for_our_experience

Members
  • Posts

    19
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Not Telling
  • Location
    UK
  • Religion
    LDS

Recent Profile Visitors

885 profile views

for_our_experience's Achievements

  1. It's true, the more I think about what has happened the more bizarre it seems. Their is actually more that makes it worse but I won't detail it all on here. One of the mistakes I made is that she got to filing for divorce before me, so at the moment the breakdown of the relationship is on me!! She made up some vague and unfair reasons to file. I will have to contest but this will take more time / money! It is literally one thing after another with this woman.
  2. Thanks for this. Logic tells me that they will not be obsessed with the other partner forever. I have to remind myself to play the long game so to speak. This is a difficult and confusing time for me, and strange for the kids also. But they are enjoying the new face, almost at my expense.
  3. Again, everyone's respouses have been very useful and informative am grateful for them. I will be careful not to bad mouth my wife as such, that wouldn't teach my kids respect. But when they are old enough I will need to explain to them that engaging in certain types of relationships is not healthy, it's my duty to do so. Who knows if my wife will still be in a same sex relationship by then? Perhaps her infatuation will diminish before this becomes a massive issue. Of course, she could get involved with other people I know. I am struggling particularly right now as my kids are obsessed with the other woman. They would rather spend time with her than me, or anyone else for that matter. So for now, she has taken my wife AND my kids affections away from me. This is heartwrenching emotionally. Of course I realise this is a novelty for both my kids and her, and she will be wanting to make a good impression so hence will put in the extra effort. But right now, in this particular battle, I am coming off badly and it is hurting.
  4. It's been a few weeks since I posted on this thread, but I'm struggling a bit and feel a return may help. We have steadily been working through the separation and have mostly been friendly, with some hiccups along the way. We have come to an agreement on childcare split and it's as even as we can get it with work schedules/school holidays. As I said before, I would very much like to have the kids all the time as i dont fully trust my wife or her new partner, but she does not agree and I don't have enough of a case against her. I do struggle with the thought that my innocent children will be spending half the time with a gay couple, neither of whom I like or trust due to the hurt they've caused me, and one of whom has pretty much chosen to leave the church. My kids are inevitably going to get some conflicting messages from my side and theirs and obviously this concerns me. They are only very young though, and who knows how long their relationship will last, and indeed what is to come. Their are so many variables, and that's probably why I shouldn't over think it too much. I know I am a good dad and will be a steady example for them, I just have to hope and pray with heavenly fathers help they will make wise choices. Any experiences/advice would be most welcome ☺
  5. I'm fortunate to be well supported by friends and family. I have 'grieving moments' where i struggle with painful feelings, usually depending on what is going on around me. I realise that these are normal even though it is difficult.
  6. Just to update everyone regarding the situation. Last Saturday night my wife and I had a big discussion and she has decided that she absolutely cannot carry on with our marriage. She feels she needs to explore a relationship with this other woman and cannot commit to me. Though this is not what I wanted we ended on good terms. However, the next morning I received a facebook message from an angry woman accusing my wife of having a relationship with her partner for the last 3 months , sending filthy pictures and wrecking her family. She could not provide me with any evidence of such but of course it made sense. I questioned my wife about this and she conceded that she has been flirting with her boss for the last 3 weeks over text/Snapchat etc. She said she was going to drip feed this information to me over the next week so it was easier for me to swallow, but I doubt this is true. I will probably never know the whole truth but i dont need to, i know enough. So my feelings towards her are now more sour since I know she hid this from me and it had to come from someone else. A new light is shed on the situation knowing that her boss was in on it all as well and I now wonder who instigated it all, though it was likely 2 way. It's a messed up situation but it has just made me more determined not to be shortchanged financially etc. It also confirmed that she could not stop herself whilst in her current mindset regarding this woman and their was nothing I could have done. I am actually relieved that I don't have to trust her as my wife anymore as we know we are ending it, and we can both just get on with our lives.
  7. She has never mentioned any child abuse and I would be very surprised if this were the case. She speaks very fondly of her father who I never met and had a good relationship with her mother. I totally get your thinking though, as many people have asked the same thing and it is what I would ask also if I didn't know her so well. Her housekeeping habits have always been quite poor, long before she got depression. If she comes off the medication, her mood us more erratic though as stated previously. I have had regular conversations with the RS president who is great. She is well supported by the sisters in the ward who really want to help her.
  8. Thankfully her drinking is not very frequent, just whenever she is invited out by her friends. We will.see exactly how often that is over time I guess. Last year was just the start of her journey in this regard.
  9. Thanks for this. I am certainly not taking any responsibility for the mistakes she is making, and potentially will make. They are not down to me at all, we both know that. I find some of her habits upsetting because I have always seen us as 'one' and her mistakes are an example of how she does not want to be so anymore. But she is the one to pull away, not me. It is sad though. The frustrating consequence of things like drinking is that it affects her the following day also, leaving me with more responsibility, and her either in bed or snapping at the kids, or both. She is easily offended also and believes I try to control her by asking her to help out etc. I am trying to focus on the kids. I want to have as much custody as possible for them if it comes to that . I believe I am the better and more consistent parent at present and have been for a long time. She can be very good, but is not as reliable or emotionally stable. Of course I would want her to be a big part of the kids lives. I can't take much more on with church, I'm on the Bishopric already! My Bishop has said that if I need a release he more than understands. I said I was fine for the moment but I will see how we get on.
  10. Thanks for this. Unfortunately, my wifes sex drive has been very low from the start of our marriage (she has only been on antidepressants for just over a year). It was not a problem we/she envisaged beforehand. She says she just finds sex an intrusion and does not like the thought of it at all, especially with a man. That's why she wants to experiment with a woman (plus she is attracted to a woman).
  11. 1. What would be the purpose behind recording conversations - to prove in court the real reasons behind the split? I do want to inspire her to change her mind, that's why I continue to pray with her, discuss gospel topics with her, and generally continue to be a friend as well as a spouse. It's also part of the reason we are doing counselling together. 2. I don't expect her to change her mind about being gay. But it is not unreasonable to hope to come to a compromise within our sexual relationship. This is not my main concern anyway, it is her level of commitment. 3. Lack motivation in what way? I'm very motivated to strengthen our marriage, though it is looking very difficult at present. Finding a more sexually active model is not really my main goal. If it came to me being in a position to look for another spouse I would be looking primarily for someone who is focused on the gospel and committed to me. 4. I agree, which is why my situation is really tough as you see.
  12. I am already the good guy you described, we are getting along very well and I plan to keep it that way. She could leave the UK, it is possible but I would not expect it. She still believes that the kids seeing their dad is important, who knows if that would change depending on how we are getting along?! I am going to seek legal advice for sure.
  13. I think this is wise. Do you mean not signalling my desires to her for the kids to stay with me/ me staying in the house?
  14. I have been thinking about this as I need to be prepared. She has to realise that she has changed the goalposts and I should not suffer because of that. She said to me the other day that 'obviously, the kids stay with the mother in the home '. I pointed out that she should not assume that will be the case at all, as the split is down to her. Why should I give up the house and kids? If anything, she should be the one to leave if I want to stay. The kids will be better off in my care anyway, but she will not agree and the law may not support me. I need to enlist some professional advice.
  15. There is no doubt that she is bitter about the church and how it has prevented her from having experiences she 'should' have had as a teenager, that is why she is exploring that lifestyle now. She is also bitter about how the church taught her that she would be happy if she married in the temple, and it hasn't been what she thought it was going to be. She expected a fairytale marriage, which is not realistic. That said, she has a lot to be grateful for. I am caring, hard-working at home, and believe myself to be good company. She does not believe that the kids will benefit from having a father and a mother, any mix would suffice for her. Even if she were single, she thinks splitting would be better for the children as we are currently teaching them to 'live a lie'. I have explained to her we are teaching them that living by your beliefs and promises is important, but of course, she does not believe the same things as me anymore, so it doesn't have the same effect. We do have family and couples prayers fairly consistently. We will even take turns. We are also still affectionate, mostly me initiating. I do not expect anything further, I am just trying to improve/maintain a bond. She doesnt mind this, and likes it sometimes. Of course, this is very difficult, as we both desire different things and I also know that she does not really want to be with me and is thinking about other people. It is emotionally very tough. In terms of study, she is reluctant. I try to bring up a relevant topic to discuss or share something brief, mainly playing it by ear depending on her mood etc. It would be tough to go to a one income home, we could maybe afford it though. I feel that she would really struggle with the kids all day every day, she is not very patient and has difficulty with our eldest. She can be very good though, but she is not consistent. I have felt for a while she is probably better off at work, and she has actually agreed. Motherhood has been harder and less enjoyable than she expected.