Black18

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  1. Hi there. I simply joined this site because I need advice, input, and thoughts from all of you. I'm in dire need of help and it seems as if nothing is working. Here is my story.. I have been married for 9 months (in the temple) to a man I've known for almost 7 years now. Ever since we got married, I've noticed that he didn't want to be intimate often. He was "too tired" or "not in the right state of mind". I thought this was very weird because when we were dating, he couldn't keep himself off of me. I also noticed him escaping in video games a TON. I would come home from work and simply want to talk. I couldn't because he was too busy playing. Sometimes I would have to stand next to the computer to get his attention but he wouldn't even look at me as I spoke. After multiple times of feeling denied and rejected, I quit pushing for intimacy. I can only take the hurt for so long. He finally told me that his feelings for me had died or maybe were never there in the beginning??? I'm not sure what has shifted nor can he tell me what's going on. We've tried counseling - didn't work. We've talked with multiple leaders of the church (Bishop, Stake President, and so on) - nothing. We have both reached out to our families. His mother tells him to simply pray for these feelings............... After pondering it a lot, I think that he was in love with me at a time but no longer is. I think he loves me as a person but he is not in love with me. Those are two completely different things. He said his feelings were gone even before we got married but he thought they would come back. Well after 9 months... nothing has changed except a lot of depression, fighting and misery. It's felt like I've been living with a roommate. We talk about our relationship all the time. We are very open with one another but how many times will I have to hear that he just doesn't have the feelings? I've tried to serve him. I've tried to do things we don't normally do. I've really tried my hardest! However, I feel so done. I really don't know if his feelings will come back, and frankly I'm tired of waiting and hoping because I feel like my feelings have been killed. I've thoroughly contemplated divorce and so has he. I feel he's afraid to leave so he just asks me what we should do. Should we divorce? Do you think that's the right thing?? Have we given it enough time?? *Sigh* Thoughts? Help?