Thank you, all, for your counsel. It's all helpful. So far everything is pretty amicable. She and I don't criticize the other in front of the children, and I intend to keep it that way. In fact, it's hard for me to criticize her even when speaking privately with others, but I'm starting to open up and allow it. Legally, I appreciate the encouragement to not give up more than her legal share, which is where I was when I was trying to figure this out alone. She doesn't intend to give alimony, figuring that child support should cover it, so I also appreciate the support that it's OK to insist on it. I'm in a state where it doesn't come automatically and has to be fought for. I do have a lawyer I'll be working through. I feel no need to keep my children away from their mother or have her be less a part of their life, so I'm OK with joint custody. Should I not be? So in joint custody, there's a "primary?" What does that mean? I know she will do with her life what she wants and I'm not going to try to control it or obsess over it. I've accepted a new reality and am moving on. However, I have also been counseled by someone that I can insist on a clause that, for the sake of the children, no man sleep in the house unless married to their mother. (At one point her plan was to have him and his son move in as soon as I moved out). Also, that I can ask to have in the legal documents something to the effect of raising the children by the standards of the church (e.g. as outlined in For the Strength of Youth). These are things I didn't think of on my own or didn't know could be part of the divorce settlement, but was counseled needed to be fought for now, before it's too late to try.