bing004

Thank you so much everyone for your comments, they have been very helpful and comforting. Just for some more clarification, I absolutely still want to stay married to my husband. He is a wonderful man and is a great Father to our kids. He is always making me smile and my most favorite thing, he is always making me laugh. With out a doubt he is the love of my life. I definitely do think it is a bisexual thing. I know I am sexually attracted to men, but a little more to women. It was never a fully homosexual thing for me. Even when I was away from the church and was mainly with girls, I also had some relationships with guys. However, my attractions have always been a little stronger towards women. This is one of the reasons why I plan to see a counselor, so I can better understand these feelings and learn how to not let them affect the way I see my husband. I am someone who gets down kind of easily especially when I am stressed. Having 2 year old twins is definitely stressful, but of course worth it. I think during those times when I feel down I subconsciously turn to those feelings I have for women and it makes me miss it. Again I am not sure why, I am hoping seeing a counselor will help me to dig deeper and find out the reasons. I think I just get confused a lot with these feelings. With how busy we are, my husband and I don't spend a lot of quality time together and that could maybe be factor in this. I am just grateful that my husband and I are able to talk about things like this and we plan to see a counselor together as well. We both feel that we need to do all we can to make this marriage work, especially on my part since this is my struggle. After reading some of your guy's comments I have realized that I need to do more things to make sure he is loved and appreciated. Thank you guys for all your advice.

Hi everyone. I am new to this and have never posted in a forum before, but I am hoping for some help. My husband and I have been married for 3 years. We have 2 wonderful children(twins) who mean the absolute world to us. I am a stay at home Mom and my husband works and goes to school full time. As you can imagine our lives are very hectic. Just to give a brief history about me, I left the church completely when I was 16 years old. The reason I left was because I came out to parents telling them that I like girls. I began living this lifestyle actively for 3 years, it became a big part of my life. However, during that time I felt something was missing from my life, I wanted something more. When my Grandpa passed away, I began thinking a lot about the deeper meaning of life and what happens when we pass on. After thinking about this for a while, I decided to come back to church. I was very happy with this decision and was very dedicated to the church. I went through the repentance process and really started enjoying life again. I was 19 at the time and it has now been 4 years since I came back to church. My husband and I have always been acquainted with each other since I was 10 because he was my brother's best friend. He also left the church when he was a teenager, but we were not in contact through out those years. We both came back to church around the same time and started talking more and more. We felt we understood each other since we both had a past and we encouraged each other to stay strong in the church. We started dating shortly afterwards and we're engaged a few months later. I found out I was pregnant 2 months after we were married and found out we were expecting twins. Life was great, I was happy. Then slowly my feelings about women started coming back. I didn't think much of it, but it began getting stronger and stronger. Today it is overpowering. It has been a very difficult struggle. It has began to affect my attractions towards my husband, something I wished would never happen. My husband knew about my past relationships with women before we even started dating so it wasn't news to him when I told him that the feelings had come back. He was very supportive and understanding. However, lately we have been having arguments about it. Often he takes it very personal, which I get because I can only imagine how hard it is for him to understand what I am going through. I have always been a quiet person and often have a hard time talking about my feelings. I am currently seeing my bishop and will be seeing a counselor soon though. My main concern is my husband. More than anything I want him to understand, but he doesn't sometimes and gets upset at me. I love this gospel and I am so happy with where I am at right now in our life. I can't imagine being with anyone other than my husband, but I feel this struggle of mine is making us grow apart. I am afraid he is going to stop trying and give up on me. How can I help him to understand and be positive about this?