Ugh. I was so sad to see another loveless marriage claim less than one month old. I am in the same bind, and was hoping to see something more positive. Let me start out by saying I know I am clinically depressed. Because my husband lost his job, and therefore his insurance, at the same time as our PCP retired, we were without a doctor and no clinic would continue on antidepressants for a long term basis. We have insurance again, and I am already scheduled for an in-depth appointment at the end of the month, and I will be receiving proper medication then. The cause of my depression began as chronic pain; I was injured in a car wreck which triggered daily migraines and fibromyalgia. Because of my medical issues, when the company I was working for was sold, and my MIL was needing more help around the house, we chose that I NOT reapply and remain home to be available. My MIL eventually was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, was put into a care facility, and has since died. So I am home, unemployed for 8 years; my health problems have continued and worsened, so we have never thought me going back to work to be something able to be done. We are in our 50's and early 60's, have one grown son. We own our own home, with a minimal mortgage and own another home outright that we are preparing for sale. Because of credit card debt, when I left my job, we decided that withdrawing my 401K and using that money to clear up debt would be the right thing to do. BUT then my husband's job was eliminated. He was given a good severance package, but it changed him. Over 30 years with one employee and told he was no longer wanted or needed...he broke. He got another job fairly quickly, but lost that job as well. So the 401K fund was sapped out fairly quickly. He has since worked another job....which ended when the position was eliminated. At this time, a small pension fund was made available to me, and we NEEDED it for a source of income. So now that is almost gone. I have no funds left, no job, and no disability payments possible. But I live in a loveless marriage and need to leave. He says he loves me, but does not show it. He does what he wants when he wants to do it, and unlike the majority of stories I've read, that means he does NOTHING when he is not working. Unless it directly is for him. He has no interests, and literally will go to work in the morning, come home (often making stops to run errands without 1) telling me what errands he needs done so I can do them during the day and/or 2) calling me to tell me he will be late. He doesn't try to do anything and when I ask it always turns into an argument. He shrugs and walks away, saying he'll do better, but that never lasts more than a few days. Then it's back to work, sleep in front of the TV, bed, and work. And NOTHING else. He has no sex drive at all. I knew before we were married that he had been curious about homosexuality, but he assured me it had been short-lived and not what he wanted. He lied. He is not sexually attracted to me and hasn't been for decades. I thought it was me, until I found gay porn. He admitted that was his attraction. I cannot be a man. And yesterday, he lied to me and tried to hide things from me. He was in a minor fender bender; his fault, but an accident nonetheless. He chose to withhold all information about it from me, until he figured I wouldn't get mad. And lied to me about what he had been doing in the two times I had expected to see him that afternoon. He doesn't care, or at least, he doesn't seem to care that lies and secrets disrespect and hurt me. We live as housemates, sharing a bed because we only have one. But that is all we share: a house, a bed, and a paycheck. I know he is depressed, but he will not do anything about it. He refuses to see a doctor about anything. And he turns it all around as my fault. He lied to me when we got married, about something else, too. His parents lived a loveless marriage, living together under the same roof, separate rooms for 30 years, separate paychecks and expenses, separate interests....and I told him I would not want that and he had to promise me he did not himself and would not "become his parents." He becoming more like them as time goes on. And it doesn't bother him. Nothing bothers him, just ask. Everything is "fine." Always. I need out. I want to be happy. I want a life. I want to feel and be loved by someone. I want to feel wanted. But I am stuck with no money, no job, no marriage, no life outside my home, no friends, and no Church....because he is active, counselling would include his sexual proclivities, and that could damage his membership...I haven't been to Church myself in a long time. I cannot lie to them about it, and it would ruin that aspect of his life. I can't do that to him. I suppose here I should say that his original 30 year employer? The Church. When you need a temple recommend to hold your job, but don't have sex with your wife because she is not a man.....that wouldn't work out. So I stayed away. How much do I need to put up with? How can I manage on my own? How much more do I need to lose in this life? I have no one but him, loveless or not. That is not the life I want. I have no hope for better. There. I vented. I can't say it helped, if anything it makes it all the more clear.