countrygirl66

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  1. It makes me so sad. I wonder if some people understand what marriage is. For better or worse, sickness or health for eternity. For heavens sake if your that selfish I don't see how a marriage can survive. I don't understand how you could hurt someone you love like that. I have been married for 24 yrs and something like that would cause untold damage to our marriage. It seems like satan is really pushing sin harder than ever before.
  2. hi and welcome I would ask if ok if you have had counciling for your thoughts. Is it because you think you can't go on or you think the world would be better without you? I have had thoughts like that at different times in my life. What has helped me is first talk to someone i trust. For me it is a sister. Second if you can a therapist may be needed to see if you need anti depressants. Third don't isolate yourself, (it is what i usually want to do) but go to lunch with friends, visit your aunts and uncles, call your parents. fourth make your bishop aware of your struggle that way he can work to ensure you don't fall through the cracks. Bishops have a heavy load and sometimes if we don't tell them what is going on they can't help us. fifth find somewhere to serve. One of my nieces was suicidal for a long time (she was a recovering meth addict) and she says what saved her was voulenteering at the school, she felt that she couldn't not be there for the kids and she didn't want them to have to know that she had commited suicide. (the good news is this can and will get better) take care and keep posting. There are a lot of people here smarter than me that can help you.:)
  3. Here are a couple of my thoughts. When I am overweight, my h physically ignores me, so when I lose weight (and i do) then he wants to give me physical attention. (my reaction is NOOOOO!) If you couldn't love me when I was overweight then what in heaven makes you think I am interested now. Problem: Physical attraction and intimacy mean different things to us. Solution: I have to work to remember that for him it can be a more (not all) but more purely physical thing. He needs to remember that for me all things are linked and tied together. Problem: He will say things like "I will help with the kids and run places so you can do your physical therapy and have time to yourself" It seldom happens and so I think "whatever". Solution: I need to be clear in what I need done to help me. He needs to actually do what I need done not what he thinks I need. Problem: Gym memberships, hairstyles, clothes, nails and makeup cost $$$$$. Solution: I need to budget for those kind of things even though they are only for me. He needs to decide if it/me is worth the money. Problem: AFFECTION!!! and Physical intimact are not one in the same to women. Go give your wife true affection and she will grant you most anything you desire. Ignore it because it isn't important to you or you don't really need (hand holding, kisses, hugs, snuggling etc.) Your wife will be very lonely and when you say something about her weight, it will be a nail in your coffin. In short if you want to approach the subject, lay the groundwork and then include yourself in the solution. Meaning, I have been looking at us joining a weight class, or spinning class, or I want us to spend one on one time going for a walk each night. I have been looking at how we can live longer by changing our diet. I want us to go swimming. The key for women is we and us. Never ever say you are fat or you need to lose weight. (to me anyways) Maybe this is just me. I hope it helps.
  4. Just a coupe of my thoughts My weight has gone up and down over the years. Right now it is up. I would first say that I am very aware of it. I am not feeling well and that is complicating it even more. I know my h has noticed. His being overwieght hasn't ever bothered me but me being overweight bothers him. He doesn't say anything about it and so we're good. I know he still loves me and we laugh together a lot. We go out on a date almost every weekend. The reality is if he really wanted me to lose weight, he would make time available for me to go to the gym or go with me. When he takes time to pamper me and make me feel like I look great, I take more interest in looking great. (not immediately but eventually) When he forgets, I keep running kids, doing laundry, cooking etc. but there is no boss to say great job. So eventually I burn out and then he remembers. The good part is that he always loves me we just keep working on the rest. I hope your friend can find some answers. Maybe some long term pampering would help and a break can do wonders.
  5. Hi Gatsby, I have had to forgive some pretty big things in my life and (for me) it hasn't been a simple process. I have found for me that I have gone through varying degrees of forgiveness. For example, I am finally ok with my bio father going to heaven, (But I hope the place is big enough we don't have to see each other). So I have come a long way but I am far from perfect. For me a great starting place was to pray for the other person. Sometimes it was just to pray that they may some day understand the pain they have caused. Now (many years later) it might just be a prayer that they find their way in this life. Take care. My only other advice is to know that no experience is ever a waste we always learn and progress from all of them.
  6. President Hinkley said (I don't have the exact words) but it was basically if we would spend our time in pursuit of the happiness of our spouse, divorce would almost completely dry up. I have known of a few situations where I think divorce was the best option, but in most cases it comes about from someone trying to make themselves happy instead of concentrating on the happiness of their spouse. Marriage is not always easy but somehow a lot of young people getting married seem to think there should be no hard times. That just isn't so. Life is full of good and bad times, marriage is about going through them with someone you love and are committed to. I grew up around so much divorce, and most of the commentary I always heard started with I or me. I have been married 23 years and yes I have made tons of mistakes and we have had ups and downs. But when we are the happiest is when we are trying to make each other happy instead of ourselves.
  7. either "Because I have been given much" or "I need the every hour"
  8. A women will wonder what her husband is thinking? She will run the whole spectrum of if he is upset or sad or angry or not talking to her and he will wind up in trouble. A man is thinking "I wonder if I have time to get a coke and nachos before the commercial is over"
  9. I am not saying obama is any more or less dishonest than most politicians, but he has to be the absolute worst salesman I have ever seen. First AIG is not the first to misuse our money in this mess. I haven't heard one concrete thing (specific) about what is going to change the misuse of our money. Heck I could say we're not going to tolorate this. So what. People need specifics. ex - A federal IRS audit should be done every 2-3 months on our bailout money. I think the IRS could actually do it. They scare me. Second. I feel like we are in the film it's a wonderful life. We (regular people) are George Baily and the huge corporations with money are Mr. Potter. Their are people buying right now and getting fire sale prices because of the perception. It is in the interest of big business to keep the recession/perception going. They will make tons of money in a few years and we will keep paying the bill for stupit bailouts. Did you know that the banks required to take bailout money have to get government permission to repay it. One bank in particular had to take bailout money to buy Wachovia even though they didn't want it and didn't need it. Now they are having a heck of a time trying to get the government to take the money back. If Obama's people had a brain between them, they would be shouting from the rooftops "look we are already getting you money back" My plan is working. Even if it isn't. But instead they say nothing but we can't let AIG fail. The only thing their selling is "Hey regular people we need you to spend the money you have to keep the economy going" Another thing??? California???? He could make himself look so good by working something out with homeowners/now homeless people. ??? We have bailed out the banks there. So we have basically bought the houses that now sit empty. Citizens are now living in tent cities. We are at some point goin to have to provide services to help. Crime is going up rapidly in these empty neighborhoods. With the houses we bought with our federal tax money, I would like to take my share and help one of these families (from a reasonable home) get back into it. I mean I own part of the home and am not using what i own. Oh wait, I am not trusted to know what to do with tax money. HA HA:huh:
  10. In this type of a situation my h always says "What? What did I do?" answer, wait a day or two and you will find out. You probably won't even remember doing whatever you did. Girls are girls. Don't worry too much and keep busy with other stuff. You might even get a message from her that says something like "sorry I was having a bad day and you hurt my feelings". Take care only our creator really understands us.
  11. Your grandmother sounds so much like my stepmother. I wish I could understand why they do that. I haven't had contact in many years with her, but she still pops into my head from time to time. I wonder sometimes if a person chooses to be evil. Because I don't know what else would describe trying to destroy another person. I hope you find the answers you are looking for. Take care
  12. What i think is so hard in abusive situations is that the abuser is not a monster all the time. Sometimes they can be very charming, and that is confusing. They have a way wether they are spouses, parents, siblings of tearing you down until you feel that you are nothing and completely unlovable. That is what brings you back. A lot of people that say why didn't you just tell, leave or press charges don't get that. I can remember as a kid thinking that everyone lived like I did, I just thought it was how life was. I still remember sitting in primary and having a teacher tell me that our parents spanked us because they loved us. The situation I was in, I took it to heart and it cemented my beleif that that was how life was. When I was finally put in a foster home at 8 I abused myself often, because my foster parents didn't hurt and hit and humiliate and hate me I was completely confused. There was no counciling available so it took me a long time to accecpt that their way of life was the real normal. I don't think these issues are ever simple and sometimes you have to be basically trained to spot pre-abusive behavior, especially if you have been raised around abusers. No warning bells go off until the hitting starts.
  13. As far as the border being armed from what i understand that the majority of the weapons are comming from america into mexico. Because we do not check cars going into mexico it is easy to cross into mexico with weapons. Oh and by the way guess where me and the fam is going on vacation this year? That's right mexico. As far as drugs being everywhere, I beleive that is true. I have a now 16 yr old that tried it once and we caught him. (Me the mom can't sleep until everyone is home) So he was totally caught. Punishment from us - Summer grounded, no driving, working 40 hrs instead of 30 for his dad, mom and dad made him turn himself into the police, 20 hours community service, $1000 in fines (his entire car fund), no cell phone, and drug testing by mom and dad with dad watching. Mom contacting the parents of any friends involved. A drug and alcahol evaluation. Liscence suspended. It has been about a 1 year process for him to go to court, pay his fines, and earn some of his privledges back. My suprise. Everyone else involved got a lecture by mom and dad and then went on with life. So sad to me but most of them are still smoking weed. My son hasn't since, not because he thinks it is evil, but because it wasn't worth it. At least he has time to grow up and hopefully get it. I was so suprised to have law enforcement, parole officer, therapist, judge, etc. say that they almost never see a kid who is punished by their parents, they all said that the parents can't bear to see them punished and so most wind up in the system after they have an addiction. I wish I knew why that is. My h and I did what our parents would have done to us.
  14. wow I can see we definitely are on different sides of the spectrum. But that being said do you mean to say that because drugs being illegal is too expensive so we should legalize them and just give up? It sounds like drugs being legal would benefit those not using drugs and those caught up in them should just be written off. I am not trying to be combative, but I am trying to understand your thoughts. My experience - If it hadn't been for meth being illegal my daughter who is now ten could have never been removed from the custody of her mother. Because she wouldn't have been doing anything wrong. She is (partially because of drug use) one of the most dangerous people I have known. Do we just write off those in society that have the misfortune of being born into a mess? I was born into the same mess. Legalizing drugs in my situation as a kid would have given me not means to be removed. I think it would be hard for the states to each have their own policy. Can you imagine if yours was the state had the most lax laws. You might as well sign your state government over the the cartel. I do however wish that we concentrated on prevention and treatment. I think we could empty a lot of our prisons if we did. My other concern is that legalizing drugs wouldn't stop the cartels, it would just change who they are. My concern is that they would become politicians and wallstreet guys. California has legalized medical marijuana and it isn't really working. Instead of going to a street dealer, people go to a disreputable doctor and say they are in pain, then they get a perscription and go the the local mary jane shop and tada they have weed. There are medical marijuana shops all over california. It is a doorway drug and I think it will be sad to see the fallout of this over the next 20 years for the state. My brothers and I were born in the 60's and 70's. It was all about free love and expanding your mind with drugs. While our bio mom and many many fathers were busy having free love and expanding their minds we were born and had no sober adults to raise us. I think legalization would be a quick fix but a long term nightmare.
  15. true. However the regular police force on the arizona border for example spends all their time saving kidnapped victims. The victims are mostly involved in the drug cartels. They are set up in regular neighborhoods where regular people live. The police force doesn't have much choice, because we save anyone we can in our country. (i don't think that is a bad thing) But something has to be done, and noone has any answers. The problem is that the cartels spilling over the border are ruthless, so there isn't much room for negotiation. It has kind of made me think of the gadiantions.