John11111

I watched this recently and when you posted I remembered it and thought id share it with you and everyone else. You say you feel there is no way back there is always a way back the price has already been paid.

I have 2 daughters and after watching it it hit me hard wanted to share it I think it has a great message for all girls.

Sexual fulfillment is an emotional need, for some people its more important than other emotional needs such as conversation, affection, domestic support, companionship, etc. Withholding sexual fulfillment or using it as a punishment is awful. Withholding any emotional need is awful and it is usually an ingredient to the beginnings of an affair (as seen by the op story) When our emotional needs are not met sometimes we find someone who meets those needs and there you go, an emotional/physical affair begins. Im not saying that makes it right or that its anyone fault however anything that contributes to or that leads to the degradation of a relationship should be dealt away with or fixed. Often times we find ourselves in a viscous cycle with the person we are supposed to love. Well he didnt do the dishes so I wont do this, well she didnt do that so I wont do this eventually neither spouse is willing to put in effort into the relationship because the other doesnt. Someone has to break that cycle and start to meet ALL of the emotional needs of the other. Its not instant and one spouse will have to show unconditional love for the other for a time without expecting anything in return in this way the cycle can be broken. Nobody can do this forever though there needs to be work on both sides. Now in cases of abuse, drugs, alcohol things change a bit safety is a concern. You say you have struggled with alcohol but that doesnt say a lot. However this is a major issue that you need to address if you want things to get better. You cant change your wife but you can change yourself what you did will hurt her greatly I know I been through it. You will have a lot of making up to do to her if she decides to forgive you and you will have to show unconditional love to her without expecting anything in return to regain her trust and love for you. It wont be easy and it will take time maybe even years but if you are committed and she is willing to forgive you then it can be done.

Sorry your going through this its rough I went through it but worked on my marriage and am still married albeit happily now. Your husband needs to want to change and get better if your willing to work on it even though it looks grim it is possible. If you want the cheating to stop you need to get proof and you need to expose him to EVERYONE this is the only way it will stop. Surviving an Affair - Start Here First - Marriage Builders® Forums has a lot of info if you want to go this route. Whatever you decide to do it will be difficult remember Heavenly father is with you and will help you get through it.

Congratulations!

I disagree, maybe we have different definitions of love, love is patience, empathy and understanding its a giving of yourself, serving them and not expecting anything in return. Unless you chose to spend the time with someone how do you "fall in love"? To me you are describing attraction, infatuation, or lust its short lived, it isnt sustainable. Unless you CHOSE to get to know someone and chose to spend time with them you cannot truly get a big enough picture of someones nature to really love them, love who they are in there entirety. I guess you could say you love certain things about a person someones look/ smell/ way they move/ act/ or speak/ etc But then that isnt really love for a person is it? Thats just an attraction to certain attributes you find appealing. This is a big part of being able to love someone though, it makes it easier. Many of these things are emotional needs we have as human beings. When our needs are being met by someone we want to meet there needs as well we want to make them happy we want to love/show our love to them.

Love is a choice! Love isnt something you just fall into or just happens magically. It is something we chose to do period. Things can be amazing but it will take both of you working together for things to work. YOU need to be the one to start making the marriage better. Its a vicious cycle she wont try because your not trying and you wont try because she isnt. Be the one to break the cycle start by going here and start educating yourself learn to understand your wife and her needs/ what you can do to start growing your love for each other. Marriagebuilders - Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts Dont pass this off just do it read it all even the parts you think you wont need or dont pertain to you. For more reading I would recommend "His Needs Her Needs" by Willard Harley Jr. it goes into more depth on the needs of a relationship his and hers and how important they are to a relationship. If your having trouble getting her to join you in the above reading try the "Love Dare" (part of the fireproof movie that someone else suggested earlier) I promise that if your both willing to work on it you will grow to love each other greatly. I know I went through it even after my wife had 2 affairs and our marriage is so wonderful now and we are both so happy. I wish I had someone tell me what im telling you now when I was 1st married. I even recommend to any friends/ relatives who are newlyweds to do the above as well. Its not easy it is work and sometimes you will feel like giving up keep at it, in the end the results are more then worth the effort.

Id spend more time, also you are very yound and you will change a lot in the next few years. Not saying it wont work I got married at 18 and am still married happily but we have had few very rough spots in our marriage. I personally dont feel a month is long enough to get to know someone well enough to be married. Your young take your time date more find out what you like about each person you date and what you dont like. Eventually you will meet the guy that has all the qualities you like in a guy and few to none of the qualities you dont like. Until you have dated a while you may not even be aware of qualities in a man that you like or dont like, not only that but the qualities that are important to you may change as you gain more life experience.

If your wanting to stay in your marriage and make it work you will need to find out what it is you were not doing or doing wrong and fix it. Spouses dont just go off and cheat for no reason they do it because they are missing something they need in there marriage and found someone else to meet that need. Im not trying to sound mean but right now you can only fix yourself you cannot fix or change your husband. Counseling would be a good thing to start with sometimes it helps to have another perspective to open your eyes to whats wrong in your marriage. Marriagebuilders.com is also a great place to start it will help you to understand why it happened and what you guys can do to fix and better your marriage. His needs her needs book also is a great resource. I have been where you have been and if you want to make your marriage work and even be amazing you can do it with work. It will not be easy but it can be done.

Love is taking my wife shopping when I dont want to, its giving her a backrub after a hardday even tho all I want is to go to sleep, its getting up early and getting the kids off to school so she can sleep in, its taking the time to plan out and go out on dates, its coming home from work and cleaning up or doing the dishes, its something you chose to do, its serving the physical/emotional needs of another without any expectation of repayment.

Just typed out a bunch of fun stuff used to do as a kid/teen but deleted it all didnt wanna give people any ideas or get myself into trouble lol. Lets just say me and my friends are lucky to still have all our body parts and never had to take a trip to the hospital.

I dont think many girls right out of highschool are ready for marriage they still have a lot of growing up to do. Not saying it wouldnt work out but I dont think it would be ideal you change a lot after highschool and when you go into the realworld. Just have fun date a lot meet different people eventually you will find the right one for you.

Reminds me of a video I saw just the other day .I only have a tracphone and only use it for emergencies or when we go out of town/vacation. I grew up fine without a cellphone my wife also we just feel it intrudes and disrupts life more then it helps out. If we out shopping then we are out shopping or out on a date its nice not to be interrupted every 30 minutes with someone calling, texting, etc. My daughters are fine with that as well they have never complained about not having a cellphone they play outside and play with toys and do artwork or other activities like I did when I was a kid. Im thankful that they are not sucked into this world of electronics like we see most kids today. Know not exactly about electronics in sacrament so sorry about going somewhat offtopic =p.

I think a lot of it comes from the church not wanting to break families apart. Ive heard it said that if there came a decision for someone to chose between keeping family together or staying in church family should come 1st. Im sure someone could clarify better and even give sources, or even correct me if im wrong.

Hate to be the bad guy but looks to some peoplen looks can be as important if not more important than many other qualities. If one of his needs in a relationship is for her to look good take care of herself dress well etc who are we to judge? Looks dont last forever so a relationship should NOT be built on looks alone, but dont degrade its importance to some people. Here is a link from marriagebuilders, for more on that if your interested, Physical Attractiveness