you consider the best way to approach this subject with her?  Should I just write off any attempt to have a relationship with her (beyond friendship) due to her religious beliefs?  We get along very well and she has introduced me to her children but there is simply no way I will marry in a culture that is so clearly pro-divorce.  I don't even see the point.

 

I am going to basically tell her everything that I just put into this post.  I've saved a few threads here that are perfect examples of what I am describing.  I'm willing to have a committed relationship with her but not with the risk of being divorced in the insane family court system again.  Is there any way she can remain as a Mormon, as she says this is very important to her and her family, and we can move forward and have a committed relationship?

 

It's looking more and more that I am going to have to tell her that it's either me or her religion.

 

Or perhaps is there some way we can be married by a bishop but not married by the state?  So that, when she feels neglected and comes to complain about it, and you all tell her to get divorced, I won't have to go through the insane family court system?

 

Thanks,

 

-Daniel

[Guest]

I'd suggest ending the relationship ASAP for both your sakes (no one is getting any younger), and maybe finding a good therapist to help you toss your baggage before getting into another relationship. 

[omegaseamaster75]

Hello LDS members,

 

I am a 35 year old man, once divorced due to an adulterous wife (who claims abuse, completely made up after I discovered her infidelity, to absolve herself of guilt).  Out of the nine friends I have who have gotten married five of them are now divorced, due to infidelity on the woman's part on every single occasion.  Some of them were worse husbands than others but it has been infidelity, strangely enough always with the woman's boss at work, that has precipitated the divorce.  Every single one of these women have then claimed abuse.

 

I don't have any friends who are abusive.  I would not be friends with such people.  The women all claim "secret abuse", though.  This just doesn't match up with what I have seen.  I also don't have any friends who have cheated on their own wives because such men would not be long for my friend group.

 

I am very fearful of marriage now.  The incredibly poor ways I've been treated in family courts have created a massive fear of divorce and infidelity inside of me.  Along with my real experiences of seeing women cheating and then rationalizing it as not their fault due to "secret abuse".  It's not something I can get over as these courts are not getting better and, quite frankly, I have found that nobody cares in the slightest.  Adultery is legal now, unilateral divorce is the law, and I have just spent the last few days reading through this forum.  Where I see church members frequently giving out the advice to divorce to women, without having any understanding of the relationship at all.  I can easily give you some examples.  There are examples of this all over this forum and on the front page right now.

 

I am not religious but I'm not sure how this could be biblical.  It is divorce that destroys marriage and I see the advice to divorce being handed out like candy on Halloween to any woman who tells a story of her "secret abuse".

 

This woman is also once divorced and she has two children.  I also have a child but my ex-wife refuses to allow me to see her, despite me having orders for joint custody.  My orders are not enforced.  She claims that she got divorced because of "abuse", but this is exactly what my ex-wife claims, and the excuse that all of my friends ex-wives claim, and it also appears to be the excuse that is being used by Mormon women all over this forum to justify divorce.  So at this point I really just don't believe this.  She has told me that due to her religious beliefs she does not have sex outside of marriage.  However, she has already had sex with me outside of marriage.  She now claims she is no longer willing to be in a relationship with me without marriage and has been pressing me for this.  We are now at a critical point where she is demanding marriage from me.

 

Having very little knowledge of her faith, except for the few times in the past few weeks I have attended church with her, I have been doing some light reading of the Book of Mormon and reading this forum.  I really don't understand why you all keep advocating divorce in basically every thread.  I see constant threads where the woman says "I'm feeling abused/neglected/whatever" and in every single one of them there is a member of this forum who immediately advocates for divorce.

 

Is this what is going to happen should I marry M?  That as soon as we have a rocky period in the marriage and she feels abused or neglected the church members will advocate for her to get divorced?

 

Because, quite frankly, I will not risk going through the horror of the family courts again.  It has been far too painful, and nobody cares in the slightest.  I've told M this and she assures me that she would never consider divorce.  Yet she is already divorced.  She claims that the Mormon faith is pro-marriage and against divorce.  I certainly see the pro-marriage side, but from my readings on this forum it would appear that the Mormons are also pro-divorce.

 

I've decided I will not marry her.  The risk is far too great.  What would you consider the best way to approach this subject with her?  Should I just write off any attempt to have a relationship with her (beyond friendship) due to her religious beliefs?  We get along very well and she has introduced me to her children but there is simply no way I will marry in a culture that is so clearly pro-divorce.  I don't even see the point.

 

I am going to basically tell her everything that I just put into this post.  I've saved a few threads here that are perfect examples of what I am describing.  I'm willing to have a committed relationship with her but not with the risk of being divorced in the insane family court system again.  Is there any way she can remain as a Mormon, as she says this is very important to her and her family, and we can move forward and have a committed relationship?

 

It's looking more and more that I am going to have to tell her that it's either me or her religion.

 

Or perhaps is there some way we can be married by a bishop but not married by the state?  So that, when she feels neglected and comes to complain about it, and you all tell her to get divorced, I won't have to go through the insane family court system?

 

Thanks,

 

-Daniel

Clearly you are cherry picking posts to suit your ideas about marriage and divorce, and ignoring the many advocates on this forum who are very anti divorce, also take into account that this is a public forum in which we often hear only one side of a story which is what most opinions are based off of. 

 

I wouldn't marry this girl if I were you. Quite frankly you sound like you are in denial about your past abuse issues. See a therapist. 

[Vort]

Women falsely claiming abuse: Standard procedure. We can only trust that such women will be held to account at the judgment bar for their filthy lies, and will gain the result they so richly deserve, just as with all other unrepentant liars.

 

People on this list encouraging divorce: Yes, there are some. There are others who do not encourage divorce at the drop of a hat, or almost ever. Sometimes the pro-divorce people just yell louder.

 

Refusing to marry because of bad past experiences: Sad. This illustrates the dangers of allowing cynicism to canker one's soul. You should not let a bad experience sour you on the most important institution we have, the very foundation of family. I suspect Eowyn is right: You should get some help for how you're feeling, maybe even professional counseling (assuming it actually does any good).

[danielchoice]

Clearly you are cherry picking posts to suit your ideas about marriage and divorce, and ignoring the many advocates on this forum who are very anti divorce, also take into account that this is a public forum in which we often hear only one side of a story which is what most opinions are based off of. 

 

I wouldn't marry this girl if I were you. Quite frankly you sound like you are in denial about your past abuse issues. See a therapist. 

 

 

Typical advice.  Just make up lies about the abuse.  It's like people must accept abuse as the answer for women's infidelity.  You are failing women by failing to hold them accountable.  There is a reason that all of the family friends remained my friend after my divorce, and are still my friends today.  Including women that were my ex-wife's friends who contacted me during the divorce because she would talk about lying about me with them.  But you are very typical here.  Frankly I find your insistence on blaming male abuse for women's actions despicable.

 

I'll be honest with her, and show her the posts I've saved from here.  And I'll show her this thread.  And allow her to make her own decisions.  I don't control her.

[Guest]

There are women who lie. There are women who are abused. Both exist. That's not the problem.

 

The problem is that you don't trust any woman; not even the one you're thinking of marrying. That makes your relationship doomed from the start. That's why I suggest getting yourself right before trying to be part of a union. 

 

Thank goodness my brother, who is in the process of divorcing a woman who has not been good to him (to say the least), knew that before I had to say anything. It's been awesome to see his growth and own inner happiness as he's worked for it. When he's ready to find an awesome woman, he'll know what to look for, because he will have cultivated that awesomeness in himself. 

[danielchoice]

Women falsely claiming abuse: Standard procedure. We can only trust that such women will be held to account at the judgment bar for their filthy lies, and will gain the result they so richly deserve, just as with all other unrepentant liars.

 

People on this list encouraging divorce: Yes, there are some. There are others who do not encourage divorce at the drop of a hat, or almost ever. Sometimes the pro-divorce people just yell louder.

 

Refusing to marry because of bad past experiences: Sad. This illustrates the dangers of allowing cynicism to canker one's soul. You should not let a bad experience sour you on the most important institution we have, the very foundation of family. I suspect Eowyn is right: You should get some help for how you're feeling, maybe even professional counseling (assuming it actually does any good).

 

 

I went to professional counseling for two years while I was getting divorced.  It was useless as I burned through six therapists, all of them like the man above.  Who simply wanted to blame me.  The only thing counseling was helpful for was to discuss the incredible pain of having my child ripped from me and then, again, dealing with the pain of fighting for two years to get joint custody only to find out that none of my orders are enforced.

 

And going to counseling is not going to change the broken family law system.  No amount of personal counseling is going to change it.  How many times are people going to recommend going to counseling to me?  To do what?  Convince me to risk going through that level of hell, again?  Why do you think a counselor is going to be able to achieve this?  You are all simply blame shifting and I've had enough of that for one life.

 

I know that not all of you give the advice to divorce right away.  Honestly it appears to me that the women on this forum are quite often giving really good advice.  But no one is calling the men, some of whom are claiming to have served as bishops in your church, to account for recommending divorce in every post.  It's sickening.  Is this what her bishop is going to say to her if we have marital problems?  Because this is what I have gathered from your forum.

[danielchoice]

There are women who lie. There are women who are abused. Both exist. That's not the problem.

 

The problem is that you don't trust any woman; not even the one you're thinking of marrying. That makes your relationship doomed from the start. That's why I suggest getting yourself right before trying to be part of a union. 

 

Thank goodness my brother, who is in the process of divorcing a woman who has not been good to him (to say the least), knew that before I had to say anything. It's been awesome to see his growth and own inner happiness as he's worked for it. When he's ready to find an awesome woman, he'll know what to look for, because he will have cultivated that awesomeness in himself. 

 

I don't trust the family court system because I know how it works.  I don't trust her religion because I came to read what advice her religion gives and I found that you are pro-divorce.  I trust her enough to be in a committed relationship with her.  And none of you even bothered to answer my questions.  I've been through the blame shifting to the man routine before, years ago, when I went through my divorce.  Standard on every forum.

 

Can I get married to her without a state contract if I were to join the LDS religion?

 

I will present this stuff to her and she can make her own decisions.

[Guest]

Marriages performed by LDS clergy are legal. We believe in following the law of the land. 

 

If six different therapists found problems in you, that might be something worth thinking about. I only have your side of the story and don't know you from Adam, so I concede that I could be wrong; but it's something to consider. 

[Leah]

All I can say about the first post is that it's quite the combination of two styles of such posts one sees on forums such as this - the standard I'm-perfect-so-everything-is-everbody-else's fault post along with here-are-all-the-things-wrong-with-Mormons post. 

 

Sort of a two-for-one deal.

[Jane_Doe]

Danielchoice,

 

I apologize in advance for any hurt feelings, but I'm going to be blunt here.

 

You do not love the women you are seeing.

A person whom truly loves another loves all of them, and does not demand that another cut off part of themselves.

You love your blind mistrust of women more than listening to her and what happened.

You prize your fears of family court more than you prize a possible future with her.

You will be involved sexually, but cut yourself off from any real connection where you might be damaged.

 

Please break up with this women, and please get yourself the help you need to feel love again.

Edited October 13, 2015 by Jane_Doe

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

I've told M this and she assures me that she would never consider divorce.  Yet she is already divorced.  She claims that the Mormon faith is pro-marriage and against divorce.  I certainly see the pro-marriage side, but from my readings on this forum it would appear that the Mormons are also pro-divorce.

 

 

Daniel,  This part of your post stood out to me in particular.  "She claims she would never consider divorce. Yet she is already divorced."

 

Uh, the same could be said about you.  

 

In your post you repeatedly accused us of advocating divorce, and yet you yourself are divorced.  Apparently you feel that divorce because of infidelity is okay, but you think all claims of abuse are false.  Just for the record, I've never known an abuser who was willing to admit they were abusive.  And I think abuse is worse than infidelity.  

 

I'm sorry you've been hurt in the past.  I agree with the others who suggested therapy (I'm in therapy myself, it's been tremendously helpful.)   

And please break up with M.  If you can't accept her religion, which is a huge part of her (trust me) then I really can't see a future for the two of you.  

[prisonchaplain]

I'm not LDS, so I have no dog in the fight on OP's contentions about LDS being "pro-divorce."  Based on his arguments though, most of us would seem to be.  After all, if a woman tells me that her man is beating her up regularly, I'm going to urge her to find safety, seek a legal separation, a restraining order, and then to hold out until the abuser gets sufficient counseling that she feels safe.  Since I'm taking the internet poster's "accusation of secret abuse" (btw, where's this word 'secret' come from?) that makes me guilty and "pro-divorce," according to the OP's standards, as I understand them.

 

Note that I never encouraged divorce, and even pointed the way to restoration.  Yet, according to the OP, I should assume the woman is lying, and is just lobbying an excuse for divorce.  On the surface, this line of reasoning is odd.  We live in a land of No-fault divorce, so no one needs to toss out such an incendiary lie to get what they want. 

 

Most of the "Yeah--get a divorce, NOW!" recommendations have been in the light of accusations of overt and significant physical abuse.  Do we not have to take a poster at face value, in our responses?  After all, internet advice is meant to be "arm chair lay-counseling."  We get one side of a story, and we do not know if some 14-year old is making the whole story up for fun.

 

I find the conclusions of the OP to be unreasonable and unfair.  Of course, that's just my always humble opinion.

Edited October 13, 2015 by prisonchaplain

[Guest]

I'm anti-divorce.

 

Well, that's at least 1 on this forum.

[Latter-Day Marriage]

Hello LDS members,

 

I am a 35 year old man, once divorced due to an adulterous wife (who claims abuse, completely made up after I discovered her infidelity, to absolve herself of guilt).  Out of the nine friends I have who have gotten married five of them are now divorced, due to infidelity on the woman's part on every single occasion.  Some of them were worse husbands than others but it has been infidelity, strangely enough always with the woman's boss at work, that has precipitated the divorce.  Every single one of these women have then claimed abuse.

 

I don't have any friends who are abusive.  I would not be friends with such people.  The women all claim "secret abuse", though.  This just doesn't match up with what I have seen.  I also don't have any friends who have cheated on their own wives because such men would not be long for my friend group.

 

I am very fearful of marriage now.  The incredibly poor ways I've been treated in family courts have created a massive fear of divorce and infidelity inside of me.  Along with my real experiences of seeing women cheating and then rationalizing it as not their fault due to "secret abuse".  It's not something I can get over as these courts are not getting better and, quite frankly, I have found that nobody cares in the slightest.  Adultery is legal now, unilateral divorce is the law, and I have just spent the last few days reading through this forum.  Where I see church members frequently giving out the advice to divorce to women, without having any understanding of the relationship at all.  I can easily give you some examples.  There are examples of this all over this forum and on the front page right now.

 

I am not religious but I'm not sure how this could be biblical.  It is divorce that destroys marriage and I see the advice to divorce being handed out like candy on Halloween to any woman who tells a story of her "secret abuse".

 

This woman is also once divorced and she has two children.  I also have a child but my ex-wife refuses to allow me to see her, despite me having orders for joint custody.  My orders are not enforced.  She claims that she got divorced because of "abuse", but this is exactly what my ex-wife claims, and the excuse that all of my friends ex-wives claim, and it also appears to be the excuse that is being used by Mormon women all over this forum to justify divorce.  So at this point I really just don't believe this.  She has told me that due to her religious beliefs she does not have sex outside of marriage.  However, she has already had sex with me outside of marriage.  She now claims she is no longer willing to be in a relationship with me without marriage and has been pressing me for this.  We are now at a critical point where she is demanding marriage from me.

 

Having very little knowledge of her faith, except for the few times in the past few weeks I have attended church with her, I have been doing some light reading of the Book of Mormon and reading this forum.  I really don't understand why you all keep advocating divorce in basically every thread.  I see constant threads where the woman says "I'm feeling abused/neglected/whatever" and in every single one of them there is a member of this forum who immediately advocates for divorce.

 

Is this what is going to happen should I marry M?  That as soon as we have a rocky period in the marriage and she feels abused or neglected the church members will advocate for her to get divorced?

 

Because, quite frankly, I will not risk going through the horror of the family courts again.  It has been far too painful, and nobody cares in the slightest.  I've told M this and she assures me that she would never consider divorce.  Yet she is already divorced.  She claims that the Mormon faith is pro-marriage and against divorce.  I certainly see the pro-marriage side, but from my readings on this forum it would appear that the Mormons are also pro-divorce.

 

I've decided I will not marry her.  The risk is far too great.  What would you consider the best way to approach this subject with her?  Should I just write off any attempt to have a relationship with her (beyond friendship) due to her religious beliefs?  We get along very well and she has introduced me to her children but there is simply no way I will marry in a culture that is so clearly pro-divorce.  I don't even see the point.

 

I am going to basically tell her everything that I just put into this post.  I've saved a few threads here that are perfect examples of what I am describing.  I'm willing to have a committed relationship with her but not with the risk of being divorced in the insane family court system again.  Is there any way she can remain as a Mormon, as she says this is very important to her and her family, and we can move forward and have a committed relationship?

 

It's looking more and more that I am going to have to tell her that it's either me or her religion.

 

Or perhaps is there some way we can be married by a bishop but not married by the state?  So that, when she feels neglected and comes to complain about it, and you all tell her to get divorced, I won't have to go through the insane family court system?

 

Thanks,

 

-Daniel

There are cases where divorce is justified, and cases where it is not.  People come here asking for advice and the advice they get is usually based on the assumption that they are telling the truth.  I've seen people recomend divorce in cases where the situation presented seemed to put it among those circumstances where it would be justified. I have not seen a casual attitude of using divorce in every situation though and I think perhaps you are prone to see what you expect to see.  Perhaps you could point out some of these threads you saved as examples.

The church teaches people should make every reasonable effort to make their marriage work but it is not going to police divorces and assign blame or punish people for getting divorced.  God will judge in the end, and any spouse who lied to cover their sins will pay for it then.  Also, you can't really know for sure what goes on in other people's lives.  I know a case where a wife cheated on her husband with a neighbour.  He really was an emotionally abusive husband although he couldn't see himself that way.  Even so, she was excommunicated for her adultery and has since repented and rejoined the church.  He moved away and I'm not sure what his condition is, but he wasn't very active in the church to start with.

This woman you talk about, by having sex outside of marriage she has broken a very serious commandment, one that could even result in her being excommunicated for a time and I expect her push to get married is something she wants partly to try and bury her guilt.  But even if you did marry her, she still broke that commandment and should see her Bishop to begin the repentance process.  If you really are going to marry her, I think you should insist you both go to the Bishop and confess this sin and complete your repentance before getting married.

Marriage works much better when a couple are united in their religious outlook but it would be a mistake to join the church unless you really had a personal conviction to it that wasn't tied to your relationship with her.  From the sound of things you don't seem to have the same religious convictions as her and if so I think it would be better to not be in a romantic relationship together.  Any marriage a Bishop does would be a legal marriage so you can't avoid divorce that way.

It's easy to be cynical about marriage, but there are still lots of long time married happy faithful couples out there.

[Guest MormonGator]

I'm anti-divorce.

 

Well, that's at least 1 on this forum.

  No, I'm with you. Staunchly anti-divorce, except in abuse/adultery/addiction. 

[Guest]

  No, I'm with you. Staunchly anti-divorce, except in abuse/adultery/addiction. 

 

There ya go.  At least 2 as of last count...

[omegaseamaster75]

  No, I'm with you. Staunchly anti-divorce, except in abuse/adultery/addiction. 

You can throw me in that group. I am anti with the exception of the three A's

[Guest]

I challenge the OP to find anyone to advise divorce in a case that doesn't fall under those 3 circumstances. 

[Latter-Day Marriage]

You can throw me in that group. I am anti with the exception of the three A's

 

I would add abandonment, but in any of those cases (except abuse I would say) divorce is not the automatic response and an effort should be made to heal the relationship before going there.

[jerome1232]

They have a word for it, it's called selective attention. You notice people advising divorce because you are selectively looking for them and somehow everything else slides by in peripheral vision.

I for one can personally vouch that a marriage fought for is a beautiful wonderful thing. Even in light of the three A's mentioned earlier, I would consider separation and time to correct course before calling it quits.

Edited October 14, 2015 by jerome1232

[prisonchaplain]

I remember a conversation in Bible school about this very subject.  What would we do if a church member came saying her husband was abusing her--especially if children were in the home.  The person raising the question was from another country and said she always counseled divorce.  The rest of us said that we would NOT do so, initially.  Instead, we would urge immediate safety (get him out, or get yourself and kids out).  Separation and a restraining order would be next.  Then, pray, and hold out for reconciliation (probably after significant counseling).  We pointed out that if the abuser would not repent, his pride would probably cause him to abandon her, claiming she was practicing "conditional love."  Once he jetted, she would then be free to remarry, in the future, if she so chose.

 

Some want to argue that abuse is abandonment, but it's a very slippery slope.  I favor very narrow definitions when it comes to justifying divorce.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

No, I'm with you. Staunchly anti-divorce, except in abuse/adultery/addiction.

If this is the criteria count me 8n too. And even these are a case by case basis.

[Jane_Doe]

You are failing women by failing to hold them accountable. 

 

No one has been defending adulteresses (or adulterers).  Rather, it has been said repeatedly that adultery is an acceptable reason for divorce (though it is still tragic).

 

I went to professional counseling for two years while I was getting divorced.  It was useless as I burned through six therapists, all of them like the man above.  

 

A counselor is a guide to take you help you walk you want to go.  Daniel, if don't want to combat your fear of family courts enough to find love, no amount of counseling is going change that.  You have to want to change.  

 

 

Can I get married to her without a state contract if I were to join the LDS religion?

 

No.  Marriage is marriage: there's no "pretend to commit but not really".

Edited October 15, 2015 by Jane_Doe

[Guest]

I have an advice to the OP.

 

Go to the Philippines, become a Filipino citizen and marry a Filipina.

 

Divorce is illegal in the Philippines.

 

Problem.  Solved.