njschafer

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  1. Thank you, all, for your counsel. It's all helpful. So far everything is pretty amicable. She and I don't criticize the other in front of the children, and I intend to keep it that way. In fact, it's hard for me to criticize her even when speaking privately with others, but I'm starting to open up and allow it. Legally, I appreciate the encouragement to not give up more than her legal share, which is where I was when I was trying to figure this out alone. She doesn't intend to give alimony, figuring that child support should cover it, so I also appreciate the support that it's OK to insist on it. I'm in a state where it doesn't come automatically and has to be fought for. I do have a lawyer I'll be working through. I feel no need to keep my children away from their mother or have her be less a part of their life, so I'm OK with joint custody. Should I not be? So in joint custody, there's a "primary?" What does that mean? I know she will do with her life what she wants and I'm not going to try to control it or obsess over it. I've accepted a new reality and am moving on. However, I have also been counseled by someone that I can insist on a clause that, for the sake of the children, no man sleep in the house unless married to their mother. (At one point her plan was to have him and his son move in as soon as I moved out). Also, that I can ask to have in the legal documents something to the effect of raising the children by the standards of the church (e.g. as outlined in For the Strength of Youth). These are things I didn't think of on my own or didn't know could be part of the divorce settlement, but was counseled needed to be fought for now, before it's too late to try.
  2. Earlier this year my wife had an affair and wanted to leave me. I fought it and worked hard on our marriage, but fixing our relationship was not what she wanted. She has filed for divorce and we are working on the arrangements. This is all so unfamiliar to me. What should I be thinking of and doing, especially legally? Have you been through it? What are you glad you did, or wish you did? More about the nature of our situation: - we have children. will have joint custody and 50/50 parenting time. My wife is leaving the church, but has said she will raise the kids mormon. I'm not sure what that will end up looking like. - she has consistently been pursuing her relationship with the other man, including frequently taking our children with her to be with him and his son at his house, at events, out to eat, and so on. - We have been married 15 years. For the past 7 years I put my career on hold to be a stay-at-home father so she could pursue her professional dream as a doctor while still having a parent at home. - We are now separated, I am renting a small house nearby, and am now working part-time. I have a lot of other emotional things going on, of course, but want to focus on one need at a time. Thanks for any counsel you can offer.