Jump to content


Photo
- - - - -

Question re Multi-Stake Youth Dance


  • Please log in to reply
17 replies to this topic

#1 WillowTheWhisp

WillowTheWhisp

    Senior Member

  • Inactive 2+ Years
  • 2160 posts

Posted 07 April 2008 - 02:47 AM

The Youth of our Ward have received a flyer advertising a 14 - 18 Multi-Stake dance at another Stake Centre. My 16 year old daughter and her friend, also 16, would like to go. Unfortunately none of the Young Women Leaders from our Ward are available to accompany them and our Bishop has said that they must not go without a chaperone. My daughter and her friend have both got the day off work from their Saturday job to go to this dance - the flyer was given to them by the Youth Leaders - and will be very disappointed not to be able to go. The Young Men will all be there as one of their leaders is taking therm there earlier in the day to play football. I have offered to chaperone the two girls but have been told that this is not allowed as I am not a Youth Leader.

Is this normal? There will be other chaperones there from other Wards, in fact I was speaking to one mother from another Stake yesterday and she will be there as chaperone to her kids and actually offered to take my daughter even though it would have meant an hour's journey out of her way. Is the insistence on the chaperones being youth leaders just our Ward or is it church policy? The ironic thing is that one of the YW leaders is not much older than the girls herself and it is her fiance who is chaperoning the Young Men.

If my daughter and her friend end up unable to go to this church dance they will be going out that evening somewhere else locally with NO church presence and possibly where people will be drinking alcohol. Why is it so much worse for them to go to a church dance chaperoned by the mother of one of them? Am I missing something? It always seems like it's the girls who miss out. The boys from our Ward get to meet Youth from different Stakes but our Young Women, of which there are very few, only ever seem to mix with each other.


#2 Lolgirl

Lolgirl

    Senior Member

  • Inactive with Posts
  • 666 posts

Posted 07 April 2008 - 03:23 AM

This is natural.there's always supposed to be a chaperone.I don't know why you can't take them though.Perhaps you could ask a YW Leader if maybe she has the time to take them as they woulds really like to go.Or ask the Bishop to escort them?
Posted Image

Life is hardly worth living if you go through it without a smile

http://www.ayukun.proboards52.com :My anime website
(Please support!)

#3 SmilingRedhead

SmilingRedhead

    Senior Member

  • Inactive with Posts
  • 456 posts

Posted 07 April 2008 - 04:03 AM

Willow, in our stake I've known people to just volunteer or to be asked to be chaperones at dances when they need someone - even if they have no calling in the Youth Program. I must admit I don't actually know the church policy on this issue, but in my opinion it's odd to say you can't go as a chaperone... surely as long as there is someone there from your ward...??! (Spirit of the law rather than letter of the law...eh'? if it is the 'law' after all and not just someone's misunderstanding??) The youth are so important and should be able to go to a church activity if they really want to and others should just have to work around that. If that means someone from outside the Youth Program is the chaperone for the evening - surely that should not be an issue? Imagine it was Heavenly Father or Jesus Christ at the door for this dance and somebody brought their mum instead of a youth leader as a chaperone... would they deny that youth entry to the dance? I couldn't imagine they would! Youth tend to behave better when parents are around anyway.. :D Anyways, that was my tuppence worth. :)



@->--*:)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~:)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~:)*--<-@
~Blah blah blahhh...~


#4 WillowTheWhisp

WillowTheWhisp

    Senior Member

  • Inactive 2+ Years
  • 2160 posts

Posted 07 April 2008 - 05:58 AM

I understand the Church policy on the need for chaperones. I'm not arguing with that. But I don't chaperone my daughter to college where she mixes with teenage girls and boys who are non-members. I didn't chaperone her to her High School Prom. I just trusted the teachers who would be there would keep an eye on them.

Perhaps you could ask a YW Leader if maybe she has the time to take them as they woulds really like to go.Or ask the Bishop to escort them?


That's the problem. None of the YW leaders are available. One is in France, one cannot go because she hasn't got the car her fiance has it and he is using it to take the boys. I'm not sure where the other one is but she isn't available to take them. I find it strfange that it would be acceptable for the Bishop, a man, to escort young women but not acceptable for me, the mother of one of them.


Willow, in our stake I've known people to just volunteer or to be asked to be chaperones at dances when they need someone - even if they have no calling in the Youth Program.

I must admit I don't actually know the church policy on this issue, but in my opinion it's odd to say you can't go as a chaperone... surely as long as there is someone there from your ward...??! (Spirit of the law rather than letter of the law...eh'? if it is the 'law' after all and not just someone's misunderstanding??)


It's a little odd too that I am allowed to chaperone her (and any number of other Young Women) at the temple when they go to do baptisms.

The youth are so important and should be able to go to a church activity if they really want to and others should just have to work around that. If that means someone from outside the Youth Program is the chaperone for the evening - surely that should not be an issue?
Imagine it was Heavenly Father or Jesus Christ at the door for this dance and somebody brought their mum instead of a youth leader as a chaperone... would they deny that youth entry to the dance? I couldn't imagine they would! Youth tend to behave better when parents are around anyway.. :D

Anyways, that was my tuppence worth.
:)


Yes they keep telling us how important the Youth are but then seem to keep putting obstacles in their path. Maybe it's supposed to end up making them stronger. Unfortunately it seems to end up driving some away too. I remember one YW I taught in Sunday School who is now inactive, married to a non-member and has children who have never been to Church. I'm not saying she would have stayed active if she'd have been able to do things in the church but I know the reasons she gave for not wanting to be there were that there were too many petty rules. The letter of the law rather than the spirit of the law.

I agree with you that I cannot see Jesus or Heavenly Father objecting to a mother as a chaperone but I was just wondering if it happens worldwide or if it's just our Ward. It doesn't make sense to me. My daughter is now saying that if she was old enough to drive,or had a friend with a car they would defy the Bishop and go anyway and not tell me there was no chaperone! This isn't the sort of reaction I like to hear but fear the restrictions which don't seem to make sense end up resulting in the kids doing the exact opposite of what they should.
:(

#5 Gwen

Gwen

    Senior Member

  • Members
  • 5483 posts

Posted 07 April 2008 - 06:23 AM

i would call the yw's pres of the stake sponsering the dance. tell them that the yw's leaders can't go but that you could bring your daughter and some friends, if they are cool with that i don't see where anyone could complain about that. i'm sure the sponsering stake would rather have the youth there having a good turnout and a good time than worry about if the yw's pres or mom brought them. in our stake i was told that parents were always welcome to our stake activities. we have some yw that their parents are inactive or non members and they are nervous about the idea of dances. all they know about teen dances are what you see on tv or school dances (lol not chruch standard stuff obviously), with our stake center being 2 hours away that is a lot of late travel. so they obviously have some concerns. when i addressed this with the stake they said "invite the parents to come. let them come to as many activities as they need to till they feel comfortable that their children will be taken care of" if i recall correctly the only "chruch" policy is that the youth can not drive themselves or other youth to and from the activity.

i don't have problems, i have issues
problems can be fixed, issues you just deal with



"The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. Fences have nothing to do with it.
The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be."
-Robert Fulghum


#6 WillowTheWhisp

WillowTheWhisp

    Senior Member

  • Inactive 2+ Years
  • 2160 posts

Posted 07 April 2008 - 07:06 AM

I suppose I'll have to wait until tomorrow to ask our Bishop about it. I can't really go over his head and ask the other stake though can I? I think it may just be our stake saying it has to be a youth leader though because the mother of a young man from another stake is taking him.

#7 Misshalfway

Misshalfway

    Senior Member

  • Inactive 3+ Months
  • 5847 posts

Posted 07 April 2008 - 07:11 AM

Why couldn't you talk to the stake YW leaders? Couldn't one of them attend if this rule is so stringent......which sounds weird to me. Anyone should be able to chaperone. Is this your bishops rule or recommendation? And who is telling you that you can't go with them? Just too funky.

#8 Gwen

Gwen

    Senior Member

  • Members
  • 5483 posts

Posted 07 April 2008 - 07:58 AM

it's not going "over" the bishops head to ask the other stake. it's their activity and they "set the rules". like they are taking the time to invite your stake. you are simply asking if they are ok with your attending their activity. you could do that if they didn't invite your stake. the chruch is a world wide chruch. i've been to activities where ppl were on vacation and heard about a dance and the parents called and asked if their kids could come. not heard of anyone being turned away. i went as a leader to girls camp recently and there was a girl in our group from another stake, her stake girls camp was in the middle of a basketball camp she was to attend but didn't want to miss girls camp. so her parents called all the nearby stakes and asked the dates, found one that worked in their schedule and then asked if she could come. they didn't even have to send a leader with her, they simply put her with the leaders of the nearest ward.

i don't have problems, i have issues
problems can be fixed, issues you just deal with



"The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. Fences have nothing to do with it.
The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be."
-Robert Fulghum


#9 WillowTheWhisp

WillowTheWhisp

    Senior Member

  • Inactive 2+ Years
  • 2160 posts

Posted 07 April 2008 - 08:06 AM

Why couldn't you talk to the stake YW leaders? Couldn't one of them attend if this rule is so stringent......which sounds weird to me. Anyone should be able to chaperone. Is this your bishops rule or recommendation? And who is telling you that you can't go with them? Just too funky.


It's our Bishop saying I can't go with them. It's another Stake and their leaders will be there, just no leaders from our Ward going.

it's not going "over" the bishops head to ask the other stake. it's their activity and they "set the rules". like they are taking the time to invite your stake. you are simply asking if they are ok with your attending their activity. you could do that if they didn't invite your stake. the chruch is a world wide chruch. i've been to activities where ppl were on vacation and heard about a dance and the parents called and asked if their kids could come. not heard of anyone being turned away.

It seemed to me like I would be going against our Bishop if I approached the other Stake's leaders because our Bishop has said my daughter and her friend cannot go if none of our Ward YW leaders are there to chaperone them. I would be openly defying him wouldn't I?

i went as a leader to girls camp recently and there was a girl in our group from another stake, her stake girls camp was in the middle of a basketball camp she was to attend but didn't want to miss girls camp. so her parents called all the nearby stakes and asked the dates, found one that worked in their schedule and then asked if she could come. they didn't even have to send a leader with her, they simply put her with the leaders of the nearest ward.

You know this reminded me of something. In the summer my daughter (same one) is going to France to visit her friend who emmigrated. We will take her to the airport here and she will be met in France by her friend's parents. During her visit she is going to be joining her friend's Ward at Young Women's Camp. There certainly won't be anyone from our Ward to chaperone her there! It really is making less and less sense to me the more I think about it.

#10 Gwen

Gwen

    Senior Member

  • Members
  • 5483 posts

Posted 07 April 2008 - 08:35 AM

honestly i think the bishop is just confused. i would sit down and tell him about your daughters reaction, explain your concerns as you have here about her learning to defy rather than support the rules. if you feel that is a real issue for your daughter ask him to show you in the handbook of instructions that says you can't take your daughter. sometimes we all misunderstand things. if the bishop was saying it was to far and forbiding the youth leaders to take anyone i would say even if off base support that but there are others from your ward going, so his restriction seems to be unfounded. just my 2 cents though

i don't have problems, i have issues
problems can be fixed, issues you just deal with



"The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. Fences have nothing to do with it.
The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be."
-Robert Fulghum


#11 sixpacktr

sixpacktr

    Senior Member

  • Members
  • 1416 posts

Posted 07 April 2008 - 10:01 AM

Willow, As the mother of one of the girls, she can absolutely go if you are willing to go with her. The CHI says that a member of the YW/YM Presidency and the Bishopric are to attend, but not that the youth CAN'T go if they won't. It is more to remind the adults that their duty is with the youth, not that the youth can't do anything without them! If parents are willing to sit for 3 hours and have their eardrums assaulted, then what is the problem? Parents should be more willing to do this and bond with the other youth of the ward/branch. I think that your Bishop is simply misunderstanding the guidelines. Parents ALWAYS trump youth leaders...

That would not be difficult to express. I found most helpful to me was going to my knees thanking my HF for life, for experience, for my family, and then directly asking him to go before my face, to be on my right hand, to be on my left hand, and his spirit in my heart, and his angels round about me to bear me up. --Thomas S. Monson, Feb 4 2008 News conference upon becoming President of the LDS church.

The Two Enemies Of The People Are Criminals And Government, So Let Us Tie The Second Down With The Chains Of The Constitution, So The Second Will Not Become The Legalized Version Of The First
Thomas Jefferson


#12 WillowTheWhisp

WillowTheWhisp

    Senior Member

  • Inactive 2+ Years
  • 2160 posts

Posted 07 April 2008 - 10:35 AM

OK, I'm beginning to get the impression that in other areas if parents offer to go this is regarded as welcome and normal. I think I'll try talking to the Bishop tomorrow.

#13 Iggy

Iggy

    Senior Member

  • Members
  • 2984 posts
  • LocationOregon Coast

Posted 07 April 2008 - 10:08 PM

I suppose I'll have to wait until tomorrow to ask our Bishop about it. I can't really go over his head and ask the other stake though can I? I think it may just be our stake saying it has to be a youth leader though because the mother of a young man from another stake is taking him.


Actually, talking with YOUR YW Stake president is who you should be talking to, and if she sees nothing wrong with you taking your daughter and the other girl to the dance and remaining there, then she can talk to your Bishop.

No, the Bishop should not escort the girls- that is clearly a no-no. Remember your Bishop is a man, he has not been hired for this job, thus he is not an expert. He may be interpreting the hand book a bit differently than the bishop in another ward.

Oh, and before you jump on me Pale- yes a Bishop is called and has been set apart for this calling. That still does not make him an expert nor does it make his word law.

Off topic a bit, why is one of the yw leaders single? Does she and her fiance live together is that why they share a car?

At the end of the day- if it were me in your shoes - I would take my daughter and any other girl who wanted to go and I had room, for to the dance. Whether the bishop said yes or not. If you are approved to be chaperone and helper at Youth Temple trips, then you certainly are approvable as escort and chaperone at Youth Dances.

:angel: :coocoo: :scribe:

“To do well you must do good, and to do good you must first be good."

"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.
We are spiritual beings having a human experience"


Stephen R. Covey


#14 Elgama

Elgama

    Senior Member

  • Inactive with Posts
  • 3150 posts

Posted 08 April 2008 - 01:06 AM

I'd phone your Stake YWs leader ours was always happy to chaperone us or find someone that would and the YMs leader would take us there, have you a Young Married couple in your ward? my experience has been they tend to be very happy to chaperone as well. My branch president just insisted on a temple worthy adult he wasn't overly bothered about which one. -Charley

#15 pushka

pushka

    Senior Member

  • Inactive 3+ Years
  • 5751 posts

Posted 08 April 2008 - 05:33 AM

Willow, I'm sad to hear of your Bishop's attitude towards you escorting/chaperoning your own daughter and her friend to this event. I hope that you will feel strong enough to follow the advice given by the other posters here, without feeling disrespectful to your Bishop, and that your daughter and her friend will be able to attend...

#16 steffy101

steffy101

    Member

  • Inactive with Posts
  • PipPipPip
  • 67 posts

Posted 19 May 2008 - 02:33 PM

Ok know this is an old thread but for future refrence..i am a yw leader in my ward and there have been times that none of or leadrership could attend a function but we got someone in our stead,of course we ok this with our bishop.I don't see the problem as long as it is a active adult member .

#17 pushka

pushka

    Senior Member

  • Inactive 3+ Years
  • 5751 posts

Posted 19 May 2008 - 03:46 PM

Willow, can you give us an update on this? Did your daughter manage to attend the dance in the end?

#18 Palerider

Palerider

    I don\'t own a horse-Senior Member

  • Members
  • 18415 posts

Posted 19 May 2008 - 05:50 PM

The Youth of our Ward have received a flyer advertising a 14 - 18 Multi-Stake dance at another Stake Centre. My 16 year old daughter and her friend, also 16, would like to go. Unfortunately none of the Young Women Leaders from our Ward are available to accompany them and our Bishop has said that they must not go without a chaperone. My daughter and her friend have both got the day off work from their Saturday job to go to this dance - the flyer was given to them by the Youth Leaders - and will be very disappointed not to be able to go. The Young Men will all be there as one of their leaders is taking therm there earlier in the day to play football. I have offered to chaperone the two girls but have been told that this is not allowed as I am not a Youth Leader.

Is this normal? There will be other chaperones there from other Wards, in fact I was speaking to one mother from another Stake yesterday and she will be there as chaperone to her kids and actually offered to take my daughter even though it would have meant an hour's journey out of her way. Is the insistence on the chaperones being youth leaders just our Ward or is it church policy? The ironic thing is that one of the YW leaders is not much older than the girls herself and it is her fiance who is chaperoning the Young Men.

If my daughter and her friend end up unable to go to this church dance they will be going out that evening somewhere else locally with NO church presence and possibly where people will be drinking alcohol. Why is it so much worse for them to go to a church dance chaperoned by the mother of one of them? Am I missing something? It always seems like it's the girls who miss out. The boys from our Ward get to meet Youth from different Stakes but our Young Women, of which there are very few, only ever seem to mix with each other.

who told you that you could not be a chaperone????if you take your daughter and the other girl to this dance who can stop you.....I say take them ...but be prepared to hear from one or two others that may want to go as well when the word gets out.
As Long As I Am Here......It Doesn't Matter Where Here Is.....

Governments tend not to solve problems, only to rearrange them....Ronald Reagan

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.......Will Rogers








0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

IPB Skin By Virteq