Aside from posting genealogy queries on familysearch.org and ancestry.com I've never before posted anything online before due to a fear of "haters" and "trolls", but right now in my life I'm reaching out to faithful members of the church because I'm experience a serious faith crisis. I found out and read a news article about the polygamy essays when reading non-religious news on sltrib.com. I quickly went to lds.org and ended up reading all of the eleven essays that have been published over the past year. I attended BYU and during my first semester (Fall 1987) I took a D&C class in which the professor told us that Joseph Smith married some of the wives of faithful brethren in order to test their faith. He told us that once the brother had passed the test of faith, Joseph "gave" the wife back. No one, including myself, asked any questions and we all avoided eye contact with the professor because he was very intimidating, spoke in a very loud voice, and had a fire and brimstone style. I found the information to be very disturbing, doubted its authenticity and never discussed it with anyone until I recently read it in one of the essays. I've served selflessly in the Church my entire life, only read church-approved sources, rarely miss reading the scriptures daily, have raised a righteous family, and genuinely love the Lord..so how come I feel so let down about the Prophet Joseph? I feel like I don't really know him anymore and feel like I've been betrayed. What should I do to get my testimony back on track? I'm open to any suggestions and ask that mean people please don't attack me---I'm genuinely distraught and meanness right now will just make me trust even less than I already do.
