amyboyack

I'm glad that it helped you. It took me 10 years to realize that things were not working because I was living in denial and hoping things would get better as I tried to change myself and hope the situation would change. The good news is that things have changed for the better, now that I have left and we are both in a happier situation. I am by no means advocating divorce. It is a terrible thing with severe consequences, but sometimes the consequences of a bad marriage are worse.

The feelings of confusion from loving him and wanting a happy home and the happiness from ridding yourself of the garbage that was in your home will not last forever. Through time, you will come to terms with your life. Someday, you will look back on your trials and know they were for your good. It will all be worth it. Maybe this will prepare you for the blessings that lie ahead.

When I left my first husband, against the advice of a bishop, I knew that I had the support of my mom and dad and of my Heavenly Father. We have been told time and time again that abuse does not need to be tolerated. We need to get out in order to be free and progress. I was told by a counselor that a separation needs to be at least 6 months long in order for the reality of the situation to set in and for you to see clearly what you have been through. I realize that I could have done a lot of things differently and I'm doing those things differently with my new marriage. If you don't have any children, please don't have them in this marriage as it is. Make sure you fix the marriage or leave before considering bringing children into the situation. The problem with staying is that you are allowing someone to harm your body and your spirit. It doesn't take long to lose your identity and allow someone else to constantly hurt you. The more serving and loving and sweet you become, trying to be Christlike, the more abusive, controlling and hurtful the other person can become, driving the cycle even further. I didn't realize the full extent of the situation until months after I had left. It takes a long time to heal and to be on the path to forgiveness. That is awfully hard to do while the offenses are still occurring on a daily basis. I left with the intent to come back and fix things. After I was gone, I realized that it was a toxic situation and that things would be better with a divorce. While I won't tell you to get a divorce, I won't tell you to stay and fix it, either. Heavenly Father will open your eyes to the reality of the situation if you pray for your eyes to be open. However, if he tells you to leave, it will take courage to act on that advice alone with no one telling you that you are right to leave. Trust your feelings and stay close to Him.

We almost always read the Book of Mormon and say prayers before we go to bed. It seems like a part of our evening routine and when we miss this vital part, we don't feel that we can go to bed. Our family has had problems, but because we all have a love of the scriptures, we have a common bond and we feel unity when we are together for scriptures and prayers.

Wow, I am overwhelmed with the quick responses on this forum. Lots of love. As far as Merrilee Boyack, she must be an awesome person with a name like that, but I don't know her and I'm not really sure if we're related. I'll have to look at my genealogy or ask my husband.

I keep wanting to reply to threads, but I guess I should introduce myself, first. I have been raised in a good LDS family and always had a great testimony. I guess that is what got me through the hard times that came later. To keep it short and protect others privacy, I'll just say that I have gone through a divorce and remarried. That in itself was a test of my faith. I guess I lived a sheltered life and was kind of naive when it came to trusting others. I think if I hadn't had such a strong testimony of the gospel, it would have been easy to leave the church during that time when I felt different like I didn't fit. I felt that I had been given the short end of the stick and everyone else had a happy marriage while I was suffering inside. I felt like I had done all the right things and had been given the wrong consequences. I've come a long way since then and I'm happy with where I'm at. I know that when we turn to the Lord in our struggles, he will make us strong enough to handle them.