thewiltedlily

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  1. Thank you for sharing that! Really, thanks to everyone for your input. I really feel like I have learned a lot and have a lot of things to work on :)
  2. I can totally see that. But I think to my mother, I am not forgiving her unless I let her have her way and let things go back to her 'normal'. And maybe that's where I am confused. I know that that is not right... But again the guilt kicks in. I just need to bite the bullet and really pray and try to get rid of hurtful feelings while standing my ground. I think I know what I need to do, but I just don't want to do it because I am afraid that I will be looked on as an outcast from my family.
  3. Thank you for that! I will be pondering those scriptures for quite a while. I do think that The Lord knows my heart and my intentions. Hopefully with Him, I will be able to get things in order.
  4. Yes I need to have more guts to set boundaries. It's just that I think she has been so manipulative of me for so long, that I feel SO GUILTY when I do say no to her. And what really kills me is that what my siblings have been telling me, that we are suppose to be a family, and love each other... But I can see now that I am coming out of the situation that she has been talking to them and saying things to them that are not true- but it makes me feel bad to think that they think I am breaking our family apart. Ugh! It's such a game with my own mind. So I take a stand and continue down this path that I have started to reclaim my life? Or so I just let it blow over? But the thing is that I don't want my kids to have any part of it or become a victim or used either. I have to protect them.
  5. This is something I have been really trying to figure out. What does it mean to forgive? And how do I do it? I have been taught about it my whe life is Church, but applying it is a whole different story! I want to feel like I have forgiven her but I don't feel that I have.
  6. Even lately since we have not been talking to her she will do weird manipulative things like have my sister come over and 'spy' on me, or when she know I am going somewhere because of my sister she will text/email me and say things like 'have fun at the restaurant tonight!' Or things like that to kinda say 'I still know what you are doing and you can't shut me out completely' sort of thing. She also will say mean things about me to my siblings that usually find their way back to me, and if I ask why she said that thing or what I can do to not have her think that about me she will act like she doesn't know what's going on or say 'I love you anyway!'...? Or if we get into an argument, she will come over the next day and bring doughnuts and act like nothing ever happened, which makes me feel like she is just dismissing my feelings and sweeping everything under the rug. She also ALWAYS refers to my children as 'her children', and thinks that because we don't see them as often now, that their whole life is going to be ruined. She said when they get older, she will tell them the 'real reason' they don't see them very often, and it's because I am taking them away from them because we like my husbands family more. I just don't understand any of these things. It puts a strain on my marriage... Over half of the arguments my husband and I have are because of her. It's so stressful because she tries wiggling into every aspect of our lives on a daily basis. She even tried asking how much my husband makes at work and has said, 'don't worry, you will make as much as I do one day...' Who says that? For real.
  7. "What's CHS? And what does this phrase mean - " because of the relationship she had with my on"." Those were some of my many typeos, sorry. I ment to say 'daughter' instead of CHS, and 'because of the relationship she had with my mom' I really think something is wrong with my mom. I tried talking to her about things and laying all the cards on the table, but it resulted in her attacking me with very mean words, when I came to her as her daughter trying to express my conserns. We have tried setting boundaries. For example, we said last year that we would be switching and be with them CHRISTMAS Day and with the inlaws Christmas Eve, but she told me that I am unfair because she wants to see us both days, and that I am always 'throwing my family under the bus' for my husbands family (which is not true... We practically saw them everyday, where we only saw my husbands family every few months). She is also very upset because I only wanted my husband in the roo. When I had my kids, and she had blamed this on my husband saying that he is the one who made me say that (...?). And she also said that she is glad that my husband just sold his gun, because she was worried that he was going to shoot us and himself 0_o my husband is the most faithful loving man I know who is deeply involved in church and in our family and was DEVISTATED that she would even say something like that at all. I just don't know what to do. I have been in therapy for years to try figuring things out... I feel guilty when I disappoint her... But I don't think there is anything else I can do at this point. I am desperate to get out of her weirdness. I am just sad that it has come to this.
  8. Sorry for all of the typos!! Should have proof-read it...
  9. My mom is a very controlling person, since I was little. We have butted heads our whole lives, and even after being married for 8+ years and having my own life and children, she continues to try getting into our lives and always wants to know where we are and what we are doing. She started to manipulate my 5 year old against me, and told me, and says really mean things to other people about my husband and myself which are not true she ever we talk her to step back. I have tried confronting her about things, I have tried ignoring mean thinGS that she does, I have tried being the first to say sorry (which she has never said to me)... And not I g has worked. I decided that cutting contact was the road I had to take. It has been 5 months, and I have felt very at peace and I feel like I can now channel my strength and energy into the progression of my own family, and not stress about the issues which came with having my mom in my life. It has been a little hard on my oldest CHS, because of the relationship she had with my on (we live in the same town, and we would visit my parents at least 2 times a week or more). How can I make the transition easier? Is this the right thing for me to do for my famy? My sisters keep putting it into my head that we are suppose to be. 'Forever family', and basically that I am ruining that. But they don't know what it's like to be living In The same town, 5 blocks away from her. Am I a horrible person to do this? Am I breaking up our family? Any advice?