Hi! I'm Britty, I've been a member for 5 1/2 years now, active for the last 3 years. I joined when I was 17 against my parents wishes. I'm married to someone who sort of grew up in the church, but they didn't really live church principles while at home. We have a 3 year old daughter (why we started going every Sunday and became really active). I found this site trying to find somewhere to express my feelings. I'm so depressed! And I don't have any friends and I can't really talk to my husband because he has enough on his plate. I just want to be able to tell someone what's going on and how I feel and get support and feel like I'm not alone and forgotten. This is going to be long..but I feel the need to vent and get everything out. So feel free to skip it all and just post "you're not alone" that'll make me feel at least a little better. :) I've struggled in the church socially because I have anxiety and because of the age I joined. At 17, all my friends before I converted weren't the best crowd, not people you'd hang out with once converting. And so, I lost all my friends. I also graduated half a semester early and after doing that, no one talked to me anymore. Also, no one in my ward was my age. At 18, everyone in young womens already had their friends, and everyone in Relief Society was in their late 20s and older, and I was married, so no singles ward (not that I would have known what that was because no one really taught me about the workings of the church). We never had home teachers of visiting teachers and anyone try to visit us. When we started coming back it was because we had a baby and we knew it was time to grow up and really show our commitment to God. When we moved and bought a house our new ward made me uncomfortable, because of my anxiety and because even though I'd been a member for a couple years, not being active I felt like a new member and no one was there to help us. I eventually started going to Relief Society, trying to put myself out there and get more comfortable. I started feeling like I had sort of friends, well at least friends who were my friends at church. No one has ever called me outside of church really to hang out. I think there's been maybe 2 times..in 2 1/2 years in our ward. I think I'm a pretty likeable person. I always make people laugh when I am around others, I think people like me, but I think my ward is a bad egg. It's sad. No one does their home teaching, My husband is the Elder's Quorum Secretary and our home teaching rate is like 20%. No one does their visiting teaching either. I don't hardly even know how to visit teach! My companion, who is amazing at everything else, doesn't have a testimony of it and won't visit teach with me. And the people I've been assigned are 3 women who are inactive. Not the best confidence booster, though I try...on my own. In fact today I'm going with the sister missionaries to one of my visiting teachees, so hopefully that goes well. Anyway, we actually now do have home teachers who visit, but they don't help. They bring lessons that are irrelevant to us and give advice..no..lectures, and no help at all. My visiting teachers are much older than me and prefer to talk about their problems and talk with each other than to me. Honestly, I just want someone to bring me a cupcake randomly and cheer me up with some company, but I get scheduled visits (I guess better than none) and complaints about things that I don't want to listen to for an hour. I feel like no one cares about me. In April I was called the Primary Chorister. It's hard. I don't know the songs, I don't even know anything about primary, and I hardly know how to read music. But I feel like I'm doing a good job. I'm really creative and it's helping me step out of my comfort zone with anxiety. But now, I don't ever talk to adults! Relief Society in our ward has forgotten me. I only talk to little kids on Sundays and then just my daughter all week. My husband's great, but he has two jobs and school, and we also only have one car. So I'm at home, all day, every day. And my anxiety makes it hard to ride in other people's cars, though I've really tried and done it a lot to go to missionary lessons with investigators and new members, and even went to the zoo with someone and our daughters. But I'm tired now! I can't keep doing all the work emotionally and socially. I have a serious anxiety disorder and doing these things makes it very hard for me and it's worn me down. I've volunteered numerous times to have people over to my house, or to do things in the evenings, but not only does no one do that, but they don't even respond! I feel like they don't even care enough about me to say no and that they're busy. I know not everyone can adjust to my schedule, but why can't playgroup be at my house one time? Why can't someone just call me and see how I'm doing? I don't know why no one cares about me. I don't know why my ward is like this. I've been in other wards, and while they weren't the best and helping new members, they were really a close family that would include everyone on everything. And I hate that my ward isn't one of those. So, now I don't see adults anymore, Relief Society does such a bad job of even getting us the monthly calendars, let alone including us on activities. I have NO friends besides my husband, and I think everyone can agree that is not enough. I've made the effort, way more effort than I think I should have to, but no one bites. No one wants to be friends with me. And I'm lonely. I've even tried institute, but I just feel weird being in a room of people all my age, none of which are married, none of which have kids, all of which already have made their friends. Also, now my husband and I have become power of attorneys for his mom. I'm stressed to the max. I know it's his mom that is having problems, but I'm the one calling all the bill collectors and making the budgets and comparing new cell phone plans for her. He's only had to send faxes at work. This is why I can't unload on him though because it is his mom and I have compassion for him, but I need someone to have compassion for me. I need someone to send a "how are you" text and talk to me when I text back! And I'm on the Enrichment Committee (my other calling) and they've been completely ignoring me! The past 2 enrichments I've found out about the Enrichment night like every other RS member, and had to ask if there was something I was suppose to be doing. This time, I directly asked the Relief Society President if they remembered that I hadn't been released or if I'd been forgotten, and she said that basically my job is sending out the Relief Society birthday emails and that's all. I don't feel like I'm able to magnify my calling because that isn't my calling! The RS bday emails have nothing to do with the Enrichment nights and I'm upset that they aren't even telling me before planning the meetings. They're just pretending like I'm not a part of the Relief Society anymore. I'm sad, I'm depressed, and I feel forgotten. I've tried to express this to people in my ward and I go unheard. I even try to be specific. I even told my visiting teacher that I need some brownies when she asked me if there's anything she can do for me (you know, that normal line...is there anything we can do for you...well apparently in my ward that translates to "is there anything you wish we'd do but we won't). I'm desperate for some acknowledgment. I have faith, I know that the church is true and I know that we're just people. But how to I make this more clear to others. What am I suppose to do now? I think I've done everything. We even went to the Bishop for advice on helping Dan's mom and he gave us none. Although he has called us in this Sunday, so maybe he's gotten more inspiration. I know this is bad, but to be honest I just feel like God has forgotten me. I know he hasn't, but my prayers have been going unanswered. Oh, we've also been trying to get pregnant for over a year and a half, so that's really weighing on me. And in the last month, Dan's brother and someone from church both asked me if I was pregnant. No..I'm not, but thanks for reminding me. Sorry, just really need to tell someone and I don't have any friends to tell.
