jennvan

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  1. You need to check out your tenant laws for your state. Usually you can find them on a state website or do a google search for your state tenant laws. It should spell out there exactly what type of notice they have to give you for things as well as if they must have a new lease or can use an addendum for changes to the lease. It should also stipulate what can and can't be considered "rent" which can be different in various states. I am not a lawyer but I did take my management company to small claims court when they tried to take a ton of money out of my deposit for ridiculous things that were totally against the law. Oh and I won against them too. :)
  2. I definitely understand your experiences eternallytrue. I have had some experiences like that as well. Part of what is difficult about singles in particular is that people are touchy about the types of people they want to spent time with and date. Therefore, a lot of the people who stay active in the singles activities are people who may not be as "selective" or have some delay in progression/development. Just a few outspoken people like that will make a large section of singles run for the hills and never go back to a singles event. What might be helpful is for you to get involved and start bringing people back to the events or helping to mentor others who are struggling with high school ideas about relationships. My experience is that we have not been taught very well how to date and have relationships that lead to good marriages, especially in our society at large. So those who have managed to do better in it need to be able to show others how to do it well. We get to model for others how to have adult conversations and relationships. But it takes a certain amount of humility and courage to do so because you will need to be strong in boundaries and also not just walk away from people. You will need to tell people to their face that things they say or do are not ok, but in a loving and kind way. I know it feels yucky to have to do it at first but in the long run things will change and you'll be able to have the kinds of relationships you want to have. I'd be happy to give you any thoughts or suggestions from my experiences.
  3. I was told by a friend of a friend who lives there that there were people in the building for a fireside at the time the building was hit by the tornado. I can't even imagine what that was like seeing how awful the destruction is there.
  4. If we are honestly doing what we believe we should be doing, I don't think the Lord will hold it against us. What we are accountable for though is asking the Lord what other things we need to be looking at or doing differently in our own lives to be who He needs us to be. In so doing, that might get us closer to where He needs us for marriage. It is easy to stop in our progression when we are single because we don't have as much change happening in our lives to help us to move forward. What might have been ok for us 5 years ago (or even a few months ago) may not be ok for us now. It might be time to step things up in one area or another. You say that you won't budge on the church's standards but are you being so rigid in things that don't require rigidity that you are scaring women off? Also, you state on your profile you are 41, depending on where you live, there might be a mid-singles group going in your area. I always encourage people of that age group to try to contact others who are in their same stage of life. It helps to not feel alone.
  5. Thank you for this comment, I think we forget about that sometimes. Even Christ performed miracles on Sunday when it was against the Mosaic law to do such.
  6. Luke 11:9 9 And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Matthew 7:7 7 ¶Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: Doctrine and Covenants 14:5 5 Therefore, if you will ask of me you shall receive; if you will knock it shall be opened unto you. 3 Nephi 14:7 7 Ask, and it shall be given unto you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. I think it is important for us to ask or question God. I think where people get messed up is that they ask others their opinions instead of seeking answers from Heavenly Father. I believe that Heavenly Father wants us to ask Him, Hey I don't understand this, help me to understand this. So many times instead it is easier to just ask others what they think or what they should know or even criticize someone else instead of seeing for further light and knowledge for themselves. I can't believe how many people just want someone else's answer instead of God's answer for them.
  7. This is exactly why I got out of the computer industry. IT SUCKS SO BAD. Money isn't enough for me to do that job anymore. I can make money doing anything else. :)
  8. What about Skousen? He is widely read both in and out of the church. Anyone like him coming around?
  9. You also need to have 2 worthy priesthood holders to witness the baptism and make sure it was done correctly. All baptisms are also recorded with whatever priesthood authority is over the region and the mission president over the area. So its not really about having the authority or not, is a recording issue as well as a witness issue.
  10. I agree. Dr Amen's books are really good. Especially his ADHD and Anxiety books. It really teaches about how they work and how to use natural ways to heal and work with your brain.
  11. Its unfortunate that things didn't turn out how you hoped with your marriage. Its only between you and the Lord as to the decision that you need to make. He only can tell you the right decision that you need to make. Infidelity doesn't need to end a marriage. There is a difference between a one time fling (if that is what happened) and on-going damaging affairs. I've seen couples come through an affair and be stronger than ever on the other side (I'm a marriage and family therapist). I wonder if this might be a time that you get to show her your faith in God and that it might work a miracle in her life. I don't know and can't say for sure one way or another, but I do know that God asks us to go through hard things sometimes not only to try us but to build our testimony and the testimony of others. This is why its important for us to be in close communication with the Lord about the path He would have us take in these situations. You can find a good marriage and family therapist who can go through all the things that would need to be looked at when choosing to divorce or not. Divorce sometimes feels like it will fix things and many times it doesn't help but can actually makes it worse. Hopefully your bishop can help support you in this difficult decision as well. And yet in the end, its your decision.
  12. First, why did you marry someone you knew would never have a testimony or be active in the gospel if you wanted a temple marriage and to raise your children in the gospel? Second, I dislike it when people assume that someone will NEVER do something. I've seen plenty of people who seemed pretty unlikely to change, have amazing things happen in their life. Don't assume she will never be active in church or have any of the accompanying experiences you said she would never have. Third, there are lots of mid-singles in many areas of the world that are organizing themselves together, so you definitely won't be alone unless you choose to be. There is a range of people from never married with no kids to divorced with 5+ kids who participate in these groups. Your experience of divorce with no kids after being married a short time is enough of a phenomenon in the church that I'm actually doing primary research on it. Fourth, from this latest post it seems like you want people to say its ok for you to divorce your wife. I believe that no one has the right to judge you or your marriage and decide if you should or should not get divorced. Only God knows what has happened and His plan for you. This is something you must take to the Lord in private supplication to understand what you should do. This isn't about what someone else would do or what their reaction would be, its about you and your experience. Fifth, does your whole ward really know about what is going on with your wife and feel sad for you? If so, that's pretty harmful to any marriage. There are way too many people in your marriage. You gotta get people out of your marriage and fix your marriage between the two of you. It is possible to do it. A good marriage therapist would be a good start. Beyond Affairs Network website is another place you can start. Sixth, just because you have a list of things you think women are looking for, doesn't necessarily mean you will get married again. I know lots of good LDS men who are similar to you who are not married for whatever reason. In the end, its all up to the Lord about when and with who.
  13. It really doesn't matter if they were or weren't immunized, its not going to help. Why do you think there is such an outbreak? I read about places in CA where people were recently getting the mumps even though they had been immunized (MMR). Immunizations aren't as good as they are reported to be. Do a little research on immunizations and the natural decline of those diseases. Most of the diseases were fading away before immunizations became widespread. Similar to how H1N1 faded away before there were mass immunizations.
  14. Sorry, Enigma...it sounds like you have had lots of hurt in your life and that things like relationships cause you stress. But that doesn't mean that we don't have the command to marry. Conference this last weekend really reinforced that. If relationships and women stress you out, do something about it. Find a good marriage and family therapist, they are trained in relationships (even for single people) and can help you overcome some of the hurts you have encountered in your life and work on having healthy relationships. Have you asked God if it is His will for you to remain unmarried in this life? I would probably guess that He would say no. It is part of the plan for all of us to marry, in this life if possible and we should be striving to be open to that as much as we can in this life. One of my favorite marriage authors David Schnarch did an interview on the Today Show and said this, ‎"When you begin to think of marriage as a people growing machine, then you expect it to be tougher and you hold on and you come out the other side." I believe this is why Heavenly Father wants us to be married. We get to grow in ways that we wouldn't otherwise. We might even grow in the process of learning how to be in relationship to get married. :)
  15. My view on the age thing is that just because you wouldn't hit on a much younger person at a mid-single activity and/or you see it as just fun activities to do to be social, not everyone feels that way. I know of much older men who aggressively pursue much younger women at single adult activities. I have seen it with my own eyes and it is not ok. My belief is that those who are running the activities are looking to set good boundaries to protect women from men who have nefarious intentions. I do that with the mid-singles group I run. Secondly, many of the mid-singles who attend the activities do so with the intention to want to date to marry. It sounds like the mid-singles group where you are isn't lenient in the age range but I would wonder if there are other groups of people doing activities that you could be part of. Since you stated that you are seeking social groups outside of the mid-singles how is that fitting for you? Are you getting your social needs met from that? Are you connecting to others that can then become good friends? I find it hard to believe that if you really are putting yourself out there that NO ONE has responded in a similar fashion about wanting to be connected and being good friends. There are more people than you think who are single who are in a very similar situation you are in without families. I happen to be one of those. As far as your personal experiences with other singles, I wonder if you haven't shared with them the things that are important for you and how you might be different from them. What had you do all those things for the other singles and not share with them that you might want to be included in holiday events? I know that if I knew someone who didn't have a place to go for the holidays I would totally invite them to come with me. I wonder if your friends knew? It also makes me curious about how much you are personally sharing with others about your life in general if you are giving so much and not getting anything in return. It can be hard to be vulnerable and let people know that we might need someone else and I can guarantee you that others are feeling the exact same way you are feeling. How much do you risk with others and let them see some vulnerability? We all go through ups and downs in life even if we are married, its just that as singles we go through ups and downs more focused on being single which we sometimes feel we have little control over. It seems like its more awful than what others experience but its not. Yes, it can be harder when we don't have "that one" to get through things with but being married doesn't ensure that either. As you stated, there are many who are in marriages that aren't doing well too. The only thing we can rely on 1000% is the love of God and His ability to be there for us no matter what. I believe that it is when we really BELIEVE that God has a plan for us and that being single is part of OUR plan, it becomes a little easier to bear the burdens of being single. Take it to the Lord and ask Him what you might need to do in order to be the person you want to be, or maybe even more importantly who He wants you to be. That doesn't mean that we will marry, but I believe that we will gain an additional measure of peace about our life when we know that what we are doing is the will of God. How might Heavenly Father refine you more in this time you get to spend alone with Him?