'Coming Home Early' article in Ensign

[dahlia]

This month there was an article about missionaries returning early. I cannot believe that people in the ward would be negative toward someone who returned early through no fault of their own (the example in the article was a health issue). It is also worrying to see the amount of self-doubt, anger, depression, etc. that these missionaries come back with. I can completely understand why some of them would leave the Church or become inactive after being treated so badly.

What the heck? What kind of head job do LDS do on their youth that they have such major issues if they have to return early? Personally, I find it distressing. I would never want to put that burden on my child. If s/he became very ill and have to come home, I'd rather have my sick child at home and getting care rather than out in the field. And what is with telling missionaries they should have struggled more or prayed more or worked through pain and illness on their mission? 

How awful. Every now and then I run across LDS behaviors that make me glad I wasn't born Mormon. This is one of them.

What happened to loving all of God's children - especially those who are going through rough times? 

[estradling75]

25 minutes ago, dahlia said:

What happened to loving all of God's children - especially those who are going through rough times? 

What happened to loving all of God's children - Including life-time members who are still sinners like everyone else.

Clearly there can be some issues with how early return missionaries are treated...  But those issues crop up because people are sinners and life-time member are still people.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Dahlia, there are a lot of life-time members that feel just as you do. Be careful not to generalize people. 

I agree and my kids know that I would rather have them home than sick in the field. I think part of the problem could be expectations of people in the ward, but it could also be perceived expectations as well.  We should also consider that for those missionarias who come home for mental health reasons, their perception of how they are treated may be skewed. I know when I was depressed I didn't see things very clearly.

Finally it could simply be because of the expectations the missionaries put on themselves. I have a friend who came home early for health reasons. She was not treated badly by anyone, but she was discouraged about not being able to accomplish her goal.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, dahlia said:

This month there was an article about missionaries returning early. I cannot believe that people in the ward would be negative toward someone who returned early through no fault of their own (the example in the article was a health issue). It is also worrying to see the amount of self-doubt, anger, depression, etc. that these missionaries come back with. I can completely understand why some of them would leave the Church or become inactive after being treated so badly.

What the heck? What kind of head job do LDS do on their youth that they have such major issues if they have to return early? Personally, I find it distressing. I would never want to put that burden on my child. If s/he became very ill and have to come home, I'd rather have my sick child at home and getting care rather than out in the field. And what is with telling missionaries they should have struggled more or prayed more or worked through pain and illness on their mission? 

How awful. Every now and then I run across LDS behaviors that make me glad I wasn't born Mormon. This is one of them.

What happened to loving all of God's children - especially those who are going through rough times? 

I agree, though I believe it is probably a minority, maybe even a small minority, of members who are judgmental towards missionaries who return early.  It is important to be aware of the problem so we can work to improve.  That said, it is also important to realize that not everyone is perfect, and people who have these attitudes don't represent the entire church, and can repent, change, and improve, if they are aware there is a problem.

I personally think that a mission should be between a missionary and God, and absolutely no one else.  I am a returned missionary, and I find myself getting irate when people say things like "I would only marry a returned missionary" or things like that.  I did not go on a mission to achieve some kind of social status within the Church.  I went for reasons that are between me and God, and are no one else's business.  The same goes for people who come home early, even if dishonorably released.  It is something that is between them and God, and is no one else's business.  And no, having a successful mission does not make someone automatically more worthy or more righteous for the rest of their lives than not serving a successful mission... that runs against the whole idea of the atonement of Christ, which is that under normal circumstances anyone can change their lives at any point and be worthy for the celestial kingdom.  I personally know a few people who chose not to serve missions and are way better Mormons than I am.

So anyhow, my thoughts on the subject.

[dahlia]

I have to think that if this were not a problem within the Church, it wouldn't be repeatedly addressed in Church publications. This is not the first time I've come across the issue. So, if I come across as judgmental (and I'm not afraid to use that word in reference to myself), it is partly because I see the problem raised so often. If it were only a few cruel people in a ward here and there, I doubt it would be given so much coverage. 

 

[estradling75]

50 minutes ago, dahlia said:

I have to think that if this were not a problem within the Church, it wouldn't be repeatedly addressed in Church publications. This is not the first time I've come across the issue. So, if I come across as judgmental (and I'm not afraid to use that word in reference to myself), it is partly because I see the problem raised so often. If it were only a few cruel people in a ward here and there, I doubt it would be given so much coverage. 

 

We have lots of problems "in the church."  We don't solve those problems by rendering generic judgements against a group of people... specifically if the problem we are trying to solve is one of "rendering generic judgements against a group of people"  All that does is make us a hypocrite with our own favored hobby horse

[LeSellers]

1 hour ago, dahlia said:

I have to think that if this were not a problem within the Church, it wouldn't be repeatedly addressed in Church publications.

There are problems, problems, and problems. Just because this is addressed in Church publications, don't mean it's a problem.

The Brethren started the Seminary program because the LDS high school students in Magna, Utah (the only town in the state where the Saints weren't a vast majority), were swearing, and drinking coffee. Where would that problem fall on the scale of 2016? Should mothers in Zion bundle up their 7 year olds each morning so they can attend pre-seminary at 0630 hrs?

Lehi

Edited June 26, 2016 by LeSellers

[Guest MormonGator]

4 hours ago, dahlia said:

This month there was an article about missionaries returning early. I cannot believe that people in the ward would be negative toward someone who returned early through no fault of their own (the example in the article was a health issue). It is also worrying to see the amount of self-doubt, anger, depression, etc. that these missionaries come back with. I can completely understand why some of them would leave the Church or become inactive after being treated so badly.

What the heck? What kind of head job do LDS do on their youth that they have such major issues if they have to return early? Personally, I find it distressing. I would never want to put that burden on my child. If s/he became very ill and have to come home, I'd rather have my sick child at home and getting care rather than out in the field. And what is with telling missionaries they should have struggled more or prayed more or worked through pain and illness on their mission? 

How awful. Every now and then I run across LDS behaviors that make me glad I wasn't born Mormon. This is one of them.

What happened to loving all of God's children - especially those who are going through rough times? 

 Dahlia, you sound like a such a sweet person. Good for you for caring about them.  I'm also troubled by the treatment they receive from some members. Luckily the days were they are treated poorly are still there-but it's changing for the better, for sure. 

The blunt truth is that not everyone should go on a mission. Some people make terrible missionaries. If you are argumentative , surly, nasty or just uncharismatic you will do more harm to the church than good, for sure.  The LDS culture should look into alternatives rather than missionary work for those people. It might stop a lot them from going out on a mission in the first place. 

It's a HUGE sacrifice these kids are making and often times people lose sight of that with the expectations they put on kids to serve. It's important to remember how much they give up. 

[Jane_Doe]

5 hours ago, dahlia said:

I have to think that if this were not a problem within the Church, it wouldn't be repeatedly addressed in Church publications. This is not the first time I've come across the issue. So, if I come across as judgmental (and I'm not afraid to use that word in reference to myself), it is partly because I see the problem raised so often. If it were only a few cruel people in a ward here and there, I doubt it would be given so much coverage. 

 

One cruel person in a 300 member ward is plenty reason to repeatedly decry this behavior-- missionaries (even those that come home early) are giving themselves to the Lord and should in NO way be derided if circumstances make them come home early.

[Just_A_Guy]

The other dynamic that comes into play here, is that LDS singles--particularly in their twenties--already live in more-or-less a meat market.  As saints, of course we love and sustain them; but as marriage prospects they are continually being evaluated and judged--and the distinction gets blurred very, very quickly.   But IMHO any wise single will apply the latter sort of scrutiny to an RM (or a non-RM), because the unfortunate truth is that a lot of the factors that may lead a missionary to return home early are also factors that will require a future spouse to exhibit a little more tolerance, sacrifice, and/or patience.

Moreover--when I was serving, missionaries sent home for LOC violations probably outnumbered those sent home for health issues on the order of 3 or 4 to 1.  I can be civil and supportive, but when I run into yet *another* kid who is trying to woo a faithful young LDS girl with some sob story about "back pain" (my extended family has had 2 or 3 of these) . . . it gets really hard to be charitable.  Yes, ideally we could create a society where everyone would be comfortable owning up to past mistakes; but in the meantime--don't lie to me, bub.

Edited June 26, 2016 by Just_A_Guy

[Guest MormonGator]

Missionary question: Did Steve Young go on a mission? Can an athlete postpone theirs in order to play their sport? I know Jabari Parker struggled with going on his mission or playing pro. 

[yjacket]

1 hour ago, Just_A_Guy said:

Moreover--when I was serving, missionaries sent home for LOC violations probably outnumbered those sent home for health issues on the order of 3 or 4 to 1.  

I agree, unless all the sudden the current generation of youth are having major health problems at the old age of gasp! 19, very few missionaries came home (and should come home) because of health reasons.

Just think about it, missionaries are in the prime of their life, the only health problems they should be having is if they contract some major disease, fall off a roof (or mountainside) and break some legs, or they simply can't mentally hack it.  I'm more inclined to believe with the wussification and babification of American children more and more are probably coming home because they simply aren't mentally tough.

If you came home b/c you got some major disease, had some broken bones, etc. or experience what the Sister in the article experienced no worries junk happens. But otherwise, no pass, especially for mental issues.  If you can't mentally hack being a missionary, you've got a lot of growing up to do before you can mentally hack being married, being a father, having a full-time job, etc.  

[yjacket]

1 hour ago, MormonGator said:

Missionary question: Did Steve Young go on a mission? Can an athlete postpone theirs in order to play their sport? I know Jabari Parker struggled with going on his mission or playing pro. 

One does not have to go immediately at 18 or at 19.  For eligible young men they can decide to serve anytime from 18 to 25.  So theoretically, yes a young man could play 4 years of college sports and then go on a mission.  In practice that ends up being very difficult b/c a lot happens in 4 years, girlfriend, dreams of playing pro. etc.  

It is also hindered a little bit by the NCAA rules.  Once you fully enroll in college a clock starts ticking, you get 5 years to play 4.  So if a young man enters his freshman year, enrolls and then decides he wants to go on a mission when he gets back he will only have 2 years of eligibility to play sports. (1 year as frosh + 2 as missionary =3 years past enrollment, i.e. only 2 years left). So once you start college as an athlete you don't take 2 years off.

Most colleges don't hold a scholarship for 2 years either, it's hard to tell Penn State, hey I appreciate you recruiting me, but could you please hold my scholarship for 2 years while I serve a mission. I promise I'll be more physical after being in Botswana for 2 years! Some do, most notably BYU, and good coaches, but it's not easy.

Edited June 27, 2016 by yjacket

[Jane_Doe]

1 hour ago, yjacket said:

If you came home b/c you got some major disease, had some broken bones, etc. or experience what the Sister in the article experienced no worries junk happens. But otherwise, no pass, especially for mental issues.  If you can't mentally hack being a missionary, you've got a lot of growing up to do before you can mentally hack being married, being a father, having a full-time job, etc.  

I'm sorry yjacket, but I really disagree with you here.  Mental health issues are real issues, just a real as a broken leg.  You don't "man up and deal with it": you go home to a doctor and get better!  

And yes, a person that has severe mental issues is probably not yet ready to be a spouse, parent, etc-- which is why they need to go to a doctor!  Postponing treatment of any health issue is not going to make the issue better, and quite possibly make it worse.

[yjacket]

18 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

I'm sorry yjacket, but I really disagree with you here.  Mental health issues are real issues, just a real as a broken leg.  You don't "man up and deal with it": you go home to a doctor and get better!  

And yes, a person that has severe mental issues is probably not yet ready to be a spouse, parent, etc-- which is why they need to go to a doctor!  Postponing treatment of any health issue is not going to make the issue better, and quite possibly make it worse.

Oh I definitely agree that some mental health issues are real problems, schizophrenia, OCD, etc. that need help. 

Hopefully, during the interview process those types of mental health issues are taken care of so that individuals afflicted by such issues are never put into the mission field. However, as a society we are so brainwashed into the religion of psychology that everything is a mental health issue.  I dealt with a companion who was quasi manic-depressant.  95% of the time he was a blast to be with, 5% of the time he went almost completely catatonic for several days-besides saying hello he would say nothing. He didn't need to go home; he dealt with his issues served an honorable mission, baptized a lot of people and helped me grow as an individual and as a missionary.  I'm grateful that he was able to deal with it to be my companion as my life was enriched by him.

Not every "mental" health problem requires medication, psychology, or needs a missionary to come home. So I do disagree with your don't man up . . .actually you do because as someone who married someone who had mental health issues, the only person who can help those who don't have serious issues (like schizophrenia), is the individual themselves. 

We are brainwashed as a culture to think that getting better from mental health issues requires seeing a psychologist, it doesn't.  Just because a pyschologist has 3 letters after their name doesn't mean jack when it comes to the inner workings of the brain of an individual.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

6 hours ago, MormonGator said:

Missionary question: Did Steve Young go on a mission? Can an athlete postpone theirs in order to play their sport? I know Jabari Parker struggled with going on his mission or playing pro. 

I don't know about Steve Young, but I remember that the Osmond's didn't serve full-time missions.  I had heard that it was because it was determined they were doing a great missionary work already.   Did you know they gave Elvis Presley a Book of Mormon?   

[Just_A_Guy]

Oddly enough, no one ever talks about how much good missionary work a talented young Mormon man could accomplish by staying home and becoming a lawyer, or a journalist, or a writer, or a politician, or a venture capitalist ...

[Guest MormonGator]

7 hours ago, Just_A_Guy said:

Oddly enough, no one ever talks about how much good missionary work a talented young Mormon man could accomplish by staying home and becoming a lawyer, or a journalist, or a writer, or a politician, or a venture capitalist ...

 We agree. I don't think it's fair that certain athletes/celebrities don't have to serve missions either. 

[The Folk Prophet]

8 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

 We agree. I don't think it's fair that certain athletes/celebrities don't have to serve missions either. 

Correction: Don't "get" to serve missions.

[Guest MormonGator]

7 hours ago, Just_A_Guy said:

Oddly enough, no one ever talks about how much good missionary work a talented young Mormon man could accomplish by staying home and becoming a lawyer, or a journalist, or a writer, or a politician, or a venture capitalist ...

I think you raised a great point JAG. I walked away from my computer and thought of what I said earlier-that some people shouldn't have to be forced into going on a mission because they have other talents, like the ones you mentioned. 

I love sports but I'm not blind to the fact that athletes get preferential treatment in every religion, culture, you name it. If Gator was a lifelong member (I have NO athletic ability) I know I'd be pressured into going on one while Steve Young might not be. It speaks very well on Jabari Parker for opting to go on his, even though I don't think he has yet. 

But you shouldn't have to serve a mission (or be thought of as deficient in some way) if you feel like you can serve the Lord in other callings like the one you mentioned. 

Really liked your post JAG. 
 

[estradling75]

Lets be very clear... it is the priesthood duty of every young man to prepare to serve a full time mission.

The key word is prepare.   Odds are good that for the majority young men that faithfully following this instruction will leave them with no reason not to go.

There will be some cases were dutiful preparation isn't going to be enough...  Those should be pretty rare and exceptional.   Understandably something rare and exceptional is going to be questioned by people who don't know what the rare exception was, but fully understand what the expectation is.  Most of these people should realize it is none of their business, what a young man is doing under the direction and guidance of his priesthood leaders. (in the case of not going or coming home early)

 

 

[Guest MormonGator]

6 minutes ago, estradling75 said:

Lets be very clear... it is the priesthood duty of every young man to prepare to serve a full time mission.

 

 

Estradling, I don't have kids so I don't pay attention to church rules about them. What if your son (I don't mean your personal son, universal usage of the word) just isn't as involved in the church? 

[estradling75]

7 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

Estradling, I don't have kids so I don't pay attention to church rules about them. What if your son (I don't mean your personal son, universal usage of the word) just isn't as involved in the church? 

Then he is clearly has a lot to do to prepare...

Should he stay away then why would he care?

Should he later repent and return to the church but do so to late...  Well then in his rebelliousness he lost some opportunities and that is the way things are.  He can't change the past at that point he can only move forward

[Guest MormonGator]

8 minutes ago, estradling75 said:

Then he is clearly has a lot to do to prepare...

Should he stay away then why would he care?

Should he later repent and return to the church but do so to late...  Well then in his rebelliousness he lost some opportunities and that is the way things are.  He can't change the past at that point he can only move forward

Well obviously all I can speak from is my own personal experience. In my own view the more you force a child to do something the higher the odds are at them not doing it or worse, not being active in their religion as an adult. I don't speak to many childhood friends at all, but just judging from Facebook I'm guessing 75% of us left the church we grew up in. We all grew up the same too-orthodox Catholic, first communions, confirmations, Catholic school, everything. I've noticed it's the same with many protestant and Jewish kids too. For LDS it's true that the lifelong retention rate is generally higher but I'm sure there are many LDS kids who feel the same I do as adults. At eighteen you need to figure out if what your parents believed is really "true" or capital "T" true. 

[estradling75]

2 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

Well obviously all I can speak from is my own personal experience. In my own view the more you force a child to do something the higher the odds are at them not doing it or worse, not being active in their religion as an adult. I don't speak to many childhood friends at all, but just judging from Facebook I'm guessing 75% of us left the church we grew up in. We all grew up the same too-orthodox Catholic, first communions, confirmations, Catholic school, everything. I've noticed it's the same with many protestant and Jewish kids too. For LDS it's true that the lifelong retention rate is generally higher but I'm sure there are many LDS kids who feel the same I do as adults. At eighteen you need to figure out if what your parents believed is really "true" or capital "T" true. 

Who said anything about Forcing?   You say you are not a parent...  Trust me when I say forcing stopped being an option when they got too big to pick up and carry.

As a parent you teach.. You set expectations.. you set guidelines... and yes you enforce rules with consequences...  And then when they are old enough they should understand that yes they can do what they want... but that actions have consequences and they need to take them into account as well before they decide on a course of action